


rule #3

by kinos



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, I Tried, I'm Sorry, M/M, Smut, and he's a tease, bad boy!yuto, basketball player!wooseok, bc i'm evil, cheerleader!kino, chungha is mentioned, domestic!yuki, happy idiots now!, hyunggu has a praise kink?, hyunggu wears a skirt, i guess, i know this is cliche shut up, its a mess, mainly yuki but other ships will be focused on from time to time, maknae line love triangle bc why NOT, past wooseok/kino, pls don't hate wooseok he's trying his best :/, resident gossip girl know-it-all!shinwon, student body president!hui, there's so much drama i'm so sorry, theyre soft, they’re all idiots..., yudawn are bros its canon i dont make the rules, yuto is a scaredy cat, yuto’s turn to be hyunggu’s baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-12-15 17:44:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 123,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11811027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinos/pseuds/kinos
Summary: Kang Hyunggu has three rules that he lives by. Three little rules that are sure to let him live his entire life in peace if he follows them correctly, and so far, he has. It’s not like they were hard and he’s always been good at following rules, especially ones as simple as these.#1: Be kind, always.#2: Be a little bad, when you need to.And #3: Don’t hook up with the new guy in the school bathroom, no matter how hot he looks in a leather jacket.He really should’ve paid attention to that third one.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hello! soooo this is my first ever pentagon fic, or even kpop fic in general bc i've only recently gotten into it. i haven't written in FOREVER so this might be a bit of a mess... I'M SORRY :((( also, this was originally meant to be a one shot that was basically just my excuse for wanting to write cheerleader!kino, but it turned into something else completely so here we are! for purposes of this fic, hyunggu, yuto and wooseok are first years; shinwon, changgu and yanan are second years; hwitaek, hyojong and hongseok are third years (seniors); jinho is already in college. the rating will probably change further into the story bc.... well. ha ha. anyway, thank u to my #1 hypewoman candy for always supporting me and i hope you all enjoy this!

Kang Hyunggu has three rules that he lives by. Three little rules that are sure to let him live his entire life in peace if he follows them correctly, and so far, he has. It’s not like they were _hard_ and he’s always been good at following rules, especially ones as simple as these.

#1: Be kind, always.

#2: Be a little bad, when you need to.

And #3: Don’t hook up with the new guy in the school bathroom, no matter how hot he looks in a leather jacket.

He really should’ve paid attention to that third one.

—

It’s a Friday morning when Hyunggu notices a fresh face among the crowd of students piling into the gym for their weekly assembly, an odd day for someone new to show up, if he’s being honest. And it’s hard for him _not_ to notice a new face, especially when he sees the exact same people, in the exact same grey blazer, every other week, with him being the centre cheerleader at every single one of these assemblies. Hyunggu sees the newcomer as soon as he walks out onto the court in his little cheer uniform; in all its black, white and gold glory, the guy immediately catching his eye; a tall, lean body weaving its way through the other students to find an empty seat, and a dashing face sculpted by God himself to go with it. All sharp edges and smooth lines, Hyunggu can’t help but look at him, his gaze following the boy all the way to the centre of the bleachers, where he takes his seat and _fuck_ , did he just see Hyunggu staring at him?

Hyunggu drops his head immediately, face already burning red when he turns away and he quickly finds his place among the girls, absentmindedly tugging at the corner of his shirt as he positions himself. He looks up as soon as the music begins, and he finds himself looking right at the new guy, his expression unreadable as he stares back at Hyunggu; all cold eyes and tight lips. And all he wants right now is to just disappear, but it’s a little hard to be invisible when he’s the only male cheerleader amongst the twenty girls, the thorn among the roses.

He's never messed up a routine, not once, and he shouldn’t have messed up this one, the one he spent _weeks_ choreographing on his own, the one his body knows all too well from all the endless hours of practice. But he almost does. And it's all because of that goddamn guy. Hyunggu doesn't want to admit that he's getting this flustered over some boy, but he can't help but feel like his knees are going to give out with the way the guy keeps his eyes trained on him through the entire performance, even when the formation forces him to the back of the group, his expression still empty. It's when he's up front and centre that it's the worst, because he's got nowhere to hide and it takes everything in him to keep that preppy smile on his face as he holds his head up high, shouting out cheers for the crowd.

He’d forgotten that he had added a solo dance break for himself in this routine until the last verse comes up and the girls clear a space for him, leaving him feeling oddly exposed under the boy’s steady gaze. His mind had already gone blank as soon as he was alone on the court, but his body knew what to do, how to move. Muscle memory is what it is and Hyunggu thanks whatever lucky stars he has for its existence. His movements become smoother as he goes on, his confidence surging as the crowd starts chanting his name. _Kino, Kino, Kino._ He gets lost in the dance for a moment, his eyes fluttering shut as his body glides across the floor, the wood feeling familiar under his palms, a slick sheen of sweat shining on his skin.

And he's dancing, and dancing, and dancing, and he doesn't realise it's over until he hears the applause; the claps and the whistles and the neverending shouts of his name. He opens his eyes to find himself on his knees, chest heaving as he finds his breath again, and he can literally feel the grin that's stretching across his face. He feels like he's got electric in his veins and fire in his heart. He feels like he's _alive_. Only dancing has ever made him feel like that. Only dancing could.

Hyunggu shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but as soon as he can breathe again, he risks a glance up to the bleachers, and he's surprised to see that the guy is still staring him down, except now he's got a little smirk playing on his lips, the right corner of his mouth curled expertly, like he came into the world with that smirk etched onto his face. And there's no way, just no way, that it’s because of him, because why would it be? But then the guy shamelessly rakes his eyes over Hyunggu’s body, from his messy hair and all the way down his toned legs, and that smirk of his widens. And oh God.

He doesn't get a chance to think anything more of it because Hyojong pounces on him right then, screaming about how he did _so_ well and how he _needs_ to teach Hyojong that new move from the dance break, and Hwitaek joins him a moment later, squeezing Hyunggu’s face in his hands and gushing about what a proud brother he is.

A couple of “hyung, _please_ ” and bone-crushing hugs later, Hyunggu finally manages to break free from the two elders, telling them he needs to get to class, but when he looks back at the bleachers, the new guy is gone. He tries to hide his disappointment, but the way his shoulders fall is a little too obvious, and the sad pout on his lips is hardly subtle when he walks into his first class of the morning, catching Wooseok’s attention immediately.

“Hyunggu!” The boy sounds excited to see him, but his voice falls when he notices his sullen expression, a concerned arm immediately sliding over his small frame. “Hey, what’s up? You okay?”

Hyunggu shakes his head, twisting his lips into a phony smile and he’s lying through gritted teeth when he tells him, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired, from the, uh, dancing and everything, you know?”

The fact that Wooseok immediately believes him and just goes on to ramble about how good his performance was just reminds him how much he doesn't miss being with him at all. See, he and Wooseok were childhood friends who decided to do the whole dating thing once they were old enough, only to realise that they weren't good together. They loved each other, just not in the right way. At least, Hyunggu didn’t. He doesn't know if he can say the same for Wooseok. They stayed as friends, and they say that they're cool, but it's not the same anymore, not really.

“He’s still _so_ hung up on you,” Hwitaek had told him once, after Wooseok came over to have dinner with them and a couple of friends after their breakup, to prove to themselves that they could, in fact, be just friends again. It was awkward, to say the least, especially when Hyunggu had to politely decline his offer to stay the night.

“No more sleepovers for us, huh?” Wooseok had said jokingly, but they both heard the hurt in his voice.

And they both heard it in Hyunggu’s voice as well when he had answered, “No, I don’t think so.”

Wooseok smiled, sad and slow, and gave Hyunggu a long kiss on the cheek before he said goodnight and hurried off, and Hyunggu felt his heart break a little. That goodbye was worse than the actual breakup.

“He still looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky,” were the words Hwitaek used, and Hyunggu felt his face burn.

“He does _not_ ,” Hyunggu had insisted, more than a little embarrassed at the accusation.

But even Hyojong, who was decidedly one of the least romantic of them all, agreed with Hwitaek. “He really does, kid,” he mumbled through a mouthful of food. “He's, like, disgustingly in love with you. It’s gross.”

“You’re gross.”

“ _Hyunggu_ , don’t be such a child.”

“ _Hyung_ , tell your boyfriend not to be such a child.”

Hyojong just stuck his tongue out at that, so did Hyunggu, and Hwitaek sighed.

“Yeah, you know, I don’t get it,” Shinwon added suddenly, from where he was spread out on the couch lazily, already half asleep. “What’s so great about Hyunggu anyway?”

“Hey, come on now, our little Kino’s got some charms,” Hongseok shot back, a cheeky smile on his face. “He can dance, and… he can dance.”

Hyunggu had responded to that with an exaggerated, “ _Thanks_ , hyung,” and a pillow thrown at Shinwon’s face.

They were right though, because even now, months later, Wooseok still follows Hyunggu around like a lovesick puppy, just like he always had when they were kids. It took a while to get back into their rhythm, but eventually they made it work, because they both knew they’d rather be just friends than be nothing at all. And it's not like he minds much really, because it is nice to always have someone by his side, but if he's being honest, he feels awful because he could never give Wooseok what he really wants.

And if Wooseok minds, he doesn't seem to show it, because he’s still got his arm draped around Hyunggu as he excitedly tells him about Shinwon’s party tomorrow night and how he’ll definitely see Hyunggu there, right? All Hyunggu can do is nod absentmindedly, the words going in one ear and out the other, his mind still on- _Him_.

The new guy walks in right then, and it's like his presence sucks all the life out of the room immediately because everyone goes still and it's suddenly quiet, so, _so_ quiet. See, a new student was rare in their town, but a new student showing up in the middle of the school year was damn near nonexistent. It just didn’t happen here. Yet, there he was, all tall, dark and handsome like he walked straight out of a fucking romance novel, his finger hooked in his blazer as it hangs off of his shoulder, tie already loose around his neck, that cool gaze of his already mastered. His eyes quickly scan the room, and when they land on Hyunggu, the corners of his lips twitch, as though that smirk is coming back, but Hyunggu feels Wooseok shuffle closer to him, his grip around his body tightening and the new guy’s face goes hard, his lips pressing into a straight line and he immediately turns away from them.

 _Fuck_.

Hyunggu tries to wiggle out of Wooseok’s embrace without making it look too obvious, but luckily for him, their teacher walks in, and Wooseok finally slides back over to his own seat, not before giving Hyunggu's hand a small squeeze. Hyunggu gives him a weak smile.

The new guy looks like he’d rather be anywhere but there, his jaw set tightly as he looks out the window passively, his foot tapping impatiently and he gives their teacher a bored look when he’s asked to introduce himself.

“Yuto,” he says curtly, his voice deep and rough, but smooth at the same time, like the sound of gravel on a rainy day. “Adachi Yuto. I’m from Japan and… yeah.”

He gives a stiff little bow before he goes to find his place, and he sucks in a sharp breath when he realises the only empty seat is the one behind Hyunggu. He avoids both Hyunggu and Wooseok’s eyes as he quietly slips into his seat, and he keeps his head down for the rest of the class. And as soon as the bell rings, he's gone.

Hyunggu doesn't see him for the rest of the day.

—

“Hyunggu-ya! Are you coming or what?”

Hyunggu hears Hwitaek’s shouts from downstairs, followed by Hyojong’s impatient, “Hurry up, kid. I need some alcohol in me already!”

“You already finished six cans of beer on the way here, Hyojong!”

“Well, it’s called a six-pack for a reason, _Hwitaek_.”

He sighs, rolling his eyes at those two idiots. He runs a hand through his hair as he paces in the hallway, half of him wanting to hide in his room for the rest of his life and the other half wanting to go to that party and get so wasted that he can’t remember himself. On one hand, Shinwon’s parties are always fun, and he's never missed one since they became friends. On the other hand, he’d probably have to deal with Wooseok the whole night, who gets extra clingy when he's drunk.

Decisions, decisions.

Plus, he's still got that new guy – _Yuto_ – on his mind, and he wonders if _he’ll_ be at the party, but no, that doesn't seem likely. He's way too new to the place and he doesn't look like the type to party anyway. So Hyunggu figures he has nothing much to gain from going, but Wooseok would probably get whiny about it if he didn't show up, and Hwitaek and Hyojong would probably hate his ass for making them wait for no reason, and Shinwon would probably go into his _sigh-I-thought-we-were-friends_ mode, and well, Hongseok would probably be proud of him for staying home, but ah, fuck it.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” he calls out before he gives himself one last look in the mirror, fixing his hair and heading downstairs, racing Hyojong to the car.

By the time they pull up at Shinwon’s place, the party is already in full swing; sweaty bodies dancing all over the mansion, music blaring so loud that he can almost feel the vibrations on his skin, colourful drinks being poured and pretty little pills being passed around like fucking candy. Shinwon greets them at the door, spreading his arms open and announcing, “Welcome, boys!” as though they’ve never been to his house a million times before. He’s already more than a little tipsy and Hyunggu smells it on him when he pulls them in for a hug, his nose scrunching up. Shinwon shoves a couple of drinks in their hands before he disappears to greet other guests, and Hwitaek and Hyojong down theirs immediately, letting out loud whoops once they do. Hyunggu, however, sips on his drink gingerly, not planning to get drunk tonight and he gives them both a small hug before he slips away, wanting to escape the couple before they start eating each other's faces.

He bumps into Hongseok as he’s going around the room, surprised to see him there without Jinho and as soon as Hyunggu mentions his name, Hongseok’s face falls.

“I _miss_ him, Hyunggu,” he groans, banging his head back on the wall slightly from where he's slumped on the couch. See, Hongseok doesn’t usually drink, but when he does, he gets awfully emotional. “I only saw him-” He counts on his fingers, his eyes losing focus for a moment as he holds up his shaky hands. “A _hundred_ times this week.”

“Only a hundred, huh?” Hyunggu almost laughs, shaking his head at the elder. “Well, where is he now? How come he's not here?”

“He's at _college_ ,” Hongseok spits back bitterly, frowning over his cup. “ _Studying_. For _exams_. God. Why does college even exist?”

Hyunggu gives him a look, eyebrows raised, lips laced with amusement. “Don’t _you_ wanna go to college, hyung?”

It takes him a moment, going silent, then he blinks, nodding his head enthusiastically. “You know what, I do,” he says, a smile growing on his face as he begins to push himself up. “I _really_ do. I think I’m gonna go to college right now.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Hyunggu grabs him by the shoulders, easily pushing him back down onto the couch, despite his protests. “You're not going anywhere, okay, hyung? Just… stay right there. I’ll get you some water so you can sober up. Just hold on.”

Hyunggu makes his way to the kitchen, his small body easily slipping through the crowd and he sucks in a long breath of clean air once he’s there, hating the smell of the drugs in the party haze. He goes for the fridge, pouring out a cup of water for Hongseok and another for himself, and he's about to head back when he hears, “Party already taking a toll on you?”

He turns around so quickly that he might’ve gotten whiplash, and he wishes his heart didn’t skip a beat when he sees who it is.

“ _You_ ,” he breathes out, sounding a little dazed and he clears his throat as he straightens up, setting the cups down on the counter. “I-I mean, _Yuto_. You're Yuto, right?”

Yuto nods, his lips parted slightly as if he's surprised that Hyunggu remembered, and he tips his bottle forward, pointing at Hyunggu. “And you’re Ki-”

“Hyungguuuu!” Someone calls out his name from behind him and he feels familiar arms wrap around his neck, a sweaty cheek pressing against his own and he almost rolls his eyes at how drunk his brother is already. Fucking lightweight. “I can’t find- _Wait_ , who are you?”

The question is directed at Yuto, who’s watching the exchange with furrowed eyebrows. “Yuto,” is all he says, short and gruff.

“Yuto...” Hwitaek repeats slowly, his own face screwing up in confusion. “I don’t know you. Why don’t I know you?” He pulls away a little to face Hyunggu. “Why don't I know him?”

“He’s new. He’s in my class,” Hyunggu explains, unlatching Hwitaek’s arms from him to hold him against his side instead, his skinny body barely weighing anything against Hyunggu’s. He waves a hand between him and Yuto, saying, “Hyung, Yuto. Yuto, this is my brother, Hwitaek.”

“ _Hui_ ,” Hwitaek corrects, his voice slurred as he leans towards Yuto a little. “It’s Hui.” Then, to Hyunggu, “Don’t call me Hwitaek.”

Hyunggu scoffs. “Hyojong calls you Hwitaek.”

“Hyojong makes it sound sexy,” he counters, ignoring Hyunggu’s gagging. Then, it seems to hit him, the reason he sought out Hyunggu in the first place. “Oh! Speaking of, I can’t find him. Like, anywhere. One second he was next to me, then suddenly, poof!” He makes explosion gestures with his free hand, bloodshot eyes going wide and Jesus, he really is drunk.

“Did you check the pool?” Hyunggu suggests blankly, far too used to Hyojong’s drunken antics. “He might’ve fallen in and finally drowned.”

“Rude,” Hwitaek says with a flick to his nose, but he lets out a short huff. “You’re probably right though. I’ll go check.” He manages to stay on his feet when he pulls himself away from Hyunggu, gulping down the last of his drink before he tosses the cup aside, grinning toothily at the two them. “Thanks, Hyunggu! Bye, new Yuto!”

Yuto waves awkwardly at him, turning back to Hyunggu with a funny look. “Your brother seems… nice,” is what he says.

“Nice,” Hyunggu repeats with a laugh, shaking his head a little. “Well, that’s one way to put it. Don’t tell him that though, it’ll go to his head and it’s big enough already.”

“Got it,” Yuto says back, and it’s quiet for a moment, neither of them really knowing what to say. Then, “So… Hyunggu?”

Hyunggu nods. “That’s me.”

“And Kino?”

“That’s… also me. It’s my stage name, sort of. For when I’m performing, you know?” Hyunggu feels blood creep up his neck, feeling a bit embarrassed by the name all of a sudden. He’s never had to explain it to anyone before, it was just one of those things that everyone knew about it and _now_. “It’s silly, I know, it’s just-”

“No,” Yuto says, his head shaking. “No, no, it’s cool. _Kino_. It, uh, it suits you.”

Hyunggu feels himself smile at that, his head ducking for a moment as he mumbles a small thank you and he’s surprised to see Yuto smiling a little too when he looks up. And _fuck_ , that's a cute smile. He isn't sure what to say, too flustered by that smile, so before he knows it, he just blurts out, “Wooseok came up with it when we were kids, when I first started dancing and I guess it just stuck.”

It must’ve been the wrong thing to say because as soon as Wooseok’s name leaves his lips, the smile disappears from Yuto’s face completely. “Wooseok…” He clicks his tongue. “Is that your boyfriend?”

“I’m sorry?”

“The guy who was all over you in class yesterday,” Yuto says, not even bothering to hide the irritation in his tone. “That's him, isn’t it?”

“No!” Hyunggu winces at how harsh he sounds, biting his tongue a little. “I mean, _yes_ , that is him, but no, he's not my boyfriend. Well, not anymore. But, I mean- We’re still- We just- _Shit_.” He breathes out slowly. “Friends. We’re just friends.”

Yuto doesn't look convinced, but he drops the topic, clearing his throat as he looks around, taking in everything. “Are the parties here always like this?” he asks, gesturing towards the living room, where people are practically grinding on each other to the beat of the music, drunken laughter bouncing off the walls.

“Shinwon’s usually are,” Hyunggu answers, leaning back against the counter. “Everyone knows he throws the best parties.” His voice slips into a teasing tone without him meaning to, saying, “I’m surprised you got invited. Haven't you been here, like, a day?”

Yuto lets out a small snort, nodding his head. “Yeah, that tall redhead – Shinwon – just came up to me during lunch yesterday, took my phone to put his number and address in, and told me to come. I don’t think I had much of a choice.”

Hyunggu laughs, because it sounds like such a Shinwon thing to do, and he silently thanks his friend for it, because he wouldn’t be here, having this conversation with Yuto, if Shinwon hadn’t been his usual extra self.

“Well, apart from the parties, what do you think of our little town so far?” Hyunggu asks, eyebrows raised expectantly, and he lowers his voice to add, “And you can tell me if you think it's horrible. I won’t be mad.”

“Well, now that you put it like that…” Yuto starts, his expression awfully grim, and for a moment, Hyunggu thinks he's being serious, but then his face breaks into a grin so bright, so suddenly, that Hyunggu’s taken aback a little, his face flushing. If Yuto notices, he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he says, “Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s nice here. Quiet.” He pauses, the smile faltering a little. “But…”

“Ah, I knew there had to be a but,” Hyunggu shoots back, thankful that his voice is steady, at the very least. “What is it?”

Yuto glances around, eyes skirting the room, before he leans down to whisper, “People keep staring at me.”

“I don’t blame them,” Hyunggu mumbles under his breath, and when Yuto asks what he said, he coughs, his cheeks burning even more. “ _Nothing_. It’s just, you know, it's a small town. Everyone knows everyone. Of course they’ll stare at a newcomer.” He lets out an airy laugh, hoping he doesn't sound too choked up. “It’s nothing personal.”

And Hyunggu isn’t sure what he expected Yuto to say to that, but it's definitely not, “So it’s not because I’m hot?”

“Excuse me?”

“Isn’t that why you were staring at me during the assembly?”

If Hyunggu wasn’t choking before, he definitely is now, his breath suddenly caught in his throat. “ _No_. I wasn’t- I wasn’t _staring_. I-I mean, not that you’re not- _You know._ You’re just-”

There's a loud shout, and a group of rowdy boys barrel through the kitchen right then, knocking into Yuto and sending him forward towards Hyunggu, and his arms immediately fly up to brace himself, his hands gripping the counter on both sides of Hyunggu’s waist and _oh God._ Hyunggu can see his biceps flexing through his shirt, and he's so close that he can feel his breath on him, warm against his skin, and he's at least a couple of inches taller than Hyunggu, looking down on him with that fucking smirk on his lips.

“I’m just what?” Yuto asks, his voice even deeper than usual, coming straight from his throat.

“You’re just…” Hyunggu hates how breathless he sounds, and he wishes his heart would stop beating so goddamn hard because at this rate, it's gonna burst right out of his chest. And what is he supposed to say? _‘You are hot’?_ No fucking way. No, no, no-

“Interesting,” is the word he settles for, and it sounds insanely stupid as soon as it leaves his mouth, but what choice does he have? And it isn’t wrong after all, so he nods, sounding firmer in his choice of word. “You’re interesting.”

Yuto’s eyes narrow at that, his eyebrows pulling in a little. “Interesting,” he repeats in a small voice, before he presses up against Hyunggu even more, tipping his head down so his lips are ghosting over his ear, and Hyunggu tries his best not to shiver.

“Hyunggu?”

“Mm-hm?” is all Hyunggu can manage at this point, because his name has never sounded so good coming from someone before, and he’s afraid if he speaks, he’ll embarrass himself.

“I think you spilled your water.”

“Oh shit.” Hyunggu almost smacks himself when Yuto backs off of him, turning around to see that his elbows had knocked over the cups, water spilled all over the counter. And he can't believe he completely forgot about Hongseok. He’s all flustered as he grabs the cups, filling them up again quickly and he almost trips over his own feet as he backs out of the kitchen, calling out a, “Sorry! I just remembered I have to- I gotta go. But it was nice talking to you! Maybe we’ll-”

“Yeah, we’ll-” Yuto gets swallowed by another drunken crowd entering the kitchen and Hyunggu doesn’t catch what he says, but he doesn’t have time to figure it out when Hongseok could be half dead where he left him. His heart is still hammering in his ribcage as he weaves his way through all the dancing bodies, wondering whether that whole exchange really just happened.

_So it’s not because I’m hot? Isn’t that why you were staring at me during the assembly?_

Where the fuck did that sudden surge of confidence come from and why the fuck did Hyunggu find it so attractive? He shakes his head, finally finding Hongseok again, who’s fallen asleep on the couch, his half-empty bottle cradled to his chest and Hyunggu feels awful for leaving him for so long.

“Hongseokie-hyung,” he whispers, shaking him awake gently. “I got your water.”

“Jinho?” Hongseok yawns, eyes still hooded as he pulls himself up weakly, using Hyunggu’s arm as a lever. “You came?”

Hyunggu gives him a sad smile, his head shaking as he helps Hongseok drink up the water. “No, it’s Hyunggu. We talked earlier, remember?”

Hongseok gives him a vague grunt once he's done swallowing, his eyelids slowly drooping again and Hyunggu doesn’t want to leave him like this, but he doesn't want to spend the night here either and he couldn’t trust anyone else to make sure Hongseok got home okay. And he knows he promised Jinho that he wouldn't bother him at college unless it was really urgent, and he doesn't know if a wasted boyfriend counts as urgent, but he finds himself dialling Jinho’s number anyway.

“Hello?”

“Jinho-hyung!”

“Ah, Hyunggu-ya,” Jinho answers, and Hyunggu can almost hear the smile in his voice. “How's my favourite dongsaeng?”

“You’re not supposed to pick favourites, hyung,” he mumbles shyly, but they all know Jinho’s always had a soft spot for him, his not-so-little angel.

Jinho laughs at that. “I know, I know.” He hums to himself, his voice sounding a little distant. “Where are you? Why is it so loud?” He pauses. “Wait, you're not at that party, are you?”

“… I am.”

“And you're calling _me?_ ” Jinho sounds confused. “Why? Have Shinwon’s parties finally lost their hype?”

Hyunggu shakes his head, then realises Jinho can’t see him through the phone, and he says, “No, it’s not that. The party’s fine. Still very Shinwon-like. It’s just… it’s Hongseok-hyung.”

Hyunggu didn’t know he could hear panic through a phone call, but right then, he definitely did.

“What happened? Is he okay? Is he hurt? Where is he? Who’s with him-”

“He’s fine,” Hyunggu says quickly, not wanting Jinho to freak out like that, the alarmed tone of his voice sounding oddly scary. “He’s okay, really, I’m with him right now. He's just a little bit too drunk and very, _very_ emo. He was whining about how he only saw you a hundred times this week, and how he hates college for taking up all your time, then he said he wants to go to college right now, and I got him some water to help him sober up, but then he sort of passed out, and I don’t wanna leave him here but I don’t know where to take him. I just-” Hyunggu sucks in a sharp breath, lets it out. “I don’t know what to do, hyung.”

Jinho is silent for a moment or two, maybe three, then he sighs, long and heavy. “Ah, Hongseokie,” he mutters quietly, more to himself than to Hyunggu really. He clears his throat, his responsible side taking over. “Where is he? In the house, I mean.”

“The couch,” Hyunggu answers. “The fancy one.”

“They're all fancy, Hyunggu-ya.”

“ _Right_. The white one. The one Hyojong-hyung threw up on that one time and Shinwon-hyung stopped talking to him for a week.”

“Ah, that one.” Jinho lets out a huff, and it sounds like he’s moving around on the other end. “He should be okay there for a while. I’ll come over in a bit and take him home.”

“But hyung-”

“No, no, it’s okay,” he says, his voice calm and warm, like it always is. “I’ve been meaning to get out of here anyway. The dorm’s getting a little stuffy and I’ve been wanting to see him for a while.”

Hyunggu knows that’s only partly true, and he wonders what that feels like; that willingness to go out of your way for someone, to do anything to make sure they’re okay. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt it. He doesn’t think he ever will.

“But thanks, Hyunggu,” he adds, pulling Hyunggu back from his thoughts. “You’re a good kid, you know?”

“Yeah,” is all he can say, his voice smaller than usual all of a sudden. It’s nice to hear that, especially from Jinho.

“You heading home soon?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“You should,” Jinho says, and there’s nothing but affection in his voice, concern. “You sound tired. Plus, I heard you put on a good show yesterday.”

“Ah, that was nothing,” he laughs, shrugging off the compliment. “But, yeah, I think I’ll leave soon. Thanks, hyung.”

“Thanks for calling me.” He can hear that smile in his voice again. It’s sadder this time though. “I miss hanging out with you guys.”

“We miss you too,” Hyunggu says and he means it. They really do. _He_ really does. Jinho always knew how to solve his problems, and he doesn't know why, but he gets the feeling that he's about to have a lot of them.

They hang up after they exchange goodbyes, promising to meet up sometime soon. Hyunggu runs a weak hand through his hair, the exhaustion from the past couple of days finally catching up to him and he spares Hongseok one last look before he pries the bottle of vodka from his hands, turning away and-

“Hyunggu, smile!”

Yanan’s camera flashes in his face, too bright, too close, and he bangs into him – _hard_ – the drink spilling all over his shirt, soaking through the thin material immediately.

“Oh my god,” Yanan gasps, jumping back a little and when he sees Hyunggu’s drenched body, he looks horrified. “Hyunggu- I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“No, hyung, it’s oka-”

“What the hell is going on here?” a voice says from behind them, and _fuck_ , this is not the time.

“It’s nothing, Wooseok,” Hyunggu says quickly, turning to stand between him and Yanan, because he knows how bad his temper can get when he's drunk. “Really, it’s fine.”

“I’m _so_ sorry-”

“What did you do to him?” Wooseok’s face is already turning dark as he glares at Yanan, who looks like he's scared shitless, eyes going wide, mouth hanging open. “Look at him, he’s fucking soaked!”

“I was just- I was just trying to-” Yanan stammers, seeming awfully small compared to Wooseok, despite being older than him. “I-I didn’t mean to-”

“Yananie?” Changgu shows up at his side, noticing how badly he's shaking and he looks over at Wooseok, teeth gritted and nostrils flared, and it clicks. He stands up straighter, pushing Yanan behind his back and he crosses his arms over his chest, arms flexing. “Problem, Wooseok?”

“Fuck off, Changgu,” Wooseok spits back, and Hyunggu has to force him back, hands on his chest.

“Excuse me? Do you realise who you're talking to?”

“What, you wanna take this outside?”

“Wooseok, _stop_.” Hyunggu looks over his shoulder at Changgu, eyes pleading. “I’m so sorry, hyung. Please just take Yanan somewhere else, before things get worse.”

Changgu looks like he wants to put up a fight, but Yanan tugs at his sleeve, mumbling something that Hyunggu can’t quite catch, but whatever it is, it seems to work like a charm, Changgu’s stance going loose immediately and he doesn’t spare them another glance before he takes Yanan’s arm and leads him away.

“Yeah, take your fucking pet and go!” Wooseok yells after them, and Hyunggu has to grab his face to shut him up, squeezing him a little too hard, nails digging into his cheeks.

“That’s enough, Wooseok! _Please_ ,” he cries, forcing Wooseok to keep his eyes on him so he doesn't go after them. “Look at me. _Hey_. Me. Eyes on me.”

Wooseok’s breathing is still heavy, but he keeps his gaze locked on Hyunggu, his hands balled into fists. “He can’t just-”

“It was an accident. Okay? He didn’t do anything. We bumped into each other and the drink spilled. It’s nobody’s fault,” Hyunggu explains, his voice slow and steady. “Just calm down. Let it go.”

It takes a moment or two, but Wooseok finally lets out a long sigh, his body going slack and he pulls Hyunggu into a strong hug, his arms holding him close. Hyunggu’s arms curl around his middle, his head on his chest, and it's all too familiar, like a dream, a memory.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into Hyunggu’s shoulder, his muffled voice making him sound like a baby. “I didn't mean to get mad.”

“I know,” Hyunggu says, his hand rubbing small circles onto Wooseok’s back, feeling his tense muscles relax under his touch.

Wooseok lets himself enjoy the rare embrace, lets himself melt into Hyunggu’s body, breathing him in. Then, in a voice so quiet that Hyunggu barely hears it, he whispers, “I was just trying to protect you.”

Hyunggu’s eyes close, and he breathes in slowly. Breathes out. In. Out. In. Out. Eyes open. “Wooseokie,” he starts, as softly as he can, his heart twisting in his chest. “You don’t have to do that for me.” _Anymore_. The word is unspoken, but they both hear it, hanging heavy in the air around them and Hyunggu should’ve seen it coming when Wooseok pulls away stiffly.

“Right,” he coughs out, refusing to meet Hyunggu’s eyes. “You know what- Uh. _Here_.” He pauses to shrug off his varsity jacket, wrapping it around Hyunggu, gaze still trained on the floor. “I’m just gonna- I’ll go.”

“Wooseok, wait-” But he’s already gone, his long legs taking him through the crowd easily, even in his drunken state and Hyunggu loses sight of him almost immediately.

Hyunggu curses to himself, pressing his hands to his cheeks in frustration and God, he really should’ve just stayed home tonight. None of this would’ve happened. _And he wouldn’t have met Yuto._ Well. There's that. It doesn't matter now anyway, because what’s done is done, and all he wants is to crash onto his bed, hide under the covers and never leave. So he steps out for some fresh air, or at least, as fresh as it can get with all the smoke in it, still holding Wooseok's jacket around his shoulders. And as if his night couldn't get any more insane, he spots Yuto across the street, revving up the engine of a sleek black motorcycle, the kind you see on tv and of fucking course he rides one of those.

And Hyunggu should stay away, he really should, because he doesn't think he has the strength to put up with anymore shit tonight. But before he knows it, his feet are taking him across the road, and he hears the words come out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“Party already taking a toll on you?”

Yuto looks surprised to see him, and even more surprised to hear his own words being used against him, but he quickly recovers from the mild shock, his lips quirking in a half-smile.

“Well, I can only pretend to like them for so long,” Yuto admits, then with a hushed voice, he adds, “Don’t tell Shinwon.”

Hyunggu laughs at that, all the tension from earlier leaving his body, leaving him feeling light, like he might just float up to the sky right there and then.

“What’s your excuse?”

“Ah…” Hyunggu waves a vague hand, not really wanting to get into it, especially with someone who he's only just met. “Just drama, you know? My friends go a little overboard when they're drunk.”

Yuto nods in understanding, but the empty look on his face tells Hyunggu that he doesn't really know what it’s like, or maybe he just doesn’t care. And Hyunggu wonders how his life was like before he came here, then he wonders why he even thought of that at all. He's a stranger, and Hyunggu has no right to know. But he _wants_ to know. He wants to figure him out, wants to know what goes on in his head, wants to hear him speak his mind. He’s never wanted that from someone before, and he has no idea why he wants it now. He meant it earlier, when he had said that Yuto was interesting, and he thinks that maybe he's being a little too curious for his own good, but before he can help it, he blurts out, “Which way are you headed?”

Yuto blinks. Twice. “Uh…” He looks to his right, then his left, then right again, jerking his head in that direction. “Over there. You need a ride?”

“Yes!” Hyunggu rolls his lips in, embarrassment washing over him at how excited he sounded. “I mean, _yes_ , please. I came with my brother, but he took the car back to his boyfriend’s place.” It’s a lie, because knowing Hwitaek, he’d be out partying with Hyojong till dawn, but Yuto doesn’t need to know that.

He braces himself for more questions, or maybe even a simple no, because there's no way Yuto would just agree to it after barely having one conversation with him, but he just shrugs and says, “Yeah, okay.”

“Really?”

Yuto gives him a look, eyebrows knitted together. “Yes, really. Why not?”

Hyunggu gapes at him for a second or two, disbelief written all over his face, and he probably sounds like a complete idiot when he says, “You barely know me. What if I was some kind of serial killer and this is my way of luring you to your death?”

For the first time since they’ve met, Yuto laughs, a real, proper laugh and Hyunggu thinks it's the best laugh he's ever heard; all loud and full of life, and his heart almost bursts. And as if he hasn’t tortured Hyunggu enough, he goes on to say, “No offense, sweetheart, but I doubt you could take me on. I’m tough.”

Hyunggu feels blood rush to his face, swallowing thickly and he can feel that stupid shy smile of his tugging at his lips, so he turns away before Yuto can see, muttering something along the lines of, “Let me just text my brother real quick.”

_hyung – going home. don’t wait up. be safe <3 _

“Not your boyfriend, huh?”

Hyunggu spins around, eyebrows raised, lips parted. “What?”

Yuto nods at the jacket that Hyunggu’s wearing, and _right_ , it’s got Wooseok’s name on it, clear as fucking day. He had forgotten that he had it on, far too used to the weight of it on his shoulders from all the times that Wooseok lent it to him when they were going out.

“No, this isn’t- I wasn’t- He just-”

“ _Relax_. I was kidding,” Yuto laughs, lighter this time, just a small huff of breath and he offers a helmet to Hyunggu. “Come on, it’s getting late.”

Hyunggu accepts the helmet with a small smile, and when he swings his leg over the bike, his jeans make his body immediately slide towards Yuto, his chest flush against his back.

“ _Sorry_.”

“It’s fine.” There's that smirk again. Hyunggu can’t see it, but he can hear it, and _Christ_. Yuto revs the engine again, his foot on the pedal. He glances over his shoulder. “You might wanna hold on.”

He barely gives Hyunggu a second to process before he’s speeding off, and he lets out a small yelp as he latches onto Yuto, holding onto him around his waist, cheek pressed into his shoulder. It’s fast, fast, fast, and he can feel the wind on his face, cold, sharp, and he can barely spit out messy directions to his house, but Yuto seems to manage it well enough, smoothly maneuvering his way through the streets. They make it there in half the time it would take if Hwitaek was driving, a quarter if Hongseok was driving, and when Hyunggu climbs off the motorcycle, his knees wobble a little.

Yuto watches him in amusement, offering his hand to keep him balanced and Hyunggu ignores the way his stomach does a flip when he slips his hand into Yuto’s, his skin oddly warm against Hyunggu’s cold palms. He regains his strength after a couple of breaths, his dancer legs holding him up with ease, but he lets himself be greedy for a little bit longer, not wanting to let go of Yuto.

Eventually, he has to, because it’s getting darker and he doesn't want Yuto to be riding around on his own this late.

“Serial killers, remember?” he jokes with a weak laugh, and Yuto gives him a lopsided smile, and he might’ve imagined it, but he thinks Yuto squeezes his hand before he lets go.

“I’m tough, remember?” Yuto shoots back, giving him a quick wink before he slips on his helmet, and he swears that motorcycles were invented for Adachi Yuto alone because he's never seen anyone look that good on one. It’s unfair really.

Yuto waits until Hyunggu’s inside, his head poking out from behind the door as he calls out, “Thank you! Goodnight!” And he gives him a small salute in return, before he rides off, leaving a cloud of smoke in his place.

Hyunggu shuts the door behind him, leaning back against it for a moment while he lets his heart calm down, a giddy feeling bubbling up his throat and he almost smacks himself because what the fuck? It’s stupid, he knows; the fact that he's already so infatuated by someone he hardly knows, and it might be a phase, a heat of the moment kind of thing, and who knows? He might be completely over him tomorrow, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any and all feedback would be very much appreciated! ♡


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is here! thank you to everyone who's been reading this and i hope you're all enjoying it so far!! i can't say for sure when updates will be, but i'll try my best to update often so please do subscribe to the story/my acc to get the updates as soon as they're out! chapters will probably be around 7-8k words? might be shorter or longer depending on what's happening but yeah around that.
> 
> so *warnings* for this chapter:  
> \- the rating has been changed to explicit bc yes, there is smut at the end of the chapter  
> \- although they're both at legal age irl, they're only 17 in this fic so if you're not comfortable with that, then please feel free to skip out on this
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys like this chap! :)

_Wrong_.

He’s not over him. Definitely not.

Hyunggu wakes up in Wooseok’s jacket and his stained shirt, and he takes a long shower to get rid of last night’s grime, standing under the hot water for what seems like a century, the steam fogging up the mirrors so much that he can’t even see himself in the reflection. Maybe it's better that way because he can barely stand the thought of himself when he remembers all the shit he pulled the night before.

He left the car keys with a drunk Hwitaek and an even drunker Hyojong, not knowing whether or not they made it home safely; he basically guilt tripped Jinho to come all the way from college just to take care of Hongseok when he could’ve done it himself, if he wasn’t such a fucking baby; he probably got on Changgu and Yanan’s bad side after that stupid fight, when they’re two of the nicest people he's ever known; he might’ve completely ruined his and Wooseok’s friendship for good, or at least what was left of it; and to top it all off, _Yuto_.

God, where does he even begin? Striking up a conversation with him wasn’t too bad, they're classmates after all and it would’ve happened eventually. But a conversation where it leads to him telling Hyunggu that he noticed him staring at him? _Bad_. Yuto must’ve thought that he was such a creep. And that’s not even the worst of it. Being called sweetheart by him? Getting a ride home from him on his motorbike? Holding his fucking hand? He can’t believe he did all that with a _stranger,_ and he can’t even blame it on the alcohol this time.

He presses his forehead to the wall, the water still beating down on him, and he wonders what he's gonna do now. Does he pretend last night never happened and avoid Yuto? Does he talk to him like they're old friends and ask if he wants to hangout sometime? Does he lock himself in this bathroom and never come out? The last option seems like the best one, and he's genuinely considering it. He would never have to deal with anyone ever again. But unfortunately, the universe has a different plan for him because someone calls his name from outside right then.

“Hyunggu!” There’s a bang on the door, and another, and another. “Are you done or what? I need to take a piss.” _Hyojong._ If he's here, then that must mean that he and Hwitaek got home okay. That’s one problem out of the way. Unless they drunk drove and crashed the car into a tree. Shit.

He finishes up, wrapping a towel around his waist, and he barely manages a hello before Hyojong pushes his way into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face. He rolls his eyes, going to get dressed and when he finally makes his way downstairs, Hwitaek’s at the table with Hyojong, the two of them lazily shovelling cereal into their mouths, quite obviously hungover. He pours himself a bowl, sitting himself down as far away from them as he can, in case they suddenly decide to puke their guts out.

They don’t seem to notice he’s there, eyes droopy and bloodshot, so he knocks on the table to get their attention, grinning when they look up at him with murder in their eyes.

“Good night?”

A grunt.

“Bad night then?”

Another grunt.

“Did you drive home?”

Hwitaek shakes his head.

“Did you walk?”

Hyojong nods, a shit-eating grin stretching across his face.

“All the way?”

Hwitaek shoots a dirty look at Hyojong before he turns back to his cereal, nodding less enthusiastically.

Hyunggu wants to laugh, because he can picture Hyojong dragging Hwitaek by the arm, forcing him to walk home in the middle of the night, his wasted ass bouncing all over the place and knowing them, they probably got lost more than a few times, even though they know these roads like the back of their hands. These two are just way too much. He loves them for that, though.

“Do you need me to go get the car?”

Hwitaek’s answer to that was to hold out the keys, mumbling a thank you through his full mouth when Hyunggu takes them.

He decides to cycle over to Shinwon’s house, the smooth ride and the morning air clearing his head a little, giving him the time and space to figure some things out. One; Hwitaek and Hyojong are safe, and that's all that matters. Two; Hongseok isn't his responsibility, and at least he gave him and Jinho a chance to spend time together. Three; Changgu and Yanan _are_ the nicest the people he's ever known, and he has no doubt that they can all just forgive and forget once he apologises properly. Four; He’s been dealing with Wooseok’s sulky tantrums his entire life and he knows just how to fix this mess. And five; _Yuto._ His mind keeps going back to him and he still has no idea what to do about him.

It's exactly what he needed though, and he feels a lot better by the time he pulls up to Shinwon's house, finding him scouring the front lawn for stray cups.

“Came to help clean up?” Shinwon asks, looking up, and when he senses Hyunggu's hesitation, he rolls his eyes. “Didn’t think so.”

Hyunggu almost asks how he's already up and at it this early after a party like last night’s, but he supposes after all the ones he's thrown, his tolerance for alcohol must be pretty high by now. He lays his bike down on the sidewalk, starting to pick up empty cups despite Shinwon telling him he doesn't have to bother.

“Came to pick up your boy toy then?” he asks after they’re done with the lawn, heading inside to start on the living room.

Hyunggu’s eyebrows raise. “Boy toy?”

Shinwon gives him a flat look, as if he was supposed to know what that meant. _“Wooseok,”_ he says exasperatedly after Hyunggu continued to stare at him blankly. “I found him passed out on the patio last night and he wasn’t budging, so I had to drag his giant ass in at 4 in the fucking morning.”

“Oh.” Hyunggu’s hand comes up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, and he shakes his head. “No, I thought he’d already gone home. I just came to get the car since Hui-hyung left it here.”

Shinwon's head tilts to the left, a curious look on his face. “If you weren't with Hui or Wooseok, who did you go home with?”

“Uh…” Hyunggu feels heat crawl up his neck, and he has to force himself to keep a straight face when he says, “That new guy, Yuto. He was headed my way so I asked him to drop me off.”

Shinwon hums thoughtfully. “I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“He's in my class,” is Hyunggu’s lame excuse, and he can only hope it comes off as nonchalant as he wants it to.

“Ah, I see.”

They clean up in silence for a little while, stuffing sticky plastic cups and empty packs of junk food into a garbage bag that's almost as big as Hyunggu, being careful not to step on any broken glass from all the bottles that were smashed onto the floor. They manage to make the place look somewhat clean, but it still needs a proper wipe down and Hyunggu’s not to keen on staying around for that.

He’s got a question on the tip of his tongue, and he knows that Shinwon, out of all people, would definitely have the answer to it, but if he asks it, there's definitely no going back and he doesn't know if he's ready for that. He paces back and forth in the main hall, stuck between staying or going; giving into his curiosity or living in ignorant bliss.

“ _What,_ Hyunggu?” Shinwon finally snaps after about five whole minutes of his indecisiveness, standing in the hallway with a mop in one hand, and the other perched on his hip. “Your pacing is starting to piss me off.”

For someone he considers a friend, Shinwon can be so mean.

“I just- No, never mind, it’s nothing. Or- Shit. Okay.” He takes a deep breath, holding it in his lungs for as long as he can before he puffs it out, blowing out through his lips. “What do you know about him?”

“Who?”

He could still turn back. Shut his mouth. Walk out the door. Pretend this conversation never happened. He could, but-

“Yuto,” he says, and it's like a million alarms start going off in his head, a voice screaming: _bad idea, bad idea, bad idea._ Shinwon’s probably thinking he's some kind of stalker now, but it's out there and there's no way he can take it back.

“Oh,” is all he says though, before he starts humming again, tapping a light finger to his chin. “Well, let’s see… Adachi Yuto, born January 23rd 1998 in Nagano, Japan. Grew up there most his life, until he moved here about a week ago, but no one knows why. He took Korean as an extra language in school, which is why he can speak pretty well for a foreigner. He lives alone in that apartment building downtown-”

“What, no family?”

“Not that I’ve heard of.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

Shinwon snorts, his tone more than a touch bitter when he says, “You don’t see our parents around here either, so who are we to judge?” Then, as if realising what he just said, he winces. “Sorry.”

Everyone’s favourite thing about Shinwon is that he's honest, but everyone’s least favourite thing about him is that sometimes he's a little _too_ honest.

Hyunggu waves him off, his throat feeling a little tight so he coughs, saying, “Actually, I think I better head home. You know how bad Hui-hyung’s hangovers can get.”

“Wait, you're not taking Wooseok back?”

He pauses in the doorway. He knows he needs to fix things with him, but he doesn't think he's ready for it yet. Hungover Wooseok can be worse than drunk Wooseok at times. Hyunggu glances over his shoulder, giving Shinwon a look and Shinwon sighs, nodding tiredly.

“Fine, I’ll let him sleep it off here,” he says, waving a lazy hand at Hyunggu. “Now go, before I kick you out.”

Hyunggu leaves immediately, because he wouldn't put it past him not to do that. He manages to squeeze his bike into the trunk of their car, and he drives home as quickly as he can because he's not really up for getting caught for driving without a license. Hwitaek really should stop letting him drive, but then again, he supposes it's better than letting Hyojong take the wheel.

The house is quiet when he gets there, so he figures they’ve gone back to bed and he ends up doing the same, still tired from last night’s craziness. And there’s only one name, one face on his mind before he drifts into unconsciousness.

_Yuto._

—

The next morning, Hyunggu finds himself walking a familiar route; down the street, two lefts and a right, his feet still knowing exactly where to take him despite the fact that he hasn't been there in what feels like years. The house itself isn’t anything special, just another terrace in a row of terraces, a typical suburban house. But when he looks a little closer, he sees.

He sees the swing in the middle of the lawn, where he and Wooseok took turns pushing each other when they were kids, seeing who could push the other higher. He sees the treehouse they built when they were a little older, where they used to hide from Hwitaek, because he was too scared of heights to ever get past the third step. He sees the deep crack in the pavement, where he had tripped and cut his knee open when they were playing tag once.

That was the first time he saw Wooseok cry because of him.

He sees the exact spot on the front porch where Wooseok had kissed him for the first time, shy and sweet and innocent. He sees the exact spot on the tree trunk where they had carved their initials in a heart after their first month of dating, promising to be together forever. And he sees the exact spot in the middle of the driveway where he told Wooseok it wasn’t working out, that promise of theirs broken right where it was made.

That was the last time he saw Wooseok cry because of him, and that was the last time he stepped foot in this house.

It’s a little different being here now. He feels out of place, almost like a stranger, as if he hadn’t spent most of his life here. He doesn't like the feeling of it; unfamiliar, uncomfortable. It wraps around him like a cold wind, making him shudder and for a moment, he wants to turn around and leave, pretend he never came here at all. But he sees Wooseok’s jacket in one hand and his favourite coffee in the other, and he straightens up, walking right up to the front door.

He’s about to knock when the door opens, Wooseok almost knocking into him on his way out, barely missing him as he stops short when he realises there's someone in his way.

“Hi,” Hyunggu says, a little breathless because he’d gotten so used to looking at Wooseok that he’d forgotten just how handsome he really is, looking extra sharp in his uniform, not a hair out of place.

“Hi.” Wooseok’s a bit breathless too, his eyes wide like he's seen a ghost. “What are you doing-”

“Is that Hyunggu I hear?” a voice calls out from inside and a few moments later, his mother pops out from behind him, a warm smile on her face. “Ah, it is you!”

“Hi, Mrs. Jung,” he greets, bowing his head politely, a grin stretching his lips without him meaning to. “How are you?”

“I’m good, but we all miss you having you over.” She pouts, reaching out to pinch Hyunggu’s cheek. “You haven't been here in so long, and Wooseokie’s always so lonely.” Not so subtly, she adds, “You know he has no other friends.”

Hyunggu laughs as Wooseok buries his face in his hands, whining, “Mom, _please_.”

Despite Wooseok trying to steal him away, telling his mother that they’re going to be late, Hyunggu manages to promise her that he’ll come by again soon and she promises to make his favourite dish if he does.

“Bye, Mom!” Wooseok calls out for the hundredth time as he finally tugs Hyunggu away by the elbow, hurrying them to the sidewalk as quickly as he can. When they’re finally out of her sight, he lets out a heavy breath, his hand dropping from Hyunggu’s arm. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunggu tells him with a small laugh, shaking his head lightly. “It was good to see her.”

Wooseok nods, then with a more hesitant voice, his eyes shooting awkward glances at Hyunggu, he says, “Um, not that it's a bad thing, but… why did you come here?”

Hyunggu expected that. After all, it has been a long time and why bother showing up now, right? And he had a whole speech for it; about how he can't just pretend this place never existed, and how it's time that he puts his pride aside to make things better between them. He even practiced it in the bathroom mirror before he came, but now that he's here, being asked about it on the spot, the words get stuck in his throat and all he can do is hold up the jacket and coffee, letting out a weak, “Ta-da…”

“Oh.” Wooseok takes the jacket off his arm and points at the coffee. “For me?”

Hyunggu nods, watching as Wooseok takes a long sip, and he lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding when Wooseok finally smiles, the corners of his lips curling just barely.

“You still make the best coffee,” he mumbles over his cup, and Hyunggu feels himself go red at the compliment.

 _Fuck._ Why is he like this? _It's just Wooseok,_ he tells himself. _Your best friend._ And right, it's his best friend. That's why he's here.

“I also came to say sorry,” he says quickly, before he can change his mind. Wooseok raises his eyebrows in question. “For the other night. At Shinwon’s party. The, uh, the whole thing with Yanan and Changgu. And… what I said, after. ”

Wooseok stills for a moment, his face going dark, like he just remembered what happened, but he quickly recovers, a smile on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes. “It’s fine,” is what he says, his tone a little off. “I shouldn’t have overreacted like that. I know you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself and you had every right to say that.”

“No- No, I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn’t mean to-” Hyunggu sighs, stopping in the middle of the road, a hand on Wooseok’s arm to stop him too. There are no cars at this time of the morning, and it's just them, no one else in sight. “Look, you've always had my back, and I’ve always had yours. No matter what.” He looks up, right at him, his grip tightening. “And I want you to know that I’ve _still_ got yours. Even if- even if you don’t want me, you’ve still got me. And I guess what I’m asking is… do I still have you?”

It's quiet for a while, the two of them just standing there, Wooseok’s gaze on his feet and Hyunggu’s gaze on him. He would understand, if Wooseok walked away now, if he finally decided that he was tired of waiting for something, someone that would never come, because Hyunggu’s tired too. It would hurt, but he would understand. He would understand too, if Wooseok stayed right there, if he still isn’t ready to let go of what’s left of them, because Hyunggu isn’t ready either. Part of him wants Wooseok to go, to tell him that he's done, then maybe they’ll both finally be at peace. But there's also that part of him, the selfish bastard in him, that wants Wooseok to stay, to tell him that he’ll always be with him, then maybe they’ll find a way to make it work someday.

“You do.” Wooseok’s voice is so soft, so small, that Hyunggu doesn’t hear it the first time. “You do,” he repeats, clearer this time, finally lifting his head to meet Hyunggu’s eyes. “Have me, I mean. You’ve got me. Always.” He cracks a smile, holding out a shaky hand. “It’s us, right?”

“Yeah,” Hyunggu agrees, slipping his hand into Wooseok’s large one, his fingers threading through his like he’s done so many times before, and he smiles. “It’s us.”

And right then, everything feels a little better. Like a scale had tipped back into balance, like that cloud of uneasiness from earlier had melted away, like they were one step closer to really being _them_ again and it feels good. They’re both in better spirits as they make their way to school, sharing the lukewarm coffee between them, hands still clasped together.

“I should probably apologise to Changgu, shouldn’t I?” Wooseok says suddenly, as they’re heading to their first class, a strained look on his face.

“Well… he _is_ your captain.”

“Shit.” Wooseok turns to him, eyes wide in panic, as if only just realising how badly he fucked up. “He’s gonna kill me during practice.”

“I’ll film it,” Hyunggu quips, a teasing tone in his voice that Wooseok doesn’t appreciate, and he should’ve seen it coming when Wooseok goes for his sides, fingers tickling him and he shrieks, laughing as Wooseok chases him into the classroom, and-

“The fuck-”

“Sorry-” Hyunggu stops when he is who it is that they bumped into, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. “Oh, hey.”

Yuto looks at him, then at Wooseok’s hands on his waist, then back at him. “Hey,” is all he says back, and before Hyunggu can get another word in, he disappears to the back of the class, sitting himself down at the table in the corner, as far away from Hyunggu and Wooseok as he can get. He stares out the window, and if he notices Hyunggu watching him, he doesn't let it show, not even turning his head back an inch. Odd.

“Jeez, what’s with him?” Wooseok mutters, reminding him that he was right behind him, chin on his shoulder now. “You guys know each other or something?”

“No,” is Hyunggu's first response, too quick. Then, slower this time, “I mean, not really. Sort of. We met at the party.”

“He was there?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. Weird.”

Hyunggu doesn't know what Wooseok means by that, and he doesn't get a chance to ask him because the bell rings and class starts, and he's left with all these questions swimming around in his head, and he doesn't have the answer to any of them.

—

Yuto doesn’t show up the next day. Or the day after. Or the one after that.

Hyunggu doesn’t want to admit that he’s been waiting for him to show up, but he can’t deny the fact that the first thing he does every time he walks into class is scan the room for his face, only to be disappointed again and again. And he doesn’t even know why. He doesn’t know what he wants to say to him, he just wants to…  _see_ him. Is that weird? God. What’s with him?

Yuto aside, things with Wooseok are good. Maybe a little too good. He thinks Wooseok might’ve gotten the wrong impression the other day; that his dramatic little confession about always being there for each other was a romantic gesture, when all it really was was him not wanting to lose his best friend over something stupid that he said. But now… He's gotten a little more handsy than usual, almost always clinging to Hyunggu, and Hyunggu doesn't have the heart to push him away. And it must've been obvious because even Hwitaek pulls  him aside during lunch once, after he notices Wooseok feeding him, and he asks, “Uh, did you two get back together and completely forget to tell me or am I missing something here?”

“We’re not back together,” Hyunggu hisses, gesturing at his brother to keep his voice down.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know feeding each other pudding was the new ‘bro thing’,” he shoots back, sarcasm heavy on his tone.

“ _Hyung!_ It’s not like that!”

“Then what is it like?”

Hyunggu runs a frustrated hand through his hair, down the side of his face. “It’s just… We had a little… _disagreement_ at Shinwon’s party the other night, and when I went over to his house-”

“You went to his _house?_ ”

“To apologise! At 7 in the morning! And his mother was there! What kind of person do you think I am?” Hyunggu throws him an exasperated look, letting out a huff. “Look, I might’ve said some things, and we might’ve held hands, and he might’ve thought that it meant something more, but I-”

 _“Hyunggu.”_ Hwitaek’s voice is heavy, as is the look on his face, and Hyunggu starts to squirm under his gaze. “You can't keep doing this to him. And to yourself. It’ll only hurt you both.”

“I know!” Hyunggu cries, damn near pulling his own hair out. “I know, I know, I know. I just… I don't know how to… I can’t. Not- not yet.”

Hwitaek doesn't say anything for a while, just looks at him with this look that he can't quite figure out, but eventually he sighs, a hand coming up to pat his head. “Figure it out soon, okay, bud?”

Hyunggu nods, mumbling a small “Okay, hyung,” before he drags himself back to their lunch table, making up some dumb excuse when Wooseok asks what they talked about. And Hwitaek is right, he can't keep dragging this out, leading him on. It's cruel, but he doesn't know how to end it without losing him.

He doesn't know anything anymore.

—

It's a Friday morning when Hyunggu sees Yuto again. He doesn't notice him at first from where he’s slumped in his seat, somewhere in the middle of the bleachers, no cheer performance to occupy his time this week, until Yuto sidles up to him, knocking elbows with him as he takes the seat next to him.

“Hi,” he whispers, making Hyunggu jump, his head turning to his left and he almost does a double take.

“H-hi.” He clears his throat, shakes his head, sits up straight. “I mean, _hi_ , Yuto. Hey.” He looks around, just to be sure that Yuto really is here and he isn’t imagining this, his eyebrows furrowing. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh. Are these assemblies not compulsory? If they’re not, I’ll-” Yuto starts to stand up, his bag already slung over his shoulder, until Hyunggu grabs his arm, pulling him back down.

“No! I mean, _yes_ , they are compulsory.” Yuto’s eyes trail down, and Hyunggu realises he’s still holding onto his arm, so he sheepishly pulls his hand back, embarrassment flashing on his face. “I just meant- You’ve been gone the whole week, why show up now?”

“You noticed that, huh?” There's that smirk again, and Hyunggu kinda wants to smack it off his face because no one should be allowed to look that good. “Been waiting for me or something?”

And he has, they both know he has, but there's no way he's going to admit it, so all he says is, “No, it’s just… we’re in the same class.”

“Right,” Yuto clicks his tongue, letting out this sound that's somewhere between a laugh and scoff. “I just thought you’d be too busy making heart eyes at your boyfriend to even notice I was gone.”

“I do not make heart eyes at him!” Hyunggu yells a little too loudly, attracting more than a few people's attention and he smacks a hand over his mouth, ducking his head as Yuto presses his lips together, holding back a grin. In a hushed voice, he adds pettily, “And he’s _not_ my boyfriend.”

“If you say so,” Yuto chimes back, giving him a lazy side glance, a lopsided smile tugging at his lips. “Where is he anyway? Not glued to your side today?”

“He just finished his morning practice, so he's probably in the locker room,” Hyunggu mumbles, and he’s tired of trying to convince people that he and Wooseok really aren't together anymore because no one seems to fucking believe him, so he changes the topic, asking, “Where’d you go anyway?”

“Had some things to take care of,” is all he offers.

“Like what?”

Yuto ignores that, sitting up properly and he mutters, “Assembly’s starting.” His eyes squint, leaning forward a little in his seat. “Hey, isn’t that your brother?”

Hyunggu follows his line of sight to see Hwitaek standing at the podium, his uniform all pressed neatly and he's wearing those glasses of his that he puts on whenever he has to make a speech even though everyone knows that they’re fake, and Hyunggu almost laughs. “Yeah, that's him. Student Body President.”

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I almost hit him with my bike this morning _and_ I was late.”

Hyunggu does laugh at that, but he manages to stifle it with his hand, and despite himself, Yuto is amused enough that he has to force down a laugh of his own, his lips pursing.

“He’s gonna throw me in detention, isn’t he?” Yuto says, his nose scrunching up as he winces.

Humming lowly, he thinks of Hyojong and all of the bullshit he's pulled and all of the times Hwitaek’s gotten him out of trouble, and he waves a lazy hand at Yuto. “Nah, you’d be surprised what Hui-hyung would let slide. And you said it yourself, he's nice.”

“Fair enough.” Yuto nods, then his tongue darts out to wet his lips, and there's a teasing tilt in his voice when he leans in to Hyunggu to whisper, “But if I do get in trouble, you’ll help me out, right?”

Hyunggu feels himself getting flustered, blood already rushing to his cheeks and he almost says yes immediately, but he swallows it down, barely managing to spit out, “I-I mean, it depends. What, uh, what kind of trouble?”

Yuto leans back and his eyes trail over Hyunggu’s body slowly, before they come up again to meet his eyes, and he quirks his lips into that smirk of his for the millionth time. “We’ll see.” Then, before Hyunggu can say anything, he’s standing up, snaking his way through the students, ducking behind shoulders, jumping over legs and he manages to sneak out of the gym without anyone else seeing, giving Hyunggu that same salute from the night of the party before he disappears out the door.

And _what the fuck?_

He's crazy. That's the only explanation for it. Either that or he just has a thing for stirring up trouble, and either way, Hyunggu really, really should just stay away, but why is every single fibre of his body screaming at him to go chase after him, to hunt him down and figure him the fuck out? He doesn't know, he doesn't know, he doesn't know, and it takes everything – and he means _everything_ – in him to keep his ass planted on that seat the entire assembly, trying his best to focus on his brother’s speech. He's so out of it that he doesn't even realise the entire assembly is over until he's the only one left on the bleachers, Hyojong staring at him from one side of his face, Hongseok from the other and Hwitaek right in front of him.

“Hyunggu?”

He snaps out of it, almost falling back from the sudden realisation that there are three people all up in his face, yelping a little as they all reach out to steady him.

“What the fuck, guys?” he hisses when he's sitting up again, their faces still far too close for comfort. “Ever heard of personal space?”

“Language,” is all Hwitaek says, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. He looks between Hyojong and Hongseok, humming quietly. “He looks off, doesn't he?”

“He does,” Hongseok answers, and Hyojong agrees with a grunt. They continue staring at him, their eyes trying to pick out what it is that seems odd about him. “Is he sick?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Stress, maybe?”

“He’s 17. What the fuck does he have to be stressed about?” That’s Hyojong.

“Don’t tell me _you_ weren't stressed at 17.”

“Hyojongie was too high to be stressed at 17.”

Hyojong doesn't deny Hwitaek’s accusation, and Hongseok rolls his eyes, the three of them turning their attention back to Hyunggu.

“Could it be because of Wooseok?” Hwitaek suggests, and the other two immediately whip their heads around to gape at him, then back at Hyunggu.

“They’re back together?”

“Apparently not, but you know how they are.”

“Hyunggu _does_ get weird whenever Wooseok’s involved.”

“Or could it be Yuto...”

“Who’s Yuto?”

“New Yuto,” Hwitaek says simply with a dismissive wave of his hand, as if that was supposed to automatically make them know who he is. When he's met with blank stares from the other two, he rolls his eyes back, exasperation clear in his voice. “The hot one who was sitting next to Hyunggu-”

_That's enough._

Hyunggu stands up abruptly, making them all fall back onto their asses as they look up at him with wide eyes and open mouths.

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he snaps, intending to sound angry but it comes out more whiny than he meant it to and he curses himself for being such a baby sometimes. He blames them for coddling him so much. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it before you all believe me, but Wooseok and I are _not_ together anymore. And- and it has _nothing_ to do with Yuto! I barely even know him.”

“Jesus, someone’s touchy today,” Hyojong comments in a tone and an expression so aggravating that it makes Hyunggu want to punch him in the face.

Hongseok, on the other hand, offers a half-hearted smile as he pulls himself up, saying, “We’re just worried about you, Hyunggu-ya.”

“There's nothing to worry about, hyung,” he says, keeping his voice as steady as he can, mirroring his smile, then it turns into scowl when he shoots a glance at Hyojong. “And I’m not _‘touchy’_ , I just don’t appreciate you guys butting into my business like this.”

“So you admit that there _is_ business to butt into!” Hyojong exclaims, pointing an accusatory finger at him and dear God, what did he do to deserve these people?

“You’re all impossible,” Hyunggu huffs out as he pulls his bag closer, stepping over the benches, determined to get away from them before they could pry any further. “I’m leaving.”

“Remember we love you!” Hwitaek calls out before he’s gone, and he grumbles back a reluctant, “Love you too, hyungs,” because he’s a good little brother like that.

And is it really _that_ obvious that he’s all messed up inside, so much so that he has three of his hyungs on his ass about it? Sure, he admits he’s been a little more distracted lately, half of him trying to figure things out with Wooseok and the other half still hung up on the whole mystery of Adachi Yuto, but he doesn't think it's that bad. It’s not like he's so lost in his thoughts that he almost walked right into the middle of the basketball court during a game just to give Wooseok a piece of his mind, or that he's behind in all his classes because he's too busy burning holes into Yuto’s seat while he waits for him to show up, instead of listening to the lesson, or that he's so caught up in all of it right now that he doesn't realise he's just wandered to the wrong side of the building with only minutes left to spare before the bell rings. Except, it is exactly like that, and maybe, just maybe, it _is_ that bad.

Fuck.

He’s in way over his head, and he hates the fact that despite all _his_ troubles, all he can really think about right then is what Yuto could’ve meant when _he_ said trouble.

—

Hyunggu gets his answer when he bumps into him in the bathroom sometime the next week, startled as the taller boy walks out of the stall in an outfit that's definitely not their school uniform.

Yuto’s dressed in all black, save for the flimsy white t-shirt that he’s wearing underneath a black plaid shirt, a leather jacket thrown over that too, and he's in the skinniest black jeans he's ever seen, hugging at his toned legs like a second skin, the rough fabric ripped at just the right places, showing off bits of tan skin that makes Hyunggu swallow thickly.

“What are you wearing?” Hyunggu blurts out before he can stop himself, and he can't help the way his eyes almost bulge out of his skull as he takes the outfit in.

Yuto flinches, only then noticing the other person in the bathroom and for a moment, there's panic written across his face, until he realises who it is and he lets out a relieved breath.

“Oh, you,” he mutters, more to himself really, and he quickly composes himself, his eyebrows quirking at Hyunggu as he stuffs his rolled up uniform into his bag, saying, “I'm wearing clothes. Ever heard of them?”

The sharp look Hyunggu throws at him gets him a shit-eating grin in return and he feels a small smile tugging at his own lips, but he's stubborn, keeping as straight a face as he can. “I know what clothes are,” he huffs, his arms crossing over his chest. “Why are you wearing them?”

He doesn't realise what exactly it is that he's said until Yuto’s grin twists into something more devious, amusement twinkling in his eyes and he asks, “Do you want me to take them off then?”

Oh God.

“No,” he chokes out, blood rushing to his face, and somewhere else that he’d rather not talk about, and he shakes his head so hard that his neck might just snap from the movement. “No, no, no. Please don’t do that.” He knows how flustered he must seem, all flushed and jittery, and it doesn’t help when Yuto moves closer, slowly closing the space between them step by step. “I just meant- I mean- Why are you- Where are you going?”

“I’m ditching,” is Yuto’s answer, no shame, no worries, like he’d done it a million times before. “Wanna come?”

Hyunggu’s mouth drops like Yuto had asked him to help him murder someone, and he's quick to say, “I can’t!”

Yuto lets out this laugh that makes him shiver as he scoots back, until his back hits the wall and there's nowhere left to go, Yuto still advancing on him. He stops when there's a few steps between them, but his arm comes up to hold himself against the wall, his hand pressed to the cool surface near Hyunggu’s head and the position, their proximity, reminds him of the party from the other night, and it seems like that confidence that was flowing out of Yuto that night is back, his eyes sharp as they stare down at Hyunggu.

“Help me get out of here then?” he asks, voice low, irresistible, his lips at Hyunggu’s eye-level, making it impossible for him _not_ to stare.

“Me?”

“Do you see anyone else here?”

“What if it _was_ someone else instead of me?” Hyunggu tries to stall, feeling small under his gaze. “What would you have done then?”

Yuto leans down, his lips easily finding Hyunggu’s ear like they did the other night, his cheek pressing against Hyunggu’s as he whispers, “I don’t think you wanna know what I would do, sweetheart.”

_Sweetheart. Again._

He had forgotten how good it sounded coming from him, and he's blushing even harder when Yuto pulls back, his arm still stretched above him. He's far enough that Hyunggu could easily slip out from under him and make a beeline for the door, pretend he didn't see anything, continue living his life in peace. But instead he stays there, still glued to the wall, and he doesn't know why, but he finds himself reaching into the dusty corners of his mind for pieces of information from half-heard conversations, trying to remember a hidden path out of the school that Hyojong was rambling about once and when he manages to put together a somewhat decent explanation, he tells Yuto, avoiding his eyes the entire time.

The pleased smile that stretches Yuto’s lips right then almost makes it worth it. Almost.

“You know, you're a lot more dangerous than you look,” Yuto tells him, but there's no malice in his tone. In fact, he sounds impressed. Then, something a little darker flashes in his eyes, his teeth bared. “I don’t think your boyfriend would like that very much.”

Something clicks in Hyunggu right then, his head snapping up and from the corner of his eye, he sees his scowl in his reflection and he almost scares himself with how furious he looks.

“I told you, he’s not my boyfriend,” he spits out, the words tasting bitter on his tongue.

“That's not what it looks like to me,” Yuto insists, keeping his gaze cool, despite Hyunggu looking up at him with fire in his eyes.

“You don't know anything.”

“Oh, I don’t know anything?” He comes closer, lower, his voice turning to ice. “I know you walk to school with him almost every morning, holding his hand, sharing his coffee, fixing his goddamn _tie_ like he's a 14-year old going to a school dance for the first time. I know you have this look on your face that you save for him and only him, and maybe it's not heart eyes, but it's _something_ and the only one who's blind enough not to see it is you. I know you wear his jacket, his jerseys, his _name_ like it's a brand, like you're some kind of toy that belongs to him-”

Hyunggu’s heard enough, and he hates it because it's all true, and he hates that Yuto, out of all people, has noticed it and he can't deal with this anymore.

He grits his teeth together, his hands balling up into fists at his side and at this point, he’s not sure who he's trying to convince, but he says it anyway, loud and clear, “He. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend.”

“Prove it,” is all Yuto says, and it's a demand, a challenge, a _chance_. And Hyunggu takes it.

His hands are on Yuto’s jacket before either of them can fully process what's happening, his grip surprisingly strong as he pulls Yuto down to press his lips against his, and Yuto’s hand slips from the wall, sliding down to the back of Hyunggu’s neck instead, tugging him even closer. The kiss is too messy, too desperate; too much tongue and too much teeth, but neither of them seem to care, the tension between them that's been there since the moment they first locked eyes at the assembly finally relieved. They pull away from each other just long enough for them to catch a glimpse of the other’s face, and Yuto must’ve liked what he saw because he takes the lead, kissing Hyunggu even harder as he pushes them into the stall at the far end, kicking the door shut behind them, one hand twisting the lock and the other getting tangled in Hyunggu’s hair.

Yuto's lips are warmer than he expected, a little chapped around the edges and he tastes of mint and smoke when he slips his tongue into Hyunggu’s mouth again, twisting around his own. His own hands are slipping under Yuto’s shirt, running up and down his sides and his skin is smooth, hot, goosebumps slowly rising under his touch. Yuto moves his head to the side, leaving open mouthed kisses on the sharp line of his jaw, before he comes back and tugs Hyunggu’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to make him hiss, and he doesn't know what it is about that bite that does it for him, but he feels something stir in his gut, a dull ache in his groin.

 _Two can play at that game_ , Hyunggu thinks as he lets one hand roam a little lower, palming Yuto through his jeans and he's already straining against them, the tight fabric stretching across his crotch.

“Hey now,” Yuto warns, sounding a little breathless, but he can’t help the way his hips buck up into Hyunggu’s hand, trying to get more friction going. “What are you-”

And Hyunggu doesn’t know what's come over him, but before he knows it, he’s on his knees, one hand on Yuto’s belt buckle and the other on the back of his thigh, squeezing gently.

“Can I?” he asks, his voice smaller than usual, and Yuto knows they shouldn’t, not here, not now, not like this, but with the way Hyunggu’s looking up at him, all wide eyes and slick lips, he can't find the willpower to say no, so he gulps, nodding his head.

The way Hyunggu’s face lights up right then makes his heart squeeze in his chest, and _what the fuck?_

The smaller boy is surprisingly quick with his hands, his belt unbuckled and zipper down in a second, his fingers already working on tugging his jeans a little further down and he curses himself for choosing such tight pants today. Hyunggu manages to get his pants down with a little help from him, sliding his boxers down too to free his dick, and he could've imagined it, but he thinks he sees Hyunggu lick his lips.

Jesus, this boy will be the death of him.

Hyunggu's no saint, he's given head before, been praised for it even, and it shows, because as soon as he's got his mouth on Yuto, his tongue swirling around the head, Yuto lets out a low, “ _Fuck_ ,” that comes straight from his throat, all rough and raw, and Hyunggu decides that it's the voice; that's what's got him stuck in this sex haze, clouding his judgment. That, and that fucking leather jacket of his that looks like it was designed just for him, fitting perfectly on his body. By the time that Hyunggu’s taken his entire dick in his mouth, hitting the back of his throat as he hums around it, his tongue pressing against the vein on the underside, Yuto’s a mess; sweat dotting his skin, knees shaking, shirt ridden up, but that jacket stays in place, showing off the way his muscles clench every time Hyunggu sucks a little harder, and the response makes him feel a bit better about the fact that he's literally blowing someone he hardly knows in the school bathroom in the middle of the fucking day.

“Hyunggu, I’m- I’m close. You don’t have to-” Yuto breathes out, his hand finding Hyunggu’s head, tugging at his hair gently, just enough to pull him back, his mouth coming off with a small ‘pop’ and _shit_.

He's so pretty like this; hair tousled, eyes hooded, lips bruised, and when he smiles, looking far too sweet for someone who's on his knees like that, Yuto forgets everything he was about to say.

“It’s okay,” Hyunggu tells him, hand stroking him slowly, head angling up to meet Yuto’s gaze, eyelashes batting lightly. “I want to.”

Yuto lets out a weak whimper when Hyunggu licks a long stripe along the side of his cock, giving the tip a cheeky kiss before he takes him back into his mouth, all at once, hollowing his cheeks out. His mouth is warm and wet and the way he's moaning around him makes him feel the vibrations all the way to his toes, curling them in his boots. He keeps his hand gripped onto the back of Hyunggu’s head, his fingers pressing into his scalp, pulling at his sweaty hair. And when Hyunggu’s eyes flicker up to meet his, that's all it takes, and he's coming down his throat, feeling him sucking and swallowing around him until there's nothing left.

“Was I good?” Hyunggu asks innocently when he finally pulls away, wiping at his wet lips with his thumb, eyes blinking, a small hiccup escaping his throat.

“C’mere,” is all Yuto says, pulling him up into his arms, kissing him so hard that it makes him feel dizzy. Yuto flips them over so that he’s pressed up against the door, Yuto's body towering over him, his mouth leaving wet kisses wherever he can find skin. His hand snakes into Hyunggu’s pants easily, grateful that he's in his cheer uniform today, and he’d already gotten so hard from sucking him off that he's almost throbbing, pre-come leaking out of his dick and he sucks in a sharp breath when Yuto presses his thumb against his slit. Yuto quiets him with another strong kiss, pushing his tongue between his lips, licking into his mouth and he thinks it’s a little gross after what he just did, but Yuto doesn't seem to mind, tasting himself on Hyunggu’s tongue.

It doesn’t take long, what with Yuto kissing him like that and grinding his body against Hyunggu’s as he jerks him off, hand twisting expertly at just the right pace. Hyunggu comes with a gasped, “ _Yuto_ ,” his head falling onto his shoulder, hand fisting in his shirt.

They stay like that for a little longer, taking the time to catch their breaths, and when they finally pull apart to clean themselves up, they’ve both got flushed cheeks, too bashful to even look the other in the eye.

Hyunggu waits by the sinks while Yuto wiggles back into those tight as fuck jeans of his, and he holds back a laugh when he hears Yuto curse the jeans, his foot accidentally kicking at the stall as he struggles to tug them back on.

“You okay?” he asks when Yuto finally makes his way out, grabbing his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, just… yeah. I’m good.” He lets out a small chuckle, his tongue running along his bottom lip and he gives Hyunggu this look that makes him feel all funny inside. “You’ll, uh, you'll cover for me, right?”

At first, Hyunggu doesn’t understand what he's talking about, then he remembers why Yuto was in this bathroom in the first place, and ignoring the better part of him, the smarter part, he nods. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Yuto smiles at him, a real smile, no hint of smugness in it at all, and it makes his heart flutter a little. “Thanks, Hyunggu,” he says, and they both know he's thanking him for more than that. He heads for the door, but just as his hand reaches for the handle, he spins on his heel, grabbing the front of Hyunggu's shirt to give him one last kiss, too quickly for Hyunggu to even respond. He hurries away, throwing a grin over his shoulder, winking at him. “We should do this again sometime.”

All Hyunggu can manage is a weak, “Okay,” and a small wave, his heart hammering in his chest until he's completely out of sight, and he immediately falls back against the wall, his knees finally giving way and _oh God._

This isn’t the kind of trouble he had in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback, as always, is very much appreciated! i hope the pacing is okay and i know it seems a bit rushed and that it might be too early to introduce their "relationship" but i promise there will be so so much more to the story so please bear with me!! also, if you're enjoying this, it would mean a lot to me if you could help share it around on twitter, tumblr etc! thank you again for reading :)


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeeee another chapter! i think this is the longest one so far? its... angsty shdgjshaj i'm sorry. i hope you all enjoy it though!
> 
> oh and _tiny_ mention of s*lf h*rm? its just a vague question in the first part but just to let you know, in case  <3

_What has he done?_

That's the question that’s been on his mind since the Incident, which is what he's calling it now, and it's the same question he's asking himself two days later as he's lying in bed, staring at his ceiling, contemplating life. He had locked himself in his room as soon as he got home from school that day, mostly because he’d gotten hard again just from thinking about what he and Yuto had done and he had to get himself off before Hwitaek came home and started asking questions. Then he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the way out of the bathroom after cleaning himself up and he almost didn't recognise himself.

See, he wasn’t the kind of person who hooked up with just anyone, anywhere. That was Shinwon, and Hyojong maybe, before he met Hwitaek. But definitely not him. Even when he was with Wooseok, it took them forever and a day to get past second base, and even longer to actually have sex, and that was with _Wooseok,_ who he knows like the back of his hand. But now here he was, giving blowjobs and getting jerked off by some guy he's had about three solid conversations with, and in a bathroom stall at that.

Fucking hell, Hyunggu.

It gets worse the more he thinks about it, because it's only then that his rational side kicks in, realising things that hadn’t even crossed his mind at the time. What if they were caught? What if someone came in and heard them? What if everyone already knows? What if he can never show his face at school again? And what if Yuto never wants to see him again?

_No_ _._ There's no way.

‘We should do this again sometime.’ That's what he said. That meant that he wanted it again, he wanted _him_ again. But does Hyunggu want him? That's the real question, and the sane part of his mind that hasn’t been tainted by this sex craze is telling him no, but unfortunately for him, he's a hormonal teenage boy whose heart and dick speak a lot louder than his head. He doesn't have much of a choice.

His body is already aching for Yuto, craving his touch, his kiss, even his stupidly handsome face, and it's only then that he realises he doesn't even have his number. He has no idea where he lives either, so he's stuck there on his own, with nothing but uncomfortable hard-ons and endless cold showers.

He doesn't even let Hwitaek into his room the entire weekend, despite him constantly banging on the door and even going as far as to order in his favourite pizza to try and coax him out, and he almost caves in, until he remembers he's a horrible person who doesn't deserve pizza, forcing himself to stay plastered to his bed. He thought that his brother had given up after a few hours of radio silence, but sometime later that night, he hears a soft knock, and the sound of shuffling, like he's going to sit on the other side of the door.

“I don’t know what's going on with you,” he starts, his voice muffled through the door, and Hyunggu crawls over from his bed to sit with his back to the door, knocking his head on it lightly to let his brother know that he's there, listening. “And I don’t know how to help you unless you tell me what it is.”

“I can’t,” is Hyunggu’s answer, coming out weak, voice cracking. He’s too embarrassed, too ashamed of himself to tell him the truth.

He thinks he hears Hwitaek sigh. He has a lot of different sighs, and the one right then was his defeated one. He, of all people, knows just how stubborn Hyunggu is when he wants to be, and he knows that once he’s decided to keep his lips sealed about something, there’s no way to pry it out of him. So, he goes for a different approach, asking, “Is it bad?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Did you hurt anyone?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Silence. Then, “Did you hurt yourself?”

“No! No, of course not, hyung.” Hyunggu frowns, picturing the look of concern that’s probably etched onto his brother’s face right then. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Good.” He can almost hear the relief through the door. “Can you fix it?”

Hyunggu takes a moment to think about it, because his game plan for this was just to hide under his covers until the problem went away, which would either be when Yuto decides to move away – which would be unlikely – or when he dies – which is just… _no._  But with Hwitaek asking him all these questions, forcing him to rethink the whole situation, he knows what he needs to do. He needs to see Yuto first thing Monday morning, tell him that what they did was a mistake, that it shouldn’t happen again, that they could become friends if he wanted, and if he didn’t, he’d respect that. It seemed simple enough, and he thinks he can do it, so he tells his brother, “I can try.”

“That’s more than enough,” he says back, and he can hear the smile in his voice. More shuffling, standing up, then, “One last question.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have a hug?”

Hyunggu laughs, getting up to unlock the door and when he opens it, sure enough, Hwitaek is standing there with his arms stretched open, and he feels his eyes start to get watery when he lets himself fall into his brother’s arms, being rocked back and forth like a child, despite the fact that the older boy is shorter than him.

“Whatever it is, I know you’ll do the right thing,” Hwitaek tells him, and he sounds so sure of himself, so certain, that Hyunggu silently makes a promise to himself that he’ll do just that. He has to.

—

But he doesn't.

It starts out the way he wants it to. He sees Yuto first thing that Monday morning, finding him in the hallway before class, and that's as far as he gets. Because as soon as he catches Yuto's eye, there's a glimmer of mischief written across his face and suddenly he's being yanked into the nearest storage room, lips on lips, skin on skin, and he's not saying he's weak, but… he’s really weak.

It isn’t his fault that Yuto’s so goddamn good with his tongue and his hands and his hips and his _everything,_  making Hyunggu’s body turn to jelly, and the only thing keeping him upright is the fact that Yuto’s got him pinned to the wall. There isn’t much they can do with layers of uniforms on them, and in such a small space, so it's all just sloppy kissing and dry humping really, but it's needy enough to know that Yuto had been craving him just as much as he had, and that eased the guilt a little bit.

Yuto manages to stop himself before either of them gets too worked up, or at least before _he_ gets too worked up, because Hyunggu’s trousers are already feeling a little tighter, not that he's gonna say anything about it. Despite the growing problem in his pants, he's silently grateful for Yuto’s self control because he couldn't trust himself to have that kind of restraint, barely holding back a low whine when the taller boy pulls away.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all weekend,” Yuto admits with a small huff of breath, smoothing out his wrinkled shirt, running a hand through his thick hair.

Hyunggu bites down on his bottom lip to stop himself from bursting into an embarrassing grin, keeping his gaze low when he mumbles a shy, “Me too,” in return.

“Yeah?” Yuto’s back on him, gentler this time, light fingertips on his chin to tilt his head up, softly tugging his bottom lip out only to leave a chaste peck on it, making him ache for more contact, reaching up on his tiptoes as Yuto holds back, a teasing smile on his face. “Hmm?”

“Yeah, yes, me too, really,” he answers far too quickly, and he hates how needy he sounds, but Yuto seems to like it because he indulges him for a moment, leaning down to give him a proper kiss, his large hands cupping Hyunggu’s small face, thumbs digging into his cheeks.

“Good,” he mutters against Hyunggu’s lips when he pulls away, voice barely a rumble in the quiet room and he doesn't know why, but the small praise makes him feel warm inside. Yuto moves to leave small kisses on the parts of his neck that isn’t trapped by his uniform, speaking into his skin, “If you want more, meet me in the bathroom after school and I’ll do to you what you did to me that day.”

He doesn't give Hyunggu a chance to answer, he just turns on his heel and slips out of the room, just as quickly as he dragged them in, and Hyunggu’s left there with two more problems than he started out with today, one of which needs his immediate attention.

It takes him at least half an hour and a countless number of disturbing images in his head to make his erection go down enough to let him to go to class without anyone noticing anything, and he knows his face is burning as bright as a tomato when he finally makes his way to class, keeping his head ducked low as he quickly slides into his seat. It doesn’t help that Yuto’s moved back into the seat right behind him, asking, “All good?” just as he sits down and he laughs when Hyunggu gives him a frustrated grunt in return.

Wooseok watches them with a sharp eye, darting between Hyunggu and Yuto and back to Hyunggu, his leg reaching out to nudge Hyunggu in the shin, a questioning look on his face when he turns to him.

He just gives him a light shake of his head and a half-assed smile, mouthing, “It’s nothing.” And Wooseok doesn't seem to believe him, but he lets it slide, deciding to just go back to his work, but not before he shoots a dirty glare at Yuto, who either doesn't see it or doesn't care enough to do anything about it. Hyunggu thinks it might be the latter.

One problem taken care of, he spends the rest of the day trying to figure the other one out. His initial plan to end whatever this is with Yuto had obviously gone straight down the drain the moment he had his lips on him in that storage room, but he could still turn things around now. He could ignore Yuto’s invitation, tempting as it may be. He could go straight home, high and dry and alone. He could tell his brother that it's all taken care of, make him proud. Or he could have a little fun, one last time.

Except that once he's had a taste of what Yuto can do, legs trembling as he's getting blown in that same fucking bathroom stall, Yuto working his mouth on him until he's seeing stars and gasping out his name; one last time turns into two, then three, then four, then so many times that he can't even count it anymore.

And well, he did say he would only try.

—

It becomes a thing; the two of them and secret meetups in bathroom stalls, storage closets, even the locker rooms once, after they willingly volunteered to do extra laps in gym class just so they would have the showers to themselves by the time they were done. It’s mostly just messy handjobs, a blowjob or two if they have enough time, or heavy make out sessions if they don't. Either way, there's a _lot_ of kissing, all the time, and Hyunggu isn’t complaining because goddamn, Yuto’s a really good kisser. His kisses sometimes start out soft; small pecks on his lips, gentle presses to his neck, barely there, before he kisses him a little harder, strong and firm and sure, a hand cupping the back of his neck. Those kinds of kisses make Hyunggu feel flutters in his stomach, his heart pounding. Then there are the kisses that make him feel something a little lower, warm and aching, his heart wrenching. Those kisses are hard and bruising right from the get go, all tongue and teeth and spit, licking and sucking and biting, hands tugging at each other’s hair far too roughly. Hyunggu likes them both.

But that isn’t all Yuto’s mouth is good for. He’s an expert with his words too, always telling Hyunggu how good he is, how well he's doing, and once, he let a whiny, _“Please, baby,”_ slip out when Hyunggu was being a bit of a tease, touching anywhere and everywhere except his cock, just because they had a little extra time that day and he liked seeing Yuto squirm under him. And the way Hyunggu's face immediately lit up at the mention of the pet name told Yuto that he liked the sound of it, so he made sure to say it again and again and again, that one little word making Hyunggu fall apart far too easily.

Like when Yuto finds Hyunggu in one of the empty classrooms that he uses as a makeshift dance studio when he needs to practice after school, silently watching him from where he had slipped into the room, his back to the door. He’s seen Hyunggu dance before, on that first day that he came, but it’s different like this, when he’s dancing for no one but himself, no crowd watching him, riling him up. He’s dancing like he’s floating on air, walking on water, his eyes closed as he lets himself get lost in the music, spinning and jumping and gliding across the floor, humming quietly under his breath to keep his pace. Yuto almost feels bad for watching, like he isn’t supposed to be seeing this, like it’s something that’s meant for Hyunggu’s eyes alone, but he can’t bring himself to leave or at the very least turn away, too absorbed in the way his body twists and curves, wanting nothing more than to touch him where his shirt hitches up every time he moves, that sliver of sweaty skin taunting him.

It’s been at least a couple of weeks since they first hooked up, starting a chain event of random hookups here and there and anywhere they can, whenever they can, and Yuto can’t remember the last time he's gotten off so often, almost every other day, but he still can't get enough of Hyunggu's body, aching for him whenever they're apart. And right now, he can’t watch him _and_ keep his hands to himself any longer or he’ll lose his fucking mind, so he leaves his bag by the door, quickly crossing the room to where Hyunggu’s laid out on the floor, his legs bent and back arched, his chest rising and falling as he sucks in all the oxygen around him.

Yuto drops himself right on top of him, his arms holding himself up just enough not to crush the smaller boy as he leans his head down to steal a kiss, feeling Hyunggu gasp into his mouth, eyes going wide.

“What the-”

“Hi,” Yuto says, a devilish grin on his face until Hyunggu kicks out his legs from under him, fists coming up to bang on his chest, making him wince. “Ow!”

“Don’t ‘hi’ me!” Hyunggu yells at him, still lashing out at him in every direction. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was just- Stop hitting me! I saw you- Hyunggu!” Yuto rolls away from him, holding his arms up to shield himself, surprised at how strong the boy is. He huffs as he pushes himself up, going to sit on one of the stray tables at the back of the classroom to keep a safe distance between them so he can explain himself without the risk of being kicked in the balls. “I was about to leave but then I saw you dancing in here and I thought I’d watch you for a bit.”

“You were watching me?” Hyunggu sounds embarrassed, his face going red.

He nods, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself for it, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry, I just- You were good. Like, _really_ good. I couldn’t stop watching.”

The compliment makes Hyunggu blush even harder, his lips rolling in to hold back a smile, and he can’t bring himself to meet Yuto’s eyes, just giving him a small nod and a quiet, “Thanks.”

Yuto finds it oddly endearing how shy he can get sometimes, when he exudes nothing short of pure confidence while he's performing, his stage presence powerful and sexy, a completely different person compared to the flustered, sweet boy he always is otherwise. And all he wants right then is to kiss him until his lips are as red as his cheeks, so he holds out a hand, fingers curling as he says, “Come here.”

Hyunggu’s body is quick to react, almost immediately launching himself at him, but there's something in him that's tugging at his muscles, keeping him in place, reminding him how disgusting he feels at the moment, how he probably smells terrible too, his clothes sticking to his skin, hair dripping with sweat.

“No, I’m- I’m sweaty,” is what he says, and it comes out weak, lame, a dumb excuse and Yuto just rolls his eyes.

“You say that like I haven’t seen you sweaty before,” he shoots back nonchalantly, his fingers still lazily beckoning him. “Just come here.”

“But- but that's _different!”_ And it is. Sex sweat and dance sweat are two completely different things, and he's not about to let Yuto all over him when he's all gross like this. He has a reputation to maintain.

Yuto sighs, arm dropping to his side, and it looks like he might’ve given up, but then his face changes; lip biting, eyebrow arching, head cocking to the left and Hyunggu can already feel himself getting weak.

_“Baby,”_ is all he says; a simple word, two syllables, rolling off his tongue with ease, but that’s all it takes, and Hyunggu lets out a small whimper without meaning to, his attempt at self restraint thrown straight out the window. The “Come,” that he adds after that is soft, light, just a breath of air, but there's a hint of demand in his tone, just enough to send Hyunggu to his breaking point, and before he can stop himself, he's already slotting himself between Yuto’s legs, his thighs pressing on either side of his hips and there's a satisfied smirk playing on his lips when he finally finds the guts to look up at him.

“You're awful,” he grumbles, but Yuto shushes him with a strong kiss, his arms curling around him to pull him closer, his feet locking behind his knees.

It’s the first kind of kiss, and he can already feel the butterflies in his stomach, filling his chest, threatening to burst right out of him, and the feeling makes him lean into Yuto even more, his own arms coming up to latch around his neck, hands carding through his hair. They kiss until they can't breathe, until they can't feel their lips, until they absolutely have to pull away; forehead pressed to forehead once they do.

They could do more, so much more, because they had all the time and space and privacy that they could ask for, but there seems to be an unspoken agreement in the air that this wasn't the time nor place for it, so they just stay like that for a little while, their breathing and their heartbeats the only sounds in the quiet room.

“I’m cheering at a game on Saturday night,” Hyunggu says, and he tells himself it's just to fill the silence, but there's that evil little voice in the back of his head that knows it's more than that.

“Oh? Is that why you've been practicing?”

Hyunggu nods, leaning back a little to look at him properly, still holding onto his neck. “You should come,” he says, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them.

See, he and Yuto are… He doesn't know what they are, because they don't know each other well enough to be friends, they haven’t gone far enough to be fuck buddies, and they're obviously not a couple, so what are they? Hyunggu has no idea, and if he's being honest, he thinks this is the longest conversation they’ve had since the first time, because all they said to each other after that was mostly just ‘hey’, ‘fuck’ and ‘be quiet, I don’t wanna get caught’. And now he's really out here asking him to come watch him cheer, like some fucking idiot who doesn't know his place, and he shouldn't be so surprised when Yuto’s face scrunches up in distaste.

“Me? Come to the game?” His eyebrows furrow like he's trying to figure out what the joke is, snorting a little. “What, to see my favourite athlete, Jung Wooseok?”

Hyunggu unlocks his wrists from behind his neck for the sole purpose of smacking him on the chest, clicking his tongue at him disapprovingly. “No, you idiot,” he sneers, eyes rolling exaggeratedly. “To see _me.”_

“But I’d still have to see him play. And there’ll be all those people… You know I’m not a fan of crowds.”

Hyunggu should just drop it, because it's obvious that he doesn't he want to go, and he’ll probably just embarrass himself if he keeps insisting, but that little voice, that devil on his shoulder, is back again, urging him on, and fuck it, Yuto’s not the only one who can pull the baby card.

He pouts his lips, all full and plump and slick, and his voice goes soft and sweet and whiny; the whole act practiced to perfection after all these years of sulking to, well, everyone to get his way.

“Yuto,” he drawls out, his hands sliding up his chest, over his shoulders. “Come on.”

Yuto gives him a steely look in return, eyebrows raising, seemingly unfazed by the act.

“Come to the game.” He tugs at the collar of his shirt, wiggling a little in his hold, pursing his lips even more. “Please?”

“You think you're cute, don’t you?” Yuto laughs, trying his best to play it cool, but his voice shakes a little, his composure slowly breaking, his hands already itching from where they’re loosely grasping at Hyunggu’s sides.

Hyunggu moves his hands back to Yuto’s neck, tugging at the hair on his nape gently, and he drops his gaze for a moment, only to look back up at him through his eyelashes, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and he sees Yuto gulp.

“Don’t you wanna see your baby dance?”

He hears himself say it, and he knows it's _him,_  but he feels like it's coming from someone else, refusing to believe that he actually spoke those words, in that voice. _Your baby?_ Where the fuck did that come from? They’ve never used it like that, and he's not sure how Yuto will react, expecting the absolute worse, because really, what the actual fuck?

What he doesn't expect is for Yuto’s lips to crash onto his, that second type of kiss this time, his desire clear in the way he almost kisses the life right out of him. His hands move to the back of Hyunggu’s thighs, easily lifting him up into his lap, his legs instinctively wrapping around Yuto’s waist. Hyunggu isn't sure what's happening, but he definitely isn’t complaining, letting Yuto have his way with him, already feeling heat pool in his gut.

“You. Are. Awful,” Yuto mutters between sloppy kisses, making Hyunggu let out a loud laugh, pulling away to hold his face in his hands, his cheeks warm against Hyunggu’s sweaty palms, the boy visibly embarrassed that Hyunggu’s words had that kind of effect on him, despite him trying to pretend that they wouldn’t work on him.

Hyunggu smiles; sweet and sly, obviously very pleased with himself. “I take that as a yes?”

“I’ll be there,” he promises, and Hyunggu doesn't know what it means, doesn't know which direction it pushes them in, but it's a start, and he thinks he could get used to this.

—

Hyunggu isn’t a fan of basketball. Or sports in general. But he pretended he was for Wooseok’s sake, already knowing the game in and out after seeing him play only two matches, thanks to his ability to quickly pick things up just by watching them. Sure, it came in handy when he needed to learn new dances, but it definitely helped him keep their crumbling relationship alive a little longer.

He is, however, a fan of the event itself, the whole atmosphere of it all easily lifting his mood as soon as he steps into the vast gym. There's something about the crowd, the excitement that's buzzing in everyone there, the painted faces and the signs and the chants. It's different from party crowds, where you feel like you're suffocating. No, here, it feels like you're free. He likes that feeling.

He gets ready with the girls, the lot of them taking turns tying shiny ribbons and putting colourful clips in their hair, dusting pretty glitter on each other’s faces, laughing when Chungha puts a little too much on him, his cheeks glowing bright gold under the warm gym lights. He loves these girls with everything he's got, even though it took them a while to get used to the idea of having a male cheerleader on their team, they learned to accept him as one of their own, loving him right back.

He's warming up, stretching out his legs when he hears whispers among them, a few squeals here and there, and he thinks he hears one of them ask, “Who is he?”

He lifts his head and follows the direction of their gazes, only to see Yuto climbing his way up the bleachers, dressed in a rugged denim jacket and his hair is done up, showing off a long piercing on his left ear, and he understands the hype. They probably never noticed him while he was in his drab uniform, only now seeing him in a different light and he doesn't know what it is, but he feels a sting in his chest when he sees all of them fawning over him, a strong urge coming over him, a need to cover their eyes, turn their faces away. _Mine,_  a voice in him almost growls, possessive, jealous, and- _No._  He shakes his head, pushing that thought away. Not his. Not like that.

If Yuto notices them freaking out over him, he doesn't show it, a blank expression on his face when he settles into his seat, his arms loosely crossed over his chest. His eyes lazily search the wide space, seeking out something, someone, until he meets Hyunggu’s gaze, eyes not so subtly lighting up. The corner of his lips quirk up, tugging his mouth into that dashing smirk, and Hyunggu feels himself grin back, risking a small wave. Yuto gives him a nod and a wink in return, and he turns his focus back to his warm up before anyone notices the exchange, not wanting any of the girls to catch on, since they're still just as hung up on his and Wooseok’s relationship as much as the latter, refusing to let the idea of them die. _The power couple,_  they called them. The popular new cheerleader and the rising star athlete. It was perfect. They were perfect.

_Ha,_  he thinks to himself, _if only it were that easy._

Hyunggu's train of thought is interrupted when Chungha claps her hands loudly, signalling for the squad to get ready and he quickly grabs his pom-poms and finds his place, immediately finding Yuto’s face among the crowd, a sense of deja vu washing over him.

_Don’t you wanna see your baby dance?_

He remembers his words from the other day, one half of him still embarrassed by his out-of-nowhere cockiness and the other half of him wanting to put on a good show to keep his word. He doesn't have much of a choice because as soon as the music starts, the performer in him takes over, his body already tingling with energy, a winning grin splitting his face.

He manages to pull through this performance without missing a beat, despite Yuto being in the audience, his presence giving him good vibes instead of flustered nerves like the last time. His muscles are aching by the time they finish the routine, but it's a good kind of ache, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. He sneaks a glance up at Yuto, only to catch his eye, and the latter looks away quickly, trying to pretend he wasn't staring and Hyunggu almost laughs, a bubbly feeling in his chest, and he feels like a giddy 13-year old who's having a crush for the first time in his life.

And _okay,_  he’d be lying if he said he _didn't_ have a bit of a crush on Yuto. After all, how could he not? The guy was gorgeous, funny when he wanted to be, sweet even, and he knew exactly how to make Hyunggu feel good. Like, _really_ good. And he knows what this is; this whole no feelings, no strings attached type of arrangement, but he can’t help himself, not when Yuto’s coming to a game he hates just for him, not when he's getting shy about watching him, not when he's just so fucking endearing all the time.

He can’t help but like him when he stubbornly stays seated while everyone else jumps to their feet as soon as the basketball team runs onto the court. When he fakes an exaggerated yawn every time someone scores, earning dirty looks from the people around him. When he looks over at Hyunggu and shakes his head with a sigh, as if to say ‘I can’t believe I’m watching this for you’. And especially when he gets this oddly fond smile on his face whenever Hyunggu goes up to cheer the team on, Yuto’s eyes on him and only him.

He's got a _crush,_  and it's going to literally crush him.

Hyunggu barely pays attention to the game, he's been to far too many of them and they always win anyway, so he doesn't even bother watching, and he misses the last whistle, the winning whistle, the match point, the ending of the game. And it's not until he's swept up in the celebration that he realises it's over; people are cheering, clapping, screaming, and suddenly Wooseok is in front of him, a look on his face that he can't quite figure out, but before he gets a chance to, Wooseok’s lips are on his, kissing him like they're in the middle of a fucking drama, and then it’s quiet.

Wooseok pulls away.

Hyunggu stares at him. Eyes blinking. Once. Twice.

“Sorry,” he whispers, but he doesn't sound sorry at all. “Habit.”

And Hyunggu gets it, he gets that during the last basketball season, they were together, and a celebratory kiss was almost like a routine, something they just always did. He gets that it could, in fact, be a mistake, an accident done out of habit. But when he catches a glimpse of Wooseok looking up at the crowd, his face going dark, he knows it was no mistake, no accident. Because when he goes to follow Wooseok’s gaze, it's Yuto that he sees, watching, watching, watching, his eyes still on him and only him, but that fond smile is gone, a tight-lipped frown in its place. He's watching, then he's not.

It's quiet, then it's not.

People are cheering, clapping, screaming.

There's something about the crowd now, the excitement that's buzzing in everyone there, the painted faces and the signs and the chants. It's different, and it feels like he's suffocating. He doesn't like this feeling.

—

Hyunggu passed out.

Or at least, that’s what they tell him when he wakes up in his room the day after, his head spinning, his body sore, and when he tries to sit up, he falls right back down with a groan, and they all rush to his side, panic written all over their faces.

“Are you okay, Hyunggu?”

“Don’t get up yet!”

“Do you want some water?”

He waves the three elders away, his eyes squeezing shut and he manages to pull himself together enough to say, “I’m fine, hyungs.”

“You fainted, Hyunggu-ya,” Hwitaek says, his tone heavy with concern, eyes wide and bloodshot, like he hasn’t slept all night and Hyunggu wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. “I hardly think that counts as fine.”

“What happened?” he asks, his voice croaky, and Hongseok offers him a glass of water, while Hyojong helps him sit up, and he gives the older boys a shaky smile. “I don’t… I can’t remember.”

The three of them exchange looks, lips parting, eyes darting around, as if they aren’t sure what to say, and he watches them with an empty look, wondering what it is that they’re not saying.

“Well, we won the game,” Hwitaek starts, sounding hesitant, and Hyojong just nudges him in the side, urging him on. “Everyone was celebrating, you know how it is. Then, uh, Wooseok-”

“He kissed me.”

He remembers now. _Sorry,_ he had said. _Habit._ He feels a bitter taste in his mouth when he recalls it, flashes of Wooseok’s face, Yuto disappearing, the screaming. So much screaming. His head is throbbing.

“He came home with us last night, but I told him it was best if he didn’t stay. I figured you probably wouldn't want him to be the first person you saw when you woke up,” Hwitaek explains, and Hyunggu’s silently grateful for his brother’s good intuition, glad that he knows him so well.

He nods, and he knows they’re waiting for him to say something about it, to tell them what the hell happened, and if he’s being honest, he isn’t sure himself.

Last night he’d been convinced that Wooseok did it out of jealousy, to show his claim, to get Yuto to back off. But now that he’s thinking about it again, it doesn't seem right. For starters, Wooseok has no idea what’s going on between them; they’d been very careful every time they met up, and apart from that one time he showed up late to class, there was nothing else that would tip him off about what they’ve been doing. He supposes he could have suspected something was up when Yuto came to the match, but he could’ve been there for any reason, there was no way his immediate guess would be that he was there for Hyunggu. There just wasn’t enough of a reason for Wooseok to do that, and he’s never really been the jealous type anyway, but then again, he’s never had anyone to be jealous of before either. But maybe it _was_ just an accident, an honest mistake.

Then there was the question of Yuto. He had seen the kiss, there was no doubt about that. He had seen it, and he had left. And Hyunggu wonders why he did. Sure, he’s shown nothing but distaste for Wooseok, and the idea of him being with Hyunggu, but he didn’t think it would be to the point that a little kiss would upset him that much. It’s not like he and Hyunggu were an item, and he doubts that Yuto sees him like that anyway. Or does he? Or… He doesn’t know. That’s the thing. He doesn’t know _anything_ about Yuto. And now, he probably never will.

But maybe he’s reading too much into it all. Maybe all the exhaustion, all the stress is finally catching up to him. Hyunggu’s confused, and he doesn’t know what to believe anymore.

He feels a hand on his arm, and he’s pulled back to reality, tired eyes blinking. “I… He… He said he did it out of habit,” he says slowly, the words sounding off, and even they give him furrowed looks in return. “And that he was sorry.”

“So it was an accident?” Hwitaek looks just as confused as he does. “You didn't do it on purpose?”

Hyunggu frowns. “Why would we kiss on purpose?”

“Because of this,” Hyojong says, then he holds up his phone for Hyunggu to look at and _shit._

It’s everywhere. Pictures of them kissing at the game, posts about them getting back together; so many questions, and no real answers. It’s everywhere, and he wants it all to go away, pushing the phone out of his face, the air suddenly feeling thin.

“I don’t- I don’t know… I didn’t… I wasn’t…” Hyunggu can’t even put together a proper sentence, because he just doesn’t fucking understand, his head falling into his hands. _“God._  What is happening?”

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, Hyunggu.” Hwitaek comes to sit down next to him, his arm going around his shoulders to pull him close, and the other two crawl onto the bed as well, Hyojong hugging him from the other side and Hongseok by his legs, a comforting hand on his knee. It reminds him of when he was little, whenever he and Wooseok had a fight over something stupid like who got the last bit of ice cream, and Hwitaek would climb into bed with him with snacks and toys and he’d tell him all kinds of stories to cheer him up. He had the best brother he could ever ask for, and now, he’s just got a couple more.

“We can fix it, okay?” he assures him, his hand rubbing circles onto his back, easing the tension in his strained muscles. “We’ll get Shinwon to shut it down, get rid of it all. If anyone’s still talking about it in school, I’ll handle it. Okay?”

All he can do is nod into his brother’s chest, mumbling a small, “Okay, hyung.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Like he’s considering his words. Then, “And about Wooseok… Do you want me to talk to him?”

Hyunggu shoots up, almost knocking him and Hyojong in the face, eyes going so wide that they might pop right out of his skull. “No!” he almost shouts, shaking his head firmly. “No, no, no. Don’t do that. You-you can’t.”

Hwitaek gives him a look, his eyes narrowing. “Why not? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

His mouth opens, shuts, opens, shuts. What is he supposed to say?

_‘Actually, yes, there’s a lot of things that I’m not telling you, like the fact that I think Wooseok might’ve kissed me in front of Yuto on purpose because he was jealous, when in fact, there’s nothing to be jealous of because there’s nothing going on between us, except that we’ve been secretly hooking up for the past few weeks, and I’m worried that Yuto is upset with me because of the kiss, which is stupid because I don’t know if he even likes me like that, but it sucks because I’ve got a huge fucking crush on the guy and now he’ll probably never want to see me again.’_

He couldn’t say that.

Except, he thinks he just did.

“Hyunggu… What the fuck?”

_Oh no._

“I can explain!” he yelps, quickly pulling the covers up to hide his burning face as the three older boys gather at the foot of his bed, and he doesn't think he's ever seen them like that, like they're ready to skin him alive. “Hyungs, _please- ”_

“I thought you said you barely knew Yuto!”

“I still don’t know who the fuck Yuto is!”

“I can’t believe you've been hooking up with this Yuto person!”

“He's 17, Hongseok! Of course he hooks up with people!”

“Oh, he can have sex at 17 but he can't get stressed at 17?”

“Please stop talking about my little brother’s sex li-”

“Why are you acting like Hyunggu’s the Virgin Mary? He used to date _Wooseok,_  for fuck’s sake! Have you seen the guy? I’d fuck him too.”

“Your boyfriend is sitting right next to you, you ass!”

“And he’d agree! Right, Hui?”

“La la la la la la la-”

“Oh my god,” Hyunggu groans as he presses his hands to his face, and he can't believe this entire conversation is actually happening. “You're all fucking insane.”

“Shut up!” is the response he gets from all three of them at once, and he lets out a frightened squeak, wiggling further into his blankets.

Hwitaek lets out a heavy sigh, and this is his frustrated sigh, one they’ve all heard far too many times, and his fingers come up to press at his temples, eyes shutting for a moment as he processes what he's hearing.

_“Okay,”_ he says eventually, and it's calm enough that Hyunggu allows himself to peek out from under the covers, eyes blinking innocently. “Okay, okay, okay. Obviously, there's a lot we need to talk about, so everyone sit up, shut up, and _you,_  start talking, kid.”

And Hyunggu thinks he's maybe fallen too far into this mess to dig himself out of it without a little help, so he sighs, and he does just what his brother tells him to.

“So, it started on the day that he first came…”

Hyunggu goes on and on and on about everything that's happened, right down to every little detail, from the clothes that they wore to the words that they said, because one; he doesn't like keeping secrets from his brother, and two; he really likes talking about Yuto. For the most part, they're quiet, still, just listening to him tell his story, hanging off of every word he says, except for when he gets to the hooking up bits; Hwitaek covering his ears, Hyojong snickering lewdly, Hongseok shaking his head in disappointment. He figures he deserves that.

“Then, yeah, next thing I know, Wooseok’s kissing me in the middle of everyone, and Yuto’s just gone, and now I’m here,” he finishes with a huffed breath, hands clapping together, falling into his lap.

“I feel like we're in a tv drama,” is what Hwitaek says, his head still in his palms, like he still can't believe this is happening.

“If we are, it’s a pretty shitty drama,” Hyojong retorts, and Hyunggu kicks him in the shin.

Hongseok has nothing to say except, “Oh, Hyunggu-ya…”

All he can do is offer a weak smile and an even weaker lift of his shoulders.

Hwitaek pokes at his leg to grab his attention, and he looks more composed now, seemingly accepting the situation.

“Is this the problem that had you locked up in your room the whole weekend that one time?” he asks, but the look on his face tells them that he already knows the answer to that.

Hyunggu gives him a sheepish nod. “That was after the first time.”

“You said you would fix it.”

“I said I would _try,_ _”_ he shoots back smartly, and it just gets him a sharp look in return.

“Well, you obviously didn't try hard enough.”

“Or he didn’t try because he _was_ hard enough,” Hyojong snorts, elbowing Hongseok in the side, only to get a hard smack on the back of his head from Hwitaek.

“Really, Hyojong?” Hongseok deadpans, pushing his friend’s elbow away. “Dick jokes?”

“It was funny,” he grumbles under his breath, rubbing at the spot on his head that's definitely going to bruise.

Hyunggu laughs at the exchange, but as soon as he does, the three boys turn to him with scowls on their faces and he lets out a long whine, a babyish pout on his lips as he kicks his legs under his blankets, hands grabbing at Hwitaek and Hongseok’s to tug at them hopelessly.

“Come on, hyungs,” he pleads, knowing damn well he looks and sounds like a complete child right now, but at this point, he’ll do anything. “I’m sorry! What else do you want me to say? I screwed up? I’m an idiot? All I ever do is cause trouble for you guys? Is that it?”

The corner of Hwitaek’s mouth twitches, but he coughs, keeping a straight face. “Keep going,” he says curtly, and the others nod in agreement.

Hyunggu knows what they're doing, what they're trying to make him do, and usually he wouldn't give in, but… He sighs, shuffling closer to them, putting on his best pitiful face and he says, “I know I’m a horrible dongsaeng who’s a huge pain in the ass to you guys. I know that I always get myself into these messes and only depend on my hyungs to help me. My amazing, intelligent, kindhearted hyungs who know how to fix every single problem in the world. The best hyungs I could ever ask for. The hyungs that I love the most.”

Hwitaek’s barely holding back his smile now, his lips pressed so tightly together that they might bruise, and after exchanging discreet looks with his two friends, he finally lets himself break out into a grin, seeming very pleased with himself.

“That was good, Hyunggu-ya,” he tells him, giving his hand a small squeeze and Hyunggu rolls his eyes, but he squeezes his hand back.

“Now will you _please_ help me figure this out because I have no idea what to do and I’m gonna lose my mind if I keep worrying about it,” he begs, already starting to feel his headache.

“There's only one thing to do,” his brother says simply, shoulders shrugging. “End it. Whatever it is, whatever's going on with you and this Yuto, just… end it.”

“What?”

“I agree with Hui,” Hongseok says, giving him an apologetic look. “I mean, you’ve been secretly hooking up without even knowing anything about each other… You can’t expect this to end well, Hyunggu-ya.”

“And you, Hyojong-hyung? What do you think?”

“Well, I… Is he really that hot?” That earns him a sharp pinch on the arms from both sides and he screams, his hands immediately flying up to shield himself, hugging his own body tightly. He shoots dirty glares at the two, before he turns back to Hyunggu to make his point. _“_   _I'm just saying,_ if he's as hot and as nice as you make him out to be, why not give it a shot?”

“What, like, a proper relationship?”

“This is a bad idea-” Hwitaek starts, but they ignore him, Hyojong waving a dismissive hand in his face.

“Sure,” he tells Hyunggu, his shoulders shrugging loosely. “Or even just friends first. You never know how things can go.”

“But he must hate me after that kiss,” Hyunggu mumbles in a sad voice, remembering the look on Yuto’s face before he disappeared.

“You don't know that, kid,” Hyojong sighs at his pessimism, nudging at his legs a little and he gives him a crooked smile. “Give him a call and find out.”

Hyunggu’s face must’ve fallen because Hyojong’s smile quickly turns into a frown, the corners of his lips curling down. “Don’t tell me-”

“I don’t have his number,” Hyunggu admits, wincing a little.

“See, I told you it was a bad idea!” Hwitaek groans, his frustration obvious in the tone of his voice. “Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?”

“I always listen to you, Hui.”

“Thank you, Hongseok, I know you do,” he says politely, then he turns to his boyfriend and his brother, a deadly duo when they're getting along. “You two obviously never do.”

They both drop their heads shamefully, like schoolchildren who are getting scolded for the first time in their lives.

“Can’t you two see how wrong this could all go? _You_ don't even have his number,” he says to Hyunggu, then to Hyojong, “And _you_ don't even know the guy.”

Hyojong’s head snaps up, and the look on his face is different now, more serious, jaw pulled tightly. “And _you_ didn’t know _me._  You still gave me a chance. The guy deserves that at the very least, doesn’t he?”

The air in the room is suddenly heavy, the two boys staring at each other, a silent exchange, an understanding, and Hwitaek looks away first.

“I still don’t like it,” he says in a small voice, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. “But if you want to try and figure things out with him, then you should.”

Hyunggu’s seen the two of them argue and fight and scream and cry and kiss and make up, but he doesn't think he's ever seen anything like that. They didn't even say anything, didn't even open their mouths, didn't even _move._  They just… understood. He wonders what that’s like.

“What about Wooseok?” Hongseok’s question breaks the silence, cuts through the tension, changes the subject, and they're all grateful for it. “What are you gonna do about him?”

“I’ll talk to him,” Hyunggu sighs, and he already knows how it's going to go. Wooseok will act innocent, like he did nothing wrong, and Hyunggu won’t believe him, but he’ll cave in anyway, and they’ll go back to pretending that everything's fine between them, until something goes wrong again and the cycle repeats, again and again and again. An endless loop that neither of them have the strength to break.

They let him rest after that, because his head starts throbbing again and they figure they’ve put him through enough for the day. So they go, one after the other, Hongseok gently patting his head, Hyojong ruffling his hair and Hwitaek giving him a long hug.

“You know I’m with you on whatever you choose to do, right?” Hwitaek murmurs into his hair, voice quiet, arms holding him a little tighter than he has to.

“I know, hyung,” he says back, nodding against his shoulder, and he means it. They may disagree at times – they were brothers, after all – but at the end of the day, they know they’ve got each other's backs.

“I just hope Hyojong’s right about this.”

And he doesn’t say it out loud, but Hyunggu really hopes so too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated! also, i'm working on another pentagon piece that involves two members and secret playground meetups, and if you've watched the video it's based on, you'll know exactly who i'm talking about :)))) so keep an eye out for that!


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i'm soooo sorry this chapter took so long!! i already had it written out, but i was sick, then i was away from home for a few days and didn't have time to sit down and edit/post it so :( second of all, thank you for 500+ hits!!! i really wasn't expecting that jcjdksk ANYWAY i'm really sorry if the ending seems a bit rushed i had a hard time figuring out how to end this chapter and that's all i got :/ i hope you all enjoy it though!

_Friends_.

That’s the plan. It should’ve been the plan from the start, but it's a little too late for regrets now. But whatever it is, he can do it. He's good at making friends. Or at least he thinks he is. But then, he thinks about the friends he has, and how they're all technically his brother's friends who he just met along the way, and the fact that the only one who he actually befriended himself is Wooseok, and look how well that's going.

For starters, the talk with him went exactly the way he thought it would, and really, he shouldn't have expected anything else.

“Sorry,” Wooseok had said again, the apology meaning nothing at this point, just a word, a breath of air. “I really didn’t mean to.”

 _Sure you didn’t_ , Hyunggu said in his mind, but the words that came out of his mouth were, “It’s fine.”

“Just a heat of the moment kind of thing, you know?” was his excuse, and Hyunggu's automatic response was, “I know. Don’t worry about it.”

“So we’re cool?”

_No._

_No._

_No._

“Yeah, we’re cool.”

Well then.

It's fine. He can start learning how to make real friends now. What could be so hard about it?

All you have to do is talk to each other, find some common interests, say, ‘Hey, wanna hangout sometime?’ and the rest will fall into place on its own.

Except, Yuto would actually have to be present for any of that to even happen

He shouldn't be surprised when the guy doesn't show up to school on Monday, or the next day, or the next. See, one thing he's noticed about Yuto is that as soon as there's a hint of conflict, he disappears and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. He knows he shouldn't be one to talk considering that his first instinct is always to lock himself away in his room, but at least he doesn't _completely_ vanish.

But still, Hyunggu waits, and waits, and waits. Patient, hopeful.

Until it's been a whole week of school and his patience starts wearing thin, worry gnawing at his insides, unanswered questions swirling around in his mind.

 _Where is he? Why did he leave? When will he be back? What happened to him? What if it's something bad? What if he's hurt? What if he's-_ No.

He can’t think of things like that. Surely if something bad really happened to him, the school would know. He doesn't know how, but they just would. That's what he tells himself. Again and again and again.

Until the next week rolls around and there's still no sign of him, no news, no _nothing_ , and he's starting to get desperate. So desperate that he seeks out the one person who would absolutely hate to be involved in all this, especially after all he's done for Hyunggu already.

“Shinwonie-hyung!”

Hyunggu manages to catch him right before he leaves, his hand already on his door handle, and he can hear the elder cursing under his breath, until he looks over his shoulder and sees who it is, and his body relaxes. “Oh. Hyunggu.” He turns to lean back against his car. “What do you want now?”

“What do you mean?” he says innocently, giving him a toothy smile. “I just wanted to say hi.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!”

“You're using that voice,” he comments dryly, eyebrow arching.

“What voice?”

“That annoying cutesy baby voice you use with the hyungs whenever you want something,” is his answer, not even bothering to hide the scoff in his tone.

Hyunggu gapes, slightly offended by the accusation, even though they both know it's undeniably true. “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“Uh-huh, sure, kid.”

“You know what, hyung,” he starts off, making a huffy noise. “I was just coming over here to see you, trying to be a good dongsaeng, but you just-”

“What do you want, Hyunggu?” Shinwon cuts in, unimpressed and impatient, already turning back to his car. “I’m counting to five, then I’m leaving.”

“Counting to- Excuse me? What am I, a _child?_ ”

“Three, four-”

“I want Yuto’s number,” he blurts out so quickly that he almost chokes on his words, gasping, and he hates that the counting actually fucking worked.

Shinwon stills, and when he looks back at Hyunggu, his face is scrunched up. “Whose number?”

“ _Yuto_ ,” he says again, but he's just met with an empty stare. “You know, the- the new guy! The one I asked you about after your party.”

It takes a moment or two, but it finally clicks and Shinwon rolls his eyes so far back that he was afraid they would get stuck there. They don’t though, and now he's just giving Hyunggu this _look_ , making him squirm.

“That was a million years ago!” He sounds annoyed, like he can't believe Hyunggu's wasting his time with something stupid like this. “Why are you still so hung up on this guy?”

The moment of hesitation, that one little second where he freezes ever so slightly, is enough for Shinwon to understand, and his jaw goes slack, head shaking slowly.

“Are you kidding-” he starts, but Hyunggu is quick to throw his hands up in defense.

“It-It’s not like that!” He waves his hands around, his head shaking wildly, eyes bulging out of his skull. “It's just- He hasn’t been in school for over a week and- and we have _homework-_ ”

“Oh, please! Since when do you care about homework?”

“Well, I- I-”

“Exactly,” Shinwon sneers, his lips pressed into a thin line and he lets out a scoff. “You know what, I just- I can't believe you. I seriously _cannot_ believe you, Hyunggu.” His fists clench, his frustration clear. “I literally _just_ cleaned up this whole mess with you and Wooseok, which, _by the way_ , you’re welcome-”

“Thank you, hyung,” he says weakly, but Shinwon ignores it.

“And now you’re going around obsessing over some new guy?” The look on his face right then is one of disbelief, genuinely unable to comprehend the situation. “You- I don’t- _Why?_ ”

“Hyung, I-”

“No,” he interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest tightly, his chin jutting out stubbornly. “Just… _no_. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t want to be a part of all your stupid high school drama. I don't have the time or the energy to be involved in all this bullshit, okay? The only reason I helped with the whole Wooseok thing was because Hwitaek threatened to have Hyojong attack me if I didn’t do it, and I rather like having my face intact, but that’s over. I did what I had to do and I’m done, _so_ , take your puppy love problems elsewhere and leave me out of it.”

Shinwon doesn't even give him a chance to speak, he just slides into his car, slamming the door rather dramatically, and drives off before he can even process what's happening, his tires screeching, engine roaring, and Hyunggu’s left alone in the parking lot, mouth gaping open and _God_.

This plan is not going well. Not at all.

—

Patience turns to worry. Worry turns to desperation. Desperation turns to anger.

Hyunggu’s had enough of waiting, enough of wondering. _Enough, enough, enough._ Fuck the plan, fuck being friends, fuck everything. At this point, he just wants Yuto to show up so he can give him a nice sock in the face and be done with it all.

How could he make Hyunggu feel like this? All twisted up inside, every single day? All while he's probably just sitting at home, sipping some tea, living his life in peace. He probably doesn't even spare a moment to think about how Hyunggu is doing. He probably doesn't even care.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Hyojong keeps telling him. “For all you know, he's suffering just as much as you are.”

“Then why doesn't he just come?” he groans, so close to banging his head on his locker. “If he really gives a shit, he would’ve been here by now.”

“Exactly,” Hwitaek comments, and Hyojong smacks him, glaring at him. “I-I mean, Hyojongie’s right. Give him another day.”

Hyunggu wants to, he really does, but there's only so much he can take, so he shakes his head, standing up straighter. “No,” he says firmly, and he doesn't know whether he's trying to convince them or himself. “I’ve given him enough days. I’m over it. I don't care if he comes back today, or tomorrow, or fucking _never_. I’m done.”

“Finally!” Hwitaek shouts before he can stop himself, and he immediately clamps his hand over his mouth, eyes going wide. “ _Sorry_. I just- You know how I felt about this whole thing.”

Hyojong rolls his eyes, because he thought he'd gotten through to him, but obviously not. “You know what,” he tells Hyunggu with a lazy voice, his hand on his shoulder. “Do whatever you want, kid. I just think you're making a huge mistake.”

“Wha-”

He walks off before Hyunggu can get a word in, not even bothering to wait for Hwitaek, so his brother throws him an apologetic look, and quickly chases after him, calling out his name. Hyunggu watches them until they disappear into another hallway, and he sighs, letting his head fall onto his locker, the metal cool against his skin, and the words swirl around in his head, voices talking over voices, pulling him this way and that, tearing him apart.

_He's suffering just as much as you are._

_He would've been here by now._

_Give him another day._

_I’ve given him enough days._

_You're making a huge mistake._

_I’m done. I’m done. I’m done._

—

He isn’t done.

He thought he was, he really did. He had shoved every single thought he had of Adachi Yuto into a little box in his mind, pushing it deep, deep, _deep_ into a dark corner that he swears he won't go near ever again. He had forced himself to stop looking for him, to stop staring at his seat as if that would suddenly make him appear. He had told himself to move on with his life, start catching up on all the work he missed, focus on cheer practice. And he _did_. He barely thought about him, and instead filled his head with numbers and words, put all his energy into his dancing. And apart from him, no one even noticed the guy was gone, no one even cared. So for a little while, it was like Yuto never even existed.

Until he did.

Hyunggu should’ve seen it coming, really, when Friday comes, because apparently that's his day, the guy appearing out of thin air like a fucking storm. He should've seen it coming when he's yanked into an empty classroom by the arm, letting out a small yelp as he's pulled into a body, his back flush against their chest, and he starts to panic.

“Hey-”

“Shh,” a familiar voice says, a gentle hand clamping over his mouth, the other arm hugging him closer to his body despite him struggling against him. “Easy, easy. It's me.”

 _Yuto_.

Hyunggu yells something into his hand, coming out as nothing but muffled noises, but Yuto doesn't budge, telling him, “Calm down, Hyunggu. It's just me.”

Despite himself, he does what he's told and lets his body relax in his hold, and when Yuto's sure that Hyunggu won't scream, he releases him and the smaller boy turns around, sucking in a sharp breath of air.

“What the fu-”

Yuto cuts him off with his lips on his, and for a moment, he's too stunned to do anything. But as soon as it kicks in, his mouth finally connecting to his brain, he shoves him off, a little rougher than he meant to, gasping loudly in the small room.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hisses, wiping at his mouth like Yuto’s lips were made of dirt, staring at the guy like he's lost his mind.

Yuto just frowns, confusion clouding his expression and he moves to lean into Hyunggu again, but he stops him with a hand to his chest, and really, with their size difference, Yuto could easily just push him aside but he stills, his head tilting to the right like he's asking: _What's wrong?_

“You can’t do this,” he starts, but-

“What, kiss you?”

“No!” He shakes his head, his hand fisting his shirt from where he's grabbing him, all the pent up anger and frustration from the past weeks finally bursting out of him. “ _No_. Yo-You can't kiss me, you can't see me, you can't do _anything_. Okay? You don’t- you don’t get to disappear for two weeks, with no news at all, fucking _nothing_ , making me worry about where you were, what happened to you, whether you were even _alive_ , then just show up out of nowhere and expect me to hook up with you like nothing ever happened!”

“I-”

“What-what is this? Huh? Is this just some kind of game to you?” The words taste bitter as he spits them out, and the way Yuto flinches at the sound of his voice tells him that he might be a little too harsh, but he doesn't care. “God, you just- Did you even wonder how _I_ was doing? Did you even care that I fainted after you left that night?”

“You what?”

“Yeah, I passed out in the middle of everyone, and when I came back to school, I had to deal with all the bullshit drama that came with it, and you- you were just _gone-_ ”

“Hyunggu, I- I didn’t _know_ -”

“Exactly! You didn't know! You _don't_ know. And _I_ don't know anything about _you_. I don't why you left, or where you went, or-or anything at all, because, really, what are we? We’re not friends-”

“Do you want to be friends?”

The question catches Hyunggu off guard, silencing him immediately, whatever he was about to say dying in his throat, swallowing his words. It's a simple question, one that should've been asked right from the beginning, and the answer is just as simple. But why does he have such a hard time figuring it out?

It's exactly what he wanted, before he was consumed by impatience and resentment, and there’s really only two ways this could go.

If he says no, that little box stays sealed, and he could go back to just numbers, and words, and dancing, and Yuto wouldn’t have to exist to him anymore.

But if he says yes…

“Friends?”

“Friends,” Yuto repeats, his voice light, head bobbing in a small nod. “We can be friends.” His hand comes up to the one Hyunggu has on his chest, slowly unlatching it from his shirt, holding it in his palm instead; gentle, familiar. “Friends who do this.” He leans down to press a chaste kiss to Hyunggu’s cheek, too quick, barely there. “And this.” A kiss to his jaw, firmer this time. “And this.” The middle of his throat. Along his collarbone. Back up to his jaw. He hovers over his lips, not touching, but close enough to make him shiver, heart already hammering in his chest, and Hyunggu hates how his body still yearns for his touch, his attention, and he has to force himself to stay still, to calm down, to fucking _breathe_.

“If you want?” he asks against his lips, and that's all it takes.

He wants it. He wants numbers, and words, and dancing, _and_ Yuto. He wants Yuto to exist again. He wants Yuto to be his friend. He wants Yuto to fucking kiss him already. He wants _Yuto_.

So he takes him, his free hand reaching up to the back of his neck, pulling him down and closing the little space between them, and it's a completely different kind of kiss this time. It's strong, but soft; everything they’ve been wanting for the past two weeks, but nothing all at the same time. It's burning him up, but there's no real heat behind it, just a warm buzz that spreads through his veins, leaving him feeling a little lightheaded, and he almost falls into Yuto, the latter’s free arm wrapping around his waist to hold him up. Their other hands are still intertwined, trapped between their bodies but neither of them seem to mind, and Hyunggu knows Yuto can probably feel how hard his heart is beating, but he can feel Yuto’s heart racing just as fast as his is, and it's comforting, to say the least.

He doesn't know how long they make out like that, greedy hands on each other, lips breaking apart just enough to let them breathe ever so often, but it must've been a while because the lunch bell goes off, and it jolts Hyunggu out of his daze, making him jump a little in Yuto’s hold, their noses bumping.

“Ow,” Yuto mumbles, and it's such a cute sound that Hyunggu has to give him one last kiss, pulling away before the boy can respond, leaving him a little surprised, lips parted in a small gasp.

“So,” he breathes out, turning his head to hide his blush and he finally unlatches himself from him. “Friends, huh?”

“Friends,” Yuto says again, a small chuckle escaping his throat, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He pauses, eyes flickering. “I’ve never really had friends before.”

“Well, they don't usually work like this.”

“I think I figured that out.”

Hyunggu laughs at that, and so does he, and when they meet each other's eyes, they both look away immediately, cheeks tinted pink. He looks up first though, and Yuto’s staring at his feet, fingers tugging at the strap of his bag. It's a little funny to see him get all shy, after how forward he’d been earlier, but it's endearing all the same. He reaches forward to poke his shoulder, making the boy look up, eyes wide and he smiles.

“Wanna hangout tomorrow night?” he asks, sounding a bit too eager. Quickly he adds, “As friends.”

Yuto nods, quirking a smile of his own. “That’d be cool.”

“A movie?”

Another nod.

“Meet you there at 9?”

One more nod, more hesitant. Then-

“I don’t know where the cinema is.”

“I’ll text you the add- Oh.”

_They still don’t have each other's numbers._

As if reading his mind, Yuto holds out his phone in one hand, the other hand open to take Hyunggu’s. They quietly exchange numbers, and the whole thing just seems so _weird_ , so unconventional, but then again, nothing between them has ever really been normal, so why start now?

If it were up to him, they'd be all over each other for the rest of the day, catching up on lost time, but Hyunggu’s the first to leave, because the others are probably waiting for him, and he almost bumps into the doorway on his way out, making Yuto grin.

“I’ll text you,” he says.

“Okay,” he says back, and it's all a little surreal, to be honest.

 _Friends_ , he thinks to himself once he's out in the hallway, his fingers ghosting over his swollen lips. _Some friends they are._

He's in a much better mood when he gets to the cafeteria, his food already on his tray as he makes his way to the table where his brother and friends are sat, and as soon as he takes a seat, they're on him.

“What's up with you?” Hwitaek asks, eyes narrowing at him.

He plays it cool, his shoulders shrugging loosely. “Nothing,” he answers, popping a grape into his mouth.

“You’re smiling,” Hongseok points out, staring at him like he’d grown another head. “Why are you smiling?”

“What does that even-”

Hyojong gasps far too loudly, his hand banging onto the table in realisation and his eyes light up, pointing a knowing finger at him. “Yuto’s back!”

Hyunggu slams a hand over his mouth, his eyes warning him to shut the fuck up, and when Hyojong nods so hard that his neck might snap, he lets him go and the elder is silently laughing, his face full of glee.

“I knew it. I knew you’d do it,” he half-whispers, half-shouts, bouncing excitedly in his seat, and Hwitaek gives him a sharp look.

“Do _what?_ ”

“Look at him!” Hyojong waves a hand in Hyunggu’s direction, and he isn't sure what he's referring to. “He's got blowjob lips!”

“Wha- I do  _not!_ ”

Hyojong rolls his eyes, letting out a small scoff. “Yes, you do. I know what blowjob lips look like, okay? Hui gets them all the time.”

“Hyojong!”

“Oh my god,” Hyunggu gags, burying his burning face in his hands, peeking out through his fingers. “I did not need to hear that.”

Hongseok pushes his hands aside, grabbing his chin to look at him closer and he hums, “Okay, you kinda do have blowjob lips.”

“Hongseok!”

“I didn’t blow him!” Hyunggu hisses in defence, smacking his hand away. Then, as if it made a difference, “We just made out a little.”

“Hyunggu!”

 _“Hwitaek!”_ they all yell back, and the elder goes silent, his cheeks puffed out as he slumps back into his seat.

“You're all assholes,” he grumbles to himself, then, turning a sharp eye to Hyunggu, he spits out, “I thought you said you were done.”

“Well, I say a lot of things,” he retorts, baring his teeth in an awkward grin, and he figures he deserves the hard flick on the forehead that he gets in return.

Hyojong offers a sympathetic smile, but it doesn't last long because he's still too hyped up, barely containing himself and it's obvious that he's very pleased with the situation. “So, what, you guys are cool now? Back to being… whatever it is you were?”

Hyunggu gives him a so-so wave of his hand. “Yes and no. We are… whatever it is, I guess, but we're gonna try and be friends too.”

The elder lets out a loud whoop, throwing an “I told you so!” right in Hwitaek’s face, and the latter just scowls.

“Friends?” Hongseok looks skeptical. “How does that work?”

“Uh… Well…” Hyunggu scratches the back of his neck, because he isn’t exactly sure how to go about this either. “I asked him to go watch a movie with me tomorrow night, so there's that.”

All three of them freeze, slowly turning to him with this _look_ on their faces, the exact same expression on each of them like it was painted on, and Hyunggu gulps.

“Wh-what?”

“You asked him…” Hongseok starts, head tilting to the right.

“To go watch a movie…” Hyojong continues, eyebrows knitting together.

“With just you?” Hwitaek finishes, mouth gaping open.

“Yes?” he squeaks out, uncertainty clear in his tone.

The boys groan in unison, and _man,_ he hates when they all agree on one thing. Three against one is never good odds for him.

“ _‘Friends’_ don’t go for movies together like that, Hyunggu-ya,” his brother tells him in this voice that kinda makes him feel like an idiot.

And it's bullshit. Of course they do. Sure, he's never done it himself, but there must be people who do. Right?

“Yeah, they do!” he tries to say but-

“ _No,_ they don’t,” Hyojong presses, his head shaking. “Look-” He turns to Hongseok. “Hongseokie, wanna go watch a movie with me?”

Hongseok scrunches up his nose. “Who says we’re friends?”

“See!”

Hyunggu rolls his eyes. “You guys don’t count,” he says dryly. “Plus, I already asked him. I can’t back out now.”

“So, what, he's gonna pick you up? Hm?” Hwitaek asks, eyebrows raised. “You’re gonna share popcorn? Hold hands over the armrest? Send you home?”

“Well, _no-_ ”

“Come on, Hyunggu! It's a date and you know it!”

“So what if it is?” he snaps, his hand curling into a fist as he shoots a sharp look at his brother, and they all go quiet. Before they can ask him anything more, he stuffs food into his mouth, his head ducking low and after a moment or two, they get the hint and start to back away, mumbling excuses about getting to class.

Hwitaek lingers a little bit longer than the other two, staring at him like he wants to say something, but he decides against it, turning away with a sigh and a curt, “I’ll see you at home.”

As soon as he leaves, Hyunggu spits out his food, his appetite completely ruined. _So what if it is?_ God. He didn’t mean to lash out like that, especially not in the middle of the fucking cafeteria, but the way Hwitaek was putting it made him feel all awful inside. Like he was taking advantage of Yuto’s offer of friendship. And _okay_ , maybe deep down he knows that the invitation was meant for a little more than just a casual hangout between friends, but could you blame him? This is probably his only chance at getting to know the guy, his only chance at ever becoming anything more than what they are; how could he not make the best of it, even if it means something completely different to Yuto than it does to him?

He knows that, ultimately, it's his stupid, _stupid_ crush on Yuto that made him do it, that made him do all of it, really, and he knows it's gonna come bite him in the ass one day if he doesn't be careful, but right now, all he wants is to go on that not-date with him and he’ll figure the rest out later, even if it’ll hurt him along the way.

—

Hyunggu’s nervous.

Like, sweaty palms, jittery legs, pounding heart kind of nervous. He’d shown up a little earlier than he had to, because 1) he’d rather be early than late, and 2) he's still sort of avoiding Hwitaek. It's not like he's _mad_ at him or anything, he’d just rather not discuss this whole thing with him just yet. So he left early, taking his time to walk to the local cinema, and he’d cursed his quick legs when he reached there in barely no time at all. He’d gotten tickets to some dodgy looking horror movie that’ll probably be really shitty, and got the popcorn and drinks too to keep himself busy.

But it's ten past 9 and Yuto’s still not there, and he starts to worry. What if Yuto changed his mind? What if he got stood up? What if he ends up waiting around here like a fucking loser for the rest of the night?

He glances at his phone, and there's no new messages from him, just the _‘okay, thanks :)’_ that he had sent yesterday after Hyunggu texted him the address. He stares at the screen for a little longer, feeling all giddy inside and _jeez_ , is he seriously getting this excited about a smiley face? Get a grip, Hyunggu.

He takes a lap around the main hall, checking out the ‘Coming Soon!’ posters, fixing his hair in the reflections between them, snacking on his popcorn to keep his mouth occupied before he starts word-vomiting his whole life story to some stranger.

He looks at his phone again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Again. Noth-

“Hey!”

He's never turned around so quickly in his life, and relief floods through him when he sees Yuto jogging up to him, a shaky smile on his face.

“Hi,” he says, and he's too excited to even bother hiding the too-bright grin that splits his face.

Yuto’s own smile broadens at the sight of his and he feels his heart skip a beat. _Fuck_.

“Sorry,” he tells him, his hand ruffling through his helmet hair. “I got a little lost on the way. Have you been waiting long?”

“No, no, not at all,” he answers too quickly, then bites his tongue. “I mean, _not really._ I just- Maybe a little while- But it’s not-” He pauses, letting out an awkward wheeze. “It's fine. I got the tickets and stuff already, so we should probably go.”

“Okay,” is all he says, and Hyunggu's grateful for it.

Yuto gets that fond look on his face again as he watches Hyunggu lead him to the hall in his flustered state, silently trailing behind the smaller boy, a dull thud in his chest that feels an awful lot like affection. _God._

They’re just about to head into Hall 3 when Hyunggu hears a familiar laugh coming from behind him, and he looks over his shoulder to see the two people he least expected to see here.

“Changgu-hyung! Yanan-hyung!” he calls out, catching their attention and he waves excitedly when they see him.

“Ah, Hyunggu-ya!” Changgu waves back, a flashy grin on his face, and he notices the person beside him, cocking his head to the side. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, this is-”

“Yuto!” Yanan sidles up to Changgu, recognising the boy and he smiles, all sweet and charming.

Changgu and Hyunggu exchange glances, turning to each of their friends, and they both say, “You two know each other?”

Yuto just gives Hyunggu a small nod, and looks over at Yanan in hopes that he’ll explain, and the elder lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah, we’re, uh, _‘buddies’_.” Their noses scrunch up at the word and he shakes his head, rephrasing himself. “I mean, the school buddy system, for new students. Since we’re both foreign students, the counsellors thought it’d be good if I kept an eye on him, so we’ve met up a few times.” He pauses, humming thoughtfully. “Not recently though… I couldn’t find you these past few weeks.”

Yuto ducks his head sheepishly, mumbling a sorry. “I… had some things to deal with.”

If Yanan thinks anything of it, he doesn't let it show, that kind smile still on his face as he gives Yuto a squeeze on the shoulder, saying, “It’s alright. Next week, okay?”

Yuto nods again, saying, “Okay, hyung,” and he looks up to give Yanan a smile, a real smile, and it's a little heartwarming to see, if Hyunggu’s being honest. Who would've thought that Yuto would get along with Yanan, of all people?

Hyunggu glances at his watch, and they're already running a little late so he asks, “Are you guys heading in here too?”

“Nope, we’re going to watch the new Minions movie!” Yanan almost squeals, a little too enthusiastic for an 18-year old, bouncing on his heels, his grin stretching even wider.

Changgu rolls his eyes playfully. “Obviously it was Yananie’s choice,” he says with a sigh, but he's smiling too, so Hyunggu supposes he doesn't actually mind all that much. He never does when it comes to Yanan.

“Well, have a good night, hyungs,” Hyunggu laughs, waving goodbye as Yanan slings an arm around Changgu’s shoulders, calling out a “You too!” before they disappear into the opposite hall.

“That Changgu guy,” Yuto voices suddenly, and Hyunggu almost forgot he was there for a moment. “Where have I seen him before?”

“Oh, he's the captain of the basketball team,” he answers with a casual wave of his hand, not thinking anything of it. “You probably saw him at the game-”

He stops himself when he realises what he's just said, clearing his throat and dropping the topic immediately, because they still haven't exactly had a chance to talk about _that_ and he doesn't want it to ruin their night.

Thankfully, Yuto just moves past it, and instead he asks, “Is he Yanan’s boyfriend?”

Hyunggu hesitates, and he gives him a tight smile when he says, “No, it's, uh… it's complicated.”

“Complicated,” Yuto echoes quietly, his heavy gaze meeting Hyunggu's for a second, before he looks away, the floor suddenly seeming interesting.

“I think the movie’s starting,” he coughs out, and all Hyunggu can do is nod.

They're the only ones in the theatre, save for a few stragglers here and there, so they grab a couple of seats right at the back of the hall, giving them the best view of the screen and a sense of privacy. He’d gotten two popcorns and two drinks, because apparently friends don’t share things like that, and even in the dark room, he can see a hint of a smile on Yuto’s lips when he hands them over.

“Thanks,” he whispers, and Hyunggu smiles back.

They go silent as the movie starts, settling into their seats, and half an hour in, as expected, it's nothing but bad acting and predictable jump scares. And Hyunggu knows that everyone's got their own fears, and he's never one to judge because his own fear is being _tickled,_ but he really didn't think Yuto's would be _this._

It's one of those scenes where the dumb guy decides to check out the creepy abandoned house, _alone,_ because he's a fucking idiot like that, and when the eerie background music starts playing, you just _know_ that something is about to pop out and scream in your face, so you aren't really worried because you're totally expecting it, but apparently Yuto isn't, because as soon as the ghost, monster, _whatever,_ flashes on the screen, a hellish wail coming out of it, Yuto literally _leaps_ out of his seat, and _that_ scares Hyunggu more than the movie does.

“Are you okay?” he whisper-shouts, eyes going wide as he twists his body to look at him.

Yuto's chest is heaving as he awkwardly slides back into his seat, gulping a little too loudly. “I’m fine,” he says, but it comes out weak, a slight wheeze in his voice. “Just a bit surprised.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, really,” he answers through gritted teeth, giving him a shaky nod. “It won't happen again.”

Except it does. _Every single time._ At the third scare, Yuto even lets out a tiny yelp, immediately smacking his hand over his mouth to mask the sound, but they’d both heard it and Hyunggu has to hold back a giggle. Instead of embarrassing him even more by asking about it, he silently offers his hand over the armrest, fingers wiggling in question and he feels himself smile when Yuto doesn't even have to think twice about lacing his fingers with Hyunggu's, holding onto him like a lifeline.

And _okay,_ it's a bit cute that this self-proclaimed ‘tough guy’ is afraid of lame horror movies, and he’d be lying if he said he didn't like the way Yuto squeezes his hand a little harder every time he gets scared.

There's a part that Hyunggu himself doesn't see coming, and it even jolts him a little when the demonic creature appears, and Yuto lets out this horrified gasp, leaning over to wrap his free arm around Hyunggu's and bury his face into his shoulder. And Hyunggu feels his heart _stop._ Because Yuto’s still holding his hand, and hugging his arm, and he only peeks out at the screen every other second, keeping his face pressed into Hyunggu the rest of the time.

He can feel the quick rise and fall of Yuto’s chest, the hard beating of his heart, the warm sweat on his palms. And he shouldn't, he really shouldn't, because they’re just friends, because friends don't do this, _because this isn't a fucking date_ , but he can’t help himself, his head leaning down to rest atop Yuto’s, his free hand coming up to cup the side of his face protectively and that bit of guilt he feels is eased when Yuto presses into his touch even more.

“Don’t worry,” he mumbles into his hair, and surprisingly, he smells like apples. _Sweet,_ he thinks, as he nuzzles closer to him, and he says, “I’ll protect you.”

Yuto’s answer to that is just to hug him even tighter, and _oh God,_ this is going to ruin him.

—

“Thanks for tonight,” Yuto tells him once they’re standing outside Hyunggu’s house, the dim light from the street lamps making him glow a little, and Hyunggu kind of wants to poke him, just to be sure that he's real.

“Thanks for the ride,” he shoots back, smiling politely. “It was nice.”

Yuto had insisted on sending Hyunggu home, because he’d said it wasn’t safe for him to be walking around alone this late at night, even though he’s more than used to it already.

“I’ve lived here my whole life,” he’d said with a laugh, turning down the initial offer. “I’ll be fine.”

But Yuto was persistent, reminding him about those serial killers he’d mentioned back at that party, and so he caved in with a roll of his eyes and a small chuckle, putting on the helmet and climbing onto that motorbike of his. The ride was different this time, slower, smoother, like he sort of just wanted to drive around with Hyunggu for a little while, and Hyunggu didn’t mind it at all, comfortable where he was; his chin hooked over his shoulder, arms around his middle.

“You’re welcome,” Yuto answers, his hands twisting awkwardly in front of him, like a shy kid who’s talking to his crush for the first time ever and Hyunggu wants to laugh, or cry, or both. He doesn't though.

Instead he asks, “Did you have a good time?”

Yuto nods a yes, then after a pause, his nose scrunches up. “But maybe next time, no horror movies,” he mutters, a sheepish smile on his lips.

_Next time._

That's a good sign, isn’t it? Next time means he’d be up for hanging out again. As friends. Right. Of course.

“No horror movies,” Hyunggu repeats with a firm bob of his head, grinning a little. “Got it.”

It's quiet after that, neither of them knowing what to say, just standing in each other's silence, but it's nice. Comfortable. Then, Yuto laughs.

“What?” Hyunggu asks, a confused smile tugging at his lips, wondering what's so funny.

His head shakes, gaze ducking low, voice mumbling, “No, it's nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“It's gonna sound stupid.”

“It's _not._ Just tell me.”

Yuto looks up, caving in, biting down a bashful grin. “Don’t laugh but-” He gives Hyunggu a sulky look when the latter lets out a tiny snort, whining, “Hey, I said, don’t laugh.”

“Alright, alright, no laughing,” Hyunggu says with one last chuckle, and he does as he's told, sealing his lips with an exaggerated zip and lock, imaginary key tossed away, amusement twinkling in his eyes as he plays along.

Yuto rolls his eyes at that, but the smile returns to his face, the corners of his lips twitching. “Okay, it's just-” He breathes out. “You look really nice right now.”

“Wha-”

“And I really want to kiss you.”

“Oh.” Hyunggu feels blood start creeping up his neck, his cheeks already warm and he's trying his best not to burst out into the biggest fucking grin because that would be _embarrassing._ He barely manages to keep a straight face as he coughs out, “That- It’s not- That's not stupid. Not at all.”

“No, what's stupid is that I’ve kissed you so many times before,” he starts, that easy smile of his slipping into something more… unsure. He gulps a little too loudly, his own cheeks starting to burn, voice hesitant as he says, “But right now, I don’t know if I can.”

Hyunggu frowns. “What do you mean? Of course you ca-”

“Can I?” he cuts in, wariness in his tone, in his eyes, like he's afraid that there's a line he's not supposed to cross, and he's standing right on top of it. He looks Hyunggu right in the eye. “Or are we just friends tonight?”

Hyunggu gets what he means. Right now, they're neither here nor there. They're not just friends, they both know that, but they're not really more than that either. If they were just friends tonight, they wouldn't have held hands or hugged in the cinema back there. But if they were more than friends, they wouldn't be having this conversation right now. See, there's a grey area between those two places, an uncertain, shaky ground that could tip either way, and that's where they are.

On one hand, Hyunggu knows which way he wants it to go, even though he's not sure how he's gonna get there. On the other hand, he has no idea where exactly Yuto wants this to go, but with the way he's been acting tonight, he sure is heading _somewhere_ and Hyunggu doesn't know what's gonna happen if they get there.

He’d like to find out though, so he swallows whatever worries he has, stands up a bit straighter and with a half-smile on his face, he says, “We can be a little more.” And like Yuto had asked him before, he adds, “If you want?”

The bright grin that splits Yuto’s face right then is one that he thinks he might remember for the rest of his life.

Yuto kisses him, because he wants to, because he can, and Hyunggu kisses him back, because he wants to, because he can. And it isn't much, just slow, gentle; a hand on the back of his neck, the other on the small of his back. _A thank you kiss,_ he thinks. That's what it feels like. Thank you for what, though, he isn't sure. He accepts it anyway.

When he pulls away, he knows there's a smile on his lips, and it makes him feel a bit better when he sees one on Yuto’s face as well.

“I think I should head in,” he mumbles, and Yuto nods against his forehead. Pecks his lips. “And you should head home.” Another nod. Another peck. “Now, Yuto.”

“Okay.” He takes a step back, breathes out, keeps his hands to himself. “Okay, okay, okay.”

Hyunggu can’t help but laugh at that, just a gentle chuckle escaping his lips and he can almost feel the fondness rolling off of him in waves, surrounding them both. He's far too gone for this boy and he doesn't think there's anything he can do about it.

He watches as Yuto slides back onto his motorbike with ease, the helmet coming on after that, engine rumbling lowly in the quiet street. It reminds him of the other night, the night of the party, and for a moment, he wonders where they would be now if they hadn’t spoken in the kitchen back then, if he hadn't given him a ride home. He decides he’d rather not know.

“Let me know when you get home,” he says, a crooked smile tugging at his lips. And the little devil in him decides to remind him of the movie, his smile twisting wickedly when he adds, “Just so I know that no monsters got to you.”

“Okay,” Yuto promises with a small laugh, and he's lucky that he's already pulled his visor down, because he's certain that he's blushing and Hyunggu doesn't need to see that. He ducks his head. “Goodnight, Hyunggu-ya.”

 _Hyunggu-ya._ It's the first time he's called him that, and it's nothing special really, because everyone calls him that, but there's a fondness, a closeness to it that makes him feel all fuzzy inside.

“Goodnight, Yuto-ya,” he says back, and the warm grin he gets in return is definitely worth it. He waits until he's nothing but a glowing dot in the distance to finally turn away and head inside.

Hyunggu feels like he's floating on air, and he doesn't have to look to know that he's got a stupid grin on his face, and when he closes the door behind him, he lets out this content little sigh, ready to just crash into bed and dream about-

“Fun date?”

He snaps out of his daze, his gaze focusing to see Hwitaek watching him with a sharp eye from where he's sitting, one leg crossed over the other, a glass of swirling gold liquid in his hand and-

“Is that apple juice?”

Hwitaek stills, putting down the glass with a sour look on his face. “Shut up.” So it _is_ apple juice.

Despite himself, Hyunggu lets himself laugh, because his brother really is kind of an idiot. He steps forward to pick the glass up, taking a long sip – which is, in fact, apple juice – before he says, “It was fun, but it wasn’t a date.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Changgu-hyung and Yanan-hyung were watching a movie together there too,” is his defence, but he knows it means nothing. If anything, all it does is make his point even weaker. Still, he stubbornly adds, “They’re just friends.”

“They don’t count,” Hwitaek shoots back with a roll of his eyes, snatching his juice back. “You know how they are.”

He does know. He knows that Changgu has been hopelessly in love with Yanan ever since they became friends when the latter first came to Korea a few years ago. He knows that Yanan is hopelessly oblivious to Changgu’s major crush on him, despite his endless not-so-subtle advances that would have anyone falling head over heels for him. Anyone but Yanan, apparently.

So, sure, they're friends, but like he told Yuto earlier, it's complicated. And if he's being honest, maybe they're a little complicated too.

“Still not a date,” he chimes, and his brother huffs in disagreement.

“So, he didn't pick you up?”

“Nope.”

“Shared your popcorn?”

“Still nope.”

“Held your hand over the armrest?”

“Well-”

“Sent you home?”

He shuts his mouth.

“Had a tiny existential crisis before he kissed you goodnight?”

Hyunggu’s mouth pops open. “Hyung!” he gasps, his hand raised like he's about to smack him, and honestly, he just might. “Were you watching us through the window?”

Hwitaek doesn't even bother trying to deny it, his shoulders lifting nonchalantly. “I had to make sure he didn't try to kidnap you or something.” And with a pointed look, he adds, “And don't act like you didn't do the same thing when I went out with Hyojong for the first time.”

“I did, didn’t I?” he snorts, remembering that night from two years ago, when Jinho and Hongseok stayed over while Hyojong took Hwitaek out for – as he bravely put it – the ‘best night of his life’, and when he says they were out all night, he really means _all_ night. It must’ve been almost 4 in the morning when they finally made it back, and they’d all been so worried; Jinho and Hongseok calling Hwitaek’s phone nonstop, only to get no answer, Hyunggu trying to stay awake by the door, his fucking Nerf gun aimed and ready to go as if it would even do any damage to Hyojong if he needed to hurt him.

He didn't need to though. Because that night? That was the happiest they’d ever seen Hwitaek. And it didn't matter that none of them really knew Hyojong, it didn't matter that he came from a messed up background, it didn't matter, because what mattered was that he made Hwitaek happy. That was more than any of them could even ask for.

And whatever it was that he saw in his brother's eyes that night, it must be what he's seeing in Hyunggu now because despite all his protests against this whole idea of him and Yuto, he looks at Hyunggu and he sighs.

Defeat? No- _Acceptance._ That's what this sigh is. He's finally accepting it.

“You really like this guy, don’t you?” is what he says, and there’s no malice in his voice, just… warmth. It's comforting, reassuring.

Hyunggu nods, a smile of his own pulling at the corners of his lips and he drops his gaze shyly. “Yeah, hyung, I think I do.”

He feels Hwitaek pull him into a hug, arms wrapped around him like a cocoon. It's comforting, reassuring.

Another sigh. Softer this time. “Well, then, I guess I’ll have to like him too.”

“You can't steal him from me though,” Hyunggu jokes.

And like the little shit he is, all Hwitaek says to that is, “He’d have to actually be yours first for that to happen.”

“Hey!” he scoffs, just a touch offended, pulling away to stick his tongue out at his brother and-

His phone beeps.

“Oh. That must be-” He tries not to seem so desperate as he pulls out his phone a little too quickly. _‘Tries’_ being the keyword because he's obviously failing and Hwitaek’s giving him a smug look, mouthing, _“Whipped.”_

He ignores that, turning away to click on the message and _oh._

_i’m home. just so you know that no monsters got to me._

Then, before he can even type out a reply, it beeps again, buzzing in his hand.

_if they did, you’ll protect me, right?_

Hyunggu feels something tug at his heartstrings. _He remembered._ He moves his fingers to reply and-

“Huh,” Hwitaek voices suddenly, and _of course_ he was reading it over his shoulder. God. “Monsters? Protect him? What does that mean? Is it some kind of young people code or something?”

“It’s nothing,” Hyunggu lies, waving a nonchalant hand, and with a furrowed look, he adds, “And, hyung, you're only two years older than me.”

“Well-” Hyunggu doesn't let him finish, calling out some excuse about wanting to get to bed, but as soon as he’s back in the safety of his own room, he lets all the bubbles and butterflies burst out of him in a beam so wide that it might’ve split his face in half.

And _man,_ what is this feeling?

He's not sure, all he's sure of is that he really, _really_ likes how it feels, and he lets it surround him, heart pounding, still grinning, as he finally types out:

_i will._

_Friends._ That was the plan.

He doesn't think he's very good at following plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to be clear, i think its absolutely fine for friends to go on movie dates, i just wanted to add in some drama kekekeke also kudos and comments are appreciated as always!!


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be a pretty long note so feel free to skip it if you want.
> 
> okay SO first off, i know this chapter took... forever and i'm so so so so sorry!! as i've told some people in the comments, i've been busy with preparations for uni which i'm starting in a week (!!) and also the comeback happened and things just got really crazy for a while... ha and on that note, with uni starting i really can't promise fast updates :( i'll try my best as often as i can but no promises :( but anyway i hope this chapter makes up for the long wait because it's a special one that some of you might have been hoping for, that is, a yuto pov chap! i had a lot of fun writing things from his side and i hope you all enjoy it as much as i did!!
> 
> second, recently, a fic that was quite similar to mine was pointed out to me by a few people and i read it and found it a bit similar as well, and i'm gonna be honest, it kinda put me off :/ it's been clarified that it wasn't their intention and i really hope it wasn't because i understand that people come up with similar ideas all the time, no one owns an idea, i get that, but the little details that make each story different are what matters and it was those bits that stood out to me when i read it, rather than the overall plot which anyone could've come up with. i don't wanna start any trouble and to the author of that fic, i'm glad that you're writing it bc there really isn't enough yuki in the world, and i'm sorry if it seems like i'm calling you out or something, i just felt like i needed to say something. and this is for future reference as well, to anyone else, writing isn't easy and plotting out a whole fic, coming up with story arcs for so many characters, actually putting everything into words takes a lot of time and effort and it would just be really upsetting to have that taken away, so please consider that. again, i apologise if i seem accusatory, this whole thing has just been bugging me since it was brought up to me and i needed to get that off my chest.
> 
> third, the last time i updated this, i'd just gotten 500 hits and now i'm at 800 with 100 kudos and ummmmm that's kinda insane to me??? so a BIG huge gigantic thank you to everyone who's been reading this and giving feedback, you guys make all those late nights of writing totally worth it!! i really really hope you'll stick with me till the end of this <3

Yuto has never had a brother. And he's never really wanted one, really. But right now, with Yanan staring at him from across the table, hands locked in front of him, wide eyes assessing every inch of him, he feels like he's being interrogated by a nosey older brother who’s eager to know everything that's going on his life, and honestly, that's exactly what it is.

“Hyung,” he starts hesitantly, gaze flickering between the elder’s eyes and hands. “Say something.”

They’ve been sitting like that for at least half an hour, Yanan just… watching him, and it's starting to make him feel just a little bit uncomfortable.

“I didn't know you were friends with Hyunggu,” is what he says eventually, his hands folding over each other, body leaning forward to stare at him even closer, head tilting to the left.

 _That's_ what he's so curious about? God.

Yuto clears his throat, sliding back in his seat to put more distance between them and he shrugs his shoulders. “We’re classmates,” is all he offers, casual, cool.

Yanan hums thoughtfully, nodding his head slowly. He points a pen at him. “I didn't know classmates went out for movies together like that.”

Yuto freezes for a split-second, recomposing himself before the elder could even notice and he lets out a small ‘ha!’ before he shoots back, “You and that Changgu guy did the same thing.”

His cool exterior falters for a moment, face flushing and he masks it with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “That doesn't count,” he insists. “Changgu and I have been best friends for years.”

“O- _kay,_ hyung,” Yuto chimes, and he thinks this is what Hyunggu meant when he said that those two were complicated. “If you say so.”

“I do say so,” the elder shoots back with a huff. “What's _your_ excuse?”

He crosses his arms over his chest, shifting in his seat as he tries to come up with _something,_ because there's no way he's telling Yanan the real reason behind his and Hyunggu’s ‘friendship’. Eventually, he settles for, “Well, Hyunggu's the only person who's willing to even give me the time of day so…”

“So you like him?”

Yuto almost chokes on air. “Excuse me?”

Yanan ignores his flustered state. Instead, he just says blankly, “Well, you can't be friends with someone you don't like, right?”

 _“Right,”_ he coughs, forcing himself to calm down, hoping that his heart doesn't burst out of his chest. “Of course. Yes. Sure. He's, uh, he’s nice, I guess. I mean, he's not, like, a- a saint or anything, but he's- Yeah. Nice.”

The pleased, almost knowing, smile that stretches across the elder’s face right then makes him want to slam his head into a fucking wall.

“He is, isn’t he?” Yanan grins, then, almost like someone hit a switch in his brain, his face falls and he sounds more hesitant when he speaks again. “Uh, listen though, Yuto-ya, I’m glad that you're making friends, I really am, because no offence, but I don't want to be the only friend that you have.”

“None taken,” Yuto mutters, wondering where this is going, eyebrow arching in question.

“Hyunggu’s a good kid,” he starts, eyes darting around uncomfortably, hands starting to twist together. “Just… be careful around him.”

Yuto frowns. “What do you mean?” Sure, the guy can be a little shit at times and yeah, he knows how to worm his way into getting whatever he wants, but he hardly thinks that counts as dangerous behaviour.

“It's not really _him,_ ” Yanan continues, face pinched up in thought, trying to find the right way to explain it. “It's more the people _around_ him. His friends, you know?”

He's confused, head shaking. “Wait, wait, aren't _you_ friends with him, hyung?”

Yanan gives him a half-hearted nod of his head. “I am, but Changgu and I don’t really roll with that crowd the way the others do.” He looks around, as if making sure that no one else can hear them, and he leans forward. “They're like… _a_ _gang._ ”

Yuto almost laughs, because _really-_

“No, listen, okay? I’m serious.” Yanan sounds antsy now, so he decides to just shut his mouth and pay attention. It's the least he could do. “There's Hwitaek-”

“I’ve met him,” Yuto cuts in. “He seemed nice.”

“Yeah, he is,” he agrees. “He’s one of the nicest guys I know, but if he thinks you're a threat to his brother in any way… you're done for.”

That shuts him up for real. He doesn't know what Hwitaek thinks of him now, whether he knows about what's going on between him and Hyunggu, but he doubts he'd be very happy about it if he did.

“I suppose you can't really blame him since he practically raised Hyunggu, but-”

“What do you mean, raised him?” Yuto interrupts, face furrowing.

“I-” Yanan hesitates, then he shakes his head, flashing a smile. “Nothing.”

Before Yuto can ask again, he clears his throat, continuing with, “Then there's his boyfriend, Hyojong, who can get a little… _wild,_ to mildly put it. I, personally, am still scared of him to this day. You _really_ don't wanna mess with that guy.”

The only thing he's heard about this Hyojong guy is that he falls into pools when he's drunk, and he doesn't know if that exactly screams ‘threatening!’, and no offence, but Yanan seems like the type to be easily intimidated, but he decides to just keep an eye out for that one. Just in case.

Yanan goes on, mentioning someone he's never heard of at all. “Hongseok’s probably the most… _calm_ of them all, and he’s the smartest guy I know, a total nerd-”

This one seems okay.

“But he's built like an ox, so he could probably choke the life out of you with one hand, if he wanted to.”

_Or not._

“Then there's Shinwon,” he says with an extra wary voice. “He's got lots of money and lots of connections, and that's always dangerous. He could ruin you before you even know what's happening.”

Yuto gulps. He isn’t the kind to be easily scared by people, much less so by people that he hardly knows anything about, but he’d be lying if he said the sound of _these_ people doesn't have him at least a little bit terrified. He has no idea what he's gotten himself into.

“Then there's Wooseok,” Yanan sighs, deflating a little, shoulders slumping lazily. “You must know him, right?”

He bites back a bitter scowl and nods stiffly.

“He and Hyunggu have been on and off for as long as I’ve known them,” he says, his tone sounding… tired. “They seem like they're together when they say they're not, and like they're not together when they say they are. Every time they say they're done, every time they try to stay away, they just end up crawling back to each other, and at this point, no one’s even surprised anymore. It just gets really, _really_ ugly sometimes, and I don’t think you wanna get into the middle of that mess.”

 _I think I already am,_ Yuto thinks, but what he says is, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He blows out a heavy breath through his lips, fingers threading through his hair before he claps his hands together with fake enthusiasm. “So, super protective brother, crazy brother-in-law, body builder genius, high school mafia and annoying ex-boyfriend. Sounds fun! Anyone else I need to look out for?”

Yanan gives him a disapproving look and a sharp click of his tongue. “No- Oh.”

“Oh?”

“There's Jinho,” is what he says, but he doesn't sound too bothered about him. “But you don't have to worry about him. Sweetest guy in the world. And anyway, he's not here anymore.”

That sounds… odd. “Did- did something happen to him?”

Yanan blinks. Then, as if realising how that must’ve sounded, he smacks his forehead, letting out a silly laugh. “No, no, no. It's not like that. Sorry.” He shakes his head, stifling his chuckles. “No, what I meant was, he's already in college. He doesn't really have time to come around here anymore.”

“Oh.” Yuto lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, because really, he didn't know having friends would be this complicated, and he didn't want to have to add a fucking dead guy to the mix. “So, nice college guy who's barely around. Got it.”

“You know, I actually think he’d like you a lot,” Yanan comments suddenly, and Yuto doesn't know why his heart warms at the compliment when he doesn't even know the guy, but he lets out a weak laugh anyway.

“That makes one of them,” he mutters.

“Look, I’m not saying they're bad people. They're really not. I like them.” Yanan pauses. “Mostly. And I’m sure they’ll like you. It's just that, whether they want to admit it or not, they all have an _insane_ soft spot for Hyunggu, and they’d do anything for him. _Anything._ So all I’m saying is, be careful.”

Soft spot for him, huh? He supposes he can't blame them. He feels the exact same way. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he knows that whenever Hyunggu’s around, he feels this ache in his chest, and this fluttering in his stomach, and this buzzing in his veins. And really, that's a lot of soft spots for him, but no one needs to know that.

So he heaves a sighs, nodding his head in agreement. “Okay, hyung. I will.” He offers a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, Yuto-ya,” he answers with an equally as kind smile, leaning forward to ruffle his hair a little and normally, Yuto would find that irritating, but since it's Yanan, he lets it slide. He stands up, hefting his bag over his shoulder and he says, “Now, come on, it's getting late.”

He agrees, pushing himself out of his seat as well, and when Yanan asks, “Wanna follow me swing by the gym to pick Changgu up?”, he figures he has time to spare so he shrugs and goes along.

“You sure you're just friends, hyung?” he teases as they're heading over, and that gets him a sharp pinch to his side in return, making him let out a gleeful laugh, smacking the elder’s hand away.

“Oh, what do we have here?” Changgu’s smile is easy, kind, as he approaches them, but the look in his eyes when he glances over at Yuto is… unfriendly.

“You remember Yuto from the other night, right?” Yanan addresses him, completely oblivious to Changgu’s hostility. “Hyunggu’s friend, my junior.”

Changgu nods; stiff, curt. “Of course I remember,” he says through gritted teeth, smile still on his lips, eyes still on Yuto. “I just didn’t know you two were spending time together outside of meetings now.”

Yanan shrugs, not thinking anything of it when he throws an arm around the younger boy and pulls him close to his side. “He could use the company.” He turns his head to flash a bright smile at him. “Right, Yuto-ya?”

Yuto noticed how Changgu's stance grew even more defensive when Yanan did that, so he tries to subtly pull himself away, but despite looking like a giant teddy bear, Yanan’s hold is surprisingly strong and he's stuck there with nothing but a weak, “Sure, hyung.”

“Well, it's my turn now,” Changgu jokes with a fake laugh that Yuto sees right through, that Yanan buys completely. He gingerly lifts Yanan’s arm off of Yuto, keeping his hand in his as he tugs them away. He throws another sharp look over his shoulder before he flashes another grin. “Nice seeing you again, Yuto.”

“Uh, you too,” he coughs back, immediately backing up.

“Bye, Yuto!” Yanan calls out as Changgu is dragging him away, waving brightly, still completely unaware and Yuto feels a little bad for him when he waves back.

 _Jeez._ Can’t he be friends with anyone without having someone else wanting to chop his fucking head off over it? He sighs, leaning against the doorway and-

“Oh fuck.”

He moves behind the wall quickly, hiding himself, heartbeat rising. Once he catches his breath, he peeks back into the gym, and his stomach drops.

Hyunggu’s in there, cheer uniform on, towel around his neck like he’d just finished cheer practice and he looks exhausted, movements sluggish but his face lights up when someone tosses him a bottle of water, accepting it gratefully. _Wooseok._ He feels a clench in his chest at the sight of the boy and his fists unconsciously ball up at his sides. He watches as the tall boy crashes onto the floor, pulling Hyunggu down with him and they just lie there, peaceful, passing the water between them.

It’s nothing, really, but Yuto feels… He feels… _Jealous._ That's it. He's jealous, and he thinks it's stupid. Jealousy, that is. It's the same thing that Changgu obviously felt earlier when he saw Yuto with Yanan. It's the same thing that he felt when he saw Wooseok kiss Hyunggu at that game. And it's the same thing he's feeling right now. And it's stupid, because if what Yanan said was true about them being just friends, then Changgu had no right to be jealous. Not that there was anything to be jealous of anyway. But it's the same for him too. He and Hyunggu are just friends, and he has no right to be jealous. Sure, they're… whatever they are, but that doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make them exclusive to each other. That wasn't the deal.

What _was_ the deal anyway? He isn't entirely sure. Friends with benefits is probably the most suitable term for it, even though the ‘friends’ bit came along a little later. And he doesn't think that that arrangement entailed any sort of monogamous commitment, no matter how much he’d like it to. See, of course he’s free to fool around with anyone else if he wanted to, and Hyunggu wouldn’t be able to stop him, but that's the thing, isn't it? He doesn't want to. He only wants Hyunggu. And he knows what that means, he knows what that feeling is, but he doesn't know if he's ready to admit it to himself.

So, instead, he thinks about jealousy. And how stupid it is. How it made his heart ache when he saw that kiss. How it made him walk away from that game with no warning. How it made him hide away in his apartment for almost two weeks because he was too afraid to face the fact that he might've liked Hyunggu a little more than he meant to. Stupid, isn't it?

It all comes back to that. Hyunggu. Liking him. Wanting him. Just him.

See, Yuto had no idea what he wanted to happen after they kissed that first time in the bathroom. All he knew was that he wanted, _needed,_ more of him, no matter what he had to do to get it. And Hyunggu was the same; constantly indulging him, never refusing him, always craving him just as much as he was. But it was all meant to be physical, a relationship – _no,_ an arrangement – that was nothing but their way of just pleasing themselves every now and again. He would’ve settled for that, he really would've, but then the pet names started, and Hyunggu became his baby, became _his,_ in a way. He couldn't let that go.

And he thought it meant something. He's not sure what exactly, but something… something _more._ He thought it meant that it wasn't just sex to Hyunggu anymore, that it could be more than what it was, that _they_ could be more. That's why he went to that fucking game in the first place. And he learned pretty quickly that shit means nothing nowadays.

They kissed. Right in front of him. On purpose. He's not an idiot. He may be a lot of things, but he's not an idiot. He saw the way Wooseok stared at him while he kissed Hyunggu, taunting him, showing him that at the end of the day, Hyunggu was his, he'd always come back to him. He knows that it wasn’t Hyunggu’s fault, that he probably had no idea what was happening, if the look on his face was anything to go by, but it was _that_ that made him leave. The reminder that no matter what Hyunggu says about him and Wooseok, he could never really be Yuto's, not while Wooseok was around.

So, he left, and he stayed away.

He came back, though. And he fucked it up all over again. He meant to end it. Whatever it was, he meant to just… _stop._ He didn’t have a chance anyway. But as soon as he saw Hyunggu, he forgot everything that happened. He forgot the stupid game, the stupid kiss, the stupid late-night rages that kept him up those entire two weeks, the stupid jealousy that had completely consumed him, blinded him. He forgot everything, because right then, all he wanted was Hyunggu.

But Hyunggu didn't want him. He wasn't sure what happened while he was gone, but something, or someone, must’ve finally smacked some sense into the boy because he’d finally had enough of Yuto’s shit. He couldn’t blame him, though. He’d probably be sick of it too. And it would be far too easy for him to just back off then, to just walk away from it all. He could’ve, he really could've, but he didn't want to. As much as he tried to convince himself in those two weeks, he didn't want to let Hyunggu go just yet.

So, he panicked, and before he knew it, he found himself proposing a friendship. It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it was better than nothing. And as much as Hyunggu tried to pretend that he was ready to let Yuto go, he really wasn’t. They both knew that.

And so, they became friends, of a sort. If he's being honest, all it did was complicate things between them even more, what with them not knowing where they really stand with each other. Not knowing where the line is, and whether or not they're allowed to cross it. Not knowing _what_ they are. But still, it gave him what he really needed: _time._ If he has the time, he can figure things out, he can make it work, somehow, some way. He has no idea how, but at least he's got a chance to try.

He thinks that maybe the universe has given him way too many chances.

And really, he's got a chance right now. Hyunggu is right there, and he could be a coward and run away again, letting Wooseok pull him back in with his puppy dog eyes and his long ass legs, or he could march in there, take a fucking stand and get the boy that he wants.

He's about to, he swears he is; already standing up straighter, smoothing out his clothes, ready to go after him and be the best fucking friend, fuck buddy, _whatever,_ he's ever had, but as soon as he takes a step, Hyunggu lets out this… _laugh._ He doesn't know what happened, what was said, but it must've been hilarious, Wooseok must've been hilarious, because that laugh was the biggest, loudest, purest fucking laugh he's ever heard in his life; the boy’s head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, teeth shining from his wide beam. And when Hyunggu leans into Wooseok, his laughter still ringing clear as day, and he gives Wooseok that _look,_ that fucking look that’s still there, no matter how much he tries to say it’s gone; that's when it hits Yuto.

Hyunggu’s never looked at him like that. And he doesn't think he ever will.

_Every time they say they're done, every time they try to stay away, they just end up crawling back to each other._

Yanan’s words echo in the back of his mind; bitter, stinging, a painful truth, and Yuto thinks that maybe, just maybe, he's finally run out of chances.

—

Except, maybe he hasn’t.

The chance comes when he least expects it, from someone even more unexpected, and he couldn't have ever seen it coming.

 _‘It’_ being tiny, blonde and very, _very_ loud.

“Yuto!” The voice that calls out his name is one he thinks he's never heard before, an odd mix between pitchy tones and a roughness that seems to come more from the person’s attitude rather than the voice itself, and it's _definitely_ unfamiliar. He would've remembered it.

He turns his head to see a guy walking up to him, or rather, climbing over, since he's sat out in his hideout, a sliver of hidden space behind one of the storage rooms on the far end of the school that's become his solace of sorts. His quiet place.

Except it's not so quiet anymore, because this guy’s calling out his name again, his lithe body easily slipping into the small space, landing himself right in front of Yuto with a loud huff, flicking his hair out of his face.

“Adachi Yuto,” he says again, pronouncing every single syllable carefully, as he flashes a toothy smile, pointing a sharp finger at him. “That's you, right?”

Yuto doesn't know why he looks around before he nods slowly, as if there could be anyone else there. And see, that's the thing. There's never been anyone else, not once, so who is this guy and why the fuck is he here now?

“I-”

Yuto flinches away, almost banging his head on the old scaffolds, and he really has no idea why he's so on edge. Sure, he's never really been the friendly type, but this is a bit much, even for him. He supposes it could be his defenses going into overdrive because of the fact that his secret little hideout has been discovered, and he’ll never admit it, but maybe Yanan’s warnings had gotten to him after all.

The guy must’ve noticed his hostile stance because he rolls his eyes a little too obviously, holding up his hands, fingers wiggling. “Relax, I won’t bite,” he drawls out, but that twisted grin on his face says otherwise. Slowly, he lowers a hand, stretching it out for a fist bump and he says, “I’m E’Dawn.”

And _oh._

Yuto’s heard of him, whispers here and there, enough to piece together an idea of who he is and what he does, and for some reason, he reaches out his fist to return his greeting.

“You’re the, uh,” he pauses, unsure how to phrase it, awkwardly pulling his hand back to his side. “The… _supplier._ ”

Another roll of his eyes. “Dealer,” he quips, in a tone so unbothered, a lazy hand waving him off. “You can say it. It's not a bad word.”

“Right,” Yuto coughs, looking away, just a touch embarrassed.

“So, you’ve heard of me, huh?”

“People talk,” he mutters quietly, still refusing to meet his gaze.

E’Dawn lets out a noise between a laugh and a scoff, he's not sure which. Then, he clicks his tongue to get Yuto’s attention again, a daring eyebrow cocked when he asks, “You want in?”

Yuto's never declined anything so quick in his life. “No, I don’t- I’m not into- I don’t do that,” he chokes out. Then, realising how that must’ve sounded, he quickly adds, “Not that there's anything wrong with it. I mean, there is a little, but- _No._ It’s fine. To each their own, right? It's just… not me.”

E’Dawn stares at him, and though he's much smaller than Yuto, there's something about him that makes him seem a lot bigger than he actually is; his presence, his demeanour, just… _him._ It's impressive, if he's being honest. But as much as he’d love to just stand there and admire his exuding personality, he's starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the way his eyes are on him, like he's picking out every tiny thing about him, figuring him out and he's about to say something when the guy finally blinks, his gaze going glassy again and he lets out a low hum.

“That's cool,” is all he says, as if he didn't just dissect the fuck out of him with his own eyes a second ago. Instead, he slides something out from behind his ear, tapping it against his palm. “You smoke?”

“Sometimes,” Yuto admits, and he gets a raised eyebrow in return. “Bad habit,” is what he says, but he takes the stick when it's offered to him anyway. He's got a lot of bad habits.

They don’t say much after that, just silently passing the cigarette between them, and really, what is there to say? Apart from what he's heard in passing, he knows nothing about the guy. And-

“How do you know me?” Yuto asks, turning his head to face him, eyebrows knitting together.

He puts out the smoke, dropping it to the ground and grinding it out with his foot for good measure. And when he looks back up at Yuto, quirking another sly grin, he leans forward to whisper, “People talk.”

Well then.

Yuto doubts that. No one knows who he is. Not enough to talk about him anyway. It makes no sense. Unsatisfied, he presses on, asking, “How did you find me? No one knows about my spot.”

“‘Your spot’,” he snorts while making air quotes with his fingers. The boy lets out an airy laugh, sounding oddly amused by his words, eyes twinkling with mischief. “You can only find this place if you follow the old path, _my path,_ that, _you,_ Adachi Yuto, should know nothing of because they closed it up before you even showed up here,” he chimes matter-of-factly, that finger of his waving around in the air before it lands right smack in the middle of Yuto's face. “So, I think the question is; how did _you_ find _me?_ ”

“My-” Yuto stops himself, swallowing his words before he says anything he isn't supposed to. Correcting himself, he says, “Someone told me about it.”

“Someone,” he echoes, a knowing tilt in his voice, and Yuto isn't quite sure what it means. “Who?”

“That's none of your business,” he snaps before he can help himself, and he bites his tongue in regret, suddenly worried about what the guy will do to him for speaking so rudely.

For a second, there's a sharp glint in E’Dawn’s eye and Yuto’d be lying if he said it didn't send a chill down his fucking spine, but before he can even react to it, it’s gone. A bright smile replaces it right then, his eyes crinkling up to crescents and just like that, he announces, “I like you. Have lunch with me.”

“Wait, wha-”

Without warning, he jumps up to pull Yuto into a headlock, his skinny arms surprisingly muscled enough to easily drag Yuto by his side, giving him no other option but to just go along with the boy. It’s obvious, from how he manoeuvres his way out of the little hiding spot back into the main grounds of the school, that he wasn't lying when he said that it was _his_ path, no hesitation in his movements, walking like he owned the land, and Yuto wonders how Hyunggu, of all people, knows this guy well enough to know about it.

He wonders how Hyunggu knows this guy at all.

And he gets his answer once they’re sat in the middle of the cafeteria, their trays of food spread out in front of them, the guy’s tray halfway empty before Yuto can even poke a straw through his juice box, and when Yuto arches an eyebrow at him, all he does is say, “What? I’m hungry,” through a mouthful of rice.

Despite himself, he lets out a tiny snort, shaking his head as he sips on his juice. He isn't sure what to say, because really, he's not the talkative type, especially with someone he's only known for about ten minutes, but thankfully for him, the boy fills the silence with questions here and there, all directed at Yuto. Like: _Is he into skateboarding?_ He's never tried. _Would he be up for trying?_ Sure, if he was offering. _What is he into anyway?_ Motorbikes. _Could he teach him how to ride one?_ Sure, if he wants.

“If I want? Hell yeah, I want!” he exclaims, almost slamming his hand on the table from excitement as he grins from across the table. “That would be _so_ sick.”

“Yeah, it would be,” Yuto says with an equally bright grin, and he doesn't know what it is about him, but he feels a sense of comfort from him, like they were somehow… similar. Like they just clicked. It feels nice.

He's still going on and on about how he’d always wanted to ride motorbikes, but he could never afford one, so he'd turned to skateboarding instead and-

“Yuto?”

He looks up to see-

 _“Hyunggu.”_ He sounds breathless. Fuck. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he says slowly, his gaze sliding between Yuto, to E’Dawn, back to Yuto. “What’s, uh, what’s going on here?”

Yuto shoots a glance at E’Dawn, who’s conveniently got his mouth too stuffed with food to talk, and from the cheeky look in his eyes, it's obvious he's done it on purpose just to make Yuto speak instead. He coughs, turning back to give Hyunggu a tight smile as he says, “I’m having lunch. With, um, E’Dawn.”

“What the fuck is an E’Dawn?”

The guy forces his food down right then, choking a little, just to yell, “ _I’m_ E’Dawn!”

“Since when?” Hyunggu shoots back with a scowl, his eyes rolling back way too far, and Yuto is surprised at how bold he's being towards the guy. Like he isn't afraid of him at all. And it just makes him wonder even more: _who the fuck is this guy?_

“It's my street name, you little brat,” E’Dawn sneers, huffing loudly as he barely holds himself back from flinging a piece of egg at Hyunggu. “For when I’m dealing.”

“Oh, plea-”

“All drug dealers have street names!” he goes on, adamant about it, and Yuto notices a familiar face coming up behind him, a face of someone who definitely wouldn’t want to hear about drug dealing in his school, so he clears his throat loudly, signalling at E’Dawn to shut up, but he just gives him an odd look in return, continuing his defence. “What if I get caught while I’m dealing? I wouldn’t want to be caught under my real na-” He stops when Yuto kicks him under the table, letting out a frustrated groan. “What-” He turns to follow Yuto’s gaze to see Hwitaek, and, “Oh. It's fine, he knows.”

 _He knows?_ The student body president knows that there's a dealer in their school, and he's okay with that? How is that- What- Yuto’s confused, but-

“New Yuto!” Hwitaek calls out, setting his tray down on the table next to E’Dawn. “Remember me?”

“Y-Yeah, of course,” Yuto stutters, suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that he's talking to Hyunggu’s brother, and he almost knocks over his chair by how quickly he stands up. “I remember you-” He pauses to give a small bow. “Hui-sunbaenim.”

After a breath of awkward, _awkward_ silence, they all burst into laughter, E’Dawn especially, practically howling in his seat.

“Hui-sunbaenim!” he repeats, kicking out his feet as he shakes with laughter. “He called you Hui-sunbaenim!”

“Ah, Yuto-ya,” Hyunggu sighs from next to him, barely holding in his own laughter as he pats his shoulder. “I told you his head was big enough already, didn’t I?”

Hwitaek’s got a smug grin on his face, quite obviously pleased with the whole situation, and he winks at Yuto, saying, “I’m keeping you.”

Yuto’s face starts to burn at that, a mix between the embarrassment of what he’d said and the fact that Hyunggu had shuffled closer to him as soon as Hwitaek said that, and he kinda wants the floor to swallow him whole.

“But really, though, Yuto,” Hwitaek says then, his smile mellowing down to one that's warmer, more… brotherly. “It's just ‘hyung’ for you. Okay?”

“O-”

“Okay, _sunbaenim_ ,” E’Dawn butts in with an obnoxious tone, before he cracks up again, bending over in laughter, and Hwitaek shakes his head.

“Ignore him,” he tells Yuto, keeping that smile on his face even when he reaches over to flick the blonde boy’s head. “My boyfriend is an idiot.”

 _Boyfriend?_ Wait a minute- Oh. _Oh._

“You’re Hyojong,” Yuto says, and when the boy finally looks up at him, mouth still stretched out in a wicked grin, it all clicks. Boyfriend. Wild. The path. Hyojong. _That_ Hyojong.

“That’s me,” Hyojong chimes, then he lets out a huff, turning his nose up at Yuto. “Took you long enough.”

“How was I supposed to know?”

“Uh, bro-telepathy, obviously!”

“What the fuck is that?”

“We’re _bros_ now, Yuto, we have bro-telepathy!”

“Oh, no,” Hyunggu says then, watching the two of them with a horrified expression, like he's afraid of how well they're getting along already.

“He's gonna teach me how to ride a motorbike, Hyunggu-ya,” Hyojong tells him gleefully.

“And he's gonna teach me how to ride a skateboard,” Yuto quips, giving Hyunggu a cheeky look as well.

“And we’re smoking buddies now!” Hyojong holds out a hand which Yuto grips, the way bros do, and Hyunggu smacks them, knocking their hands apart.

“What the hell did you smoke?” The question is directed at Hyojong, but he's got sharp eyes on Yuto instead, and Yuto curls in on himself a little, pulling his now stinging hand back and as much as his hand hurts, he's not gonna lie, an angry Hyunggu is kinda hot.

Hyojong lets out a groan, leaning back in his chair to say, “Relax, it was just a cigarette. We didn't even get to the good stuff. I mean, I asked, but _somebody-_ ” He sticks his tongue out at Yuto, “-said he's not into that.”

“You offered him _drugs?_ ” Hyunggu gapes, and it looks like he's this close to just launching himself across the table at Hyojong, his lips twisting into a snarl. “Are you fucking insane?”

“Hyunggu-” Hwitaek starts, but it’s no point because Hyojong starts yelling too, sitting up straighter in his seat.

“I was just testing him!” is his excuse, scoffing at Hyunggu. “And he passed! You should be proud.”

“Testing- Oh my god, I can’t _believe-_ ”

“And he didn't snitch on you for telling him about my secret path, which, _by the way,_ fuck you! It's called a secret path for a _reason-_ ”

“ _Everyone_ knows-”

“ _No,_ they don’t-”

Yuto isn't sure how to handle this, so he shoots a panicked look over at Hwitaek, who just shrugs, as if saying _‘They're always like this.’_ Then, he jerks his head in Hyunggu's direction, mouthing, “Do something.”

Yuto swallows thickly. The last time he had to deal with Hyunggu’s temper was that time he came back after being gone for so long, and he doubts he can just kiss away the problem in the middle of the cafeteria, in front of everyone, so he does the next best thing, reaching over to slip his hand into Hyunggu’s and as soon as he does, Hyunggu stops talking, his voice trailing off.

He gives his hand a small tug, catching his attention for sure, and the boy slowly turns his head, eyes dragging from Yuto’s face, to their joined hands, back to his face. And he knows the others are watching now, and he can already feel sweat dotting his palms, but Hwitaek told him to do something, so he's fucking doing something, and he gives Hyunggu a wavering smile.

“It's okay, Hyunggu,” he starts, soft, slow. “I’m fine. Hyojong and I are cool. Okay?”

“But-”

“Okay?” he presses, his thumb gently rubbing slow circles into the boy’s skin, keeping his eyes locked on Hyunggu’s wide ones.

One circle, two circles, three-

“Okay,” Hyunggu mumbles, soft, slow. And with another tug of his hand, he finally gives in to Yuto, falling into his seat, a little closer than he has to be, but Yuto’s not one to complain.

He keeps their hands locked under the table, only moving to lace their fingers together instead and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hyunggu smile.

Hyojong’s too busy being sulky to say anything about it, but Hwitaek gives Yuto a subtle nod, one of approval, and he mouths, “Not bad.”

Yuto feels himself flush at the comment, ducking his head immediately. Even though it's nothing but the bare minimum of a praise, coming from Hyunggu’s brother, it means something.

“Hey-” Someone walks up to their table right then, but he stops short, taking in the sight of the four of them: Hyojong glaring at Hyunggu, Hyunggu glued to Yuto’s side, Yuto still too shy to look up at Hwitaek, Hwitaek watching the two with a pleased look on his face. The boy looks at them, each one, his expression growing even more confused with every person he looks at, and he says, “Uh, did I miss something?”

The question makes them all turn to him, and Hwitaek’s the first to address him, pulling out the seat next to him. “Hongseokie! You're late to the party.”

 _Ah,_ so this is Hongseok.

Yuto takes in his warm face, kind eyes and all, then he sees the way his biceps are straining in his uniform even without flexing his arms, and he gets what Yanan had meant that day.

“This is Yuto,” the eldest hyung introduces, pointing a thumb at him, then he turns to Yuto. “This is Hongseok.”

Yuto would stand, but he's still got Hyunggu’s hand in his, and he’d learned his lesson from earlier with his humiliating exchange with Hwitaek, so he settles for a small nod and a polite hello.

“You don't know who I am, do you?” Hongseok asks as he slides into his seat, quirking his eyebrows at Yuto, and he lets out a small laugh when Yuto gives him a so-so shake of his head. He fakes a dramatic heartache, pressing a hand to his chest. “Of course Hyunggu wouldn’t talk about me.”

 _“Hyung,”_ Hyunggu whines, pouting at him. “It's not like that. You know I love you.”

Hongseok grins brightly, saying, “I know you do. I was just teasing, Gugu-ya.”

Hyunggu’s obviously embarrassed by the nickname, letting out another whiny, “Hyuuuung!” but Yuto finds it somewhat endearing, a fond smile creeping onto his face before he knows it.

Before anyone can notice how mushy he's being, he focuses his attention on Hongseok, and out of simple curiosity, he asks, “So, which one’s yours?”

Hongseok doesn't seem to understand the question. “I’m sorry?”

“No, it's just… Isn’t everyone here sort of dating someone?” is what Yuto means, and as soon as he says it, he regrets it because Hongseok’s warm smile twists into something a little more sly.

“Are you saying that _you're_ sort of dating someone?” he shoots back, waggling his eyebrows at him.

Yuto coughs, his grip on Hyunggu’s hand tightening unconsciously, and he’s quick to shake his head, letting out a sound between a laugh and a wheeze. “What? _No._ No, no, no.” He bares his teeth in an awkward grin. “Hyunggu and I are just friends.”

“I didn't say anything about Hyunggu,” is what Hongseok says, that knowing smile still on his face and _oh, God._

“Leave him alone,” Hyunggu huffs at the elder, giving Yuto’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Then, turning to him with a small wince, he adds, “And, uh, they know.”

Yuto freezes. “They know?”

“They know.”

 _“We know,”_ the three older chime in a sing-songy voice at the same time, all beaming at Yuto when he turns to them, and Christ, what has he gotten himself into?

He's certain his face is burning bright red now, but thankfully for him, they change the subject, Hongseok sounding awfully proud when he tells him, “My boyfriend’s in college. His name is Jinho.”

Yuto’s grateful for the distraction, his blush slowly fading and ah, there's that Jinho guy Yanan had mentioned. He should’ve known.

“Don’t sound so smug,” Hyojong sneers at him, rolling his eyes again like it's his second nature. “He's only a year older than us, _and_ he looks like a 5-year old.”

“Hey!” Hongseok throws a piece of _something_ at him, Hyojong barely avoiding it. “He's cute.” He turns to Yuto. “He _is_ cute. You’ll see.”

And, _okay._ He hadn’t said it outright, but the implication was there. _You’ll see._ Meaning, he’d introduce Yuto to him someday. And it's nothing much, really, but it means something.

All he can do is nod. Then, on that topic, he switches his attention to the other two elders, still a bit confused with that whole deal. “What about you two?” he asks, and he knows he's being nosey, but if his and Hyunggu’s shit is out in the open, then he deserves to be in the know too. “Student body president and local dealer… How did that happen?”

“Oh, it was really romantic,” Hwitaek starts, batting his eyelashes at Hyojong, who nods in agreement, throwing his arms  around the boy’s neck, smushing their cheeks together.

“No, it wasn’t!” Hyunggu cuts in, scrunching up his nose at the sight of them. “Hui-hyung needed pills to help him study and he’d heard rumours of Hyojong-hyung dealing, so he found him and when he told Hyojong that the pills were to help him cram for his Chemistry final, Hyojong said, ‘That’s hot’, and asked him out.”

“Romantic, right?” Hyojong grins, making Hwitaek laugh, leaning into him a bit more, and Yuto thinks it's nice. He thinks they’re nice.

Then, with a knowing look pointed right at Yuto, Hyojong tells him, “See, Yuto-ya, it doesn't have to start out the right way to end the right way.”

He doesn't have to say it out loud, but Yuto knows exactly what he means. He knows they all know what he means. And it isn’t much, just a small piece of advice, but coming from him, it means something.

All these little things, they all mean something. And when Hyunggu looks up at him, eyes wide and sparkling and true, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips, that means something too. It might not be the look that he gives Wooseok, but Yuto thinks he likes this one better.

This one means that maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t run out of chances after all.

—

“Your friends are nice,” Yuto says later on, when they’re walking out to his spot, which – after a _long_ discussion with Hyojong and a promise of as many motorcycle lessons as he wishes – has officially been claimed as his.

“They are,” Hyunggu agrees with a small nod of his head. “And they like you.”

“Yeah?” Yuto shoots him a side-glance, and in passing, he sees that their hands are still laced together, and he tells himself that it's only because no one’s going to see them out here anyway.

“Yeah,” he says, sounding awfully sure of himself. “I’ve never seen them be so comfortable with anyone that quickly before. And by be comfortable, I mean, be the fucking idiots that they usually are.”

That makes Yuto laugh, and he supposes he’ll just have to take Hyunggu’s word for it.

“I guess I can’t blame them, though,” Hyunggu says suddenly, his voice growing smaller and he keeps his gaze on his feet. “What's not to like, right?”

Yuto stills for a moment, just one tiny moment, not long enough for Hyunggu to notice anything, but as soon as he snaps out of it, he pulls Hyunggu into him, catching his lips in a kiss, his free hand coming up to grip his chin, tilting his face up closer into his own. Almost immediately, like a reflex that his body has gotten far too used to, Hyunggu leans into the kiss, getting onto his tiptoes to get closer to him. The hand that isn’t holding Yuto’s slowly slides up from his waist, over his stomach, up to his chest where it finally rests right over his heartbeat, finding comfort in the familiarity of it.

"What was that for?" Hyunggu asks when they pull away, and he still looks so surprised every time Yuto kisses him. It's sweet.

"Just because," is Yuto's answer, smiling down at him before he gives him another strong kiss, and really, anyone could walk over here at any moment and see them, despite how ‘secret’ the place supposedly it is. But Yuto doesn’t think he cares. He doesn’t think he cares that he’s kissing Hyunggu, and holding his hand, and falling head over fucking heels for him right there and then. He doesn’t think he cares if they stay just friends for the rest of their lives. He doesn’t think he cares if Hyunggu asked him to marry him tomorrow. He doesn’t think he cares about anything, as long as he gets to have this, have _Hyunggu._

He isn’t going to fuck up this chance. Not again. No more running away, no more hiding. He’s going to stay, and he’s going to figure this out, and he’ll make it work. It’s all he can do. And-

His thoughts – and their kiss – are interrupted when his phone rings, the blaring making them jump apart. Yuto throws him an apologetic look, and he’s about to just put it on silent, until he sees the caller ID and his face falls.

“One sec,” he mutters to Hyunggu, turning his back to him quickly, but not quick enough to miss the look of confusion that’s crossed his face. He shakes it off, picking up the call, keeping his voice low when he speaks. “What is it?”

The person on the other end is asking all kinds of questions that he really can’t deal with, not now, not here.

“I can’t talk now-” He throws a wary look over his shoulder, and Hyunggu’s got his head hanging low, but he’s still close enough to hear them. “Just- Do you have anything for me or not? I told you not to call unless you did.”

That definitely piqued Hyunggu’s curiousity, and Yuto can hear the boy shuffling closer behind him, so he drops his voice even more, frustration building up his chest. “The last one was a miss,” he hisses, a little harsher than he meant to, his hand gripping his phone so hard that he’s afraid he might crush it. “ _Another fucking miss._ Remember what I’m paying you for, and get back to me when you have something useful, you hear me?” He doesn’t wait for an answer before he hangs up, shoving his phone back into his pocket, his fists balling up tightly, and they’re itching to punch holes into the next wall he sees.

“What was that about?” Hyunggu asks, voice quiet, unsure, and Yuto had almost forgotten he was there.

He loosens his hands, shaking them out and when he turns back to the boy, he’s got an all-too phony smile plastered on his face, and he knows Hyunggu sees right through it. Still, he keeps it up, forcing himself to shove his bad feelings deep, _deep_ down, not wanting him to worry.

“Nothing,” he answers, reaching out to take Hyunggu’s hands in his, pulling him back into him, and he’s reluctant at first, but he caves, letting Yuto wrap his arms around his waist, his own arms coming up to lock behind his neck. Familiar, comfortable. He looks up at Yuto with a frown, obviously not believing him, so Yuto steals a quick peck, saying, “Don’t frown like that. It’s not cute.”

That just earns him another sour look, so he sighs, tightening his grip on him. “It’s nothing, Hyunggu-ya. I swear.” He gives him one more kiss, one for reassurance, but this time, Hyunggu doesn’t return it. Still, he says, “Don’t worry about it.”

Hyunggu stares back at him, curious eyes searching his face for a real answer, an explanation, _something,_ but when he’s met with nothing, not even a hint, he gives up, slumping forward into Yuto’s arms and just leaving it be.

And even though Yuto lets him hang onto him like that, only holding him closer, there’s something off about it now. It’s not familiar, not comfortable. Not anymore. And he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do about it.

 _God._ So much for not fucking up this chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think of yuto's pov, whether you'd wanna see more of it, what i need to improve on, anything! even if you just wanna say hi then please do! :)) also, what do you guys think of me making a twitter acc for this? just somewhere that i can keep you guys updated on what's going on, when the next chapters are coming etc bc you probably don't have time to go thru the comments or anything right and maybe it could be a place where you can leave prompts for me to write and stuff like that?? idk i feel like it'd be a lot more organised since ao3 doesn't have a messaging platform so if you think it'd be a good idea, just let me know!


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow where do i start...... okay, i apologise that this chapter took so so long to update, but like i mentioned previously, i just started uni and things have been very very hectic, but i finished my first week of classes and spent the whole weekend finishing this, AND its a long ass chapter, the longest by far and hopefully that makes up for it... but on another hand, i had a tough time putting this chapter together bc i had the main points planned out but i couldn't find a way to make it all flow so i'm so so sorry if this one seems really choppy and messy, i admit its not one of my best works and i hate putting out chapters that i'm not 100% happy with but i didn't want you all to wait any longer plus if i kept obsessing over it, i'd never finish it and that would not be good. anyway this chap might be a LOT to take in, there's a lot of ups and downs so please take your time reading it and i know that this fic is rated explicit but i felt like a full on smut scene wasn't necessary in this chap so if that's what you were hoping for then i suggest looking for it somewhere else lol but a certain someone *cough* ao3 user confectionary *cough* wanted more saucy scenes so there's a teensy bit in there jdshjksk but OKAY this is getting way too long and be warned that a lot of this was written at 4am when i was on a sugar rush so i apologise for any mistakes and as always, i hope you enjoy the chapter!!
> 
> P/S: i've set up a [twitter account](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) as a way to communicate with you all and keep you guys updated on what's going and there's a [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino) linked to it where you can leave questions/prompts/etc but if you'd rather not have your question posted for everyone to see, my dms are always open as well!

“I like him.”

That's all Hwitaek’s been going on about since their little lunch with Yuto the other day, and not that Hyunggu’s complaining, because his brother's approval means a lot to him, but really?

“You're only saying that because he called you Hui-sunbaenim,” he muses, glancing up at his brother from where he's folding clothes on the floor.

Hwitaek hums, stretched out on their old couch, legs propped up on one end, head cushioned on his folded arms on the other. “Well, _that,_ but also because he's nice.” He twists his head a little to give Hyunggu a toothy grin. “And he likes you.”

“You don't know that,” Hyunggu mumbles, the pile of clothes suddenly seeming interesting enough for him to keep his gaze locked on them, knowing that if he shows so much as a glimpse of his blushing face, he’ll never live it down.

He hears Hwitaek shuffling around, and sure enough, when he risks a peek, the elder is sitting up properly, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrow arched. “You're kidding, right?” he says, disbelief clear in his scoff. “He’s totally into you.” He throws a sock at Hyunggu’s head to get his attention. “And _you’re_ totally into _him._ Why not just make it official already?”

It seems so simple when he puts it like that. Just a matter of ‘he likes you, you like him, end of story’. Except, it’s not that simple. _No,_ it’s not simple at all. They’d done it all backwards, and they’d tried to undo it, fix it, but all it did was make it worse; the lines blurring and twisting even more than they were meant to, and he isn’t sure what he wants anymore. Some days he wants Yuto to joke around with him and tell him about the new tv show he’s been watching, some days he wants Yuto to hold his hand and take him out on a fancy dinner date, some days he wants Yuto to tell him he’s his baby and ruin him in a bathroom stall like that first time. Some days he wants it all, and the worst part is, he still has no idea what Yuto wants.

Does he want to be just friends? Does he want to be more? Does he want this to be just sex again? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know. He thought he knew, after that night at the movies, even at lunch the other day, but after that phone call, he realised that he still doesn’t really know Yuto at all. And with the way he’d avoided Hyunggu’s question about it, it seems like he doesn’t want him to find out. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to work with that.

“I can’t,” is what he tells Hwitaek, and he means it. He really can’t. If he tries to push them into being something more, something serious, he’d feel like he’d be taking advantage of what might be one of the only friendships Yuto’s ever had. If he just lets things continue the way they have been, they’d be stuck in that middle ground forever, that neither here nor there place, and they’ll never get anywhere. If he suggests that they just go back to being nothing but hookups every now and then, no strings attached like it was supposed to be, he thinks he might die. Figuratively, at least. He’s already caught way too many feelings and he doesn’t think he could live with shoving them down his own throat just for the sake of getting a good lay.

And before his brother can launch himself into a long lecture about how he needs to learn to just try, _really_ try, he says, “Can I ask you something?”

He takes the small nod he gets in return as a yes.

“Okay, say, I have this friend, right? And this friend thinks that the person they like might be in some trouble, and-”

“Cut the bullshit,” Hwitaek interrupts, flinging another sock at him, probably one that goes along with the one he’d thrown earlier and he lets out a sharp sigh. “What happened?”

Hyunggu squirms under his questioning gaze, half of him knowing that he’ll feel a lot better if he just talks to his brother about it, like how he always feels whenever he’s got a problem, and the other half worried that telling him this might taint Hwitaek’s view of Yuto that’s already in such a good place. He goes with the first half, because he’d rather him be upset about it now, than later on if things get worse. He doesn’t really wanna think about what’ll happen if things get worse.

“We were just walking over to the spot – you know the one – and it was nice and all,” he starts, his lips slowly slipping into a frown without him meaning to. “Then he got this phone call-”

Hwitaek gasps, far too dramatically than he has to be. “It was his ex-boyfriend!”

“What-”

Another gasp. “Ex- _girl_ friend!”

“No-”

“Oh, I know! He's secretly a phone sex operator!”

“Hyung!” Hyunggu looks scandalised, mouth gaping wide open at him, eyes even wider.

“What? It's a big business nowadays,” is his defence, and Hyunggu almost throws the laundry basket at him.

“No, okay, shut up. It was just- There was this guy on the phone, and I couldn't hear most of it, but Yuto sounded upset.” He pauses. “No, he- he sounded _angry._ I've never heard him that angry before. And the last thing he said before he hung up was, _‘Remember what I’m paying you for, and get back to me when you have something useful.’_ ”

Hwitaek goes silent, every trace of his amusement from before completely gone now. His voice seems hesitant when he says, “Did you- did you ask him about it?”

Hyunggu nods. “He just said it was nothing, told me not to worry.” He grits his teeth, jaw tightening as he remembers Yuto’s fake smile as he said it. “But how can I just- How does he expect me not to fucking worry when he's saying things like- like _that?_ I mean, do you know how it sounds?”

“I know, Hyunggu-ya,” Hwitaek says slowly, calmly, sliding himself off the couch to sit opposite him, legs crossed. “I know how it sounds. But look, you're getting this from a half-heard conversation, with no real context. It could be _anything._ It doesn't mean it's something bad.”

“And if it _is_ something bad?” he counters, distress building up in his throat, threatening to spill right out of him. “What am I supposed to do then?”

“Well, I-”

“I mean, how’d you deal with Hyojong-hyung at first?” he asks, and he knows it's a touchy subject, one that doesn't come up very often, but he needs to know. “How were you okay with what he does?”

Hwitaek sighs again, sounding conflicted now, like he doesn't want to talk about it, but he knows that the topic would’ve come around sooner or later. “I wasn’t okay with it,” he admits, sounding sheepish, refusing to meet Hyunggu’s eyes as he tugs at a loose thread on his pants. “At first. I mean, who would be, right? I thought it was bad, like, _really_ bad. But then I thought about how _I_ was the one who went to _him_ for the pills, and if he was bad for giving them to me, then I was just as bad for asking for them in the first place.”

“See, I might not like what he does, but I understand _why_ he does it. I understand that he doesn't really have a choice. I understand that that’s the life he was brought up into. I understand that there's a lot more to him than just that,” he continues, sounding more certain of himself now, looking up at Hyunggu with a shaky smile. “I understand him, and I trust him. I trust that he knows what he's doing. I trust that he’ll take care of himself. And I trust that he’ll take care of me. That's all I need.”

“Trust?” Hyunggu echoes, voice sounding distant, like he's fading.

“Trust,” Hwitaek says again, firm, sure, like it's the only thing in the world that's worth holding onto. Then, like he knows that it’d be the question that Hyunggu would be too afraid to ask himself, he asks, “Do you trust Yuto?”

—

He doesn't know.

He wants to say that he does, but he doesn't think he does. Not yet, at least. And he doesn’t know when he will. See, he doesn’t exactly get the whole concept of trusting someone, how you go about it. He doesn’t think there’s a real step-by-step process to it. It just… happens. You just know. When you really trust someone, you’ll just know. And as much as he’d like to, he still doesn’t know that with Yuto.

There _is_ someone who he trusts with his life, someone he’s trusted all his life, someone who trusts him just as much, and he would really rather saw his own arm off than talk about this with him, but if anyone’s gonna teach him about trust, it’s Wooseok.

“Hey you,” he calls out, managing to catch up to him on the way to school, jogging up to his side. They haven’t walked together in a while, and it’s obvious in the way that Wooseok doesn’t bother slowing down to match Hyunggu’s pace.

Wooseok spares him a side glance, shooting back a dry, “Hey stranger.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” is what he asks, even though he knows the answer to it.

“Nothing,” is what Wooseok says, even though they both know it’s not. “Just haven’t seen much of you lately.”

“I’ve been-”

“Busy, yeah.” He lets out an empty laugh, his long strides still forcing Hyunggu to put in extra effort to keep up. He turns to give Hyunggu a cynical smile, a coldness behind it that almost sends a shiver down his spine. “Busy with Yuto?”

Hyunggu gulps. “I-”

“What’s up with you and that guy anyway?” Wooseok barely holds back the snarl in his voice, teeth still bared in that tight grin.

Hyunggu is careful, voice slow, calm, when he answers, “We’re friends. He’s cool.”

The boy doesn’t bother hiding it now, the muscles in his jaw twitching when he fixes his lips into scowl instead. “I don’t know about him, Hyunggu,” he starts to say, his words sounding an awful lot like a warning. “I get a bad vibe from him.”

“You don’t even know him,” he tries to counter, but he knows it’s no use. Once Wooseok’s got it set in his mind that he doesn't like someone, it stays that way.

“There's something off about him,” Wooseok says, and Hyunggu’s about to just dismiss it as him being a dick because he’d said the same thing about Hyojong back then, until he says, “I saw him-” He catches himself, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

That catches Hyunggu’s attention, tweaking his curiosity and he tugs on Wooseok’s arm to pull them to a stop, just outside their classroom.

“Saw him _what?_ ”

Wooseok's eyes dart around, like he's making sure there's no one close enough to hear them. “Look, I didn't wanna say anything because it's not like I give a shit about him anyway, but I figure you should know.” His tongue darts out to wet his lips, voice dropping as he leans in closer. “I- I saw him with this sketchy looking guy the other day. I didn't hear what they were talking about, but… it didn't look good.” He hesitates, voice unsure. “From what I saw, it looked like Yuto was giving him money. A _lot_ of money, Hyunggu. Not the kind of money a high school kid should have.”

Hyunggu feels his stomach _drop._ After the kiss at the game and the bullshit apology that came with it, he’d been less inclined to buy into Wooseok’s words, especially when it came to Yuto, but his story checks out. It’s exactly what that phone call was about, and Hyunggu doesn’t know what to do about it.

“Wh-where was this?” he asks, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “Where’d you see him?”

“Around that old workshop in town,” he says, waving a vague hand. “The mechanic, y’know?”

Hyunggu nods. He knows it. Everyone knows it. It’s just one of those places. And it doesn’t _seem_ dangerous. At least, from what he’s seen of it. Which isn’t much, if he’s being honest, because he’s never had a reason to go there till now, but he doubts a local workshop where Hwitaek probably gets his sorry excuse of a car fixed could be doubling as a gang hideout or something like that. This isn’t a fucking movie. He’ll be fine if he just goes to check it out. At least, he thinks he will.

Wooseok must’ve seen the look in his eye, because his lips turn down, head tilting. “Wait, you’re not thinking of going there, are you?”

“Well, I-”

“Oh my go-” He lets out an exasperated sigh, eyes squeezing shut for just a second, before he opens them again to stare him dead in the eyes. “Hyunggu! I told you about it to warn you, so you’d stay away. Not for you to go play fucking detective like this is some kind of game.”

Hyunggu presses his hands to his face in frustration, and he gets where Wooseok is coming from, but… “Look, I need to know, okay? He’s my friend, and if he’s in trouble then I have to help him.”

“Are you not seeing the possibility that _he_ could be the trouble?” Wooseok presses, voice starting to strain, his eyebrows furrowing together. “I mean, how much do you even know about this guy? Can you really trust him?”

The question is like a slap in the face. Because, really, what _does_ he know? He knows that Yuto is a huge scaredy cat, especially when it comes to ghosts; he knows that he can’t eat spicy food, not even kimchi; he knows that he loves his motorbike, more than anything in the world. But… none of that really helps. He still doesn’t know why he came to Korea. He still doesn’t know why he lives alone. He still doesn’t know where he’d disappeared to all those times. He still doesn’t know what the fuck is going on with him and this guy and the money, and he’s gonna lose his mind if he doesn’t find out soon.

“I just- I need to find out what’s going on,” he tells Wooseok, and he figures he deserves the groan he gets in return. “And I’ll be careful, okay? I promise. It’s gonna be fi-”

A low whistle cuts his words off, and he turns to see Yuto walking up to the classroom, his footsteps coming to a stop right in front of them. His gaze flickers from Wooseok, to Hyunggu, back to Wooseok.

“You’re blocking the door,” he says to him, voice cold, cutting. When Wooseok makes no sign of moving, Yuto’s fist comes up to slam against the doorframe, making Hyunggu jump from the bang, Wooseok flinching just slightly. His lips curl into a wolfish grin, teeth bared as his voice grows harsher. “ _I said,_ you’re blocking the fucking door.”

Wooseok’s jaw tightens, nostrils flaring and he shoots a wide eyed look over at Hyunggu as if to say, _‘See!’_

Yuto turns to him too, an expectant look on his face, like he's waiting for Hyunggu to do… _something._

And Hyunggu doesn't know why, but he can't seem to make himself meet Yuto’s eyes. His heart is racing, like it always is around him, but it's different now. Now, it feels like he's afraid. He's never been afraid of Yuto before, and he doesn't know what that means.

“Um- Come on, let’s just-” Hyunggu moves to give Wooseok a sharp nudge, still keeping his gaze low as he pushes them through the doorway. He mumbles a small sorry to Yuto as he passes, catching a glimpse of the dark look on his face and it makes his insides twist.

He doesn't know how he's gonna trust Yuto at all now.

—

Hyunggu is an idiot.

He's an idiot, and he's just overreacting. He’d been too on edge, too worried, believing Wooseok’s words far too easily, reading too much into his cold attitude the other day. There's nothing wrong with Yuto. Nothing to be scared of. Of course Hyunggu can trust him.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

Still, no matter how much he tries to convince himself that Yuto’s still just the same Yuto that he's known from the start, he finds himself drifting away from the boy in the days after the whole deal with Wooseok. At first it was just in class, where he’d refused to even turn back to Yuto’s desk to say hello, keeping his head locked on the board, giving the excuse that he needed to start focusing more on the lessons. Then it was after classes, where he’d immediately sneak off to his makeshift dance studio, or even the gym, before Yuto could catch him, under the guise that he needed to step up on his practices. Then it was lunch, where he’d decided to eat with the cheer girls on some days, the basketball boys on others, even with Shinwon’s friends at one point, telling everyone that he needed to spend more time outside his own little friend group. Hyojong kept trying to persuade Yuto to have lunch with just them, even without Hyunggu, but after a while, he just stopped coming altogether.

Hyunggu feels awful.

See, it's not like he _meant_ to avoid him, it was just his body’s defences’ way of keeping him safe, to the point where he'd neglected someone who's supposed to be his friend, at a time where he probably needs him most. Man, he really is shitty at this whole being friends thing. And he knows he needs to be better.

Which is why he forces himself to ride down to that workshop Wooseok told him about, first thing on Sunday morning, swallowing his fears of being kidnapped by an underground biker gang, so he can finally figure out what the fuck is really going on with Yuto.

He doesn't know what he expected to find once he got there, maybe gang signs spray painted on the walls, burly guards who could squeeze the life out of you at the door, Yuto in the centre of it all, tossing money around and calling out orders. But there's none of that.

Well, there _is_ Yuto, except he's not some scary gang leader. He's just… him. And he's sliding out from under a car engine, his tan skin slicked with sweat from his face, to his neck, to his muscled arms that are on full display in the black muscle tee that he's in, oil-stained overalls tied loosely around his waist, and _fuck._

Hyunggu doesn't realise he's crashed his bike into a fucking tree until he feels himself sprawled out on his back on the road, his legs trapped under his bike and _ouch._

“Hey, are you oka-” Yuto freezes when he realises who it is. _“Hyunggu?”_

Hyunggu whimpers in response, and Yuto seems to snap out of his minor daze, immediately moving to lift his bike off of him, ignoring his outstretched hand and just scooping him up instead, arm still tight around his waist when he sets him on his feet.

“You okay?” he asks again, shuffling over so that they’re standing opposite each other, both his hands on either side of Hyunggu's hips now, concern flooding his face. “What the hell happened?”

“Nothing!” Hyunggu chirps, a choked up laugh escaping his throat. “I’m fine. I am fine. I’m great. I was just, you know, just- Um…” His voice trails off, his focus slipping as he stares at Yuto’s chest, and _shit,_ he’s never noticed what a great chest he has, his sweat making the flimsy material cling to his skin, showing off his perfectly carved body, firm, strong, and Hyunggu just wants to-

Yuto clears his throat. “Eyes up here, sweetheart.”

_Uh-oh._

Hyunggu flashes a sheepish grin when he looks up at Yuto, feeling warmth spread across his face. “Sorry,” he mumbles, and Yuto gives him a playful roll of his eyes, the corners of his lips quirking up in that familiar smirk of his, the one he hasn’t seen on him in a while.

“It’s fine,” he replies in a tone so smug that it makes Hyunggu want to smack him. He doesn’t though, because then Yuto asks, “Where were you headed?”

“School,” is his immediate reply.

Yuto looks skeptical. “On a Sunday?”

“Cheer practice.” It isn’t a lie. Sort of. He’d already nailed this particular routine so Chungha gave him the day off, but he figured it would be the perfect cover in case things went south over here.

“Ah…” Yuto gives him a pointed look right then, his expression dissolving into something more… somber. His voice changes too when he speaks, more serious when he says, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Hyunggu coughs, his throat suddenly clenching up, barely managing to force out a, “No, I haven’t!”

Yuto cocks a sharp eyebrow.

“Okay, fine, I have!” Hyunggu caves, his mouth curling down into a sulky frown as his shoulders droop forward, hating the fact that that’s all it took to break him. “I didn’t mean to, okay? I just-”

The boy sighs, resigned, like he knew this was coming. “You’re still upset about that phone call, aren’t you?” he asks, even though they both know the answer to that. “Look, I told you, it was-”

“Nothing, yeah,” Hyunggu cuts in, tone sharper than he meant to. “Well, it didn’t sound like nothing to me. And Wooseok said- _No,_ don’t give me that look. I know you don’t like him, but he only meant well when he told me that he saw you here, giving money to some- some guy, and-”

“ _And,_ it’s still nothing,” Yuto insists, his thumbs pressing into Hyunggu’s side as a comfort, trying his best to keep his voice light, unbothered. “And that guy, he’s no one. Okay?”

“Not okay!” he shoots back, and if he was one thing, Hyunggu's the most stubborn little shit in the world. “Why can’t you just tell me the truth? I mean-” He knows he has no right to pull this card, especially with the way he’s been acting lately, but he’s desperate. “Friends tell each other things, right?”

He doesn’t miss the sullen look that crosses Yuto’s face at the mention of ‘friends’, but it’s gone before he can fully register it, like a dark cloud that rolls by before you even realise it’s there.

Yuto runs his tongue over his bottom lip, like he’s still thinking of what to say, and eventually, he gives Hyunggu a tight smile, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “They do,” he starts with a small nod. “But they also trust each other, right? So, trust me when I say that there really is nothing going on.”

“But-”

“Hyunggu, if this could hurt you, or- or even me, in any way, don’t you think I would’ve told you?”

That makes Hyunggu stop. Just… stop. The ache that paints Yuto’s voice pulls at his own heartstrings, like he's hurt that Hyunggu would even think that of him, guilt slowly beginning to consume Hyunggu from the inside out. Because Yuto's right. From the start, even from that first day that they properly met, when they knew nothing about each other, when he had no reason to even bother with Hyunggu at all, all he’s ever done was be good to him, take care of him, make sure he got home safe. Apart from those two weeks where he disappeared without a trace, which they _still_ haven't had a chance to really talk about, Yuto’s never done anything to hurt him. So why would he now?

If Yuto says that there's nothing going on, then he’ll have to trust that. If he can't bring himself to fully trust Yuto yet, he'll have to at least trust that.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, offering an apologetic look, doing his best to rid himself of his apprehensions. “You're right. I shouldn’t have- I was just worried, you know?”

Yuto nods, understanding. “I know,” he answers, giving Hyunggu a small smile, a hand coming up to give his forehead a gentle tap. “But there's nothing to worry your pretty little head about, okay?”

Hyunggu’s lips roll in to force down a giddy smile, not wanting to show how much he's been craving the attention that he's missed the past few days, but the blush that tints his cheeks betrays him.

“You think I’m pretty?” he mumbles, gaze shy when he glances up at Yuto.

“Of course you're pretty,” Yuto answers in a matter-of-fact tone, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and _fuck._

Hyunggu thinks his heart skipped a beat.

Luckily for him, Yuto changes the subject, asking, “Aren’t you gonna be late for practice?”

“Shit, yeah.” He’d completely forgotten about that, smacking his forehead, and when he goes over to pick up his bike, he sucks in a sharp breath. “My chain’s broken.”

Yuto barely holds back a snort, cooing at Hyunggu’s sulky face. “Poor baby,” he teases, a cheeky grin on his face. “That’s what you get for looking at me and not the road.” That earns him a sharp smack on the chest, which really is a fucking great chest, and Hyunggu’s not sure whether he’s more embarrassed that he fell or that he got caught staring.

Yuto lets out a laugh, one of those full-of-life ones that Hyunggu really likes. Then, in a kinder voice, he offers, “Come on, I’ll walk you there.”

Hyunggu blinks. “Really?”

He laughs again, looking awfully amused by Hyunggu’s confusion. “Yes, really.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, my shift’s over anyway,” he says, waving a vague hand towards the workshop. Then, clearing his throat, his voice dropping to barely a murmur, he adds, “And I kinda missed you.”

Hyunggu heard it, they both know he did, but being the little shit that he is, he flashes a wicked grin, asking, “What was that?”

“I kinda missed you,” he repeats in an equally as low voice, even faster than the first time, expression already growing bashful

“Again?” Hyunggu chimes, tucking his hair behind his ear, leaning closer to Yuto and-

_Oh._

Yuto steals a kiss, just a quick peck before Hyunggu can even register what’s happening, the look on his face part satisfied, part embarrassed when he pulls away, telling Hyunggu in a clear voice this time, “ _I said,_ I missed you, you idiot.”

If Hyunggu’s wasn’t already burning up before, he definitely is now, blood rushing to his skin, warmth spreading through his veins, sparks going off in his heart. See, Yuto’s becoming even more and more open with expressing his feelings towards Hyunggu, even though he needs a little push every now and then, and Hyunggu’s not sure how he feels about it. He likes it, obviously, he likes it a lot, because it means that maybe this crush of his isn’t so one-sided after all. But at the same time, it sends his body into overdrive every single time Yuto does so much as look at him a certain way and he really can’t afford to die of a heart attack at only 17. Hwitaek would kill him. He’d already be dead, but Hwitaek would still kill him.

“I missed you too,” he mumbles back, once his heart has calmed down enough for him to string those four words together, a smile stretching his lips so much that his cheeks start to ache, but he doesn’t mind, because it makes Yuto smile just as wide.

“Come on, let’s walk,” Yuto says, and so, they walk.

It’s different from when they’re on Yuto’s motorbike, riding too fast, wind blowing too loudly for them to even hear themselves breathe. Just walking like this, slow steps, Hyunggu’s bike being dragged along in between them, it’s… nicer. They can talk, for starters, and well, they do have a lot to talk about.

“Why cheerleading?” Yuto starts, genuine curiousity in his tone, then as if realising how it might’ve sounded, he adds, “Not that there’s anything wrong with it, just- Why?”

Hyunggu gets what he means. It isn’t exactly a norm for a guy to become a cheerleader, especially in a small town like theirs where people stare and whisper about you in the grocery store as if you don’t fucking notice them, but well. It is what it is.

“They didn’t have a dancing programme,” is Hyunggu’s answer, and it’s the truth. He hadn’t exactly set out to become a cheerleader, but sometimes in life, you just have to take what you can get. He’s learned that the hard way. “Cheerleading was the closest thing to dancing that they had, so I went for it. And turns out I was pretty good at it, so.” He lets out a small chuckle, his head shaking when he remembers the first time he showed up for the tryouts and they told him that basketball tryouts were on the next day. “Most of the girls were a bit… _eh,_ about me joining the squad at first, but Chungha - our captain - she took me in and over time, we all learned to get along. And, I mean, I love it. Cheerleading. It’s fun.”

“That’s good,” Yuto nods, then- “Um, not that they didn’t have a dancing programme, or- or that they didn’t want you on the squad at first. Just- It’s good that you love it. It’s good to love things.” He pauses, face scrunching up. “I mean, just- Yeah, good. That’s good. You’re good.”

Hyunggu wants to laugh at him, the boy’s flustered self oddly endearing, but to save him from embarrassment, he says, “My turn!” He gives Yuto a pointed look. “Why are you working as a mechanic?”

“Because I like it,” is his answer, short, simple, and Hyunggu scoffs disapprovingly.

“That’s not fair!” he whines, pursing his lips at Yuto. “I gave you a whole backstory there, and all you have to say is, ‘I like it’?”

Yuto fakes a sigh, rolling his eyes far too obviously. “Because I like it,” he repeats pointedly, mirroring Hyunggu’s expression. “I like working on engines, and fixing up old bikes, and I mean, might as well get paid to do it, right?”

“Right,” Hyunggu agrees with a nod, satisfied with his answer. Humming, he drags his gaze over Yuto’s body, admiring every bit of it, before he looks up at him again, a dazed look on his face when he says, “And you look _great_ in those overalls.”

Yuto’s tongue darts out across his bottom lip before he pulls it in between his teeth, giving Hyunggu a look that makes his knees go a little weak. He cocks an eyebrow, head tilting just slightly, and there’s a smooth rumble in his voice when he says, “I bet you’d look even greater in one of those cheerleading skirts.”

“Well, I do wear them sometimes,” Hyunggu shoots back casually, and it must’ve not been what Yuto was expecting to hear, because that cool exterior of his breaks immediately, wide eyes blinking at him.

“O-Oh?”

“Yes, _oh,_ ” Hyunggu chimes back with a cheeky grin, coming to a stop at the edge of the field. He sees the girls already warming up, so he turns to Yuto with a small sigh. “Thanks for walking me, Yuto-ya. I’ll see you around.”

“Wait-”

Hyunggu doesn’t wait for him to finish, dropping his bike on the grass, spinning on his heel to walk away from him slowly, purposely putting an extra sway to his hips as he does, and he knows he’s being a fucking tease, but it’s worth it when he feels a hand latch onto his waist, tugging him back.

“Wear one for me,” Yuto whispers, lips ghosting over his ear, chest flush against Hyunggu’s back, hand gripping his side tightly. It isn’t a question, just a request. A demand. And as if it made any difference now, he adds, “Please?”

Hyunggu had already decided to as soon as Yuto mentioned skirts, but now that he’s actually asking for it… He pulls himself away from the boy, throwing a quick wink over his shoulder as he calls out, “We’ll see!”

And Yuto looks all kinds of flustered when he sneaks a glance over at him, and oh boy, this is going to be fun.

—

Or not.

As soon as Hyunggu steps into class that Monday morning, smooth legs being shown off in his pleated skirt, a sliver of tummy flashing every time his little crop top lifts, he feels all eyes on him. Not that he isn’t used to it, but he hasn’t worn the full uniform in a while, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel at least a tiny bit embarrassed.

Wooseok’s eyes almost pop right out of his skull, the boy nearly spitting out his coffee when he sees Hyunggu, and the reaction is flattering, to say the least.

“Still fits, huh?” he mumbles shyly, his hands wringing together in front of him, barely able to keep his gaze up.

Wooseok nods quickly, gulping down whatever he can. “Yeah, it fits. It fits great. You-you look great. Really great, Hyunggu. Um-” He coughs, hand thumping on his chest, and Hyunggu feels a little bad for making him choke. “What’s, uh, what’s the occasion?”

The occasion, as Wooseok put it, walks in right then, his head ducked low as it always is, until he bumps into Hyunggu and-

“Holy shit,” Yuto says, more to himself than to anyone else, eyes not-so-subtly taking in Hyunggu’s outfit, his body, his everything, jaw slowly dropping with every growing second that his gaze lingers on the boy.

Hyunggu clears his throat. “Eyes up here, mister.”

Yuto’s head immediately snaps up, eyes wide, mouth even wider and his face starts to burn. “Right. Sorry. I-” He shakes his head, eyes blinking quickly to pull himself back to his senses, and Hyunggu think it’s a little cute, actually. Yuto bares his teeth in an awkward grin, eyes still flickering between Hyunggu's face and his legs, swallowing thickly. “Can you just- Uh. Come on.”

He grabs Hyunggu’s hand, yanking them both out of the classroom and into the nearest empty room, and as soon as he kicks the door shut, he sucks in a long breath of air. And another. And another. Finally, he huffs out, “What the fuck, Hyunggu?”

Hyunggu’s face falls. Stomach drops. Heart clenches. Voice shakes when he says, “Y-You don’t like it?”

“No,” Yuto says, too quickly, and it hits Hyunggu, sharp, stinging. Then, “No- I mean, no, it’s not that I don’t like it. It’s that I _do_ like it. A lot. So much.” He gulps. “Too much.”

“Oh.” Hyunggu feels blood rush to his face, stomach fluttering, heart clenching in a different way now. His voice still shakes when he asks, “So, you still think I’m pretty?”

The smile that Yuto gives him right then is one of the sweetest smiles he thinks he’s ever seen in his life, his hands gentle when they come up to cup Hyunggu’s face, thumbs pressing into the apples of his cheeks lightly. “Of course I still think you’re pretty,” he tells him, nothing but genuinity in his voice. But, he sounds a lot more… antsy when he says, “Hyunggu?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Out of this room?”

“No, out of this school.”

“But… we have math.”

Yuto chokes out a laugh that sounds more like a wheeze, really, squeezing Hyunggu’s face in his hands. “Look, sweetheart, I don't think I can sit through algebra with you looking like that right in front of me”

“Well, then, wh-where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere.”

“To do what?” Hyunggu asks, still unsure where he's going with all this.

“You,” is all Yuto says. A simple word. One tiny little word, but he understands.

“ _Oh._ ”

Yuto’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, sounding just a bit unsure of himself when he says, “I-I mean, tell me I’m not the only one who’s thought about it.”

“No, no, I have, it’s just…”

When he thinks about it, _really_ thinks about it, Hyunggu supposes that when they first started hooking up, he figured that at some point they’d end up sleeping together for real, but their decision to become friends put a little dent in that, and now he doesn’t know how it's gonna work. On one hand, the fact that they’re a little closer now might make things easier if they were to ever get to that point. But then again, them being closer means that actually having sex, taking that one more step, could mess up the whole dynamic that they’ve got going on now, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to fuck that up just yet.

He supposes he could just go along with him to wherever it is that Yuto wants to take him to, because with everything that’s been going on, all they’ve gotten to do was make out a little here and there, or not even that since Hyunggu had spent the past week avoiding him, and if he’s gonna be completely honest here, he’s craving a little more. Or a lot more, actually. Because man, does he miss Yuto. He misses Yuto’s hands on him, the ones that know his body like it’s his own, what he likes, what he doesn’t. He misses Yuto’s lips, the ones that know exactly where to go, leaving trails of kisses, secret marks for only them to see. He misses Yuto’s eyes, the ones that never leave his, no matter what, always locked with his own to make sure he’s okay.

He misses Yuto, and he wants him, and right now, he can have him. He can just up and go and get fucked in some cheap motel, because they’re desperate and impatient and his little outfit today has got Yuto stuck in some kind of crazy sex haze that he can't seem to snap out of, but none of it will fucking mean anything. And he doesn’t want that. He doesn't want this to be just another hookup, another product of raging hormones and bad decisions, just like that first time, because look how well _that_ turned out.

Maybe before… everything, he wouldn’t have cared. He wouldn’t have cared if they did it in that same fucking bathroom stall, but now… now, he wants something different. He wants something real, and he can’t have that with someone who still isn’t sure what he wants. So, he wants to know if Yuto really wants him just as much as he does, and if there's one thing Hyunggu’s good at, it's getting what he wants.

It takes about half a second for Hyunggu to tap into that different side of him, his sheepishness from just a moment ago forgotten almost immediately. He takes Yuto’s hands in his own, tugging them away from his face, moving them to his waist instead and the boy barely holds back a gasp when Hyunggu lets his palms rest against that small bit of skin under his cheer top, Yuto’s skin warm against his.

“Listen… Stay in class the whole day,” Hyunggu starts, and Yuto already begins to complain, but he shuts his mouth as soon as Hyunggu slides his hands down a little further, on either side of his thighs, his words dying on his tongue. Again, sharper this time, Hyunggu says, “Stay in class the whole day, then later…”

“Later?”

Hyunggu brings his hands even lower, just by the edge of his skirt, a razor-sharp grin tugging at his lips. “Later,” he drawls out slowly, leaning in a little. “I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?” Yuto asks, voice barely a whisper.

Yuto’s hands start to get jittery from where they’re brushing against the pleats of his skirt, so Hyunggu does them both a favour as he slips them under and lets them go, letting the boy grip the back of his bare thighs, his fingers pressing into his skin like they belong there, the feeling familiar to both of them.

“Anything,” he answers with a nod. Then with a small tilt of his head, a devilish glint in his eyes, he adds, “If you’re good.”

“Good?” Yuto echoes, puffing out a heavy breath, head shaking. “What do you mean ‘good’?”

Hyunggu hums, a finger tracing patterns up and down his chest, making him shiver just slightly. His voice drops to a murmur when he says, “It’s easy. Just keep your eyes and hands to yourself for the day, while I have a little fun.”

Yuto stills. “What kind of fun?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he chimes, mischief lighting up his eyes. “Those football boys seemed to like what they saw…”

Yuto’s grip on his legs tighten, jaw clenching. “Hyunggu, I don’t think-”

Hyunggu clicks his tongue, dragging his finger up the side of Yuto’s neck, along his jaw, before it rests on his lips, silencing him. “Shh, shh. Just be good for me, hm? You can do that, can’t you?”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?” Yuto grumbles lowly, and Hyunggu takes it as a compliment, grinning up at him.

He gets on his tiptoes to level with Yuto, replacing his finger with his lips, just barely brushing them against Yuto’s as he tells him, “I’m worth it.” Then, before he turns to leave, he says the one thing that he’s certain will get through to Yuto: “Just ask Wooseok.”

Hyunggu doesn’t wait for him to react, slipping out of his hold easily and he heads straight back into class, feeling a lot more confident than he was before, and it shows, his classmates whispering excitedly among themselves as he struts over to his seat, sure of his plan. He doesn’t even have to count all the way up to ten before Yuto pushes his way into the classroom, his steps obviously reluctant, but he’s there, and that’s all that matters.

“The things I do for you, Kang Hyunggu,” Yuto mutters under his breath as he walks past Hyunggu’s desk, not even sparing him a glance.

And _huh,_ Hyunggu thinks to himself, _maybe this will be fun after all._

—

It’s exhausting.

Teasing Yuto, that is. And Hyunggu can’t count how many times he’s accidentally dropped a pencil, or leaned over a desk, or even fallen flat on his ass today, and Yuto still won’t break. He’s surprisingly got a lot of self-control for someone who was so ready to just ditch school to get laid just earlier, and as much as Hyunggu admires that, he’s getting tired.

See, he doesn’t actually want Yuto to be good for him. In fact, he doesn’t want Yuto to be good at all. The whole point of this; his ridiculous poses to show off his body, his stupid giggling and flirting with other boys, even his desperate attempt at flinging himself right into Yuto – which, embarrassingly, ended up with him side-stepping Hyunggu and going back to his desk without a single word; is to make Yuto be a little bad. It’s to make Yuto prove that he really wants him, that he’s not playing around anymore, that he isn’t just in it for a good fuck.

But he isn’t fucking breaking, and Hyunggu doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Or, maybe he does. God. He didn’t want it to get to this point, didn’t want to get _him_ involved, and he kinda feels like shit for doing it, but well, maybe he’s a little bad too.

Hyunggu skips over to Wooseok’s desk, kicking his voice up a notch higher when he says, “Wooseokie,” catching both his and Yuto’s attention, and he barely manages to hold back a grin when he sees Yuto sneak a glance over at them.

“Yeah?” Wooseok sounds far too eager, puppy eyes looking up at him immediately, and Hyunggu forces down the guilt that pools in his gut, flashing a bright grin instead.

“I need some help with this question,” he tells him, holding out his book, lips pouting for effect.

Wooseok lets out a breathy chuckle, his head shaking in confusion. “But you’re better at English than I am, I don’t-”

Hyunggu drops his book on the table, leaning over it so much that his face is only inches away from Wooseok’s and he gives him a sweet smile, eyelashes batting. “Just try.”

“O-Okay,” the boy stutters, cheeks already blooming red as he ducks his head to focus on the question.

Hyunggu barely registers his words, nodding his head along to his fumbly explanation, chipping in an “Ah!” every now and then to keep him going. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Yuto struggling to keep his gaze focused on his own work, his grip on his pen so tight that it looks like he might just snap it in half, and the little devil in him in more than pleased.

“So, when you put this word here-”

“You know how you were saying we haven’t been hanging out much lately?” Hyunggu cuts in, gently tapping his pen on Wooseok’s nose to draw his attention, his chin resting in his palm as he looks at him, still smiling.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, do you want-”

“Can I talk to you?”

Hyunggu looks up to see Yuto standing over them, that pen still being crushed in his hand, jaw set so tightly that he could cut himself on the sharp line of it. _Finally._ His plan is working just how he wants it to, but being the little shit that he is, he decides to push him just a teeny bit more, waving a hand when he says, “Whatever you wanna say, you can say it in front of Wooseok.”

“No, I can’t,” he grits out, his gaze darkening by the second, mouth twitching. “Can you just-”

“Look, you heard him-” Wooseok begins, but the cold look Yuto throws at him right then makes him stop.

“This is none of your business,” Yuto hisses lowly, baring his teeth in a snarl. “Why don’t you just go back to doing those little grammar questions and stay out of it, hm?” He doesn’t bother waiting for a response, not that he’ll get one anyway from the looks of it, Wooseok’s jaw dropped in silence, and he refocuses his gaze on Hyunggu, features softening just barely, mouth still tight. “Outside. Now. Please.”

Hyunggu fakes an exaggerated sigh, getting to his feet, and he reaches out to pat Wooseok’s head. “Thanks, Wooseokie,” he says, giving him one last smile. “We’ll talk soon.” He turns to Yuto, eyebrows raised. “Well?”

Yuto gives Wooseok one last glare before he takes Hyunggu’s hand, leading them out of the classroom just like he had earlier, taking them back to that empty classroom, and when once they’re inside, he drops Hyunggu’s hand, pressing both his palms to his own face as he breathes in deeply. Breathes out.

Then, “I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” Hyunggu quips innocently, eyes blinking widely.

“This!” Yuto shouts, waving his arms around wildly. “I can’t do what you want me to do, okay? I-I can’t just fucking sit there and watch you do all these- these things, with all these other people, right in front of my eyes.” He breathes out heavily, frustration clear in the way he looks, the way he speaks. “I’m sorry, okay? I tried, I did. But I- I don’t care if I can’t be good for you, I don’t care if that doesn’t get me anything I want, I don’t care if you don’t wanna sleep with me now. Hell, I don’t care if you don’t wanna sleep with me ever, okay? I just- I can’t see you with them, with- with _him,_ and not with me.”

And there it is.

Hyunggu can’t help the grin that slowly stretches his lips, satisfaction clear in his expression and-

“Oh my god.” Yuto’s eyes going wide, realisation pooling in them as it hits him. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You- you did all that on purpose, just to what? Test me?”

“Well, you passed!” Hyunggu cheers, beaming up at him as he pats his chest. Then, with a cheeky wink, he says, “And you can still claim your prize, you know. If you still want it, that is. I mean, like you said, you don’t care if-”

Yuto cuts him off with a kiss, and _okay,_ he’s been waiting for that all day, caving in immediately, hands finding their way to the back of Yuto’s neck to pull him in closer. There’s something different about his kiss this time, it seems more… sure, more certain, like he’s finally decided what he really wants, and what it is is this right here.

“I want it,” Yuto breathes out when he pulls away, keeping his forehead pressed against Hyunggu’s, eyes locked on his. “I want you.” He gulps, gaze flickering nervously. “Come home with me?”

All it takes is an okay, and before he knows it, Hyunggu’s kissing him again, in his apartment this time, greedy hands pushing off Yuto’s blazer, tugging at his tie as he leads them to his bedroom, his hands roaming all over Hyunggu’s body, snaking under his shirt, under his skirt, anywhere and everywhere that he can touch.

“Tell me what you want,” Hyunggu whispers to him when he’s finally got them on his bed, Hyunggu sat gingerly on the edge, and he smiles up at Yuto. “You can have anything.”

“Dance for me,” is what Yuto says, turning them over so that he's on the bed, Hyunggu on his lap, that skirt of his splayed out perfectly over his legs. “I wanna see my baby dance.”

The words are familiar, the words are his own, spoken from his own mouth in a position just like this, and it feels like they're from a million years ago. He doesn't know why he likes hearing Yuto say it, he doesn't know why it sparks something in him, a burning in his chest, warmth pooling in his gut, but all he knows is that if Yuto wants him to dance, then he’ll dance.

Hyunggu starts out simple, the way any dancer would, all calculated spins and sharp legwork to show technique, and Yuto just watches him, gaze intense, eyes following every single movement, every twist and turn and curve of his body, slowly slipping into a trance. It’s only until Hyunggu’s pulls out his signature move that Yuto snaps out of it, a move he's practiced to perfection after all his years of dancing; a perfect jump into a smooth slide across the floor, his body rolling, hand running into his sweaty hair, and the way his lips part as he catches his breath is borderline pornographic, really. The only people who’ve seen this move are Hwitaek and Chungha, and neither of them quite had the reaction Yuto has, a low, “Fuck,” slipping out of his lips, legs shifting uncomfortably.

Hyunggu takes his sweet time to walk over to Yuto, his steps careful and slow, legs stretching out, hips swaying. By the time he reaches him, Yuto’s already far too eager, hands latching onto him immediately, and Hyunggu lets him, climbing into his lap, ankles locking behind his back, and he can already feel how hard Yuto is, grinding onto him just a little.

“Hyunggu…” he starts, hands squeezing his thighs in warning, eyes wavering.

Hyunggu shushes him with a kiss, hips moving even harder now, hands finding their way to his tie, tugging it off expertly, working their way down the buttons of his shirt and once he's got that off, he breaks the kiss to slip off his own top, and he hears Yuto curse under his breath.

He takes that as a good sign, and he tugs at Yuto’s hair to tilt his head back, leaving open-mouthed kisses along his throat, making him start to squirm, and when he bites down, sucking on the soft skin, Yuto hisses, sharp fingers digging into him, and he flips them over so quickly that Hyunggu doesn't realise what's happening until he's flat on his back, Yuto hovering over him, lust clear in the way he gazes down at him, eyes glassy, lips swollen, a bruise blooming on his skin where Hyunggu had marked him.

Yuto leans down to trail kisses down his bare chest, over his stomach, lower and lower, and when Hyunggu reaches down to slide off his skirt, Yuto catches his hands, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Leave it on. I like it.”

Hyunggu feels his face burn, but he nods, stuttering out an, “O-Okay.”

“I want you,” Yuto says again, just like he had earlier, as he crawls back up over Hyunggu and when he asks, “Do you want me?” Hyunggu nods again, but- “I-I haven’t, _you know,_ in a long time.”

Yuto nods in understanding, and Hyunggu doesn't know why relief floods him when Yuto gives him a sheepish smile, saying, “I haven’t either.”

He reaches out to brush away a strand of hair from Hyunggu’s face, tucking it behind his ear, eyes taking in his face and he quirks a smile. “Pretty baby,” he mumbles, more to himself than to Hyunggu, and he presses a soft kiss to his forehead, before he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

Hyunggu manages to crack a shaky smile, but he can’t quite meet Yuto’s eyes, all his confidence from earlier leaving his body, leaving him vulnerable, nerves swallowing him up and Yuto notices, ducking his head to look at him properly.

“Hey, hey.” Yuto shakes his head, telling him, “It’s okay, Hyunggu. We don’t have to, okay? We don't have to do anything you don’t wanna do.”

“No,” he chokes out, hands coming up to grab onto Yuto’s neck, thumbs resting right where his pulse beats, the familiarity of it giving him a sense of comfort, easing his nerves just enough. “I want to. I do. It’s just- I’m scared.”

Yuto lets out a small sigh, hand cupping his face and he presses a slow kiss to Hyunggu’s lips, reassuring, comforting, real.

“Do you trust me?” is the question that Yuto asks, the question that Hwitaek had asked, that Wooseok had asked, that Hyunggu has been asking himself.

And does he? Does he trust that Yuto knows what he's doing? Does he trust that Yuto will take care of himself? Does he trust that Yuto will take care of him?

_Does he really trust Yuto?_

Hyunggu looks at him, _really_ looks at him, at those hands that know his body like it's his own, at those lips that know exactly where to go, at those eyes, those fucking beautiful eyes that never leave his, no matter what, and finally, Hyunggu lets himself say, “I trust you.”

—

Hyunggu doesn’t stay, because they’re not at that point yet, because they’re both still too overwhelmed, because if he stays now, he might never leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Yuto asks, or tries to, at least, his words coming out muffled from where he’s too busy kissing Hyunggu goodbye, his arms wound tightly around him like he doesn’t want him to leave.

“See you tomorrow,” Hyunggu mumbles back, laughing into the kiss, his own hands trapped between their chests, Yuto’s still bare because he refused to put on a shirt, and he can feel the boy’s heartbeat against his palms. It’s nice, and he kinda wants to stay like this forever, but he forces himself to push Yuto away, saying, “I should get home. Hui-hyung has no idea where I am, and he’s gonna kill me when he finds out I ditched half a day of school.”

Yuto gives him an apologetic look, nose scrunching up. “Sorry,” he says, then, with a cheeky grin, he adds, “Or, not really.”

Hyunggu rolls his eyes, giving him a light smack on the shoulder, but he smiles back anyway. “I really need to go now.”

“Okay.”

“You have to let go of me first.”

“Okay.”

“ _Yuto._ ”

He heaves a sigh, pulling him in for a tight hug, burying his face into Hyunggu’s shoulder for a moment before he releases him, a pout on his lips. “Okay.”

Hyunggu feels his heart do a backflip or two, and he indulges Yuto in one last kiss, before he calls out a goodbye, opening the front door and-

“Whoa. Hey. Uh... you’re not Yuto.”

The person who says it is someone Hyunggu’s never seen before, but taking in the way he looks, older, scruffy, and the fact that Yuto comes to stand by his side immediately, his face set grimly, Hyunggu has a pretty good idea who it is.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yuto asks him, his voice sharp, cutting, but the guy doesn’t seem fazed, ignoring his question and his eyes wander over to Hyunggu, taking in his outfit, gaze lingering a little too long on his legs, and Hyunggu starts to feel uncomfortable, and Yuto notices, arm coming around his waist to pull him closer, hiding Hyunggu behind him and Hyunggu is grateful, clutching onto his arm like a child.

Yuto snaps his fingers in the guy’s face to grab his attention again, scowling when he says, “I asked you a question.”

“I have... something for you,” the guy says carefully, eyes flickering between Yuto and Hyunggu, as if he’s worried he might say the wrong thing.

“You could’ve just called,” Yuto spits back, clearly growing impatient, and the only thing keeping him civil is Hyunggu, still holding onto him like a lifeline.

The guy isn’t very kind either, throwing an equally as dirty look at Yuto, his teeth gritted when he tells him, “It’s important.” He shoots a sharp look at Hyunggu, barely a second, before he jerks his head at Yuto, as if to say, ‘Get rid of him’, and Hyunggu’s grip on Yuto tightens.

Yuto still won’t budge, shaking his head. “We can do this tomo-”

The guy scoffs, frustration clear on his face. “For fuck’s sake, Yuto, I found-”

Yuto practically pounces on him, smacking his hand on his mouth to shut him up, his chest heaving, and Hyunggu can hear the desperation is his voice when he asks, “Are you sure?”

The guy nods, and Hyunggu doesn’t know what it is that changes Yuto’s mind, but his body goes slack, letting the guy go and he lets out a shaky breath, turning to Hyunggu.

“I think you should go home,” he says in a small voice, so quiet that he can barely hear it at first “We’ll talk about this later.”

“But-”

“Please,” Yuto presses, meeting his eyes, and-

“Okay,” Hyunggu says, and he isn’t one to give up so easily, but he’s tired, and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. So, he leaves, not even bothering with a goodbye this time, keeping his head ducked low as he makes his way out of the building, and he’s never been afraid of walking on his own at night, but right now, he just feels alone. So fucking alone.

—

Hyunggu can’t sleep.

He’d already gotten chewed out by his brother as soon as he got home, but when Hwitaek saw that he wasn’t even trying to defend himself, he stopped, letting him go up to his room because he knew that he wouldn’t get a word out of him tonight.

So, he crawled into bed, still dressed in the hoodie that Yuto let him wear before he left, and he hates that he likes it. He hates that it’s warm, and soft, and smells just like him. He hates that it’s the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

_I trust you._

He’d said that, put that out there, and Yuto threw it right back in his face.

He really thought he trusted him, thought he knew him, understood him, but after what happened back there, he realises he still understands nothing at all, and it seems like he never will. _We’ll talk about it later,_ Yuto had said, but later seems like it’ll never come.

Except, it does.

It comes when Hyunggu’s drifting in and out of consciousness, his vision blurring as he tries to focus on the glow-in-the-dark stars that he’d stuck on his ceiling when he was a kid, energy slowly draining from his body, sucking the life right out of him. Until he hears: _tap, tap, tap._

At first he thinks he must be dreaming, or hallucinating, or something, but then he hears it again. _Tap, tap, tap._ And-

“Hyunggu! Are you in there?”

He shoots up immediately, eyes blinking as he comes back to his senses, and his steps are hesitant when he tiptoes over to his window, but when he sees who it is, his shoulders slump in relief, hope washing over him.

_He came._

“Hyunggu-” Yuto is about to throw another rock when Hyunggu pulls his window open, just barely stopping himself, the small stone dropping from his hand immediately. “H-Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” he asks, trying his best to hide the eagerness in his voice.

“Told you we’d talk about it later, right?”

“You could’ve called.”

“No, I- I wanted to see you,” is his answer, and Hyunggu can barely hold back a smile now, his cheeks already starting to heat up.

“You realise how cliché this is, right?” he shoots back, and Yuto just grins up at him, saying, “You coming down or what?”

So, he goes, sneaking out of his bedroom and out the front door as quietly as he can, because Hwitaek’s a light sleeper and he doesn’t need to deal with that right now, and when he slips out of the house, hugging his arms to his body to keep himself warm, Yuto’s standing by the porch, looking just as beautiful as ever.

“You’re still wearing that,” Yuto comments, pointing at his hoodie, and Hyunggu feels his face burn even more.

“Yeah, um, it’s nice,” he mumbles shyly, tugging the sleeves over his palms, and when he glances up, Yuto’s giving him a fond look, one that he’s seen on him before, but it still makes his heart flutter.

“Keep it,” Yuto tells him, smiling kindly. “It looks good on you.”

All Hyunggu can do is offer a quiet thank you, and he quickly changes the subject before he combusts into flames right there and then, asking, “How’d you even get in here?”

“I jumped over the gate,” is Yuto’s answer in a tone so nonchalant that Hyunggu knows he’s being serious.

“You’re kinda crazy, you know that?”

Yuto gives him a quick wink. “Only for you, sweetheart.”

That makes him roll his eyes, but he laughs anyway, despite himself, and Yuto laughs along too, and for a moment, everything feels normal. He wants it to feel like that forever. But it can’t. Not yet.

“You really didn’t have to come all the way,” he says, taking a seat on the porch steps, motioning for Yuto to sit down next to him.

Yuto sighs, sitting down a lot closer than he has to, but neither of them mind, really, Hyunggu leaning into him a bit.

“Yeah, I did,” is what he says, and when he turns to look at Hyunggu, there's something in his eyes that Hyunggu can't quite figure out yet. He blinks, and it's gone. He clears his throat, sitting up straighter and his voice is hesitant when he says, “See, uh, I have to leave for a few days, and I didn’t wanna go without telling you first.”

Hyunggu gulps. “For how long?”

“I don’t know yet,” he huffs out, running a tired hand over his face. “This thing- It’s- I don’t know.”

“Where are you going?”

The question is simple, but the answer…

“I’m looking for something,” is what Yuto says eventually, after sucking in a long, long breath, letting it go. “And that guy from earlier, he's been helping me find it. Things like that, they don't come cheap. That's why I’ve been paying him. And um, he thinks he might’ve finally found it for real.”

“So, you’re gonna go get it?”

“I’m gonna try.” Yuto shifts over, taking Hyunggu’s hands in his, holding them close to his chest, just over his heart. “Listen, I know that this probably makes no sense, and you have every reason not to believe me, and it isn’t much, but this is more than I’ve ever told anyone and I- I’m trusting you with this, Hyunggu.”

Yuto's words hit him like a brick, right smack in the middle of his gut, and he feels like he's slipping. See, this whole time, he’d been so obsessed, so blinded with whether or not Yuto was worthy of his trust, so much so that he didn’t even stop to think about whether or not _he_ was worthy of _Yuto’s_ trust. And when he thinks about it, about all the tricks, and games, and lies, and secrets of his own, he doesn't think Yuto can trust him at all.

But he has. Despite knowing just as little about Hyunggu as Hyunggu does him, Yuto’s trusting him, and that's more than he could ever ask for.

“You should go,” Hyunggu tells him, nodding his head, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever it is you’re looking for, you should go find it.”

Yuto stares at him, eyes wide open, lips parted just barely. “Really?”

Hyunggu nods again, smiling this time to show that he means it. “I’ll be fine here,” he says, letting out a soft chuckle. “I’ll miss you, but I’ll be okay.”

That makes Yuto smile, sad and sweet, and he gives Hyunggu a gentle kiss before he says, “I’ll miss you too.”

“Don’t go too long,” Hyunggu pouts, and Yuto pecks his lips again, and again, and once more just to be sure.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Yuto gets to his feet, pulling Hyunggu up with him, still keeping his hands in his like he never wants to let them go. He brings them up to his mouth, brushing the knuckles against his lips and it sends a shiver down Hyunggu’s spine.

Yuto’s eyes flicker up to meet his. “Will you wait for me?”

Hyunggu knows it means more than what it is. It means more than just waiting for him to come back. It means waiting for him to come back with the truth, the whole truth. It means waiting for him to trust Hyunggu enough to tell him what it is that he's looking for. It means waiting for him to figure out what it is that he really wants from Hyunggu. It means waiting for him, all of him, no matter how long it takes, and he might not know what it is exactly that he’ll be waiting for, but Hyunggu means it when he says, “I’ll wait.”

Because he believes in Yuto, because he trusts him.

See, when you really trust someone, you’ll just know. And Hyunggu thinks that now, right now, he finally knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really really really hope this chapter was okay and if not, please tell me what i can do to make it better!! thank you for reading and comments and kudos always make me happy! <3
> 
> bonus: picture [this](http://cfile8.uf.tistory.com/image/9955573359D6008213ECEE) when hyunggu does That Move™ for yuto


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out way, WAY longer than it was supposed to, its even longer than the previous chapter which is why its so late and i am so sorry if its a mess, especially towards the end bc its almost 6 in the morning and i'm half dead but i just had to finish it and ughfhhshgjh i really really hope its not too bad. also the pov switches a lot in this chapter, not just between hyunggu and yuto, but with the other characters as well and i did my best to make it clear whose pov it's in at each point but just to be sure, read it carefully and if there's any confusion or questions, just let me know and i'll be happy to explain! anyway the whole gang's finally here so this was definitely a fun chapter to write but at the same time, a challenge and there's a LOT of angst in this one so.... sorry for that ! again its like 6am so i'm posting this without any proofreading so i apologise in advance for any mistakes and i'll be sure to recheck and edit once i am Fully Functioning again but yeah anyway enjoy!
> 
> also a reminder that you can always talk to me/ask questions through the [twitter account](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino) :)) AND i added a bonus in the end notes of chapter 6 so if you haven’t seen that, go take a look hehe

_hyung – yuto’s coming over to do homework._

That’s what Hyunggu had told his brother, and he swears, that's all it was meant to be. And that's how it starts out, really, them sitting cross legged on the floor, by the coffee table in the middle of the living room, hunched over thick textbooks and loose papers, Hyunggu trying his best to explain everything that Yuto had missed out on that week.

But after his third attempt at trying to make Yuto understand how functions work, only to get another blank face in return, he gives up, going to crash on the couch instead, grumbling about how math is the work of the devil. And somehow, a spawn of the devil himself ends up on top of him, a knee slotted in between Hyunggu's thighs, one hand bracing himself on the armrest, the other tangled in Hyunggu’s hair.

“Yes?” Hyunggu chimes, cocking an eyebrow up at him, face unbothered.

“Can I kiss you?” Yuto asks, though with the way he's already leaning so far down that their noses are bumping together, it doesn't seem like he's waiting for an answer.

Just to spite him, Hyunggu hums lowly, shuffling back a bit to put a little more distance between them. “Finish those questions first and I’ll consider it.”

That makes Yuto let out a whine, sounding a lot like a child, really, and he's got a sour look on his face when he says, “I can’t! I don’t understand any of it.”

Hyunggu sighs, his tone far too dramatic than it needs to be when he tells him, “That’s too bad then… I guess I’ll have to find someone else to kiss now.”

“Hey!” Yuto protests, his eyebrows furrowing even deeper, a sulky frown tugging at his lips.

That makes him laugh, sliding his body back under Yuto, a hand coming up to cup the back of his head, fingers swirling around in his hair. “I’m just kidding,” he says sweetly, pursing his lips up at him. “Come here.”

So, Yuto does, closing the space between them, lips on lips, hands in hair, all tongue and teeth, desperate and hungry, like it's been years since they kissed, and not just a week. Hyunggu thinks he could never get tired of kissing Yuto.

“Missed you,” he speaks into Hyunggu’s mouth, voice needy, tugging the boy’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucking gently. “Did you miss me?”

All Hyunggu can manage is a weak nod, eyes already fluttering shut as Yuto switches his focus to his neck instead, pressing wet kisses all over him, and when he nips at the skin just above his collarbone, Hyunggu jolts up, knocking Yuto right smack in the middle of his face.

The boy lets out a groan, sitting up and Hyunggu scrambles to get up as well, his eyes wide. “Sorry!” He cradles Yuto’s face in his hands, turning it this way and that to make sure he didn’t break his nose or something, before he lets him go, asking, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just- What the hell?”

“Nothing! It’s just…” Hyunggu’s face flushes, hesitantly gesturing to his neck. “You can’t… do that there.”

“Why not?” he shoots back, clearly confused. “You did it to me.”

“Well-” Hyunggu lets out a noise between a scoff and a sigh, shaking his head at him. “You don’t have an overbearing brother with even more overbearing friends who’ll never let you live it down if they see you with a hickey on full fucking display.”

Yuto heaves a sigh, much like the one Hyunggu gave him earlier, sounding just as dramatic when he says, “That’s too bad then… I guess I’ll have to find someone else to give hickeys to now.”

That makes Hyunggu gasp, and he narrows his eyes at Yuto. “I didn’t say you couldn’t do it at all, I just said you couldn’t do it _there._ ”

Yuto quirks a sly smirk, only the right corner of his lip curling up. “Oh? Where can I do it then?”

“Somewhere secret,” he hums back, a coy smile twisting his own lips, his body already inching forward towards the boy. “Somewhere only you can see.”

Yuto licks his lips, not even bothering to hide the way he sucks in a sharp breath when Hyunggu straddles his lap, hands immediately latching onto his tiny waist, resting comfortably like they were shaped just to hold Hyunggu and Hyunggu alone.

“Show me,” he says, that hint of demand in his tone as subtle and as strong as always, and it makes Hyunggu shiver, already reaching to tug off shirt and- “No, wait. Wait, wait, wait.”

Hyunggu frowns, letting his shirt fall back into place, shoulders slumping. “What is it?”

“Nothing, baby, sorry, it’s just-” Yuto’s nose scrunches up, face unsure. “Isn’t Hui-hyung coming home soon?”

“Ugh, do we really have to talk about my brother right now? It's kinda killing the mood.”

“ _Hyunggu._ ”

He puffs out his cheeks, blowing out a huffy breath through his lips and he offers a halfhearted shrug. “No? I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Probably?”

“He won’t!” Hyunggu groans, wanting to pick up where they left off, eager hands sliding up Yuto’s chest, lips latching onto the soft spot where his jaw and neck meet. “I mean, he's with Hyojong, so… don’t worry about it.”

Yuto hums thoughtfully, his own hands running up and down Hyunggu's back, unconsciously pulling him in closer, but he still seems uncertain.

“What about your parents? Where are they?” he asks suddenly, and Hyunggu goes still.

He feels himself swallow thickly, feels his skin prickle with needles, feels his heartbeat rising and rising and rising, and he thinks he might explode right there and then.

“I don’t know,” is all he manages to choke out, air leaving his lungs, chest tight.

Yuto pulls back just enough to look at him, confusion lacing his features. “What do you mean, you don’t know? Like, they went out somewhere and didn’t tell you?” He hesitates, gaze flickering, tone more careful now. “Or- or you don’t know where they are at all?”

Hyunggu is quiet for a moment. Two. Three. “I don’t know,” he says again, refusing to meet Yuto’s eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Hyung-”

“I said, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Yuto opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens. Closes. Open. Close. Open. Clo-

“If you're gonna say something, just fucking say it,” Hyunggu snaps, harsher than he meant to, and he bites his tongue, dropping his gaze again, eyes beginning to sting.

And he does say something. In fact, he says a lot of things. He says, “That’s it? You just… don’t wanna talk about it? I thought we could talk about things now. I thought- I thought we trusted each other.”

“It’s different-”

“How is it different? If there's something going on, if there's something wrong, you can tell me. Maybe I can help-”

“You can’t,” Hyunggu cuts in with a sharp gasp, letting out a shaky breath, his head shaking too. “You just can’t.”

Yuto gives him a sad look, eyes wide, concerned, hands coming up to hold his face gently, and he presses his lips to Hyunggu’s, soft, slow, barely there.

“Let me try,” he whispers, and Hyunggu feels his heart _ache._

He ignores it, though, pretends there isn’t a hollowness in his chest, replacing that frown of his with a smile so bright that it makes Yuto break his gaze, confusion clouding his face.

“I told you, there's nothing wrong,” he chirps, his tone phony, cheap, fucking fake, and it burns in his own ears. He's lying right through his teeth, and he knows it, Yuto knows it, so he doesn't know why he even bothers. He reaches up to cradle the back of Yuto’s neck, shuffling back onto his lap, still flashing that stupid grin. “Everything’s fine. No one’s coming, so let’s just-”

“Get off.”

Hyunggu freezes. “Excuse me?”

“I said, get off,” Yuto repeats, his voice sharp, expression even sharper. When Hyunggu makes no sign of moving, he simply pulls the boy’s hands off of him, lifting him up and setting him aside like he's some kind of doll, standing up with his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m not doing this right now.”

A scoff escapes Hyunggu’s throat, eyes flickering nervously, eyebrows pulling together in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Look, if all you want me for is sex, then there's a ton of other people lining up for that,” Yuto tells him, brutally honest, and it’s like a slap in the face. “Take your pick.”

He turns to leave, but Hyunggu grabs his arm, flustered, desperate. “Wait, are you- are you really leaving?”

“This isn’t a one-way street, Hyunggu!” Yuto sounds frustrated, a bitter scowl twisting his lips and Hyunggu doesn't like the look of it. “It's give and take. But all you do is take, take, take, without giving, and I feel like I don’t even know you sometimes, so _yeah._ ” He yanks his arm from Hyunggu’s hold. “I’m leaving.”

And Hyunggu knew it. He knew that his tricks, his games, his lies, his secrets, they would all come back to bite him in the ass someday. He knew that when it came down to it, when Yuto realised that he didn't really know Hyunggu as much as he thought he did, it would all fall apart.

He knew it, but he didn’t want to believe it because everything was so good, so perfect, and for a while, it was nice to pretend that it could just stay like that. But it couldn’t. And he doesn't know what to do. He can't think, he can't breathe, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t-

“Don’t go!” Hyunggu sounds pathetic, his voice cracking, but it makes Yuto stop. He swallows thickly as the boy turns back to him, a tight look on his face, and it makes Hyunggu want to look away. He doesn’t, though, holding his gaze, mouth going dry.

Yuto looks at him like he's expecting something. The truth, maybe. Or at least a piece of it. And Hyunggu knows that it’d be easier to just tell him now, to just let it all off his chest, but every time he tries, the words die in his throat, and he chokes on them, a part of him still unwilling.

See, if he tells Yuto this, if he gives Yuto this last bit of him, then there's no going back. He’ll be all in, and despite everything, he still doesn’t know if he's ready for that. And if Yuto goes now, he’ll never get a chance to know when he is.

“Don’t go,” he says again, weaker this time, and Yuto’s cold stance falters for a second. He almost reaches for his hand, but he catches himself, keeping it still as his side. “Just… don’t go, okay? We don’t have to do anything, that’s not- It’s not what I want you for.”

Yuto gives him a steely look, conflict in his eyes, like he can't decide whether he should stay or go, and Hyunggu’s getting frantic, desperate.

“I said I’d wait for you,” he blurts out before he can help himself, and the words sound wrong, twisted, _guilty._ “Won’t you wait for me too?”

The look that crosses Yuto’s face right then sends a chill up Hyunggu’s spine, regret flooding his chest, and he wishes he could take those words right back.

“I-I mean, we need to finish these assignments anyway,” is his last attempt, a stupid, stupid attempt at trying to fix what he’s said, and it’s a ridiculous reason, one that Yuto shouldn’t buy, so Hyunggu doesn’t know why he does, the boy letting out a tired sigh, saying, “Fine.”

And Hyunggu thinks, _hopes,_ that maybe it’s his way of saying that he will wait.

“Thank-”

Yuto just walks past him, reclaiming his seat on the floor from earlier, pulling out his earphones from his pocket and as soon as he's got his music in, so loud that it’d be impossible to hear Hyunggu at all, he trains his gaze on the books in front of him, as if he'd rather pretend to understand them than look at Hyunggu, and it feels like a stab in the chest.

Hyunggu quietly shuffles over to the other side of the table, shooting wary glances at Yuto every now and again, as he tries to focus on his own work, but he keeps slipping, vision going cloudy, brain foggy, that knife in his heart twisting deeper and deeper with every passing second that Yuto ignores him.

He can feel the tension in the air, heavy, suffocating, and it's pressing in on him, making him feel small, and-

“Ha!” Then, more confused, “ _Ha?_ ”

Hyunggu turns to see Hwitaek by the doorway, an accusatory finger pointed at him and Yuto, but it slowly falters, his expression growing puzzled.

“What's going on here?”

“We’re doing homework,” is Hyunggu’s simple answer, his tone bleak.

“Well, yeah, but when you told me Yuto was coming over to do homework, I didn’t think you’d actually be doing ‘homework’, y’know?” Hwitaek says with an awkward laugh, throwing some suggestive looks at them that's met with nothing but empty stares.

“Well, we are-”

“ _Were,_ ” Yuto cuts in swiftly, already gathering his things, standing up. “I was just heading out.”

“What? No!” Hwitaek rushes over to Yuto, grabbing him by the shoulders, and despite their size difference, he manages to stop him. “No, no, no. You have to stay. We’re having a party!”

“Party?” Hyunggu echoes.

“Well, not _party_ party, but the whole gang’s coming!” he exclaims in a voice so excited that he's practically bouncing. “Even Jinho-”

“Jinho-hyung’s coming?” Hyunggu almost gasps, and for a moment, he forgets about everything that happened earlier, too happy about getting to see him after so long.

Hwitaek nods, grinning, and he turns back to Yuto to say, “You wanted to meet him, right?”

“Y-Yeah, I guess, but-”

“Good!” He claps his hands together, motioning for Yuto to take a seat. “Sit. Drink. Make yourself at home.”

Yuto shoots a pointed look at Hyunggu, _finally_ looking at him, and it hurts because all that that look is saying is, _‘Get me out of here.’_ And Hyunggu doesn’t want to, but he knows if he forces Yuto to stay, it’ll only make things worse.

“Um, hyung, I don’t think he should-” he starts, but Hwitaek cuts him off with a sharp click of his tongue.

“Ah, ah, ah, no, none of that,” he scolds, wagging a finger at him. “Look, I get it. We’re too lame, too old to hang out with you and your boyfriend-”

Hyunggu splutters, the tips of his ears going red. “He-He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Yeah, whatever,” is all he says, waving him off with a lazy hand and Yuto coughs, baring his teeth in an awkward grin. “Boyfriend or not, you’re still staying.”

“Hyung…”

“I really appreciate the offer but…”

When the elder sees that both of them are still unwilling, he lets out a frustrated groan. “Come on! How often do we get to have everyone over? It’s just one night! Just hang out, have fun, relax for fucking once. You kids have way too much drama in your lives. Don’t you just wanna let loose for a little while?”

It seems nice. To pretend. To entertain the idea of it. To forget all their problems, their worries. To lose themselves in a haze of bliss, happiness. Just for one night. The perfect distraction. Then tomorrow, they’ll figure it out. Tomorrow, Hyunggu will decide whether he's ready.

“Just for a while,” Hyunggu tells Yuto, offering a weak smile. “Just hang out for a bit, and if you wanna leave later, then go ahead.”

Yuto looks like he’s considering it, slow breaths, eyes flicking between Hyunggu and Hwitaek, and eventually, he asks, “Who else is coming?”

“The usual,” Hwitaek tells him with a vague gesture. “Hongseok, Jinho, Shinwon, Yanan, Changgu-“

“What about-” Yuto doesn’t say it, but with the way his expression grows just a touch darker, voice bitter, he doesn’t have to.

“Wooseokie,” Hyunggu quietly mutters to his brother, and the elder lets out an, “Ah! Right…”

He huffs sharply, cheeks puffing out. “Well, I didn’t, but-” He jerks his head back towards the kitchen, calling out, “Hyojongie?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you invite Wooseok?”

“No, why would I?”

“I thought you had a crush on him.”

“I only have a crush on you, stupid.”

Hwitaek grins to himself at the answer, turning to back to them with a bright, “See! He’s not coming. Nothing to worry about.”

It takes about five minutes of Hwitaek’s endless ‘Come on, Yuto-ya!’ before the boy finally caves, holding his hands up in defeat.

“Alright, alright!” he half-sighs, half-groans, but there’s a hint of a smile tugging at his lips when Hwitaek crushes him in a hug, and Hyunggu feels his heart warm at the sight of it.

“Thanks,” Hyunggu says to him once his brother’s gone over to the kitchen to help Hyojong with whatever it is that he’s doing. “For staying, I mean.”

Yuto blinks, as if he just remembered that Hyunggu was there, and that glimmer of a smile vanishes from his face, replaced with something colder. “Yeah, whatever,” is all he offers, shrugging a lazy shoulder and before Hyunggu can say anything else, he goes to sit on the far end of the couch, toying with his phone to avoid any other conversation.

 _Oh, boy,_ Hyunggu thinks to himself, _it’s gonna be a long night._

—

Hongseok and Jinho are the first to show up, and they barely make it two steps through the front door before Hyunggu launches himself onto Jinho, crushing the smaller boy in a strong hug, and Jinho lets out a gentle chuckle, passing his bag over to Hongseok so he can hug Hyunggu back, squeezing him just as tight.

“I missed you, hyung,” Hyunggu mumbles into his shoulder, a babyish whine tinting his voice without him meaning to, and when he pulls away, he’s got a full pout on his lips. “The other hyungs bully me when you’re not here.”

Jinho laughs again, reaching up to pinch his cheek, and normally he’d hate that, but since it’s his favourite hyung, Hyunggu lets it slide. “You know they just like teasing you, Hyunggu-ya,” Jinho tells him with a kind voice. “They don’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah, Hyunggu, we don’t mean anything by it,” Hongseok chimes in from behind him with an obnoxious grin, and Hyunggu just sticks his tongue out at him.

“Leave him alone, Hongseokie,” Jinho scolds, but there’s a fondness in his tone that’s far too obvious to make it seem like he’s actually mad at that boyfriend of his. Speaking of… “Where’s this Yuto that I’ve heard so much about?”

Hyunggu’s face must’ve fallen, because Jinho frowns. “Is he not here? Hwitaek said he’d be here…”

“No, no, he is here,” Hyunggu answers quickly, cracking a half-hearted smile. “It’s just…” He shakes his head. “Nothing. He’s here. He’s in the living room.”

Jinho gives him a look, but he must’ve figured that Hyunggu doesn’t want to talk about it, so he just nods, saying, “Come on then.”

Part of Hyunggu is too scared to go over there in case Yuto was still in a bad mood, burning holes into the carpet with his brooding stare. He almost shudders at the thought, but still, he trails behind the elder when he heads over to the room, clinging onto his arm like a child.

Yuto is, in fact, burning holes into the carpet with his brooding stare, but as soon as he notices people coming into the room, and as soon as he notices that one of said people is that Jinho guy everyone’s been wanting him to meet, his expression changes into something lighter, a subtle nervousness behind his eyes when he stands to meet the elder, bowing politely and offering his hand.

“You must be Jinho,” Yuto says, then biting his own tongue, he corrects himself. “I mean, hyung. Jinho-hyung. Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Jinho gives him a warm smile when he shakes his hand. “It must be a bit hard for you, right? Getting used to a foreign culture?”

Yuto doesn’t know why the question hits him right in the chest, a dull ache, and maybe it’s because no one’s asked him that since he came here, because no one’s really cared. They all assumed that he would just know his way around, would know every single do and don’t and this and that, would just… _get it,_ basically. And he has, for the most part. He thinks he’s faring a lot better than any of his old schoolmates would, despite the fact that the lot of them took the exact same Korean class, and he supposes he has no room to complain. It was his choice to come here, after all. His choice to put himself in a new place, alone, where he knows no one and no one knows him. His choice, but it’s nice that somebody asked. It’s nice that somebody cared.

“Sometimes,” is what he answers, offering a smile of his own. “But I think I’m doing okay. Thank you for asking, hyung.”

“That’s good, that’s good,” Jinho tells him, before he turns his head to give Hyunggu a small nod. Yuto doesn’t know what that nod means, but from the looks of the smile that blooms on Hyunggu’s face right then, it must mean something good.

A nod of approval is what it is. Hyunggu can tell by the way the corners of Jinho’s eyes crinkle up, something that only happens when he really likes someone, and right then, it’s obvious that he really likes Yuto. But then again, he really liked Wooseok too.

Hyunggu shakes it off. He can’t think like that. What matters now is that Jinho likes Yuto, and if Yuto’s relaxed stance is anything to go by, it seems that Yuto likes him as well. Or at least is comfortable enough with him to make this night a bit more bearable.

He lets them talk, because Jinho’s apparently got a lot of questions about Japan for him, and Yuto’s more than willing to answer, finding comfort in a topic he knows all too well. He watches them from the doorway for a while, just to make sure that Yuto’s really okay, but when Jinho manages to pull a laugh out of the boy, a real one, Hyunggu knows he’s in good hands, and he’s more than grateful for it, for Jinho. He always knows exactly what to do, and Hyunggu really has missed him.

“Knock, knock! Coming through!”

Hyunggu turns to see Yanan and Changgu come in, attached at the hip like always, and he greets them with warm hugs, leading them into the living room where more hugs are shared, with Jinho, with Hongseok, even with Yuto, though that last one only came from Yanan, Changgu settling for a polite nod towards the boy instead, and Yuto barely returns it.

Hyunggu wonders what that’s about.

He doesn’t have time to think on it, because Hwitaek and Hyojong finally join them, bringing out all kinds of food and drinks from the kitchen, calling out “Hey, you guys made it!” as they exchange more hugs and greetings. They move the table aside, leaving an open space in the middle of the living room, the lot of them stretching out wherever they can, as the atmosphere grows rowdier by the second, everyone talking over each other, passing food around, laughter ringing clear in the air. It’s only until they hear a car engine rumbling outside that the conversations finally take a pause, Hwitaek going, “Oh! That must be Shinwonie.”

And it _is_ Shinwon. Except, he isn’t alone.

“Wooseok!” Hwitaek stands, a stiff grin stretching his lips. “You’re here.”

“I picked him up on the way,” Shinwon answers before Wooseok has a chance to even open his mouth, tone nonchalant as he turns to give the rest of them an airy wave. “He seemed lonely.”

Wooseok himself seems a bit more sheepish about the matter than Shinwon is, ducking his head apologetically. “Sorry, Hui-hyung,” he mumbles, face scrunching up. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Hwitaek blinks, snapping out of it, and his beam widens into something brighter, something genuine. And Hyunggu knows that despite whatever Hwitaek may feel towards Wooseok because of everything that’s happened between him and Hyunggu, he would never let that get in the way of being a good person. His heart is too kind for that.

“No, no, not at all, Wooseokie,” he tells the younger, pulling him in by the elbow. “Come, sit, join us.”

The smile that Wooseok gives him is a grateful one, and he makes his rounds of ‘hello’s’, pausing to give Jinho an extra long hug, because he hasn’t seen him in a while, because he doesn’t know when he’ll see him again. He hesitates when he gets to Yuto, who’s eyeing him carefully over a bottle of beer, face unflinching and all Wooseok can manage is, “‘Sup.”

Yuto doesn’t move, doesn’t even blink, and it takes everything in him to keep himself still, calm, and he knows that if he so much as parts his lips, the words that’ll come out of his mouth won’t be pretty. So he keeps them sealed, pressed together so tightly that they might never come apart, staring the boy down until he realises that he isn’t going to get a response and he finally decides to move on, exchanging quick greetings with Yanan and Changgu before he settles down next to Hyunggu, and Yuto feels something in him tick.

He watches as Wooseok leans into Hyunggu to give him a half-hug, and Hyunggu returns it, patting him gently on the back, and Yuto can feel his grip tensing around his bottle, so much that he might just break it, but he feels a hand on his knee, and he twists his head around to see Jinho giving him a kind look, eyes knowing, and when the elder asks, “Alright?” Yuto lets himself breathe.

“Alright,” he answers, loosening his hold, the heat from just a moment ago leaving his body, and he gives Jinho a weak smile, nodding his head to reassure him.

Jinho gives his knee a small squeeze before he goes back to where he left off his conversation with Hongseok, and Yuto’s grateful for the tiny distraction, a reminder that if he’s gonna make it through this night, he needs to learn to control himself a bit more. Hyunggu and Wooseok are friends, have been friends for a long time, and them being comfortable around each other is just the same as Hyunggu being comfortable with anyone else. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s what he keeps telling himself. That, and the fact that with the way things are between him and Hyunggu right now, adding petty jealousy to the mix would only worsen it.

_Won’t you wait for me?_

Hyunggu’s question from earlier echoes in his mind, still left unanswered, and Yuto wonders if it’d just been part of his desperate attempt to make him stay, or if he’d actually meant it. He hopes he meant it, because if he did, really, _really_ did, then Yuto would be willing to wait. And yeah, maybe he had overreacted a little earlier, but he had to know if there was something worth waiting for.

And Yuto thinks, _hopes,_ that Hyunggu is something worth waiting for.

So, he’ll wait, even if this night will kill him. He’ll wait, even if he’ll never get there. He’ll wait, even if Hyunggu thinks he won’t.

—

Hyunggu laughs. Then he hiccups. Then he laughs again.

And it isn’t a normal kind of laugh, it’s oddly giggly and high-pitched and really, there’s nothing to laugh about. Which is why, in the middle of a heated discussion about whether or not pineapples belong on pizza, everyone stops to turn to him, eyes wide, and he tries to smack his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter, but another hiccup escapes his throat and it only makes him laugh even more.

“Hyunggu, are you okay?” Wooseok asks, nudging him a little, and Hyunggu gives his arm a lazy smack, saying, “I’m _fine,_ Wooseokie,” before he dissolves into another fit of giggles, making them all even more concerned.

Hwitaek comes over to snap his fingers in Hyunggu’s face to get his attention, grabbing his chin to keep him still. “Hey. _Hey._ What’s up with you? Did you take something?”

“No, hyung,” he says, head shaking, tone serious. “I didn’t even drink anything yet.” Then he snorts, pointing at a plate of brownies in the middle of the table. “I just had some of that.”

Hwitaek looks at the brownies, then at Hyojong, back to the brownies, and- “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“You said you wanted to let loose tonight!” is Hyojong’s go-to defence, already climbing over the couch to hide behind someone, anyone, and unfortunately, that someone happens to be Yuto, the boy freezing when Hwitaek comes to stand right over him, and all he can do is hope that the floor will swallow him up right there and then.

Except it doesn’t, and now he’s stuck between Hwitaek and Hyojong’s yelling, trying his best to just stay invisible.

“I didn’t mean let loose like that!”

“It’s not like we’re lighting up or anything!”

“But it’s still weed!”

“I didn’t put that much anyway!”

“So, why is he like that?”

“It’s not my fault his ass is weak-”

Hyojong lets out a loud yelp when Hwitaek reaches over Yuto to grab at him, but before he can even do anything, Hyunggu whines loudly, kicking his feet against the couch.

“Hyuuuungs, stop it!” He hiccups again, a sulky pout on his face. “You’re freaking Yuto out.”

Yuto’s face burns as he shoots a wide-eyed glance over at Hyunggu, shaking his head so quickly that his neck might just snap. He lets out an awkward laugh, more of a wheeze, really, when Hwitaek looks at him, almost as if he’s just noticed that Yuto was right there all along, and he says, “No, it’s fine, hyung. I’m fine.”

“Are you su-”

“No, you’re not,” Hyunggu interrupts, and Yuto wants him to just stop talking already. “You didn’t even wanna be here-”

“I’m _fine,_ really,” he insists through gritted teeth, and he knows that it’s just the high getting to him, making him talk nonsense, but he really doesn’t need Hyunggu airing out their business to the whole world, especially not in front of Wooseok, who’s probably just waiting for a chance to see Yuto fuck up so he can swoop in and steal Hyunggu right back. “Just leave it alone, okay? We’ll talk about it later.”

“Later, later, later,” Hyunggu groans almost playfully, another airy laugh leaving his lips, and he gives Yuto an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “ _God._ Just admit that you wanna go-”

“I said, leave it alone, Hyunggu!” Yuto’s voice comes out harsher than he meant it to, and Hyunggu’s face goes pale, all the bubbliness from just a moment ago being sucked right out of him.

_Shit._

The room falls awfully quiet, and everyone’s eyes fall on Yuto; Hyunggu’s, full of hurt, Hwitaek’s, surprise, Wooseok’s, anger, even Jinho’s, full of pity.

Yuto swallows thickly. “Sorry, I-”

“Maybe we should play a game,” Jinho proposes right then, and Yuto feels a rush of relief, gratitude, when the rest of them take the bait, moving their attention to the elder instead of him. And when he catches Jinho’s eye, he gives him a thankful smile, one that Jinho returns with an understanding nod.

They all begin to talk over each other, throwing out suggestions on what games to play, and Yuto isn’t sure who says it, but he hears a ‘Spin the Bottle!’ somewhere in the mix and the voices of agreement that come after it make his stomach churn.

See, it’s not like he doesn’t know what the game is, or that he’s never played it before, it’s just that he’s pretty sure most of the people here want to kill him now after his little outburst, so he’s not really keen on kissing any of them.

But Hyunggu’s spark has already returned, like their little exchange earlier never happened, and he grabs the nearest bottle to him, downing whatever’s left in it before anyone can stop him, face lighting up almost immediately. He asks the rest of them clear away the food on the floor, placing the bottle right in the middle and he makes them all sit down in a circle, and once Yuto’s trapped between Yanan and Jinho, there’s really no escaping it anymore.

Hwitaek’s the first to go, because despite all their _‘Yeah!’ ‘That’d be fun!’ ‘Spin the Bottle sounds good!’_ from just now, everyone still seems a bit hesitant, only then realising how awkward it might be to actually kiss each other.

“Losers,” Hwitaek snickers at them before he reaches forward to give the bottle a quick spin, and when it lands on Hongseok, his face falls. “Oh, shit.”

Hongseok just laughs, puckering his lips, beckoning his best friend over with a sharp finger and Hwitaek throws an awkward grin over at Jinho, saying, “Don’t kill me, hyung,” before he gives Hongseok a quick peck, the rest of them bursting out into cheers as soon as he does.

Hongseok goes next, and the excited gasp that escapes his mouth when it points to Jinho is by far the cutest thing any of them has ever seen, as if he’s not already used to kissing his own boyfriend. Jinho just beams up at him, letting Hongseok take his face in his hands gently, pressing a slow kiss to his lips and it’s kind of like watching your parents kiss, really, almost embarrassing in a way, and they can’t help but laugh at how cheesy it all is, watching as Hongseok gives Jinho a couple more smooches just for the fun of it.

When Jinho spins, the bottle turns to Wooseok, pulling a loud _‘Oooooh!’_ from everyone, and Wooseok’s face flushes, his cheeks warm when Jinho presses his tiny palms to them.

“Wooseokie,” he says, chuckling lightly. “You’re still a baby to me, so.” He leans forward to kiss his forehead instead, and Wooseok’s nose scrunches up, cringing, feeling like a schoolboy being kissed goodbye by his parent in front of all his friends on the first day of school.

The way Jinho pinches his cheek right after that doesn’t make it any better.

And Wooseok isn’t gonna lie. A part of him does hope that the bottle will land on Hyunggu when he goes to spin it, almost getting his wish when the bottle begins to slow in his direction, and he can’t help but feel a wave of disappointment in his gut when it stops on Shinwon instead, just mere inches away from Hyunggu.

_Damn it._

He goes over to the older boy anyway, because he’s the only one who seems to give a shit about him nowadays, even though half the time they hang out together, Shinwon is too preoccupied with his phone to even pay attention to Wooseok, but the company is nice either way.

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches a glimpse of Hyunggu watching him, and he feels something in him click, like a switch, feeling a smugness come over him when he grabs the back of Shinwon’s neck, smashing his lips onto his before he can even think about it.

And Shinwon’s never been kissed before. Sure, he’s fooled around here and there, with anyone and everyone, but he had a strict no kissing rule, and being him, it was always easy to get his way. It’s a little harder with these people, though, the only people who really know him outside out of his life-of-the-party persona, so if he had put up a fuss about not wanting to play the game because of some silly rule he’s made for himself, they’d never let him see the end of it.

So, no, he’s never been kissed, and he’s definitely never been kissed like _this;_ a firm hand holding him, strong lips moving against his, tongue slipping into his mouth and doing things that he’s never known a tongue could do, making him feel… _something._

He feels it in his toes, in his veins, all the way up to his head, making him feel dizzy, drunk, even more than any drink he’s had tonight. He feels it, right in the middle of his chest where his heart beats, like it’s about to fucking burst, and maybe it’s because he’s never been kissed at all. Because he’s never been kissed like this. Like he was _wanted._

But Wooseok finally pulls away from him, giving him a chance to breathe, eyelids daring to flutter open and when he sees that Wooseok’s gaze isn’t on him, but on Hyunggu, he realises that he isn’t the one that Wooseok wants after all.

And suddenly, Shinwon wishes that he’d never been kissed at all.

His hand shakes a little when he takes his turn to spin, because the game is still going, because it’s just a game, because he’s Shinwon and he’s not supposed to feel the kinds of things that Wooseok’s kiss just made him feel. And he feels a twitch of relief when it lands on Hyojong, who’s only two spots over from him, on the other side of Hyunggu, because if it had landed on Hyunggu instead, he might’ve just ripped the boy’s tongue right out of his throat.

The kiss he exchanges with Hyojong is brief, fleeting, nothing like the one with Wooseok, and a part of him wonders if he’ll ever be kissed like that again. A part of him wonders if he wants to.

He doesn’t get a chance to think about it because Hyojong makes his spin, and a wicked look crosses his face when it points to Hyunggu, getting a rise out of everyone else in the room, egging him on.

“Well, well, well… Is it time for me to move on to the other brother?” Hyojong hums, waggling his eyebrows at Hwitaek, voice teasing. “The one who won’t kill me for bringing pot brownies to a party.”

Hwitaek flashes a snarky grin, a challenge in his tone when he shoots back, “Go for it.”

That just gets a loud laugh out of Hyojong, and he shuffles closer to throw his arms around Hyunggu’s shoulders, saying, “I’m sorry for the brownies, Hyunggu-ya. You know I love you, right?”

Before Hyunggu can respond, he presses a slobbery kiss to his cheek, pulling away with an obnoxious _‘Mwah!’_ , and Hyunggu lets out a loud cry, pushing him away in embarrassment and wiping at his cheek with his sleeve, before he mumbles a reluctant, “I love you too, hyung.”

The room fills with _‘Aww!’_ s and _‘So cute!’_ s, and even his own brother sneaks up behind him to steal a kiss, a quick peck on his other cheek before he can even process, making him scream again and they all laugh at him as he buries his burning face in his hands, cooing at him like the baby that he truly is.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Jinho calls out, quieting them down, but he’s still got a cheeky smile playing on his lips too. “You can continue bullying him when I’m not around.”

“Hyung!” Hyunggu gasps, his head shooting up, looking scandalised and that just gets another round of laughter from the boys, surprisingly, Yuto included, and he doesn’t know why that makes him blush even harder. He covers it with a huff, mumbling out a grumpy, “You guys suck.”

He ignores the jeers that he gets when he reaches forward to spin the bottle, and he keeps his eyes locked on it, watching it spin, and spin, and spin. And it stops.

Hyunggu looks up.

“Oh.”

“Oh,” Yuto echoes, eyes wide.

Hyunggu supposes he should’ve expected the reaction that he gets, should’ve seen the whistles and cheers from Hyojong and Hongseok coming, the suggestive winks from his brother, the jealousy on Wooseok’s face, the slight concern hidden in Jinho’s eyes as if he’s the only one who’s noticed the tension between him and Yuto tonight. But in the midst of all that, he sees Yuto. He sees Yuto looking back at him like he’d rather be anywhere else than there, like he’d rather have anyone else than Hyunggu.

And it fucking _hurts._

He knows that, ultimately, he’s in the wrong here. He’s the one who refused to tell him the truth, he’s the one who guilted him into staying, he’s the one who made this whole thing into a bigger mess than it should be. But God, he doesn’t know how to fix it. He doesn’t know how to make it better. All he knows is that he wants to kiss Yuto, really, really wants to, and he knows that somewhere behind that cold exterior of his, there’s a part of Yuto that really wants to kiss him too. He just needs to bring it out.

So before he knows it, Hyunggu finds himself halfway across the floor, to the side of the circle where Yuto’s sat, and he knows that this isn’t the time nor place for this, that he’s got everyone’s eyes on him, but maybe it’s the drugs, or maybe it’s the drinks, that’s making him this way; hips swaying subtly as he crawls right into Yuto’s lap, straddling his crossed legs, arms slinging around his neck, and the boy almost jumps, looking around him in surprise.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hisses lowly, fire in his eyes, but his hands find their way to Hyunggu’s waist, almost like a reflex.

“Shh.” Hyunggu leans in even closer, ducking his head so their gazes level. And he knows that he can’t just kiss him, knows that it wouldn’t mean a goddamn thing if he did. He knows that this is his chance to win him back, his turn to give Yuto, well, _something._ So he says, “I’m just playing the game.”

Yuto’s eyes widen at that, breath catching in his throat, and Hyunggu knows it’s not because he had tightened his legs around Yuto, his crotch brushing against his, but because he had said the words in Japanese, something he’s never done in front of Yuto before.

“I didn’t know you could speak Japanese,” is what he says, barely managing to choke it out, half of him still too stunned, the other half still rusty after such a long time of only speaking Korean.

“Well, now you do,” Hyunggu says, almost purring, fingernails lightly dragging across the back of his neck, making him shiver. “And I’ll let you know more, if you just wait.”

Yuto knows what he’s doing, knows that this is another one of his tricks, his games, and he doesn’t know why he falls for them so easily, every single time. And it’s only worse this time, Hyunggu’s voice sounding a million times better in Yuto’s mother tongue, smooth, sexy, almost natural in a way, making his self-restraint begin to wear thin.

“If you wait,” Hyunggu continues, voice drawling out, head tilting to the side cutely. “I’ll be a good baby. I won’t make you mad anymore. Don’t you want that?”

Yuto’s mouth goes dry, and he can’t believe that Hyunggu’s saying these things out loud, right in front of everyone, and he can only hope that he’s the only one who can speak the language. Still, the look Hyunggu’s giving him is more than enough to tell them what’s going on, eyes full of lust, want, lips in a perfect pout, as irresistible as always, and Yuto just wants to-

 _No._ He can’t give in. Not again. Not like this. He’s tired of Hyunggu’s games, and maybe it’s time for him to play too.

Yuto sits up straighter, face growing dark again, that wall of his building up around him, solid, firm, unwavering. “You said you’re playing the game,” he says, eyes sharp, tongue even sharper. “So stop fucking around and play it already.”

“Wha-”

“Kiss me.”

Hyunggu blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. Like he’s only just broken out of his daze, the liquid confidence from earlier draining out of him, leaving him weak, vulnerable, and the only thing keeping him upright is Yuto’s hands on him, like a tether.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” Yuto asks, his tone daring, threatening almost, and Hyunggu doesn’t know how, but he sounds better in his own language, more sure of himself, of his words, and it makes Hyunggu draw back a little, swallowing thickly.

Part of him wants to fight back, to keep worming his way under Yuto’s skin until he gets what he wants, until he breaks him, but part of him wants to just give in for once, to just kiss him already, to just feel a little better, for a little while.

That’s the whole point of tonight, isn’t it? To feel a little better, for a little while. And with the way things seem to be going, he doesn’t know how long that little while will last, so he might as well just make the best of it.

So again, when Yuto says, “Kiss me,” he does.

He kisses him like he’s never kissed him before, like he’ll never kiss him again, and a part of him is scared that he never will. But Yuto kisses him back, with just as much want, need, holding him closer, tighter, and for a moment, it feels like it’s just the two of them, in this tiny bubble, feeling a little better, for a little while.

And then, that bubble pops.

“Show’s over,” someone says, and Hyunggu shouldn’t be surprised when he turns to see that it’s Wooseok, the boy’s lip curled in a snarl as he looks at them. “There are other people in the room, you know.”

Hyunggu’s jaw tightens, a bitter remark on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it, turning away. He looks back at Yuto instead, but he’s only met with a blank stare, and if anything, the guy just looks tired, so Hyunggu leaves him be, sliding off of him and shuffling back over to his spot, feeling almost like he’s doing a walk of shame, knowing that all their eyes are on him, just like they probably were the entire time.

“What the hell did you say to him?” Hyojong asks when he gets back to his side, but Hyunggu waves him off, just silently glad that none of them understood, grateful for the fact that most of them opted for different language classes, or none at all.

Hwitaek throws pointed looks at him from across the circle, as if he’s finally realised that there’s something going on between the two of them, but Hyunggu ignores them, not up for dealing with that right now. Because right now, it’s Yuto’s turn to spin, and Hyunggu feels a fire start to spread in him, in his veins, blood boiling, on his skin, goosebumps rising, in his chest, heart burning. An urge to just throw that bottle out of the room eats away at him, the devil in him wanting nothing more than to make sure that Yuto kisses no one else but him. But he tells himself it’s just a game, it’s just a game, it’s just a game. Nothing but a stupid game.

He chants the words over and over again in his head like a mantra, twisting his hands together to keep them right where they are. And he’s never felt this way before, selfish, greedy, like he wants Yuto all to himself. He hadn’t felt it with Wooseok, not once, not even when he clearly kissed Shinwon right in front of him, keeping his eyes locked on Hyunggu the entire time, in some sort of attempt to spark a jealousy in him, a feeling in him that’s been long gone.

But now, right now, from the moment Yuto’s careful fingers touch the glass, to the moment that the bottle comes to a stop, he feels himself burning up, and up, and up. And when he sees that it points to Changgu, the fire dies.

He doesn’t know whether it’s the look on Changgu’s face or Yuto’s that does it for him, but there seems to be a mutual understanding between them, something only the two of them know, something making them unwilling, and when Changgu calls out a half-hearted, “Pass!” Yuto is quick to agree.

And Hyunggu still wonders what that’s about.

Changgu takes his turn before anyone else can say anything about it, and his stomach drops when he sees who it points to.

He isn’t sure when it happens, or why, but somewhere in between Yanan leaning into him, eyes fluttering shut, and the rest of them chanting, “Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!”, Changgu jumps up, heart hammering so hard that he’s afraid it might just burst out of his chest right there and then.

“Chang-”

He doesn’t hear the rest of it, because he runs off, the air in the room suddenly feeling thin. He finds himself in the kitchen, bent over the sink, hands gripping the counter so tightly that his knuckles go white, almost dry heaving, trying to suck in as much oxygen as he can.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he almost jumps right out of his skin, but when he sees that it’s just Hyunggu, he lets himself breathe, forcing himself to calm down, slumping against the counter.

“Hyung?” Hyunggu’s voice is gentle, concerned. “Are you okay? What happened back there?”

Changgu shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut, like if he closed them for long enough, all of this would just disappear.

“Did something happen with you and Yanan-hyung? You two seemed fine earlier.”

He just keeps shaking his head, unsure what to say, unsure what the fuck really happened, but then Hyunggu says, “Do you want me to go get him-”

“No!” Changgu grabs at his shoulders in a desperate attempt to keep him there, breath quickening again, eyes almost bulging out of his head. “No, you can’t. Please don’t.”

Hyunggu holds onto his hands, squeezing them to remind him that he’s there, that he’ll stay there. “Okay. It's okay. I won’t,” he says slowly, calmly, offering a small smile. “Don’t worry. Just breathe, okay?”

So Changgu does. In, out, in, out, in-

“I can’t do it,” he blurts out, and Hyunggu’s eyebrows raise in question. “Kiss him, I mean. Kiss Yanan. I can’t do it.”

“Why not?” Hyunggu sounds genuinely clueless, head tilting to the side. “I thought you like him.”

Changgu gapes at him, and he just gives him a sheepish look in return, baring his teeth in an awkward grin. “I-I mean, come on, hyung. Everyone knows.”

That just makes Changgu blush, the tips of his ears burning bright red, and he knows they know, he knows that _he_ hardly keeps it a secret anyway, so he doesn’t know why he’s getting all shy about it now.

“Whatever, it’s just-” He groans, leaning forward to bury his face into Hyunggu’s shoulder, his voice muffled when he explains himself. “That’s exactly why I can’t do it. What if he doesn’t like it?”

Hyunggu pats his back, and he can feel the boy nodding against his head, understanding. “Well, from the looks of it, he was totally ready to kiss you, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. And I mean, it’s just a game, hyung.”

Changgu looks up, eyes sad. “But that’s it, isn’t it? It’s just a game to him.” He lets out a laugh, but it’s empty, hollow. “I’m supposed to go back there and kiss the love of my life for the first time, but it’s just a stupid game to him.”

“Y-You don’t know that for sure,” Hyunggu tries to say, an attempt to make him feel better, but there’s no point. “It could mean something for him too.”

“It’s been three years, Hyunggu,” he says, a tired sigh lacing his voice. “If he saw me as anything more than a friend, I would know by now.”

Still, Hyunggu refuses to just let it go that easily. “But, maybe this is it, you know? Maybe this kiss will finally make him see.”

Changgu admires his optimism, his innocence, but it doesn’t work that way. Not anymore. “I can’t risk it,” he tells him, head shaking. “If it makes things weird between us… I don’t think I could live with that. I’d rather us be just friends for the rest of my life than be nothing at all, you know?”

Hyunggu knows. He felt it with Wooseok, and if things don’t work out with Yuto after tonight, he might feel the same about him too. He thought he’d be too into his feelings to ever be around Yuto without wanting something more, but if it came down to it, really came down to it, he’d settle for just about anything. As long as Yuto’s there, as long as he doesn’t leave him, he thinks that would be enough. And he doesn’t know what that means for him.

“I know what you mean,” Hyunggu tells him, and he seems grateful for the reassurance, but there’s still worry in his eyes.

“He’s gonna know something’s off,” the elder says, biting at his lip nervously. “And everyone’s gonna make a big fuss about it, and God, why did I freak out like that? I just-”

Hyunggu shushes him, reminding him to breathe. “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll just tell them you’re not feeling well, and that we should just end the game already. Don’t worry about it. I got this.” He cracks a toothy smile. “It’s me, right?”

That gets a weak laugh out of Changgu, but a laugh nonetheless, and Hyunggu takes his hand as he leads them back to the living room, the others murmuring among themselves, until they hear them come in, heads immediately turning towards them and Hyunggu feels Changgu’s hand tighten around his, glancing over only to see him staring right at Yanan.

“Changgu-hyung isn’t feeling well,” Hyunggu tells them, and right away, he hears the ‘What?’ ‘Since when?’ ‘What happened?’, and he clears his throat loudly, silencing them. “I think we should just stop the game here.”

Half of them whine about how they barely just started, and the other half look relieved, but it’s Yanan who says, “Are you serious?”

The question is directed at Changgu, quite obviously so, Yanan’s gaze almost cutting him, and it’s pretty clear that he’s had a few drinks tonight, eyes glassy, words slurring.

Changgu can’t seem to get any words out, so Hyunggu does it for him, saying, “He really isn’t feeling good, hyung. I don’t think we should continue.”

Yanan ignores him, his eyes on Changgu and Changgu alone. “Do you really not like me that much?” is what he asks, sounding hurt in a way. “Would it really be that bad to just kiss me?”

“Yananie, it’s not that-” Changgu tries to say, palms sweating from where he’s still holding onto Hyunggu like a lifeline, but Yanan doesn’t let him finish, letting out a loud scoff.

“Maybe I should just kiss someone else then,” Yanan says, and he does. He really fucking does.

And it’s Yuto that he kisses, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him in before he even realises what’s happening. It’s messy, clumsy, tasting of nothing but cheap liquor, and Yuto’s stunned when he pulls away, staring at him with wide eyes, wondering what the fuck just happened.

Hyunggu doesn’t know what just happened either, but when he looks over at Changgu, all his worry from earlier is gone, replaced by rage, pure fucking rage, and it isn’t towards Yanan, but to Yuto, and now, Hyunggu finally understands what that’s about.

And that fire in him is back, making his skin crawl, and before it gets the best of him, he goes over to Jinho, telling him, “Hyung, I really don’t want to play this game anymore.”

Jinho, as always, understands right away, and he claps his hands together to get everyone’s attention. “Okay… I think everyone just needs to cool off for a bit, so why don’t we just watch a movie, hmm?”

None of them argue with him, because maybe they’re too tired, or maybe it’s because there’s a subtle sharpness in Jinho’s tone, not a question, but an order, one that none of them are willing to go against, so they just shut up and go along with it, mumbling half-hearted agreements. And that’s the second time Jinho’s saved the night from falling apart completely, and really, what would they all do without him?

—

The movie sucks.

It’s some low-budget comedy with overused jokes, and half of them stop paying attention before it even hits the one hour mark, the TV left on for no other reason than to fill up the obvious silence in the room.

Hwitaek and Hyojong excuse themselves first, taking their energy elsewhere once they realise they were the only two who were still hyped up from the party, calling the rest of them ‘fucking party poopers’, but telling them they were welcome to stay the night at the house if they wanted to.

Hongseok had fallen asleep with his arm around Jinho’s shoulders, head on his, but Jinho doesn’t seem to mind, absentmindedly running his thumb over the boy’s knuckles from where their hands are locked together, pretending to pay attention to the movie.

Changgu and Yanan sit on complete opposite sides of the room, as far away from each other as they could be, and they both look just as miserable as the other. At one point, they both laugh at a stupid gag in the movie, something only they seem to get, like an inside joke between the two of them, but when their eyes meet, that laughter dies, both of them slipping right back into their sullen moods.

And Changgu wants to just go over to him, to laugh with him, to make everything go back to the way it was, but then he remembers that kiss. That fucking kiss, and he can’t even bring himself to look at Yanan. God. He’s such an idiot. There he was, worrying about kissing Yanan, and he just goes and kisses someone else like it means nothing. And of course it had to be Yuto. Of all people, it was Yuto. The little pest who’s been nothing but trouble since he came, taking up all of Yanan’s time, acting like he’s done nothing wrong, and now he’s kissed Yanan. Changgu is sick of it, and he wants nothing more than to just get rid of him. Maybe if he does, then Yanan will come back to him. He just doesn’t know how to make it happen.

Shinwon had spread himself out on the empty couch, as a sign that he wanted the space for himself, and him alone, but Wooseok hadn’t taken the hint, simply pushing his legs aside and taking up the other side. Shinwon gave him a pointed look that only got a, “What? It’s not your house,” in return. He couldn’t argue with that, so he just left it alone, trying to focus on the screen, but after a while, Wooseok starts to doze off, until eventually, he just caves in and falls right onto Shinwon’s lap.

He tries his best not to gasp, barely holding it in, and when he tries to move, Wooseok just lets out a sleepy grunt, his arms wrapping around Shinwon’s middle, keeping him in place. He feels blood rush to his face, and he’s grateful that the lights are dimmed, praying that no one notices him. And no one does, so he risks a glance at the boy’s face, and _fuck._ Shinwon won’t deny the fact that Wooseok _is_ very handsome, he always understood why everyone at school was always so smitten with him, but he’s even prettier up close, eyelashes spread out on the tops of his cheek, his fair skin just slightly flushed, and his _lips._ Full and pink and soft. Those lips that kissed him just a while ago, and it already feels like it’s been years, and he doesn’t know why he wants to kiss them again.

Shinwon tells himself that it’s only because he’s never been kissed before, because a first kiss always feels a lot more special than it really is, but when he looks down at Wooseok again, he feels his heart skip a beat, and he isn’t so sure anymore.

He thinks he should leave, before his heart starts doing even more funny things, but as soon as he goes to stand, Wooseok’s hold around him tightens, pulling him back down.

“Don’t leave me,” he mumbles, sad, broken, and Shinwon feels his heart ache in his chest. “Everyone always leaves me.”

That ache turns into something harder, bitter, and he can’t help but feel like there’s something else that Wooseok means by that. _Hyunggu left me._ That’s what he really wanted to say, wasn’t it? Hyunggu, who left him. Hyunggu, who dragged him along endlessly, refusing to let him go. Hyunggu, who cut him loose as soon as he found someone new to play with. Hyunggu, who couldn’t care less about him. Hyunggu, who Wooseok still wants, even after everything.

Still, he stays, even though he knows that he’s not the one that Wooseok wants, that he’s nothing but a substitute, that this will all mean nothing when they wake up in the morning. He stays, because for once he feels like he has a reason to.

Hyunggu had immediately gone to Yuto as soon as they were all settling in for the movie, shuffling over to where he was sat on the floor, legs stretched out, and Hyunggu sits right on top of him, snuggling into his lap like he belongs there, staking his claim. And he doesn’t know if Yuto’s still upset with him, but he hugs Hyunggu close to him anyway, his chin resting on top of his head, and Hyunggu hears him sigh, sounding relieved in a way.

And Yuto _is_ relieved. He’d been worried that Hyunggu would be mad at him for that kiss with Yanan, but as soon as Hyunggu came to sit down with him, a wave of ease rushed over him, and he held the boy as tightly as he could, part of him scared that if he lets go, he might lose him completely.

It always feels like that with him. Like a game of tug of war, the two of them going back and forth, pulling each other this way and that, pushing each other to their limits and at some point, he’s scared that that rope between them might just break, and they’ll be lost. He thought that it might’ve broken tonight, both of them pushing that fine line, that boundary, and it was only then that Yuto realised how much he didn’t want to lose it. How much he didn’t want to lose Hyunggu. And now that he’s got him back in his arms, he doesn’t think he’ll ever let him go.

Except, he has to when someone taps his shoulder, looking up to see Jinho waking him up and he hadn’t even realised he’d fallen asleep. He tries to sit up properly, but he feels a weight on him, and he looks down to see that Hyunggu’s dozed off too, head laid on his chest, legs curled up against his body, and he feels a fondness come over him, unconsciously reaching out to brush away a stray strand of hair from his face.

“Hongseok and I are heading back,” Jinho whispers, and Yuto snaps out of his daze, refocusing on the elder. “I need to catch the train back to uni in the morning so…”

Yuto nods, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and he says, “Yeah, of course, hyung. You should go.”

“You can take him up to his room,” Jinho tells him, gesturing at Hyunggu. “It’s the first one on the left at the top of the stairs.”

“Mm-hm, I know it,” he says without thinking, then seeing the way Jinho’s eyebrows raise, his eyes go wide, head shaking. “No, I mean, I just- I threw rocks at his window once. Lucky guess.”

Jinho laughs at that, and before he goes, he says, “Look, Yuto-ya, I know that I’m not around enough to be one to talk, and I don’t know what exactly is going on with you two but…” He sighs, offering a small smile. “Hyunggu’s a good kid. He’s got a good heart. He might be a little… _difficult_ at times, I know. He definitely has his moments, but he only means well. And he’ll be good to you, if you want him to.” Jinho pauses, looking at him more seriously now. “But if it’s not what you want, then I think you should let each other go, before both of you get hurt.”

Yuto knows what he means. Tonight was just proof of that. Everything that happened, all the games, all the fights, it was all because neither of them really know what they want from each other, but they need to figure it out soon, or it’ll only get worse.

“Okay, hyung,” is all he can bring himself to say, and Jinho gives his shoulder a squeeze.

“It was good meeting you,” Jinho says, and Yuto says the same, hoping that this won’t be the last time that they see each other.

He waits until they’ve gone before he gets up, scooping Hyunggu up in his arms, the weight oddly familiar to him, moving carefully so that he doesn’t wake him up. He takes a look around the room, the movie already switched off, empty plates and cups all over, and-

Shinwon’s still there, at the end of the couch, eyes half open, and Wooseok’s asleep in his lap, his hand gently running through the boy’s hair, and Yuto feels like he shouldn’t be seeing this, like he’s looking into a moment that’s meant for only them, but he doesn’t turn quick enough, and Shinwon notices him, catching his eye for a second, and _what the fuck?_

He’s never seen someone look at him with that much hate.

Yuto ignores it, leaving them be and heading up to Hyunggu’s room before Shinwon can say anything to him. Hell, he doesn’t even know what he did to have the guy look at him like that, but he doesn’t really want to find out.

He sets Hyunggu down on his bed as gently as he can, the boy already starting to stir a little, so he tucks him in quickly, pressing a brief kiss to his forehead before he turns to leave, and-

“Yuto?”

He stops, partly because Hyunggu grabs onto his wrist, and partly because he sounds so fucking _cute,_ his voice all mumbly and sleepy like that, and Yuto’s heart almost melts.

“Yeah?”

“Can you stay?” is what Hyunggu asks, and he knows he has no right to expect this of him, no right to even ask, but he does anyway, and a part of him hopes that Yuto will say yes.

And he does, muttering a small, “Okay,” before he climbs into bed with him, Hyunggu shuffling over to make room for him, only to cuddle right back up to him as soon as he’s laid down, letting Yuto wrap his arms around him, their legs tangling together.

“I’m sorry,” Hyunggu says after a while, his voice small, quiet. “For everything. Tonight. Just… I’m sorry.”

Yuto nods against his head, nuzzling into him even closer, and he says, “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to get mad at you in front of everyone. And- and that kiss. With Yanan. I’m sorry for that too.”

Hyunggu sighs, tired. “No, that wasn’t your fault. It just happened.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay then.”

It’s quiet then, just the sound of their breathing, soft, in sync, and for a moment, Hyunggu thinks that Yuto might’ve fallen asleep. But then he hears, “Hyunggu?”

“Yeah?”

“If I wait… Who am I waiting for?”

The question hits him like a brick, knocking the wind out of him, and he knows what Yuto’s asking. Behind his personas, his games, his tricks and his lies, who is he really? He doesn’t think he knows either. He’s still trying to figure it out, and he doesn’t know where to start, but the start seems like the right place.

“My parents are dead.”

The answer to Yuto’s question from earlier is one he should’ve seen coming, it was too obvious in the way Hyunggu had responded to it, so he doesn’t know why it shocks him to hear him actually say it. Maybe because he hadn’t expected Hyunggu to tell him, because he thought that maybe he’d be waiting for nothing after all. But, no, Hyunggu’s given him something, something _real,_ and he can only hope for more.

“They were in an accident when I was little,” he explains, voice blank, straight, like he’s reading from a script. “I don’t even remember them. After that, Hui-hyung’s parents took me in-”

“Wait.” Yuto’s confused, pulling back a bit to look at him. “Aren’t Hui-hyung’s parents your parents too?”

Hyunggu gives him a weak smile. “You didn’t notice it, did you? The different names.”

Yuto wonders what he means, until he remembers. _Kang Hyunggu. Lee Hwitaek._ He doesn’t know why he never thought anything of it. It was right there in front of him the entire time. He just didn’t see it.

“So he’s not really your brother?”

“He’s my cousin, technically,” Hyunggu answers. “But he’s the only brother I’ve ever known, the only real family I’ve ever had.”

“What do you mean?”

“His parents didn’t want me. After all, they had their own child to worry about, right? But they were the only family I had left. I had nowhere else to go, and Hui-hyung insisted that they kept me. He bugged them about it non-stop until they finally caved in, and even then, all they did was give me the most basic needs, and other than that, it was Hui-hyung who took care of me. He was a kid, just like I was, but he’s the one who got me ready for school, and made sure I brushed my teeth, and protected me from all the bullies. Even until now, he’s the one who takes care of me.”

 _He practically raised Hyunggu._ Yanan’s words from so long ago echo in his mind, reminding him again how it was all right fucking there. And Yuto realises that maybe the reason he felt like he didn’t know Hyunggu was because he hadn’t made enough of an effort to find out, not like Hyunggu did with him. _God._ And there he was, going off at him about not giving enough, when it was all right there for him to take. He just didn’t try.

“Where are they now?” Yuto asks. “Hui-hyung’s parents, I mean.”

Hyunggu appreciates the fact that he doesn’t call them his parents, like some people would, because they ‘raised him’, because he’s ‘adopted’, because for all intents and purposes, they _are_ ‘his parents’. He appreciates the fact that Yuto understands.

“They moved to this little cottage out in the countryside once Hui-hyung was old enough to really manage both of us on his own,” Hyunggu tells him, voice starting to drift slowly, sounding tired. “They still pay for everything, and they check in every now and then, but other than that, it’s really just Hui-hyung and I. Just like it’s always been.”

He lets out a shaky breath, voice cracking when he says, “Well, now you know me, right? The orphan, the tragedy, the fucking burden that no one wanted.”

“Hyunggu…” Yuto wants to say something, anything, but he can’t find the words, everything sounding wrong, so all he can do is hug Hyunggu tighter, hoping that it comes through, and the boy just lets out a choked sob, half crying, half laughing, and it makes Yuto’s heart hurt.

“Do you have any idea how that feels? To know that you’re not wanted?”

And Hyunggu doesn’t know what he expects Yuto to say, but it’s definitely not, “Yeah, actually, I do.”

He frowns, wondering what Yuto means by that, and the boy lets out a heavy sigh, looking down at him.

“You know how I said I was looking for something?”

Hyunggu nods.

“Well, I found it.” He pauses. “I found _her._ My mother.”

And _oh._ That isn’t what Hyunggu expected at all. He thought that Yuto would be looking for some kind of fortune, something illegal even, but not this. His mother.

“Y-You found her here? In Korea?” Hyunggu’s eyebrows knit together in question. “What’s she doing here?”

“She left me and my dad when I was younger. No notice, no reason. She just… left,” Yuto starts, voice glum. “My dad blamed it on me. Told me that she probably got sick of me, didn’t want me anymore. But I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe that she would just leave me like that. I was so sure she had a good reason.” He laughs, empty, dark. “I believed it so much that I tracked down her last known contact, worked three jobs to save up enough money for myself, came all the way here to find her, only to be met with dead end after dead end after dead end.”

“Until this week, when I finally, _finally_ found her. For real this time.” Yuto’s face grows darker, eyes clouding over. “And it turns out that she’s already got a new family here. They looked happy, perfect, like a poster family for an advertisement. Nothing like me and my dad back home. And the bastard was right after all. She just didn’t want me anymore.”

Hyunggu doesn’t know what hurts more, the fact that they were both abandoned, cast aside like they were nothing, or the fact that _this_ is what it took to bring them closer, making him wonder how many more secrets there are between them.

But Hyunggu’s all in now. Everything’s out in the open. He has nothing left to hide. And there’s no take-backs, no rewinds. He’s given Yuto all of him, and he finally thinks that he’s okay with that. He finally thinks he’s ready.

Hyunggu kisses him right then, because it’s all he can do, and it’s lazy, slow, just to remind him that he’s there, that he’s listening, and Yuto returns it, just as soft, weak almost, forehead pressed against his, eyes already shut.

Right before Hyunggu drifts off, sleep pulling him under, he thinks he hears Yuto say, “If it counts for anything, I want you. I’ll always want you.”

And Hyunggu wants to say it back, wants to tell him he’ll always want him too, wants to thank him for waiting, for everything, but he’s so tired, so, so tired, and there’s only one thing on Hyunggu’s mind.

He thinks he’s in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the reader who pointed out shinwon/wooseok in the previous chapters... ta da! and also to the reader who guessed that yuto might be looking for his sister, you were almost there! and yes, their backstories were highly inspired by joon hyung from weightlifting fairy jdjsjsk again i'm sorry if it didn't turn out well, i hope it was okay, please leave me some comments to let me know what you think or just say hello, i'd appreciate it a lot <3


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! i bet you weren't expecting another update so soon :o but!! here's my gift to you all for being the best readers i could ever ask for (although after you read the chapter you might not feel like it's a gift.... Whoops), for always encouraging me to keep writing as well as to do well in school, and for always making sure that i take care of my health and don't worry, i've been getting sleep, i promise, and also for over 2k hits!!!! thank you!!!! and yes, as you can probably guess, it's a... HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!!! (i know its technically not halloween anymore but lets all just pretend i posted it on time ok) and it was only AFTER i finished writing it that i realised the word count went up to 12k again so that'll probably be the average now? and like the previous chapter, there will be perspective switches and the rest of the story will probably continue like this since its not just Hyunggu's Story™ anymore so keep that in mind! 
> 
> the idea for this chapter was inspired by hyunggu's post on twitter of him wearing that red hoodie with the red riding hood caption so Yes this was totally a last minute thing so i'm sorry if it seems rushed, i kinda got too excited about it.... blame hyunggu's cute ass >;( ALSO there's a scene where i imagined a particular song playing and of course you don't have to listen to it, but i'll link it in the scene in case anyone wants that Extra Feel yknow
> 
> OH idk if anyone noticed but i changed my user to kinos bc i just wanted something cute and simple so yeah ! also, the next update might not come anytime soon because i've got tests and assignment deadlines coming up in the next few weeks so i'll be focusing on those for the time being! i hope you all understand and please be patient with me hehe
> 
> and!! WARNINGS for this chapter: there is some violence, and it gets a bit graphic, not too heavy but just a heads up for anyone who needs it!
> 
> ANYWAY i'm rambling i'm sorry please enjoy!!! i hope you all like it and happy halloween!!! <3

Halloween.

Everyone’s favourite holiday. The one day where they can all be something else, _someone_ else, and no one would care. And after everything they’ve all been through, the idea of becoming someone else seems like a haven, even if it’s just for one night.

Shinwon, especially, takes a special interest in the celebration, a chance for him to be as extravagant as he pleases, to dress himself up in the fanciest costumes, to deck his mansion out in all kinds of decorations, transforming it into a house of horror, of wicked fun, a place for everyone to lose themselves. Just for one night.

He sends out the mass invite to his party to anyone and everyone a week prior to the day, just like he always does and as soon as his phone starts buzzing with replies, screen lighting up nonstop, he ignores it, unbothered about who can or can’t make it. He’s thrown far too many parties to even care at this point.

A familiar name flashes on the screen though, and he hates that his immediate response is to grab his phone, wanting nothing more than to smack himself for being so desperate, so pathetic.

**WOOSEOK:**

_finally!! ur halloween parties are the best._

_can’t wait, shinwonie hyung~_

Shinwon’s fingers hover over the screen, half of him wanting to type out a reply, the other half knowing that he should just leave it be, just like he did with everyone else’s texts. Wooseok should just be like everyone else. But he’s not. Not anymore. Not since that night, that kiss. Not since he made Shinwon feel those _things,_ those butterflies Hyunggu’s always going on about, those starry eyes Hongseok’s always got for Jinho, those sparks that shoot out of Hwitaek whenever he’s with Hyojong.

“You’ll understand it someday, Shinwon,” they’d all told him at some point. “You’ll know it when you feel it.”

And he feels it. He just doesn’t know why he feels it with Wooseok. He doesn’t know why a part of him wants to.

Before he knows it, that part of him has written out a reply, the words sounding corny, awkward, when he reads them again in his head.

_wear something nice,_

_best costume wins._

He hates that his heart jumps when Wooseok replies:

_what’s the prize?_

And Shinwon shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, because this isn’t some random person he’s flirting with at a club, or even a regular hookup of his. This is _Wooseok,_ a friend, and he really, really shouldn’t, but before he can help himself, he sends out:

_me._

He wants to take it back as soon as it’s out there, wondering why the fuck he did that, hoping that Wooseok isn’t too weirded out by it, but then-

_i guess i’ll have to make sure i win then ;)_

Shit.

It’s a joke. It has to be. Just a dumb joke. A trick. Mockery, perhaps? Nothing but Wooseok making light of what happened the other night, an attempt to avoid making things weird between them.

That’s what Shinwon tells himself, because there’s no way that Wooseok would mean that. No way that Wooseok would really want him. Not when Hyunggu’s still around.

That’s what he tells himself, and that’s what he wants to believe, but why does it make him feel horrible inside? A dull ache in his chest, heavy pit in his stomach, stinging in his eyes.

_You’ll know it when you feel it._

But this isn’t what he wants to feel.

—

The first one to show up at Shinwon’s place on Halloween day isn’t Wooseok, nor is it his usual group of first guests who always come earlier than everyone else for no other reason than to start getting tipsy before the party even begins so that by the time things get into full swing, they’re already at their peak, their high, just to make the absolute most of their night. He thinks they’re either really smart for coming up with the idea, or really dumb because the lot of them are out cold before the night even comes close to an end. It isn’t those pesky kids who come around as if he’s actually going to give them candy either, or even those nosey old neighbours who always tell him that his decorations are too scary, it’s just-

“Changgu.” He arches an eyebrow, staring him down from where he’s standing in the doorway, the boy looking awfully small on his grand porch. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You sent me the invite to your party, didn’t you?” is what Changgu says, but the hesitancy in his voice shows, eyes flickering up and down nervously.

“If you got the invite, you’d know that the party doesn’t start for another couple of hours,” Shinwon shoots back lazily, wondering why he’s really here. “And you’re not even dressed for it.”

Changgu looks down at his plain outfit of nothing but a pair of old jeans and a loose sweater that may or may not belong to a certain someone named Yanan, suddenly feeling awfully conscious of himself, and he stutters a little when he says, “I didn’t feel like dressing up this year.” He clears his throat, standing up straighter. “And so what if I came a bit early? Maybe I just wanted to hang out with my friend for a while.”

Shinwon doesn’t even bother holding back his laugh, a loud ‘Ha!’ escaping his throat, and his tone is unapologetic when he tells him, “No offense, but outside of that little group, we’re not exactly friends.”

“But we’re the same age,” is Changgu’s lame defence and Shinwon gives him a look.

“Do I look like I’m the type to be buddy-buddy with every single 18-year old in the world?”

Changgu’s face burns at the comment, obviously embarrassed, but he still refuses to leave, standing his ground and Shinwon can’t help but roll his eyes.

“Seriously, why are you here? Can’t you see I’m busy?” He holds up the fake skeletons in his hands to make his point, shaking the plastic bones in Changgu’s face, making him take a step back. “Plus, don’t you always go trick-or-treating with Yanan like a couple of losers before you come to my party?”

It must’ve been the wrong thing to say, and Shinwon bites his too-honest tongue when Changgu’s face completely falls, looking like he might just burst into tears right there and then.

“Sorry,” he says, wincing slightly. “I thought you guys worked it out already.”

That just makes it worse, Changgu letting out a small whimper, actual tears welling up in his eyes, bottom lip quivering, and Shinwon really can’t deal with people crying in front of him so he sighs, dropping the decorations to grab the guy by the shoulders instead, dragging him into the house.

“Fuck, just-” He drops Changgu off in some quiet corner, shoving a bottle of who knows what into his hands. “Sit here, shut up and drink up. Okay?”

All Changgu does is give him a weak nod, already holding the bottle to his lips, sniffling like a baby, and Shinwon kind of wants to smack him, but that might make him cry even more, so before he can make things worse, he just goes back to finish up his decorating and _God,_ if Changgu and Yanan couldn’t fix things with each other, what chance did he have?

—

“Ta-da!”

“Uh… Wow?”

Hyunggu narrows his eyes at Yuto, hands on his hips, and he says, “Wow? That’s it? Really?”

“Well, when you said you had a really great Halloween costume, I was thinking more, like, sexy cat or somethi- _Ow!_ Don’t hit me!”

Hyunggu lets out a sharp huff, nose flaring, and he throws a disapproving look at the boy. “Do you know how long it took me to put together this outfit?”

“But you’re just wearing a red cloak,” is Yuto’s blunt response, head tilting to the side in confusion and Hyunggu rolls his eyes.

“Well, I had to think of a costume that I hadn’t already done before, and I had to find the perfectly sized cloak in the exact shade of red that I wanted, and I had to do my own makeup because Chungha’s too busy getting her own costume ready, and now I have to dress _you_ up-”

“Me?” Yuto gapes at him. “What am I supposed to be?”

Hyunggu lets out a heavy sigh, giving him a look that says _‘Seriously?’_ and Yuto just gives him a blank stare in return, shoulders shrugging.

“I’m Red Riding Hood,” Hyunggu starts, gesturing at his outfit. “So you’re…”

“I’m…”

“The Big Bad Wolf!” he cries out, clearly exasperated and Yuto frowns up at him from where he’s sitting, the corners of his lips turned down.

“But I’m not bad,” he says, a hint of a whine in his voice, and it’s endearing, really.

Hyunggu sighs again, softer this time, and he takes Yuto’s face in his hands, squeezing him a little. “Babe, it’s just a costume, okay? A character.” He presses a kiss to his sad lips, sweet, gentle. “I know you’re not bad.”

A dopey smile replaces Yuto’s frown when he says, “You called me ‘babe’.”

That makes Hyunggu’s face flush, blood rushing up his neck, to his cheeks and he just mumbles a shy, “Shut up,” before he goes to get the bits for Yuto’s costume, not missing the way Yuto lets out a delighted laugh once his back is turned.

See, Hyunggu had figured that the guy might not be big on the whole dressing up for Halloween thing, so he’d just asked him to wear what he usually wears, and he was more than pleased when Yuto showed up at his doorstep in an all-black outfit, perfect for his wolf costume. And it isn’t much, really. Just a pair of furry, grey wolf ears that makes him cringe when Hyunggu puts them on, and a little face paint to make up a nose and whiskers, making him look like a cutesy version of a Big Bad Wolf, honestly.

“Done and done!” Hyunggu announces proudly, barely giving Yuto a second to adjust before he drags them downstairs to show off their costumes to the others, posing in the middle of the front hall. “Hyung, what do you think?”

Hyojong gives them a lazy once-over. “Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf? Bo- _ring._ ”

Hyunggu’s mouth hangs open, just slightly offended and he eyes Hyojong’s fur coat and bare chest, a fake gun stuffed into the front of his worn-out jeans, the tattoo inked on his shoulder on full display tonight.

“You’re one to talk,” he huffs, unimpressed. “What the hell are you supposed to be anyway?”

“Retro robbers!” Hwitaek answers instead, swinging into the hall in a vintage denim jacket, a printed scarf tied around his neck, large gold-rimmed glasses perched carefully on the bridge of his nose. He slings an arm around Hyojong, pulling him in by the neck, lips smirking. “Think sexy, 80s-90s Bonnie and Clyde. Cool, right?”

Hyunggu won’t admit it, because he’s a little shit like that, but it _is_ pretty cool, and he’s just a touch bitter that he didn’t think of it first. He’d look great in that fur coat.

“Whatever,” he says, pursing his lips as he links arms with Yuto, tugging him closer. “We’re cuter. Right, Yuto?”

“I look like a dog,” is all that Yuto grumbles, giving him a sulky look, lips pouting and with the whole get up, he really does look like a puppy instead of a scary wolf that frightens little girls in the woods. Oh well.

Hyunggu pats his cheek lightly, telling him, “It’s okay. I like dogs.” And for reassurance, he gives him a kiss. And another. And one more. Just for good measure, of course.

He hears Hyojong make a gagging sound, and Hwitaek groans, “Stop being gross. We have a party to get to.”

Yuto just ducks his head bashfully, barely holding back a stupid grin when Hyunggu slides his hand down his arm to lace their fingers together instead, just quietly trailing along behind the two elders as they head out, deciding to walk over to Shinwon’s instead of driving like they usually do, wanting to show off the town’s decorations to Yuto.

But when they pull the front door open, Yanan’s standing there, fist raised like he was about to knock, and when he sees them, he takes a step back, dropping his hand immediately.

“Hi,” he says, sounding a little breathless, really. “You guys heading to the party?”

The four of them exchange awkward glances, vaguely gesturing at their obvious costumes and Hwitaek lets out a small chuckle when he says, “Yeah, we are. You okay, Yananie?”

Yanan squirms a little, hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. “Yeah, it’s just- I was thinking of going, but I usually go with Changgu and…”

“You guys still aren’t talking?” Hwitaek asks, face apologetic, pitiful. “Hasn’t it been, like, over a week?”

Yanan gives him a weak nod, a sullen look on his face, tired lines lacing his eyes. “The last time we went this long without talking was that time I went back to China for a couple of weeks, remember?” They nod, they remember. “And I thought that maybe by now, we’d be okay, and even if we weren’t, we could figure it out, because Halloween, matching costumes, trick-or-treating together… It’s our tradition, you know?” He sniffles, voice getting a little choked up. “But I went over to his place, and he wasn’t even there. Like he just… didn’t even bother waiting for me.”

Before anyone can say anything, he shakes his head, clears his throat, perks up like nothing happened. “Anyway, I just thought that if you guys were going, then maybe I could tag along?”

Hwitaek doesn’t even hesitate to say yes, immediately hooking one arm with him, the other one still wrapped loosely around Hyojong’s shoulders, and Yanan looks more than grateful for it, relief clear in his eyes. Then, with a hesitant glance over his shoulder at the younger boys, he asks, “Yuto-ya, we’re okay, right?”

Yuto just lets out a small laugh, nodding his head. “Yeah, hyung,” he says, reaching out to give his shoulder a pat. “I told you, we’re fine. You already apologised to me, like, a million times. Don’t worry about it. I know you didn’t mean to do it.”

“And you?” This time the question is directed at Hyunggu, even more unsure. “Are _we_ okay?”

Hyunggu had thought about it, that kiss between them, and he’d talked it over with Yuto, because they talk about things now, because they can. And he realised that it had nothing to do with him, or Yuto, really. It was all down to Yanan and Changgu, and in the heat of the moment, Yanan would’ve kissed anyone to make his point. It just happened to be Yuto.

So, Hyunggu gives him a kind smile, telling him, “Of course we’re okay, Yananie-hyung.” But he can’t help himself, his grin turning into something a little fiercer, teeth flashing when he adds, “As long as you don’t kiss Yuto ever again.”

Yanan visibly gulps, head nodding quickly, and he turns back to face forward, leaving Yuto staring at Hyunggu with a pointed look, eyebrow arched carefully.

“What?” he asks, mirroring his cocky expression, and Yuto doesn’t say anything, he just watches Hyunggu, eyes steady, and as soon as Hyunggu looks away, Yuto kisses his cheek, just a quick peck, but it’s enough to make him blush, eyes going wide in surprise.

“I thought I told you two to stop being gross,” Hwitaek calls out from in front of them, and Hyunggu wonders how he even saw that.

He ignores it, though, being as gross with Yuto as he pleases, their hands still locked together, his free hand coming up to latch onto his arm, hugging him a little too tight, but Yuto doesn’t seem to mind, leaning into him even more. And Hyunggu thinks it might have something to do with the fact that the night is growing darker, and they’re heading into Shinwon’s part of the neighbourhood, the street crawling with partygoers dressed in all kinds of scary costumes, jack-o-lanterns and skeletons decorating the houses that they pass, spooky music blasting from the mansion at the end of the road.

“You’re not scared, are you?” Hyunggu teases when Yuto’s grip on his hand begins to tighten, nervous eyes darting around at anything and everything, as if something might just pounce at them from out of the darkness.

“What? N-No, of course not,” Yuto answers, but really, who is he trying to fool?

Hyunggu just grins at that, singing out an obnoxious, “O- _kay,_ if you say so.”

And all he gets is a sour look in return that makes him laugh, and he laughs even harder when they pass Shinwon’s most famous decoration, one that’s there every single Halloween without fail, a creepy old coffin laid out in his front lawn that opens up whenever someone passes it, a rotting corpse leaping out of it, screaming in your face, and Yuto almost jumps right out of his bones, letting out a terrified yelp as he lets go of Hyunggu in favour of crouching down on the ground, hiding his head in between his arms as he curls in on himself to protect him from the wailing creature.

Hyojong is the first to laugh after Hyunggu does, almost doubling over as he points at Yuto’s crouched figure, and that makes Hwitaek burst into a fit too, unsure whether he’s more amused by Yuto or by Hyojong, and Yanan barely holds back his own laughter, lips rolling in for just a moment before he cracks, spluttering out a loud laugh, wheezing out, “Sorry, Yuto,” in between his breaths.

Yuto tries to stand, but another guest walks past the coffin, triggering the sensor and making the thing scream again, and he ducks back down immediately, squeezing his eyes shut, pressing his hands to his ears to block out the noise, and Hyunggu’s laughing so hard that he can’t breathe, but he feels a little bad for the guy, so he calms himself as best as he can, the other three still cracking up behind him as he makes his way over to Yuto, squatting down in front of him.

Despite his protests, Hyunggu manages to pry his hands away from his ears, holding them in his own instead, giving them a firm squeeze.

“Are you okay?” he asks, trying to sound as genuine as possible, but a snort betrays him, and Yuto sends him a death glare, eyes narrowed into slits.

“It’s not funny,” he grumbles, sounding awfully childish, really, and Hyunggu can’t help but say, “It is a little funny.”

That makes Yuto knock his knees against Hyunggu’s, making the smaller boy fall back on his ass, a loud “Oof!” coming out of him and now, it’s Yuto’s turn to laugh, amusement replacing the fear from before.

“See, now, _that’s_ funny,” he points out, grinning brightly, and as much as he hates to admit defeat, Hyunggu just lets him have his fun, because at least he’s not scared anymore.

“Are you gonna help me up?” Hyunggu asks once Yuto’s okay enough to stand on his own, eyebrows raised. “Or are you too busy bullying me?”

Yuto hums, tapping at his chin thoughtfully before he says, “Too busy,” and Hyunggu kicks at his shins, making him laugh even more.

Yuto helps him up anyway, and he presses a small kiss to the back of Hyunggu’s hand once he does, bowing playfully. And it’s nice like this, just poking fun at each other, without having to worry about crossing any lines, no more tricks, no more games. It’s comfortable, Hyunggu thinks, and he could get used to it.

And he could really get used to holding Yuto’s hand, their fingers already interlaced as they head back to where the others are waiting at the door, Yuto’s thumb absentmindedly tracing circles into Hyunggu’s skin. It isn’t like he’s never held Yuto’s hand before, he has, more times than he can count, but there’s something about holding his hand here, _now,_ in front of everyone. Like they’re not hiding anymore. Hyunggu doesn’t know what it means, but he could _definitely_ get used to it, gripping Yuto’s hand even tighter, hoping he’ll never have to let go.

By the time they meet up with the others at the front door, after Yuto insists on making them both go all the way around the lawn to avoid the screaming coffin, there are two more people with them, and as soon as Hyunggu sees an Iron Man mask on one of them and a Magneto helmet on the other, his face breaks out into a grin, flinging his arms around the mini Magneto.

“Jinho-hyung!”

“Oh!” Jinho turns in Hyunggu’s arms to return his hug, squeezing him far too tightly, as if they hadn’t just seen each other just over a week ago. “Hi, Hyunggu-ya.” He pulls back to take a look at Hyunggu’s costume, making him twirl before he nods in approval. “Good choice. Did you bring your wolf?”

Hyunggu nods, eager, proud, reaching out for Yuto and he feels his heart flutter when the boy finds his hand far too easily, fingers slotting right between his like they just fit.

Yuto gives Jinho a half-hug, as much as he can manage with his unoccupied arm, and he says, “Your costume is a lot cooler than mine, hyung.”

That earns him a smack on the arm from Hyunggu and a loud laugh from Jinho, who tells him, “No, I think you two look cute.” He gestures at his own outfit, shaking his head slightly. “I’m too old for this, but _someone_ insisted.”

That certain someone pulls Jinho into his arms, chin resting on his head and he says, “Well, you love that someone, don’t you?”

“Do I?” he teases, and Hongseok gasps, pulling off his mask to give Jinho a dirty look, but the elder just laughs it off, saying, “Of course I do, Hongseokie,” before he tilts his head back for a kiss, Hongseok indulging him immediately, mumbling a sweet, “I love you too,” into his lips.

Hyunggu and Yuto’s faces scrunch up in embarrassment at the cheesy couple, though they’re still clinging to each other just as much as those two. Hyojong chimes in with a, “Go get a room, you grandpas,” only to get a hard smack on the back of his head from Hongseok, making Hwitaek burst into laughter, rubbing at his head to soothe him.

Yanan watches the small exchange, feeling almost like an outsider, like there’s a glass wall between them that he just can’t get through. Like he needs something, _someone,_ to get to the other side, to be a part of that world. Someone like-

_Changgu._

Yanan sees him from across the room, eyes clicking right away, and he looks just as miserable as Yanan feels, like the life’s been drained right out of him. And it feels like there’s an entire ocean between them, a sea of strangers, and Yanan just wants to go to him, to be by his side again, like he’s always been, but he _can’t._ He can’t move, he can’t breathe, he can’t think. He just can’t and-

“Hyung?”

Yanan blinks, pulled back to reality by the hand on his shoulder, the familiar voice asking, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Yuto,” he answers, tone bleak, empty, eyes still on Changgu, who’s watching and watching and watching. But when he blinks again, he’s gone.

“Are you sure?” Yuto asks, shaking his shoulder a little, concern etched on his face. “You look like you saw a ghost.”

 _Maybe I did,_ he thinks, but he flashes a tight smile, shrugging off Yuto’s hand and he says, “It’s nothing. I’m gonna go get a drink.”

“Oh-” Yuto starts, but Yanan disappears into the party before he can continue, swallowed up by the crowd and Yuto frowns, an uneasy feeling settling into his gut.

“What was that about?” Hyunggu asks, coming over to run a hand along the inside of his arm, squeezing just barely, a comfort that he leans into almost immediately. “Is everything okay?”

He shakes his head, gaze still on the party crowd, the red lights, the eerie music, that weird feeling growing even more, making his skin crawl.

“I don’t know,” he says, voice barely a murmur in the loud room, frown deepening. “But I don’t think this night is gonna go well.”

—

Shinwon is tired of these parties.

 _There,_ he said it. He’s sick of them. He’s sick of all the work that he goes through to set the place up, make it look all nice and fancy, only to have a bunch of drunken bastards knock everything down like they’re worth nothing. He’s sick of all the drinks and the drugs, none of them making him feel anything anymore, just a waste of money and an extra risk that’s gonna bite him in the ass soon enough. And most of all, he’s sick of the people. These people who come to his parties, shaking his hand, giving him hugs, saying, “Hey, Shinwon! Long time no see!” as if they’ve actually spoken a word to each other outside of these walls. These people who don’t even know him, really, who don’t even bother trying to, because all that they see him as is that one rich guy who throws those great parties. These people who come into his home and fill it up, make it feel like it’s not so empty anymore, like he’s not so alone anymore.

But then the music stops, and the hype dies down, and they leave. They all leave, and Shinwon is alone again. Just like he always is.

He’s tired of these parties, but he can’t stop now, the night already growing late, crowd only just getting riled up, the low bass of the music thrumming against his eardrums as he weaves his way through the mass of people spread out in the vast room, nodding curt hellos and flashing fake smiles as he goes, the mask that’s hiding half his face seeming awfully useful right about now.

He’d gone with the Phantom of the Opera. Tacky, he knows, but it seemed fitting in a way, and he really couldn’t be bothered with coming up with something more original this year, the whole idea of dressing up in silly costumes beginning to seem so trivial to him.

Which is funny, he thinks, considering he’d be so insistent on having Wooseok choose a good costume, leaving him gentle reminders through little texts throughout the week, sounding just like a stupid kid with a stupid crush.

And does he? Have a crush? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know, because he’s never had a crush on anyone before. He isn’t sure how it’s supposed to feel. But he sure feels _something,_ and it’s been making him anxious all night, something ticking in him as he waits for Wooseok to show up, hoping that he _does_ show up, doing a double-take every time he spots someone tall and handsome, only to be disappointed again and again.

Until he does find Wooseok, his head sticking out above the crowd as he looks around the room, and when he sees Shinwon, he smiles. And _fuck._ Shinwon’s heart almost jumps right up his throat, and he has to force his legs to keep walking at a normal pace, trying not to seem so… eager.

But he _is,_ and he hates himself for it, hates that something, someone, could make him so unlike himself, unravelling all the little things that make him the way he is, one piece at a time, and tonight, it seems to be his standards.

“What the fuck are you supposed to be?” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he finally makes his way over to Wooseok, eyeing his simple outfit of black jeans and a grey t-shirt, a bag strapped onto his back.

“I’m the Backpack Kid,” is Wooseok’s answer, a ‘duh’ tone to his voice as if he’s disappointed that Shinwon couldn’t guess it, and _seriously?_

“I thought I told you to wear something nice,” Shinwon says, trying to sound snappy, but it comes out more whiny than he meant it to, a stupidly fond smile threatening to stretch his lips. And he hates that he finds the costume oddly endearing, a small giggle finally escaping his throat when Wooseok does the ridiculous dance for him, looking quite proud of himself when he pulls it off, and _what the fuck?_ Shinwon doesn’t giggle. Ever.

Wooseok flashes a toothy grin, quirking his eyebrows. “Come on, hyung, just admit it,” he says, sounding awfully smug. “I’m totally gonna win this. Everyone else can go home.”

 _Yes,_ Shinwon wants to say, _everyone else should go home. They should leave, like they always do. They should all leave, except for you. Then maybe, I won’t be so alone anymore._

 _Yes,_ he wants to say, but what comes out is a weak, “Ha, you wish.”

“Well, I tried-”

“Shinwonie!”

Shinwon’s almost knocked over when Changgu charges at him suddenly, clinging to his middle, reeking of alcohol and it’s obvious that he’s been crying, even more so than before.

He lets out a heavy sigh, trying not to roll his eyes as he peels the boy off of him, delicate fingers holding him by the collar of his shirt.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay put?” he says, almost hissing at him, tongue sharp.

Changgu hiccups, rubbing a tired hand under his eyes in a sad attempt at wiping away his tears, but it’s no use. “I _did,_ but then I went to go get another drink, and- and-” He lets out a loud sob, and god, that urge to smack him is coming back. “I saw Yanan.”

Shinwon should’ve guessed.

“And he was with _Yuto._ ”

His jaw tightens. Again and again and again, it all comes back to him. How can one person be such a nuisance to so many people? How is it possible that this guy can just show up out of nowhere and turn their entire world upside down? Shinwon doesn’t understand it. Sure, it wasn’t perfect before, far from it, really, but it _worked._ They were all okay. And now… everything’s fucked up.

“God, I hate that guy,” Wooseok says, a scowl twisting his lips now, every hint of excitement from earlier gone, and his bitterness hits Shinwon like a slap in the face, reminding him of the reason why Wooseok hates him so much.

“Me too!” Changgu adds, voice slurring, and when he tries to lift a bottle to his lips, Shinwon snatches it out his shaky hand, saying, “I think you’ve had enough.”

“But Shinwon!” he cries again, stomping his feet like a child, and he really might just slap him. “I want him gone! I want Yanan back! I- I want- _Ow!_ ”

Shinwon’s hand stings from the hit, but it does the job, the boy shutting up immediately, hand cradling his reddened cheek.

“Pull yourself together,” he snaps, a harsh tone to his voice that Changgu is definitely too afraid to fight, only daring to let out a small whimper.

He runs a tongue over his bottom lip, eyes darting between Changgu and Wooseok, the two boys just as hopeless and upset as he is, and he feels something come over him, like a dark cloud, those wicked bits of him slowly piecing themselves together again, making him feel like _him_ again.

“Yuto needs to learn his place,” Shinwon says eventually, his tone light, nonchalant, like he’s talking about the weather. He arches an eyebrow, face tight, cold. “Yes?”

The two boys exchange hesitant looks before they nod.

“Go get your boys and meet me out back,” he tells them, handing Changgu over to Wooseok, and he fixes his mask, a devilish glint in his eye. “I know what to do.”

—

Hyunggu’s been trying to get Yuto to stop being such a wallflower for the past twenty minutes, like, literally. The boy had plastered himself to the wall on the far end of the room, refusing to actually join the party, and no matter how hard Hyunggu tries to get him to move, Yuto just won’t budge.

“Come on!” Hyunggu groans, giving up on trying to tug at his arm because his own arms are getting tired, settling against his body instead, jelly arms wrapping around his middle. “I’m sure Yanan’s fine. He probably just needs some time to himself.”

Yuto hums lowly, his arms coming around Hyunggu’s shoulders, and he shakes his head. “It’s not that. It’s just… I don’t know. Something feels off.”

“Is it the decorations? The costumes?” Hyunggu asks, ducking his head to meet Yuto’s eyes, eyebrows raised in question. “Are they too scary for you?”

“Hey-”

“I’m not making fun of you!” he swears, eyes wide and honest. “Really. Some of them give me the creeps too. But-” He sighs. “They’re not real, okay? It’s all just makeup and plastic. But you know what is real?”

“What?”

“You’re real. I’m real.” Hyunggu unwinds his arms from Yuto’s body to reach for his hands instead, bringing them to his own cheeks, letting Yuto smush his face, his voice coming out muffled when he says, “See? I’m real, right?”

That gets a smile out of Yuto, albeit a small one, and he cups Hyunggu’s face in his palms, fitting perfectly.

“Stop that,” he tells Hyunggu, voice shy, mumbly.

“Stop what?”

“Stop being so cute.”

It’s Hyunggu’s turn to smile, a bright grin lighting up his face and his cheeks start to warm under Yuto’s hold. “If you want me to stop,” he says, hands sliding down to hold onto Yuto’s wrists instead, feeling his pulse under his fingertips. “Then come dance with me.”

“I don’t dance,” is Yuto’s excuse, looking at Hyunggu like he’d rather saw his own leg off.

Hyunggu rolls his eyes. “Then just stand there and look hot while I dance around you.”

“That, I can do,” Yuto says, making Hyunggu laugh and he finally caves, letting the boy take his hands and lead him out to the dance floor. He shoots dirty glares at anyone who dares to rub their sweaty bodies against his, and by the third zombie that he passes, they seem to get the hint, giving him and Hyunggu a clear path to the middle of the floor.

The [song](https://soundcloud.com/omenxiii/all-alone-prod-purpdogg-1) that comes on right then is one that sends chills up Yuto’s spine right away, goosebumps dotting his skin and he doesn’t know why. There’s something about the music, sounding odd, sinister almost, and the creepy lyrics don’t seem to help at all. Hyunggu doesn’t seem to mind it, already lost in the moment, grinding his body against Yuto’s along with the deep thrum of the music, hands roaming over him in time with the beat.

Yuto just stands there, like he said he would, his body swaying just barely, his own hands occasionally running along Hyunggu’s sides, up his neck, into his hair. A distraction, to say the least, something to keep his mind occupied before it starts wandering to bad thoughts.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hwitaek and Hyojong dancing, singing, laughing together, practically bouncing off the walls with so much energy that it looks like they might just explode. He sees Hongseok and Jinho talking in the corner of the room, and he’s too far away to hear the conversation, but there’s a tension there that’s way too obvious, and he wonders what that’s about. He sees Yanan, alone, dejected, nursing a bottle of liquor like it’s water, looking like he regrets coming here at all. He sees Shinwon, half his face eclipsed with a mask, doll-like smile lacing his lips like it was painted on, dark eyes watching him, _them,_ from across the room. Watching, watching, watching.

He sees Shinwon, and then he doesn’t.

“Hey, you okay?”

Yuto snaps out of his trance, refocusing his gaze on Hyunggu and he quirks a half-hearted smile. “I’m fine.”

Hyunggu doesn’t seem to believe him, hands coming up to cup his face, forcing Yuto to look at him and only him, the monsters around them slowly blurring in his vision.

“None of it is real,” he reminds Yuto, thumbs pressing into the high arches of his cheekbones, keeping him grounded. “Just you and me.” He gives him a small smile; shaky, shy. “And I said I’d protect you, remember?”

Yuto blinks. Once. Twice. Once more. Then he kisses Hyunggu, pulling him in by that red hood of his, and the boy gasps into his mouth, surprised by the sudden advance. But he falls into him quickly, kissing him right back, lips slotting together easily like they have so many times before; familiar, fitting. His hands go slack, sliding down to rest against the base of Yuto’s neck instead, painted fingernails digging into his skin just barely, but it’s enough to make Yuto shudder, hissing against his lips.

“Bad Little Red,” Yuto says with a sharp click of his tongue, a low rumble in the back of his throat, and Hyunggu almost chokes on his own spit, heat flaring inside him, and it takes everything in him not to just tackle the guy to the ground right there and then.

He’s lucky that Yuto pulls him in again, because he thinks he might embarrass himself if he tried to get any words out, so he settles for just kissing him, tasting an odd mix of alcohol and cotton candy on his tongue, a hint of smoke that he doesn’t particularly like, but underneath all that he tastes _YutoYutoYuto,_ and he could get drunk off it.

And he feels something in his chest, an ache, a good ache; the same one he felt every second that he held Yuto’s hand out in public. He knows that everyone’s too wasted or too caught up in their own world to even notice them kissing out in the open, but it’s _something,_ and Hyunggu could really get used to this too.

“I remember,” Yuto breathes out when he finally gains enough self-restraint to pull himself away from Hyunggu, forehead stuck to his, a thin sheen of sweat between them. “I remember.”

“Good,” Hyunggu tells him, kissing him one last time before he takes a step back to start dancing again, winking at Yuto as he goes.

And Yuto sees him, sees him slip into a daze as the music takes over his body, his movements so fluid, so natural, like he was made to dance, like dance was made for him. He sees him light up as he moves with the beat, shining a hundred times brighter than he did before, like something in him was woken up, like that kiss woke him up. He sees him start to smile as he looks over at Yuto, a slow grin splitting his face, eyes turning into crescents, like he was happy, like Yuto made him happy.

He sees Hyunggu, and then he doesn’t.

—

_Red lights. Hyunggu. Gloved hands. Hyunggu. Cold dirt. Hyunggu. Voices. Masks. Music. Monsters. HyungguHyungguHyung-_

“Hyunggu?”

“Not quite.”

_Shinwon._

Yuto’s eyes fully snap open, coming to his senses and the first thing he tastes is a bitter pang in his mouth. _Blood._ He tries to stand, shaky arms pushing himself up, but a sharp pain shoots up his side, making him fall right back down onto his elbows.

“I told them to handle you carefully,” Shinwon says with a small sigh, his voice airy, bored almost. “But well, you can’t really trust the help these days.”

“What the hell is this?” he asks, teeth gritted as he looks up at him, vision cloudy.

Shinwon crouches down to look at him properly, catching his face in the tips of his fingers and when he tries to move away, Shinwon whistles and there are hands holding him down, keeping him in place.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?” is what he says, a calm hum in his tone, a buzz of a sort, the sound of it making Yuto’s skin crawl. “You show up here out of nowhere, with nothing, and I do you a favour, I invite you into my home, give you an easy way in, bring you into our little world. And what do you do?”

Yuto doesn’t say anything, because what _is_ he supposed to say? He doesn’t understand what Shinwon’s even getting at. His face from the other night flashes in Yuto’s mind, full of anger, hate, and he supposes it has something to do with this, but he just… doesn’t get it.

Shinwon’s grip on his cheeks tighten, nails pressing into his skin, just enough to draw blood. “And what do you do? Hmm?” His eyes narrow into slits, sharp, threatening. “You go and fuck it all up. Everything. Everyone. And you probably don’t even give a shit.”

Yuto lets out a low groan, still trying to squirm his way out of Shinwon’s hold, out of the hands that are pinning him down, but his body feels too weak, too heavy.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” he tries to yell, but his voice comes out hoarse, throat raw, that metallic taste still on his tongue. “What did I even do?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Shinwon scoffs, and even in the dark, even behind that mask, Yuto can see him roll his eyes. “You know what you did.”

“I don’t-”

“Enough!” Shinwon snaps at him, giving him a long, harsh look before he lets him go, shoving his face away as he stands, purposely kicking up dirt into Yuto’s face, making him cough. “You need to learn where you really stand here, Yuto, and that’s right down there.”

Yuto doesn’t get to say anything, doesn’t even get a chance to try and defend himself, because Shinwon whistles again, just a low hiss and the hands on him start roughing him up, punches being thrown, feet kicking into him, anywhere and everywhere that they can reach. And it _hurts,_ he can feel the pain everywhere; heat searing under his skin, bones aching in his limbs. But they just keep going, hit after hit after hit, and he can barely breathe.

“This isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted him gone! I- I mean- You can’t just- What if he-”

The voice is familiar, Yuto’s heard it before, he _knows_ it, but he can’t seem to place it. There’s too much ringing in his ears, only the sound of his blood pulsing in his head, faded music in the background.

“Shut up!” That’s Shinwon again. “Do you want Yanan back or not?”

“Well, _yeah,_ b-but-”

 _Changgu._ That’s who it is. And fucking hell, is that what this is about? That stupid kiss with Yanan the other night? All this, just because of some stupid game?

It makes Yuto laugh, the sound coming out as a wheeze, feeling like he coughed up a whole lung, but he can’t stop, the entire thing seeming so fucking stupid to him.

“Why the fuck is he laughing?”

Yuto shouldn’t be surprised that Wooseok is there too, recognising his voice immediately, and it just makes him laugh even harder, and he feels the back of someone’s hand smash into the side of his head in an attempt to shut him up, knuckles hard enough to bruise, but he just spits out the blood in his mouth, baring a toothy grin and the people around him seem to hesitate, unsure whether they should hit him again.

“What the hell is this?” Wooseok sounds panicked, flustered. “Wh-Why isn’t he fighting back?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Wooseok?” Yuto doesn’t know where he even finds the strength to taunt the boy, but he holds onto it like a lifeline, managing to pull himself up to his knees just enough. “Get me to fight back, paint me as the bad guy so you can swoop in and win Hyunggu back. That’s what this is, isn’t it?”

“So what if it is-”

“You think Hyunggu will ever want you again after this?” Yuto lets out a scoff, sounding amused almost. “You _know_ him. You know what kind of person he is. It wouldn’t even matter if it was me, or anyone else. He would never, _never,_ be okay with this.”

Wooseok seems to lose his words, fear, realisation creeping onto his face, and he just looks to the other two for help, eyes wide.

“And you’re even worse,” Yuto chimes, words directed at Changgu this time, and the elder seems to shrink into himself when Yuto looks at him, knees buckling. “At least he had a chance, but _you._ You’re just chasing after something that wasn’t even yours to begin with.”

“You don’t know anything-”

“I don’t _need_ to know. Anyone with eyes can see what’s going on with you two. You took too long, waited too much. You were too scared to just do something about it, and it’s not _my_ fault that Yanan got sick of waiting around for something that wasn’t fucking coming.”

For a moment, Yuto thinks he might’ve taken it too far, tears threatening to spill out of the boy’s eyes at the sound of his words, then he remembers that he’s one of the reasons Yuto’s all battered up on the ground like this and any sense of guilt in him disappears.

He turns to Shinwon next, and the guy doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even blink, but his stance grows stiff, defensive almost.

“You’re the worst of them all,” Yuto snarls at him, the words bitter on his tongue, and the unfazed stare that he gets in return just tells him that he already knew that, that he doesn’t really care. “You’re not even mad at _me,_ are you? I know what you’re really mad about. I know what you really want.”

His gaze slides over to Wooseok for a split-second, just long enough for Shinwon alone to see, and he seems to falter, eyes growing nervous, visibly gulping.

“Shut up,” he says, voice coming out shaky, scared.

“You know you’ll never get it, so you’re just looking for someone to blame, and I’m an easy target, right?” Yuto laughs again, hollow, empty, dark.

“Shut _up._ ”

“You take it all out on me, while you hide behind your cold front, behind your money, behind your stupid parties, your stupid masks, behind all these people that you’ve got wrapped around your finger.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up-”

Yuto looks at him, _really_ looks at him. “You’re a coward, Shinwon. A fucking coward.”

“I said, shut the fuck up!” Shinwon lunges at Yuto, shoving him by the shoulders, and Yuto feels the air being knocked out of his lungs as he falls onto his back, barely bracing himself with his elbows, head banging against the hard ground.

“You don’t- You don’t get to talk to me like that,” Shinwon’s voice trembles when he speaks, his chest heaving, and his eyes start to sting. “I have everything. I can get anything I want. But _you._ You’re no one. You’re _nothing.”_

“I’d rather be nothing than be like you,” is what Yuto tells him, his own voice breaking, vision blurring, head throbbing, body going numb, and the last thing he hears is Shinwon’s voice, cold, heartless.

“Finish him.”

—

Hyunggu loses Yuto in the crowd.

One second, he’s watching him dance, dance, dance. The next, he’s gone. 

At first, Hyunggu thought he’d just gotten swept into the mass of dancing bodies, pulled this way and that by all the drunken people who just want to have a good time, but he’s sure he’s gone through the entire room, _twice,_ and there’s still no sign of him. He isn’t picking up his phone either, which, _okay,_ might be a little hard for him to do with the music blaring so loudly, but Hyunggu sweeps the dance floor again, calls again and again and again, only to be met with nothing, and he’s starting to get antsy.

He searches the kitchen. Nothing. Hallways. Nothing. Bathrooms. Nothing but people passed out in the tub, spewing their guts out in the toilet, telling him to shut the fucking door. He doesn’t bother with the other rooms because he knows Shinwon keeps those locked and-

 _Yes._ Shinwon might know where Yuto is, so Hyunggu heads out to find him, hoping that he’s somewhere out front mingling with his guests like he always is, but instead he finds Hongseok, or rather, is almost knocked over by him, the elder banging into his shoulder as he storms out of the front door.

“Hyung, have you seen- Wait, are you leaving?”

Another body brushes past Hyunggu, smaller this time, and-

“Jinho-hyung? You’re leaving too?” Hyunggu asks, wondering where they’re rushing off to, and he almost jumps when Hongseok turns back suddenly, his face torn between hurt and anger, looking like he’ll either burst into tears or start swinging fists right there and then.

“Yeah, he’s leaving,” he says, voice slurring as he points a sharp finger at Jinho. “He’s fucking leaving.”

“Hongseok, don’t-”

“Tell him!” Hongseok’s arms fly up as he shouts out, and Jinho takes a step back, face growing tight. “Tell him where you’re going.”

Hyunggu looks between them, his gaze flickering nervously when it settles on Jinho, voice quiet, hesitant, when he asks, “Hyung? What’s he talking about?”

Jinho breathes out, slow, heavy, his hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose, eyes shutting for a moment. “I, uh, I got chosen for an exchange programme,” he starts, swallowing thickly as he meets Hyunggu’s eyes. “In Japan.”

“Oh.” Hyunggu can’t find the words to say, too… _stunned,_ and he just stands there, processing, turning Jinho’s words over his head, focus slipping and-

“I’m leaving in a week.”

Hyunggu blinks. Jaw drops. “A week? H-Hyung, that’s so-”

“Soon, I know, I-” He tilts his head back, another frustrated sigh escaping his throat. “Everything kinda just happened, and I wanted to tell you guys, I did but-”

“Yeah, _okay,_ ” Hongseok scoffs, throwing a dirty look at Jinho, and his voice is cold, harsh. “You couldn’t even tell _me,_ right? I had to hear it from some random senior at a fucking Halloween party-”

Jinho turns to him, looking tired, head shaking. “Can we not do this here? I told you we’ll talk about it when you’re not wasted off your ass.”

“So, it’s my fault now-”

“I didn’t say that-”

“Yeah, you didn’t say anything-”

“Oh my god, can you just-”

“Hyungs, _please,_ ” Hyunggu tries, but they’re not listening to him, completely forgetting that he’s even there, screaming their throats raw right in the middle of everyone, and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Just go then!” Hongseok yells eventually, his voice cracking, a sob betraying him, and Jinho falls silent. “Just go to fucking Japan, or wherever, I-I don’t care. Just leave me here. Okay? Just-”

“Hongseokie-”

“Don’t touch me!” Hongseok pushes away Jinho’s outstretched hand, tears already brimming his eyes as he begins to stumble away, shaking his head. “Just- Just don’t.”

“I-” Jinho doesn’t even get a chance to speak, because Hongseok runs off, as best as he can manage in the state he’s in, and Jinho curses himself under his breath before he chases after him, calling out his name, and Hyunggu’s left there, wondering what the fuck just happened, an odd feeling coming over him, like a dark cloud is falling around him, trapping him, suffocating him, making him feel cold, lost, and _fuck,_ he really needs to find Yuto soon, or he might just go insane.

He bumps into Hwitaek as he’s heading back inside, almost missing him if not for the fact that his brother catches him by the shoulders, bouncing on his heels excitedly.

“Hyunggu-ya, you won’t believe what Hyojong di-” Hwitaek stops himself, noticing Hyunggu’s sullen mood, and he frowns, concern painting his face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I lost Yuto-”

“What? But you guys were so happy just earlier-”

“No! No, I- I can’t find him.” He sounds breathless, eyes still darting around the room in hopes of spotting him. “We were dancing, then he just- He disappeared.”

Hwitaek lets out a small laugh, sounding relieved almost. “I thought you meant...” He shakes his head, gently rustling Hyunggu’s shoulder to pull his attention back to him. “Look, I’m sure he’s around here somewhere. Shinwon’s house isn’t _that_ big.”

“I looked everywhere, hyung! He’s not there. I swear.”

“Maybe he’s outside,” Hwitaek offers, trying to smile at him, as positive as always. “The crowd probably took a toll on him, and maybe he just stepped out to get some fresh air.”

“He would’ve answered my calls if he were outside. He- He would’ve told me. He would’ve taken me with him. Or at least, he’d be back by now. But he just-”

“Hyunggu. _Hey._ Breathe.” Hwitaek takes his hands, and he hadn’t even realised they were shaking until Hwitaek holds them still, ducking his head to meet Hyunggu’s gaze. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.”

“ _No._ I don’t- I don’t feel good about this. I- I-” Hyunggu’s voice is choked up, and he looks at his brother, eyes wide, pleading. “Hyung, _please._ I need to find him.”

Hwitaek is still for a moment, then, as if something in him clicks, he nods, squeezing Hyunggu’s hands in his. “ _Okay._ ” He clears his throat, stands a little straighter. “Okay, okay, okay. Just wait here. I’ll go get Hyojong and Yanan, see if they’ve seen him anywhere.”

Hyunggu can only manage a nod, his insides churning with anxiety with every moment that passes, heart hammering so hard in his chest that he’s afraid it might just burst right out, and he all but jumps on the elders when they show up, sounding frantic when he asks, “Well? Did you find him? Have you seen him? Is he-”

“Sorry, kid,” Hyojong says, offering a sympathetic smile, and Yanan just gives him a shrug of his shoulders as well, head shaking lightly.

“It’s okay, Hyunggu,” Hwitaek tells him before he starts freaking out again, voice calm, collected, and he makes sure Hyunggu’s breathing is steady before he speaks again. “We’ll go take a look outside, go round back. He’s gotta be somewhere. Okay? People don’t just disappear.”

Hyunggu nods again, worry clear in the tired lines of his face and he feels numb when he trails behind the elders, his eyes wearing out as he continues to scan the faces that they pass, hoping that one of them is the face he’s looking for. Hoping that it’s Yuto. His Yuto.

But it’s not, none of them are, and at this point, he just feels hopeless, dread consuming him from the inside out, his mind wandering to the worst case scenarios, imagining Yuto dead in a ditch somewhere and- _No._ No, no, no, no-

“Wait, is that-”

Hyunggu’s jerked back into reality when Hwitaek sucks in a sharp breath, tugging on his arm and when he follows his line of gaze, he sees. He sees a group of guys huddled around something, someone, and when he looks closer, he sees a Phantom costume that he knows all too well, standing in the centre of it all, and it’s not until he charges forward, shoving someone to the ground, that Hyunggu realises-

“ _Yuto._ ”

Hyunggu isn’t sure what happens next, he hears Hwitaek calling after him, barely registers Hyojong telling Yanan to call the cops, but he runs, runs, runs. And he gets there just in time to hear Shinwon say, “Finish him,” throwing himself onto Yuto’s body in an attempt to shield him, and his attackers barely manage to stop themselves before they end up hitting him too, movements hesitant, and they look to Shinwon for instruction, like they’re just robots waiting to be told what to do.

Shinwon opens his mouth to speak, but-

“What the hell is going on here?”

Hyunggu feels relief wash over him when he hears his brother’s voice behind him, and he isn’t surprised when those boys bolt immediately, not even bothering to wait for what Shinwon was about to say, abandoning him in favour of saving their own asses, and Shinwon seems to curse himself, about to flee too, but Hwitaek stops him, _them._

“No, no, no. Don’t you dare,” he says, voice sharp, threatening almost. “You’re not going anywhere. All three of you.”

And it’s only then that Hyunggu lifts his head, noticing the other two, and if he wasn’t upset before, he definitely is now, a sharp stab in his chest when he sees Wooseok standing there.

“You…” Hyunggu shakes his head, slowly getting up, squeezing his eyes shut in disbelief. “No, not you. Please, not you.”

“Hyunggu…”

“Tell me you weren’t a part of this,” Hyunggu says, looking at him with wide eyes, voice desperate. “Tell me you didn’t do this.”

“I didn’t do anything, but-” Wooseok is quick to say, but there’s a tinge of guilt in his tone that betrays him, and Hyunggu can feel the bile rising up his throat.

Hyunggu swallows back a sob, eyes stinging and he’s not upset anymore, he’s angry. So, so angry. “But you let them do it to him. You just stood there and let them do _this_ to him.” He turns to Yuto, who’s practically half dead right there, sprawled out on the ground, cuts and bruises painting his body, blood drying on his skin, and it makes him feel sick. He looks up at them again, disgust clear on his face. “What the fuck is wrong with you? All of you?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Changgu tries to say, voice distraught, but Yanan throws him a dark look, silencing him immediately.

“What was it supposed to be then?” is what Yanan asks, and the question makes Changgu freeze in his spot. “Some kind of sick payback for that stupid fucking kiss?”

Changgu gapes at him, but he knows he’s right, and those tears start coming back again, making his eyes water, bottom lip trembling. “Look, I- I didn’t- I just wanted-”

“God, you’re unbelievable!” Yanan yells at him, voice straining, and the look on his face is one that’s full of hurt, guilt, and he feels a tightness in his chest, the air suddenly thin. “You did this to him, because of _me._ Because of what _I_ did. This- This is my fault.”

Changgu’s face falls. “Yananie, it’s not-”

“Don’t!” Yanan takes a step back, and another, and another, head shaking all the while, eyes red, heart heavy. “Just- _Fuck._ I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Hwitaek tries to grab onto Yanan’s arm to stop him, but he’s too quick, backing away from them, on the brink of breaking down and Changgu goes after him, sobbing his name, and _God,_ what is happening tonight?

“Whose idea was this?” Hwitaek asks, but the way Shinwon casts his gaze down is enough of an answer for him and he sighs, heavy, gutted. “I expected better from you, Shinwon.”

The disappointment ringing clear in his tone hits Shinwon like a brick, making him feel… _crushed._ And he doesn’t know why. He knows he’s a big disappointment to a lot of people, he’s gotten used to it, but though he’d never admit it, Hwitaek was someone he looked up to, the big brother he never had, and there’s something about disappointing him that makes him feel all torn up inside.

Hwitaek goes over to Yuto, the poor boy still drifting in and out of unconsciousness, and he helps Hyunggu lift him up, the two of them supporting him by his waist, letting his arms hang over their shoulders while Hyojong takes the rear end, in case anyone fell back.

“Come on. We should get Yuto out of here before the police show up,” Hwitaek tells them, turning to leave, and-

“Hyung, you called the cops on me?” Shinwon sounds offended, outraged, his face twisting in disbelief. “Why would you-”

Hwitaek glances over his shoulder, letting out a tired sigh. “You went too far this time, Shinwonie. I’m sorry.”

“But-”

Shinwon doesn’t get to finish, the three of them heading off, dragging Yuto between them, and he feels heat bubble up inside him, threatening to spill out in waves of anger, frustration, a whole fucking tantrum, but then he feels a tug on his sleeve. And _oh._

He’d almost forgotten that Wooseok was still standing there, that he’d been standing there the whole time, and Shinwon’s heart clenches in his chest when the boy looks at him with puppy dog eyes, scared, worried.

“Hyung, I- I can’t get arrested,” is what he says, stammering just slightly, nervously pulling at Shinwon’s sleeve. “My mom, she’d kill me, and- and- I’d get kicked off the team. I- I-”

“Go.”

“What?”

The words are stuck in his throat, weighing him down, but he says them anyway. “Just... go. I’ll take care of it.”

“Alone?” Wooseok frowns, eyebrows knitting together. “A-Are you sure?”

_No. Stay with me. Don’t leave me alone. Not you too. No, no, no, no-_

Shinwon cracks a thin smile, giving him a small nod. “I’m sure.”

Wooseok seems to hesitate, like he’s unsure whether he should really go, but he hears the sirens in the distance, red and blue lights flashing, and panic flashes across his face.

Shinwon reaches down to the hand that’s still holding on to his sleeve, gently sliding it off and his fingers linger on Wooseok’s a little longer than he means to. Then, he lets go.

“Go,” he says again, nodding his head for reassurance. “Really. I’ll be fine.”

Wooseok throws an apologetic look at Shinwon before he pulls him into a brief hug, burying his head into the crook of his neck, telling him, “Thanks, hyung.”

And then he’s gone. He leaves. Just like they all do. And Shinwon’s alone again.

Always alone.

—

When Yuto finally comes to, head pounding, body aching; he feels like he’s falling, his breath coming back to him in a loud gasp, hands reaching out for something, anything, to hold onto and-

“ _Hey._ Hey now. It’s okay. I got you.”

The first voice he hears is one he knows all too well, every tilt, every tone, every up and down of it, and it washes over him, calming him down. The hand that finds his is one knows even better, soft skin, slender fingers, familiar lines that he’s traced over and over.

“Hyunggu?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Yuto lets out a breath of relief, gripping his hand even tighter, and he finally lets himself open his eyes, swollen eyelids cracking open, and he’ll never admit it, but he has to hold back a sob when he sees that it really is Hyunggu.

“So, he lives!” The second voice he hears is one that he’s admired from the first time he heard it, except now, it sounds like an annoying buzzing in his ear, too loud for his banged up head to process. “Damn it. I was gonna take his motorbike if he didn’t make it.”

“Hyojong!” That’s Hwitaek’s voice, sharp, but calm. Yuto recalls hearing it back there, like a dream almost. “Don’t say things like that. Of course our Yuto would make it. He’s strong.” He comes over to pat his head gently. “Right, Yuto-ya?”

 _Our Yuto._ He doesn’t know why that makes him feel warm inside, his heart full, but he manages to crack a smile for the elder, nodding his head. “Right, hyung.” He coughs then, groaning right after because it makes his lungs burn, his throat raw, and Hyunggu is quick to react, reaching for a glass of water and helping him drink, all while that hand of his still holds on to Yuto’s, like he’s afraid to let go.

“You okay?” he asks once Yuto can breathe again, concern etched onto his features, and Yuto just wants to kiss all those worries away, feeling guilty for being the reason behind it.

He can only manage a smile now, though, giving his hand a squeeze for reassurance, saying, “I’m fine.” Except he’s not, and they all know that, they all see him, blooming black and blue and red all over; they all hear him, muffled hisses and grunts every time he tries to move. They know it, so he doesn’t know why he even bothers, and he sighs. “Well, it kinda hurts.”

That gets a laugh out of them, breaking that thin tension, and Hwitaek’s the first one to ask, “What really happened back there, Yuto?”

“I don’t know,” is his immediate response, because even until now, he still doesn’t fully understand why that whole mess even happened, how it happened. “I was just with Hyunggu, he was dancing, then these people grabbed me, and I kinda blacked out for a while, I just saw flashes, and next thing I know, they’re beating the fuck out of me outside.” His thoughts strain as he tries to remember what they talked about. “Shinwon said I needed to learn where I stand, that I messed up everything when I moved here. Something about Changgu wanting to get Yanan back, Wooseok wanting you back.” He shoots a glance at Hyunggu for that last bit, and the boy just frowns, holding his hand tighter. “I don’t know, it’s just… I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Hyunggu makes a face at him. “They did this, not you.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts,” he cuts in, shaking his head, firm, stern almost. “This isn’t your fault. Okay?”

Yuto bites back a smile, his cheeks tinting red and his voice is small when he says, “Okay, Hyunggu.”

“Look, Yuto-ya, if anyone ever tries to mess with you again,” Hwitaek says, before the two of them can start getting all mushy in front of everyone. “We’ve got your back.”

“Yeah, kid,” Hyojong chimes in, lightly punching his shoulder. “Whenever, whatever, just come to us. Got it?”

Yuto can’t hold it back anymore, a warm grin stretching across his face and he can’t help the cheekiness in his tone when he says, “What is this, some kind of personal defence squad?”

Hyojong almost smacks him. “Don’t be an ass.”

That makes him laugh, and it hurts to laugh, really, but he does it anyway, because he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so cared for in his life, like people actually gave a shit about him, like he actually mattered, and he means it when he says, “Thanks, hyungs. For everything.”

They smile at him, kind, pure, and they take turns ruffling his hair like he’s a child, saying, “You’re welcome, Yuto-ya, but well, there’s only so much we can do.” Hwitaek gestures at his body, his wounds, and his face scrunches up. “Hyunggu will take care of all of… _that._ ”

Yuto nods, understanding and he calls out another thank you as they head out of the room, and as soon as the door shuts, Hyunggu is up, his face falling. Yuto watches as he paces the small space of his room, watches as his hands twist and untwist together, watches as he mutters unintelligible things under his breath, and when he finally finds the strength to stand, asking, “What’s wrong now?” Hyunggu turns on him, eyes red, lips curled down.

“I thought you were tough,” is what Hyunggu says, and Yuto doesn’t understand. “I thought you were tough, you said you were tough, so why did you- How could this-” Yuto tries to come closer, but Hyunggu’s hands come up, fists hitting his chest, and Yuto winces from the pain, but he just takes it, gritting his teeth. “Why did you let them hurt you? Why didn’t you fight back?”

“Would you have wanted me to fight back?” Yuto asks, but they both know the answer to that.

“Well, _no,_ but- You just- God, I shouldn’t have left you. I- I should have-” His voice is reaching its breaking point, quivering as he speaks, and he tries to blink back his tears, but it’s no use, already running down his cheeks, wet, hot; his hits growing weak, tired. “I said I’d protect you, I told you I would, and- and I couldn’t-”

“Hey now,” Yuto cuts in, and he catches Hyunggu’s hands in his, bringing them up to his lips instead. “Don’t be like that. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done.”

“N-No, I should’ve-”

“You should’ve nothing,” Yuto sighs, arms coming around the boy to pull him in, head against his chest, and he feels his tears seep through his thin shirt. He smiles dryly, trying to lighten the mood when he says, “You couldn’t have seen those monsters coming.”

But that just makes him sob even harder, and Yuto mentally smacks himself, holding him closer, rocking him slowly, hand running up and down his back. “Shh, it’s okay, Hyunggu-ya,” he says, voice soft, soothing. “You’ve got me now. I’m okay now.”

Hyunggu cries for at least another five minutes, all the nerves and fear and uneasiness that had built up over the night finally spilling out of him, and Yuto just lets him, hugging him tighter, whispering comforts into his ear, reminding him that he’s there, that he’s not going anywhere. Eventually, Hyunggu has to pull himself together, sniffling as he steps out of Yuto’s arms and his makeup’s gone runny, but he doesn’t have the energy to care anymore.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he says, voice muffled by his stuffy nose, and he wipes away the last of his tears. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you, and I’m the one who’s a mess.”

Yuto lets out a small chuckle, sweeping away a loose strand of hair from his forehead, fingertips lingering on his face for a moment. “Don’t worry about it, it’s not like I’m bleeding out over here or anything.”

Hyunggu gives him a sour look, poking his stomach and he yelps, reluctantly letting the boy lead him back to the bed, where he sits on the edge, looking up at Hyunggu expectantly.

“Take your clothes off,” is what Hyunggu says, and Yuto coughs.

“Excuse me?”

Hyunggu huffs, rolling his eyes at the boy. “I need to patch you up. Just take them off. It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

Yuto gapes at his forwardness, but he does as he’s told, painfully shimmying out of his outfit, with Hyunggu’s help, and once he’s in nothing but his boxers, Hyunggu sucks in a sharp breath, taking in the state of his body, face twisting in a grimace.

“That bad, huh?” he asks, but he can see his reflection in the mirror to his left, blotches of purple bruises, cuts that’ll probably scar, and he forces himself to look away.

Hyunggu just gives him a shaky smile.

“It’s fine,” he says. “I’ll take care of it.” And he’s already got a first aid kit out, medicine, and tools, and bandages laid out on the bed neatly, like he’s done it before. And Yuto thinks he definitely has, it’s obvious in the way he handles him, careful hands, perfect bandaging, tending to him with so much care, focus.

“Do I even wanna know how you’re so good at this?” is the question Yuto gives him, and Hyunggu’s got a knowing look on his face, as if he was waiting for him to ask.

“Hyojongie-hyung used to get into a lot of fights,” he starts, and _ah,_ Yuto should’ve known. “And Hui-hyung can’t stand blood, so I had to learn to fix him up whenever he showed up on our doorstep in the middle of the night, all banged up. I guess I got pretty good at it, but he stopped getting into trouble, so I haven’t done it in a while. Sorry if it’s not-”

“No, it’s great,” Yuto is quick to say, head bobbing in a nod. “It’s perfect. Thank you. I feel better already.”

“Yeah, right,” Hyunggu mumbles shyly, and Yuto grins at him, reaching out to tap the tip of his nose. “I mean it, Hyunggu. It's perfect. You're perfect.”

The boy’s face just flushes a bright shade of red, and he goes to clear away the kit instead, avoiding Yuto’s eyes, and he passes him a familiar looking hoodie.

“Is that-”

“Yours, yeah.” Hyunggu rolls his lips in, balancing on the balls of his heels. “I don’t think you can fit any of my clothes.”

Yuto laughs at that, accepting the sweater with a small thank you, and he just nods when Hyunggu says he’s gonna go wash up, pulling the hoodie over his head, and it’s the same as it’s always been, just loose enough for him, a little frayed around the edges, the ends of the sleeves worn from where he was always tugging at them. But he smells Hyunggu on it now, sweet, familiar, and when he goes to lie down in his bed, head laying on his pillow, he’s surrounded by his scent, breathing him in, and it’s comforting in a way. He wonders what it feels like, and he thinks it feels like… _home._

He doesn’t know what that really feels like. To be home. Sure, he has a house, two, really, if you were to count the run-down terrace he shared with his father back in Japan, but neither that nor that little apartment of his downtown ever really felt like home to him. They were just places he lived in, somewhere for him to keep his things, to lay his head down at night. Just roofs over his head, that’s all they were.

But here, now, in a house that isn't even his, it feels like home. And when the boy finally comes to bed, drowning in a sweater of his own, his small body immediately curling around Yuto’s like second nature, bare legs sliding between his, socked feet tickling him, hands coming to rest on his chest, heartbeat under his palms; it feels like Hyunggu is his home.

Yuto looks at him, and his breath is taken away when he sees how beautiful he is. It’s not like he’s never seen Hyunggu this close before, he has, but it’s the first time he’s seeing him with his face completely bare, no trace of makeup at all, and he really is so beautiful. He traces the lines of his face gently, fingertip brushing over the slope of his nose, the arches of his cheekbones, the angles of his jaw, the curves of his lips, and he presses a kiss right there, soft and strong and slow all at the same time.

Hyunggu leans up into the kiss, shuffling closer, back arching, and Yuto’s hand finds its way into his hair, tugging at it lightly, just enough to make him feel it, because Yuto knows he likes that. Hyunggu goes for his neck, raking his fingernails across his skin, right over his throat, because he knows Yuto likes that, even if he’ll never admit it.

Yuto thinks he could fall asleep like this, just kissing him, touching him, movements dragging out, like they had all the time in the world. He thinks he could fall asleep like this, Hyunggu in his arms, his pretty face being the first and last thing he sees every single day. He thinks he could fall asleep like this, like he’s finally home.

And he _is_ falling asleep, the exhaustion finally creeping up on him again, his body growing numb, heavy, eyelids even heavier as they start to flutter shut. Just as he’s about to slip into unconsciousness, he feels Hyunggu whisper against his lips, “From now on, I’ll protect you for real. From anyone and anything. I promise you I will.”

And Yuto wants to say it back, wants to tell him he’ll protect him too, wants to thank him for caring, for everything, but he’s so tired, so, so tired, and there’s only one thing on Yuto’s mind.

He thinks he’s in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry............ HAHA i'm such a sucker for drama, no one is safe (sorry jinhongseok!) but well i hope you guys enjoyed it either way and i'm sorry to leave you hanging on such a bad note but everything will work out in good time, i promise. and a reminder that these are just characters, they're not meant to reflect the actual members in any way! and like always, leave me a comment to let me know what you think, any feedback and kudos is very much appreciated! :)
> 
> you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino)
> 
> bonus: some character outfit inspirations!  
> [hyunggu](https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/sh0.08/e35/p640x640/22580517_530312957317337_5304867927248338944_n.jpg), [yuto](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDdDDOPXcAAFfTH.jpg), [huidawn](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ea/dd/42/eadd422e80d0bcf2b5314ac6510243f4.jpg)


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i know, i said i was gonna focus on schoolwork and i am, i swear, but i’ve got two tests and one assignment done and i was just itching to write something and i DID try working on other things but eventually i just came back to rule #3..... i think i’m way too attached to this fic whoops ! 
> 
> and no, it’s not a full chapter yet, this is just a short bonus chapter like i’ve mentioned to a few people in the comments, i do plan to add in a few bonus chapters that are more focused on certain events/scenes so consider this the first! so if there are any particular scenes or things that were mentioned in the previous chapters that you’d wanna see as a bonus chapter, something that you feel should be elaborated more on (eg: huidawn’s first date/how they met) just let me know! 
> 
> also i felt like there was a horrible lack of fluff in this fic which is entirely My Fault for making it so angsty all the time so this was really just me wanting to write yuki being mushy and domestic (and a little bit of something else thanks to a certain someone who will never let me live in peace) and i was originally gonna post it as a separate work and make it general enough for anyone to read even if they’ve never read rule #3 but then i realised i incorporated too much of the story and also mentioned something that will be brought up in the next full chapter so ! i figured might as well just slot it in here. plus the next chapter is gonna be focusing more on the other pairings and not so much yuki so yes, here, have your 5k yuki fix now hehe
> 
> OH one more thing, i know halloween was on a tuesday but just assume the party was on a friday night and this picks up the saturday morning after that, as will the following chapter
> 
> aaaanyway i hope you’re all doing well and staying healthy. wish me luck for my other assignments and i’ll be back with the next chapter as soon as i can!! (＾ω＾)
> 
> p/s: are you guys excited about the comeback?? demo_02 is coming!!!!!!

Yuto’s the first to wake that morning, tired eyes blinking open, lungs rattling in his chest when he breathes in and for a moment, he forgets where he is, why he’s there, then he tries to move, and he can’t. He can’t because there’s a body wrapped around his, familiar arms and legs clinging to him, a head resting against him right where his shoulder and neck meet, and _ah._

“Hyunggu?” he whispers, shaking the boy by the shoulders. “Are you awake?”

All he gets is a mumbled grunt in return, so he takes that as a no, letting out a small sigh. He really wouldn’t mind staying like this for a little while longer, just cuddling with him until he woke up, if not for the fact that his bladder is literally about to burst and he’d rather not piss himself right now.

He tries to pry Hyunggu’s arms off of him as gently as he can, but the movement makes him stir slightly, the smaller boy tightening his hold around him. He sighs again, hand coming up to rub the back of Hyunggu’s head, lips brushing against his ear when he murmurs, “Hey, I need to go to the bathroom.”

Hyunggu just whines lowly, hugging him even tighter, and it’s cute, honestly, but Yuto really, _really_ needs to pee.

“Baby, it’s just over there,” he says, still trying to shuffle out of his hold. “I’ll be right back.”

The pet name does the trick, as it always does, Hyunggu’s eyes cracking open for just a second to look at Yuto before he rolls away, latching onto his pillow instead, and Yuto almost laughs at how easily he’s persuaded, humming out an agreement when the boy calls out, “Be quick.”

He is quick, and he avoids looking at himself in the mirror on his way out because he’d rather not see his wounds and be reminded of the whole mess from last night. He’d rather just pretend the entire thing never happened. He’s back in bed before he knows it, and Hyunggu immediately turns back to hang onto him again, still stuck in his slumber, lips parted just slightly, warm breath tickling Yuto’s neck.

It’s nice, he thinks, just lying here like this, the weight of the boy in his arms, against his body, becoming more and more familiar to him, making him feel almost empty in a way whenever Hyunggu isn’t by his side. He knows that seems a bit dangerous, to feel so dependent on someone, especially when there’s no guarantee that they’ll always be there. Of course he can hope, pray, that Hyunggu will be there for him, whenever he needs him, whenever he wants him, but it’s all just wishful thinking, a pipedream, something he can’t be certain of until they figure out what the fuck they really are.

They’re not just friends anymore, that’s for sure, and they’ve gone far beyond just sex, too many strings attached, twisted, caught up in all their emotions, feelings. But they’re still stuck, never moving onto that next step, never daring to go further, to be more, and he doesn’t know why. He tells himself that it’s Hyunggu that they’re waiting for, but Yuto knows that he’s just as afraid, as hesitant, that there’s no saying whether or not he’d actually let himself take that step if he ever had a chance to. And he doesn’t know if he’ll even get the chance to, because neither of them seem to want to be the first one to bring it up, saying it, but not really saying it, going around it in circles that never seem to end.

But it’s fine. He’ll live. Things are good the way they are now, comfortable, content, and he thinks that as long as things just stay like this, he’d be okay with that.

Hyunggu wakes eventually, nuzzling his face into Yuto’s chest before he sits up, a tired pout on his lips, messy hair sticking up at odd angles, and when he stretches his arms up, eyes squeezing shut, Yuto can’t help but be reminded of a kitten, a hand reaching out to stroke his head before he can help it, ruffling his hair between his fingers. Hyunggu doesn’t seem to mind it though, leaning into the touch before he takes a deep breath, shaking the sleep off.

“Good morn-”

“Don’t move.”

“O-Okay,” Yuto says, eyebrows raising as Hyunggu climbs over him, disappearing into the bathroom for a little while before he comes back, looking like he’s actually functioning now, that first aid kit back in his hands. Yuto stays quiet as Hyunggu gets to work, changing his bandages, some of which had bled through overnight, tending to his bruises, the swollen spots on his skin now an ugly purple, making him hiss just slightly when Hyunggu presses on them for a second too long.

“Sorry,” he says, looking up at him with wide eyes, and Yuto feels a warmth spread in his chest, his head shaking, telling him, “It’s okay.”

Once Hyunggu finishes up, putting everything away and dusting his hands off, he looks at Yuto, a bright smile on his lips. “Better?”

“Better,” Yuto answers, and he means it, the aches going away when Hyunggu reaches for his hands, holding them to his hips as he leads them downstairs, being careful to slow his own pace so Yuto can keep up.

The house is quiet, apart from the sound of their footsteps against the wooden floor, and it’s either because Hwitaek and Hyojong are still in bed, and will continue to stay there for the rest of the day, or they’ve already headed out, ready to spend another day doing god knows what. It’s hard to tell with those two. Hyunggu doesn’t mind it much, he’s gotten used to the feeling of an empty house, knows how to keep himself occupied when he’s alone, but then he feels Yuto’s hands slide around him, settling over his stomach as he hugs him closer from behind, chin falling onto his shoulder, and he’s reminded that he’s not alone, not today.

“What are you thinking about?” is what Yuto asks, and Hyunggu just hums, pulling his arms tighter around his waist.

“Breakfast,” he answers, turning in Yuto’s hold to look up at him, quirking his eyebrows.

“You’re gonna cook for me?” Yuto can’t help the way he snorts, and Hyunggu’s hand is quick to smack him on the chest, chin jutting out sharply.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” he sneers, huffing just a little. “Of course I can cook.”

Yuto doesn’t seem convinced, a teasing smile lacing his lips and Hyunggu rolls his eyes, shimmying out of his grip and he grabs onto his shoulders instead, turning him around to steer him towards the living room.

“Go lie down first, watch tv or something,” Hyunggu tells him, and at first, he seems reluctant, unwilling to leave Hyunggu’s side, but Hyunggu gives him a pointed look, and he sighs, grumbling out a, “Fine, fine,” before he drags himself over to crash right onto the couch, immediately regretting it when pain shoots through his body.

He settles in, propped up against a bunch of pillows as he flips through the channels lazily, nothing really catching his eye, and he still feels a little groggy, if he’s being honest, like he isn’t fully awake yet. And after going through every single channel two times over, maybe even three, he feels himself slowly drifting off, eyes tired, wondering what’s taking Hyunggu so long and a part of him worries that the poor boy might’ve set something on fire, but he smells no burning, so he takes that as a good sign. He really is tired, though, and maybe if he just closed his eyes for a sec-

“All done!” Hyunggu announces proudly, carrying a bowl of his homemade porridge to where Yuto’s waiting, and-

“Thanks, Gugu,” Hwitaek says through a loud yawn, appearing out of nowhere to snatch the bowl right out of his hands.

“Hyung, that was for-” Hyunggu watches as his still half-asleep brother goes over to the living room, dropping himself onto the floor, immediately shovelling the porridge into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days, and he heaves a sigh. “Never mind.”

Hwitaek just gives him a lazy wave of his hand as he heads back into the kitchen for another bowl, turning to the boy on his couch instead. “How are you feeling?” he asks Yuto through a mouthful of food, eyes still hooded when he looks over at him.

Yuto gives him a so-so grunt, rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to wake himself up, saying, “I’m okay. It still aches, but Hyunggu did a really good job last night.”

Hwitaek almost spits out his porridge, and Yuto blinks, realising how that might’ve sounded and he’s never sitten up faster in his life.

“I mean, with the bandaging and stuff,” he says quickly, eyes going wide, face burning. “Not- not _that,_ hyung. Please.”

Hwitaek is still coughing, almost wheezing when Hyunggu finally makes his way over, giving them both odd looks before he passes a glass of water to his brother, taking a seat next to Yuto.

“What’s wrong with him?” Hyunggu asks, and Yuto just makes a noise in the back of his throat, shaking his head.

“Nothing,” Hwitaek manages to choke out once he can finally breathe, a hoarse laugh escaping his lips and he throws an amused look at Yuto. “Yuto’s just funny.”

Hyunggu looks between them again, trying to figure out what the joke is, but eventually he gives up, instead asking, “Where’s Hyojongie-hyung? Doesn’t he wanna eat?”

“He didn’t spend the night,” Hwitaek answers, and Hyunggu frowns. _That’s weird,_ he thinks. _He always stays the night._

“Why not?”

His brother simply gives him a lift of his shoulders, sounding unbothered when he says, “Don’t know. He got a call, had to go home. It’s probably nothing. I’ll talk to him later.”

The answer seems reasonable, logical, so Hyunggu doesn’t know why it seems off to him, but he figures if Hwitaek isn’t worried about it, then he has no reason to be either.

He’s got his own boy to worry about anyway, and he turns to Yuto, who’s staring at the bowl of porridge with his mouth hanging open like a starving puppy, and Hyunggu almost feels bad for making him wait, offering an apologetic smile.

Hyunggu feeds Yuto a spoonful, despite his bashful, “Hyunggu, I’m not a baby. I can eat myself,” to which Hyunggu had replied, “Shush, I told you I’m taking care of you.” And once Yuto’s tasted it, he waits for a reaction, a response, watching the boy’s face carefully, and when the corners of his lips begin to curl down, he feels his stomach drop.

“Is it that bad?” Hyunggu asks, voice unsure, eyes nervous, gulping loudly.

Yuto breathes in slowly, his mouth pursed tightly in a sour look, looking like he might just puke his guts out right there, and then he laughs, bursting out into a loud cackle, and Hyunggu wants to fucking punch him.

“You should’ve seen your face!” Yuto says between his gleeful breaths, leaning over to give Hwitaek a high five, the elder almost bent over in laughter as well. “You really thought I didn’t like it.”

“That’s not funny!” he huffs, his leg stretching out to kick at his brother, and Yuto’s lucky that his hands are too occupied with the food to do anything to him. “What if it really was that bad?”

That just makes them laugh even harder, louder, and Hyunggu really can’t believe he’s being bullied like this in his own home, a sulky look etching itself onto his face, sounding petty when he says, “Fine then, keep laughing. No more porridge for you.”

“Aw, come on,” Yuto groans playfully, still grinning at him. “I was just kidding. It’s good, I swear. I like it.”

Hyunggu ignores him, taunting him by spooning the porridge into his own mouth right in front of him, making exaggerated sounds as he eats, and Yuto gapes at him in disbelief.

“Hyungguuu,” he whines, bouncing lightly from where he’s sitting, bottom lip jutting out. “I mean it, I like it. I want more.”

Still, he refuses to cave in, humming happily to himself as he continues eating, but when Yuto opens his mouth wide, letting out an adorable, “ _Pleaseeee, aaahhhhhh,_ ” Hyunggu can’t help it, the little act too endearing, too pure, and a stupid grin breaks out onto his face.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he says, before he finally feeds him another spoonful, and Yuto matches his smile once he’s swallowed, chiming out a sweet, “Thank you, Hyunggu-ya.”

Hwitaek pretends to gag, but the fond look on his face betrays him, and they all know that deep down, he likes seeing them that way, likes seeing them be _happy_ for once, after all the shit that they’ve been dragged through.

And they _are_ happy, smiling like a couple of idiots as they take turns feeding each other, blushing whenever the other wipes away smudges of food from the corner of their lips, helping each other clean up in the kitchen once they’re done; stolen kisses in the midst of soap suds and splashes of water.

And that reminds him…

“I haven’t showered,” Yuto says suddenly, as he’s putting away the last of the washed dishes, and Hyunggu blinks at him, as if only just realising it as well.

“Oh.” Hyunggu nods thoughtfully, slowly. “Well, you probably should.”

“I should.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They stand there, looking between each other, unsure what to say, because they both know that Yuto isn’t exactly in the best state to shower himself, and that means…

“Do you want me to-”

“Could you-”

They both fall silent, blood creeping up their necks, tips of their ears burning bright red, and Hyunggu’s the first to break, smiling sheepishly when he holds out his hand.

“Come on,” he says, and Yuto follows him, trailing behind him quietly as they head back upstairs, already feeling embarrassed before they even get to his room.

He doesn’t say anything while Hyunggu helps peel the hoodie off of him, keeps his mouth shut as Hyunggu tugs off his boxers too, even stays silent when the boy goes about covering his bandages with plastic wraps to shield them from the water.

And he feels far too exposed, just standing there stark naked in the small space of Hyunggu’s bathroom, and he doesn’t know why. It’s not like Hyunggu’s never seen him this bare before, but he keeps his hands carefully placed in front of his crotch to hide himself while Hyunggu turns on the shower, hand held under the running water to make sure the temperature is okay before he lets Yuto step inside.

And man, it feels good, the hot water running over his head, his body, washing away the grime from last night. Yuto lets himself bask in it, just standing there with his head tilted back, letting the water flow over him, all the way down to his toes and-

Yuto’s daze is momentarily broken when he feels cold fingers moving over his back, and he looks over his shoulder to see Hyunggu behind him, hands already covered in soap as he builds up a lather on Yuto’s skin, and _oh._

He hadn’t even noticed Hyunggu getting undressed, let alone stepping into the shower with him, and he didn’t even think that he would, thought that he’d just help with the before and after parts of showering.

“Is this okay?” Hyunggu asks hesitantly, his hands stopping for a moment so he can focus on Yuto, eyes searching for an answer, and Yuto nods.

“It’s okay,” he tells him, offering a sweet smile. “It’s good.”

The smile that stretches Hyunggu’s lips right then is one that lights up his whole face, and he goes back to scrubbing Yuto’s body, his hands gentle, careful, being sure to stay clear of his bandaging, cleaning everywhere else as best as he can. He works his way around Yuto’s body, taking his time, running his hands over the length of his legs, his stomach, up and down his arms, across his chest and he lingers a little too long on that neck of his, enjoying the feeling of Yuto’s rising pulse thrumming under his fingertips.

Hyunggu has to get on his tiptoes to reach Yuto’s head, fingers massaging fruity shampoo into his hair, and Yuto bends his knees to help him, making him let out a laugh that’s as bubbly as the foam on his head.

Yuto’s body is more than pliant by the time Hyunggu moves to rinse him off, the hot water easing his muscles just enough, making his body feel numb and he almost doesn’t notice the boy moving further down until he’s on his knees in front of him, hands gripping onto Yuto’s hips, nails digging in just barely, enough to make him feel it and Yuto almost jumps.

Hyunggu looks up at him, dark eyes hungry, pretty mouth falling open, and he’s reminded of that first time, back in that bathroom stall, the whole thing feeling it was either a million years ago or just yesterday when it happened.

“Can I?” Hyunggu asks, just like he did that day, except there’s something different about it now. Back then, it was for him, it was something he wanted, something he needed, but now, it’s different. Now it’s for Yuto, to make him feel good, to make him happy, and he can’t help but smile when he answers, “You can.”

Hyunggu’s face brightens, a spark in his eyes, just like it had that day, and Yuto feels his heart skip a beat, heat pooling in his groin. He doesn’t know how that’s possible, for Hyunggu to make him feel both endeared and turned on at the same time, but he likes it either way.

His knees already begin to give out by the time Hyunggu’s taken him into his mouth, swallowing him whole, and it’s not like he’s not already used to the feeling of Hyunggu on him, but the way he moves his lips and twists his tongue around him changes every time, like he’s constantly trying to figure out what Yuto likes and what he doesn’t. And it’s sweet, really, to know that he only wants to give Yuto the best that he can offer, and Yuto can only hope that he can give him the same.

He’s lucky that Hyunggu’s got him pinned against the wall, the wet tiles pressing into his back, because if not for that, he’d be slipping to the floor with how much his body is shaking, even his grip on Hyunggu’s head going slack.

“ _Baby,_ ” is all that he can manage, slightly out of breath, and Hyunggu just hums around him, understanding what he means, and he quickens his pace, chasing his release, all while keeping his gaze locked on Yuto’s, making him feel like his body is on fire, and the steam fogging up the bathroom doesn’t make it any better.

A gasp escapes his throat when he finally comes, swearing lowly as his head falls back against the wall, feeling Hyunggu suck him off until he’s gone dry, and when he feels Hyunggu’s hand on the back of his neck, tugging him in for a kiss, he just lets him have his way, too worn out to even think.

Yuto only comes to his senses when Hyunggu pulls him out of the shower, patting him dry with a warm towel, pulling it tight around his shoulders, and he looks down at him, eyebrows raised in question.

“What about you?” Yuto asks, eyes flickering between his hard-on and his blank face. “Do you want me to-”

Hyunggu just lets out a gentle chuckle, shaking his head. “No, it’s okay,” he says. “I’ll take care of it. It was for you, anyway.”

That makes Yuto blush, feeling a little useless, to be honest, but he mumbles out a quiet, “Thank you,” and Hyunggu gives him another kiss and a, “You’re welcome,” against his lips.

He waits quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed while Hyunggu finishes off in the shower, wrapped in nothing but that towel, and he’s shivering just a little but he shakes it off, trying to forget the cold and moving his focus elsewhere. He takes a look around Hyunggu’s room, because he’s been in here a few times now, but he’s never really had a chance to properly look at it.

And he sees the pictures hung up on strings of fairy lights across a blank wall, pictures of him, with Hwitaek, Hyojong, the other hyungs, more than a few with Wooseok, even some with the cheerleaders. He sees the colourful plushies, cute creatures in all shapes and sizes, stuffed onto the bottom of a shelf like he’s outgrown them, but is still too attached to get rid of them completely. He sees the medals, the trophies, the awards that he’s gotten over the years, dance competitions, cheer championships, even a spelling bee in there somewhere.

Anything and everything in this room belongs to Hyunggu, is a part of him, is what makes him the way he is, and Yuto likes it. He likes the feeling that when he’s in this room, maybe he belongs to Hyunggu too.

“Guess what the winning word was.”

Yuto spins around to see Hyunggu coming out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping wet, drops of water running down his bare chest and-

“Sorry, what was that?”

“The winning word,” Hyunggu repeats, pointing at the spelling bee award that Yuto was looking at. “Guess what it was.”

“Oh.” He thinks on it, prying his gaze away from Hyunggu’s body, but he doesn’t miss the smug grin on his face and he clears his throat. “I don’t know. What was it?”

“ _‘English’_ ,” is Hyunggu’s answer, laughing a little to himself as he recalls it, picturing his 12-year old self proudly spelling out the word. “E-N-G-L-I-S-H. Wow.”

Yuto laughs too, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “They made you spell the word _‘english’_ in an English spelling bee?”

“Mm-hm.” Hyunggu pulls on a shirt over his head, reaching for a pair of shorts. “Stupid, right? But Hui-hyung was so proud. He bought me three ice cream cones after I won that.”

That makes Yuto smile, imagining a young Hwitaek treating an even younger Hyunggu to ice cream, probably using up all of his allowance for it, and a part of him wishes that he could’ve had a childhood like that, a brother like that. He brushes it off, instead watching as Hyunggu rummages around in his closet, and eventually, he pulls something out, huffing out an exhausted breath once he does.

And when he holds it up, Yuto’s jaw drops.

“You want me to wear _that?_ ” he asks, his face twisting in disbelief.

“It’s the only thing I have that’ll fit you!” is Hyunggu’s defence, waving the horrible thing in his face. “It was a Christmas present from one of my aunts, but I guess she thought I was bigger, and I never ended up wearing it because it was too huge on me.”

“Are you sure that’s not just because it’s fucking ugly?” Yuto shoots back, and Hyunggu gasps.

“Hey, it’s cute!” He glances down at the badly sewn sweater, the image of the puppy on the front slightly distorted, and he bares his teeth in an awkward grin. “Sort of…”

“Making me a dog for Halloween wasn’t enough for you, huh?” Yuto says with a cocked eyebrow, lips pursed.

Hyunggu rolls his eyes far too obviously. “You were a _wolf,_ okay? A wolf. And hey, it’s either this, or some of Wooseok’s old clothes that he forgot to take back, so, you know, your choice.”

Yuto narrows his eyes at him, tongue in his cheek, and after a long moment, he snatches the sweater out of Hyunggu’s hands, saying, “I’ll take the ugly dog, thanks.”

“Thought so,” Hyunggu chimes, an obnoxious grin on his face and Yuto would wipe it right off if he didn’t need Hyunggu’s help getting the plastic off of his bandages. Hyunggu has to force the sweater on him too, Yuto just standing there like a child as he dresses him.

“Do you need me to put on your pants too, baby?” he teases, cooing at him and Yuto’s too fussed about the sweater to even care about the pet name, tugging on the sweatpants himself just to make a point, even though it makes his back ache when he has to bend over.

That gets a laugh out of Hyunggu, bright and full, and despite himself, Yuto laughs too, and as much as they’d both like to just stay here, amusing each other to no end, they figure they should head downstairs at some point, so they do, Yuto holding onto his waist like a train, just like earlier that morning. And when Hwitaek sees Yuto in that sweater, he explodes into a fit of laughter, immediately whipping out his phone to take a picture of him, presumably to send it to the others, and-

“They’re never gonna let me live this down, are they?”

“Nope,” Hyunggu quips, patting his shoulder, and Yuto sighs in defeat.

They spend the rest of day just lazing around, watching reruns of old dramas, eating leftovers, Yuto laid out over the couch, his head snuggled in Hyunggu’s crossed legs, one of Hyunggu’s hands absentmindedly playing with his hair, the other laced with his own hand, resting on his chest.

Yuto dozes off at some point, and Hyunggu can’t blame him, really. The poor guy must be so worn out from what happened, and he just silently watches him as he sleeps, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, noticing the small twitches on his face, the way his eyelids flutter ever so often, lips moving just barely, and it’s only once his voice grows louder, more than a murmur, that Hyunggu realises he’s actually saying something.

He had no idea that Yuto talks in his sleep, and he feels a smile tugging at his lips, finding the mumbling quite adorable, until he hears Yuto say his name.

“Hyunggu,” he says, eyes still shut. “Hyunggu, Hyunggu, Hyunggu.”

And he sounds so _scared,_ a panic in his voice that shouldn’t be there, and Hyunggu doesn’t know why it triggers something in him, a need to protect him, to pull him out of whatever nightmare is going on in his mind.

“Yuto?” He tries shaking him awake, but it’s no use, the boy too deep in his slumber.

“Hyunggu, where are you?” Yuto sounds breathless now, like he’s running, his body beginning to twist around from where he’s lying down.

He tightens his grip on Yuto’s hand, his other palm pressing against the boy’s forehead, now dotted with sweat. “I’m here,” he says, leaning down towards him. “I’m here, I’m right here.”

“ _No._ No, don’t- Don’t hurt him. Just leave him alone. Please. Stop-”

Hyunggu feels a sharp stab in his chest, eyes starting to burn because he can hear the fear in Yuto’s voice, can feel how fast his heart is racing, and he doesn’t know how to help him, doesn’t know how to make it go away. All he can do is hold him, tell him that he’s right there, that everything’s okay, and hope that he can hear him.

Yuto wakes with a gasp, jolting up so quickly that even Hyunggu is surprised, and he’s heaving, sweating, and his eyes almost bulge out of his skull when his head whips around, and as soon as his gaze falls on Hyunggu, he breaks, a sob escaping his lips.

“ _Hyunggu._ I thought you were- They- They were hurting you-”

“No, no, no,” Hyunggu shushes him, pulling him into his lap and Yuto’s bigger than him, that’s for sure, but right then he seems so small, curling in on himself, and Hyunggu puts his arms around him, bringing him closer. “No one was hurting me. I’m fine, you’re fine, everything’s fine. It was just a bad dream.”

He feels Yuto nod against his chest, hands clinging onto him like a lifeline, body still shaking with small shudders, and Hyunggu runs a gentle hand over the back of his head, pressing his lips to his forehead.

“It was just a bad dream, baby,” he says again, whispering the words into his skin, and when Yuto hugs him tighter, Hyunggu doesn’t think he’ll ever let him go.

And he doesn’t, not even for a second over the whole weekend, Yuto staying over the entire time, and Hyunggu wouldn’t have it any other way. They stick to each other like glue, always linked in one way or another, all over each other, always; hands on hands, legs on legs, lips on lips. They’re both far too clingy for their own good, but they can’t seem to pull themselves away, can’t seem to get enough.

It’s almost domestic, in a way, how it all just seems to fall into place; Yuto taking up the left side of the bed, Hyunggu’s body fitting perfectly against his; shared showers and shared clothes; Yuto slipping into Hyunggu’s routine, so easily, so naturally, like he’s just been there all along, like he could be there forever. And Hyunggu doesn’t know what that means.

They only part ways that Monday morning, Yuto stirring just as the sun comes up, and he tries to climb out of bed, only to be pulled back in by Hyunggu’s arms.

“Where are you going?” His voice is croaky, muffled by his pillow.

“We have school,” is Yuto’s answer, and Hyunggu just lets out a low groan.

“Not for another hour. Just go back to sleep.”

Yuto clicks his tongue, shaking his head even though Hyunggu can’t see him. “I don’t have my uniform here, genius. I need to go back to the apartment.”

It takes a while for Hyunggu to process the words, almost like he’d forgotten that Yuto doesn’t actually live here, and eventually, though reluctantly, he lifts his arms, letting Yuto go.

He hears the boy shuffle around the room, presumably changing into decent clothes, their nights now spent mostly bare, only the heat of each other’s bodies keeping them warm. Then he hears Yuto coming over to him, pressing a brief kiss to his head and he says, “Don’t sleep for too long. I’ll pick you up in a bit, okay?”

He just gives him a half-hearted grunt in answer, yawning loudly as he calls out, “Okay, come home soon,” and he doesn’t realise what he’s said until the words leave his lips, and he blinks, eyes cracking open, finally awake.

The smile that Yuto gives him over his shoulder is the best smile he’s ever seen.

“I will,” he answers, then he goes, and Hyunggu feels his heart burst.

 _Home._ That’s what it means. That’s what he was looking for, and he found it, in Yuto, in his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed writing it, it was a nice change from just drama all the time and as always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated!! ♥︎
> 
> you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino)


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaahhh finally i'm back with chapter ten, or alternatively: _the mystery of the missing hyojong_ (thank you [chameleontattoos](http://archiveofourown.org/users/chameleontattoos/)) sorry to keep you all waiting, i struggled a bit with this one but hopefully i managed to pull it together alright... oh FIRST i already tweeted about it but thank you soooo so so so much for over 100 subscribers and 3k hits!!! that's so so so crazy to me thank you!!! and i mentioned this on twt too, but from the looks of it, after this chapter, there'll probably only be two more full length chapters left :( i do have an epilogue + a few bonus chapters planned out already, but the actual ending of the fic will be in two more chapters :((( it is sad that its ending soon but ! its about time plus that just means that i'll finally be able to focus on my other stories heh
> 
> anywaaaay so this is angst, angst and uhhhh angst djdsjkkj like i mentioned in the previous chapter notes, this chapter is focused on the side characters/pairings and hyunggu and yuto only show up briefly in a couple of scenes and are mentioned here and there, but i hope you all enjoy it anyway bc you finally get a proper look into the other relationships/dynamics which i personally think is a good thing? idk i hope you like it either way and a reminder that the halloween party was on a friday night and this picks up the saturday right after that
> 
> also!! go check out seungkwcn's fic, [apricity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12723915/chapters/29016453), that'll be starting soon!
> 
> (oh and don't yell at me but its 5am and i will sleep right after i post this but i apologise for any mistakes!!)

Shinwon should’ve known.

As soon as his name got called by the officer, as soon as his holding cell door was pulled open, as soon as he saw the car waiting outside the station, he should’ve known.

He should’ve known that they’d be here, sitting opposite him in chairs so far apart that they might as well be in different rooms, all prim and proper, looking at him like he’s some kind of lab rat that they’re about to dissect.

“I thought you were on a business trip,” is the first thing he says to them, the first words he’s spoken to either of them in weeks, not that they’d notice.

“I was,” his father says, then he corrects himself, shooting a brief glance to his mother. “I mean, we both were. But we came back as soon as we heard about your arrest.”

Shinwon’s face is blank, empty, as is his voice when he asks, “Why?” It’s unsaid, hanging in the space between them, but they know what he means, what he really wants to ask: Why _now?_

His mother gives him a tight smile. “What do you mean? Of course we-”

“You two haven’t even been in a room together for months,” Shinwon muses, eyebrow cocking lazily. “Don’t tell me you cancelled all your important business so we could have a little family reunion just because I got into a bit of trouble?”

They look uncomfortable, squirming where they sit and they exchange silent looks, as if asking who should speak first, and it’s his father who caves, trying to sound stern when he says, “It’s not a _bit_ of trouble, Shinwon. You were arrested, by the police. Do you not understand that?”

“The charges were dropped.”

“Because _I_ made that happen.”

“You could’ve just gotten someone else to do it,” he says with a bored sigh, his arms crossed over his chest. “You didn’t have to bother coming all the way. It’s a waste of your time and mine, so why?”

“Because we’re your parents-”

Shinwon should’ve known that too. He should’ve known that one of them would use that excuse. _We’re your parents._ Please. What kind of parents are they if he hardly sees them? If they only come home for a change of clothes before they leave again, not even bothering to say hello? If they only ever care to ask if he’s running low on money, not if he’s sick or hurt? If they haven’t given a shit about him at all, not even once?

“Don’t do that,” Shinwon warns them, his voice cold, dark eyes flickering up to meet theirs. “Don’t act like you even know the meaning of being parents.”

“Excuse me-”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” He sits up straighter, and for a moment, it looks like they almost shrink, like they’re afraid of him. “You don’t know the first thing about being parents, so why pretend that you do?”

“Listen, son-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Will you just let us talk-”

“You wanna talk? Fine! Let’s talk.” Shinwon claps his hands together, making them flinch, a chilling grin splitting his face. “Hi Mom, how are you? I’m great, thanks. I haven’t been getting any sleep and I barely eat nowadays, but I am great.”

“Shinwon-”

“And school’s great too, Dad. I’m failing almost every single class, but it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll just buy my way into any top notch university that suits your liking, right?”

“Shinwon, that’s enough-”

“All my friends hate me now, and you know what? Maybe I deserve that, maybe I just had it coming. But who cares? Who needs friends anyway?”

Their expressions falter, and so does his, smile slipping into something harsher, eyes beginning to prickle, his words coming out just a touch bitter. “And I think I finally like someone, _really_ like someone, for the first time in my fucking life, but I’m too scared to do anything about it because I’m worried that I’ll just end up like you.”

That silences them, tension falling around them, his words suffocating, heavy, and Shinwon hopes they choke on them.

“Like- Like us?” His mother is the first to break the silence, voice wavering nervously. “What do you mean?”

 _Don’t say anything,_ he tells himself, biting down on his tongue hard enough to draw blood. _Don’t, don’t, don’t-_

“Unhappy,” is what he says, the word falling from his lips before he can help himself. “I don’t want to be unhappy like you.”

“We’re not unhap-”

Shinwon lets out a frustrated sigh, the sound making his shoulders shake and his voice strains when he speaks again. “Just stop, okay? Stop pretending like things are okay between you two. Stop acting like I don’t notice the way your schedules conveniently make it so that you never have to cross paths, the way you speak about each other like you’re talking about a stranger, the way you can hardly even look each other in the eye sometimes.”

“And I get it, you were young and in love, thought you had the world at your hands,” he continues, his lips twisting into something cruel, mocking. “Then I happened, and you realised that you weren’t so in love after all, that you had other goals to chase. And still, you forced yourselves to stay together. For my sake, right?” He lets out a low scoff, the sound of it empty, dark. “But it wasn’t really for me, was it?”

Shinwon looks at them, their expensive clothes, their fancy house, the way they hold themselves up like they’re people of importance, and maybe they are. Not that it matters.

“You stayed to build your empire together,” he says, frank, unapologetic, sharp gaze meeting theirs. “And now your marriage is nothing but a business deal, and I’m just your biggest investment, your next moneymaker.”

Shinwon doesn’t wait for them to say anything, to try and defend themselves, because he knows that anything that comes out of their mouths wouldn’t mean a thing, not a damn thing. He’s learnt that by now. So he pushes himself out of the chair, forcing himself to give them the slightest bow, and all he says before he turns his back is, “Fun reunion. Let’s never do it again.”

—

_Stupid._

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

That’s what Shinwon thinks once he’s locked himself in his room, his back against the door, and it takes everything in him to hold himself back from just banging his head against it, the tears he’d barely been holding in earlier spilling out of him in waves, loud sobs wracking his body. Fuck. He shouldn’t have said anything, shouldn’t have let himself get so riled up, shouldn’t have let them see him like that, like he’s… _weak._

But that’s exactly what he is. Weak. Pathetic. Just another spoiled little brat whining about how mommy and daddy are never home, how he never got the love that he supposedly deserves. There’s no such thing as love anyway.

And when he goes over to plug in his phone, the flimsy thing coming to life, texts and calls flooding in, he feels even more stupid. More weak, more pathetic. Because those texts, those calls, they have Wooseok’s name on them, and he hates that he likes it. He hates that he likes knowing that Wooseok checked in on him, that he even cared to. He hates that he likes Wooseok, because he knows that Wooseok could never like him back.

Shinwon has spent all this time building up his walls, staying away from anything and everything that could take those walls down, keeping himself safe, keeping him from becoming the mess that his parents are. And then, of all people, of all the fucking people in the world, it’s Wooseok who comes along and tears those walls down, ripping him apart.

And Yuto was right. Shinwon wasn’t mad at him, not really. He was mad at himself, mad that he let himself be so easily broken, so easily taken apart, like everything he’s done to protect himself all these years has been unravelled, leaving him vulnerable, heart right there for Wooseok to take, to do with it what he pleases.

The worst part is, he doesn’t think he minds.

He doesn’t think he minds if Wooseok steals his heart, plays with it like a broken toy, shatters it into a million pieces like it means nothing. He doesn’t think he minds at all, and that’s going to fucking ruin him.

—

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

Hyunggu looks up from his food to see his brother standing opposite him, knuckles knocking on the cafeteria table to get his attention and Hyunggu gives him a flat look.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Hyunggu tells him, for what feels like the millionth time, getting tired of repeating those same words, just another reminder of the fact that no matter how close they are, no matter how close they get, he and Yuto still aren’t actually together.

Hwitaek’s eye roll is hardly subtle. “Please,” he says, a slight scoff in his voice. “You two are practically married already. You could get a house and two kids, and no one would bat an eye. I was there that whole weekend, remember?”

That makes Hyunggu blush, stuffing rice into his mouth to stop himself from saying anything embarrassing, only mumbling out a weak, “Whatever, hyung.”

He laughs at that, reaching over to nudge Hyunggu’s head a little, and he says, “Well, when your not-boyfriend shows up, can you ask him if he’s seen Hyojong?”

“You still haven’t heard from him?” Hyunggu frowns, head tilting in confusion.

Hwitaek gives him a shake of his head, shoulders rolling in a shrug. “He didn’t show up for class today either.” He worries his bottom lip between his teeth, concern clouding his face for a moment, before his bright smile is back, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s okay. I’ll just keep looking. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Hyung-”

“Just ask Yuto, okay?” he says again, and Hyunggu doesn’t even get a chance to answer him before he leaves, calling out a goodbye over his shoulder.

 _Odd,_ Hyunggu thinks. He wonders where Hyojong is, whether he’s alright, because no matter how wild he makes himself out to be, he’s never been one to just disappear. And he wonders why Hwitaek is so calm about it, or at least is pretending to be. But he supposes it’s none of his business. They’ll figure it out. They always do.

“Hyunggu?”

When he looks up this time, it isn’t his brother, but someone else completely, someone he hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with just yet. He’d managed to avoid Wooseok in class, switching seats so that he wouldn’t be next to him, as did Yuto, the both of them putting as much distance as they could between them and Wooseok.

But now, he has nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no excuses to make, and when he sees Wooseok, sees him standing there with a face so blue, looking almost like a puppy that was kicked to the curb, a part of him wishes that they could figure it out, like they always do.

Then, he feels a hand on his shoulder, glancing up to his left to see Yuto. Yuto with his bruises, and his cuts, and all the pain from that night still written on his face, and Hyunggu doesn’t think that he and Wooseok can figure it out, not this time.

Wooseok gets the hint, eyes darting nervously between Hyunggu and Yuto, running his tongue over his bottom lip, before he nods stiffly, turning on his heel and heading off, leaving the two of them behind.

“You okay?” Yuto asks, looking down at Hyunggu, a crease in between his eyebrows, and Hyunggu nods.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Hyunggu tilts his head to press his cheek against the back of Yuto’s hand for a moment, reassuring him. “I’m fine, really,” he says, quirking a sweet smile. “Hi.”

Yuto smiles back, features softening. “Hi,” he answers, leaning down as though he’s about to kiss him, before he catches himself, only just remembering that they’re in the middle of the cafeteria, and he stands upright, clearing his throat, cheeks flushing just barely.

Hyunggu rolls his lips in, gaze shy as Yuto takes a seat next to him, and he almost jumps when Yuto takes his hand under the table, slotting his fingers in between Hyunggu’s. And when he looks over at Yuto, the boy pretends not to notice, a stupid smile on his lips as he sips on his milk.

A smile stretches on his own face, despite himself, and before he starts blushing too, he asks, “How was your meeting with Yanan-hyung?”

“Good,” Yuto nods, speaking through a mouthful of food, and really, it’s a bit difficult for him to eat with his left hand, but he’d rather fumble with his spoon than let go of Hyunggu’s hand. “He just kept apologising for what happened, kept saying it was his fault, but I told him not to worry about it.”

“Has he talked to Changgu?”

“No idea. He didn’t say.” Yuto pauses. “But you can ask him in a bit, because I told him he could  eat with us. You don’t mind, right?”

Hyunggu shakes his head. “No, of course not. It’s fine.”

“Speaking of…” Yuto looks around the table, noticing the lack of people. “Where is everyone?”

“Hui-hyung is still looking for Hyojong-hyung,” he answers with a sigh. Then- “Oh, have you seen him, by any chance?”

“Hyojong?”

“Yeah.”

Yuto hums, head shaking slowly. “Nope.”

Hyunggu narrows his eyes at him, looking skeptical. “Are you sure?”

“Wha-” Yuto lets out a small laugh, head still shaking. “Hyunggu, I’ve been with you the whole weekend, and all of today except for when I was with Yanan-”

“And when you went to get your uniform,” Hyunggu quips, reminding him.

“And when I went to get my uniform for like ten seconds, yeah,” Yuto says back, playful sarcasm in his tone. “When would I have even seen him?”

Hyunggu watches him with a careful eye for a moment or two longer, before he lets out a heavy breath, deflating just a bit. “You’re right,” he says, sounding tired. “I’m just worried.”

Yuto gives his hand a firm squeeze, reassuring, comforting. “I’m sure he’s alright.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” he says, nodding his head. “And, uh, Hongseok-hyung… I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him since his fight with Jinho-hyung.”

That gets Yuto’s attention, eyebrows shooting up. “They fought? About what?”

“It was during the party, when I was looking for you,” Hyunggu recalls, waving a vague hand. “Hongseok found out that Jinho’s going to Japan for an exchange programme.”

Hyunggu waits for Yuto’s reaction, waits for him to be as surprised as he was, but it never comes, and-

“You knew,” he breathes out, and the look on Yuto’s face betrays him, and Hyunggu almost smacks himself when it hits him. “ _God._ Of course you knew. That’s why he was asking you all those questions about Japan the other day, wasn’t it?”

Yuto gives him a small nod, wincing slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hyunggu asks, frowning at him. “Why- Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because it wasn’t my secret to tell,” is Yuto’s answer, simple, honest.

And Hyunggu doesn’t know why it makes his heart warm, to think that Yuto would be so loyal, so faithful to someone he’d only just met. To think that Jinho must’ve seen something in him, something genuine, to make him confident enough to confide in Yuto that easily. It’s nice, Hyunggu thinks.

“You’re a good person, you know that?” is what Hyunggu says eventually, giving Yuto a kind smile, and the boy’s eyebrows raise in question.

“Me? Why?”

“You just… You are,” Hyunggu tells him, voice firm, certain. “And I’m glad Jinho-hyung trusted you with that. He’s lucky to have you.” Then, quieter, more to himself, really, he adds, “I’m lucky to have you.”

Yuto blinks, the corners of his lips beginning to curl up, and he opens his mouth to speak but-

“Guys, is he coming- Is he behind me- Is he-”

“Yanan!”

“ _Shit._ ”

They watch as Yanan squeezes his eyes shut, cursing under his breath while Changgu comes up behind him, and he drops his tray on the table with a clatter, muttering about how he always forgets how fast Changgu is, how he’s an actual athlete, and slowly, so slowly that it seems like he’s physically forcing his muscles to move, he turns back, facing the boy.

“What?” Yanan says, trying to keep his voice civil.

“You ran away from me,” Changgu huffs, just slightly breathless from chasing him, and Yanan lets out a weak ‘pfft’.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I did-”

“Can I talk to you?” Changgu cuts in, sounding impatient, desperate.

Yanan breathes out slowly, straightening his back and he’s much taller than Changgu like this, making the other boy seem so small, so frail. “We’re talking right now.”

“I mean-” Changgu lets out a groan. “You know what I mean. Can I talk to you alone? Properly?”

Yanan shoots a glance back at the two youngers, but they just shrug helplessly, Hyunggu clinging onto Yuto’s arm protectively, and he supposes Yuto probably doesn’t feel so comfortable having Changgu around just yet, so he caves, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Ten minutes,” he says, and Changgu’s face lights up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Thank-”

“Let’s go.”

Changgu gulps, ducking his head in a weak nod as he follows Yanan out of the cafeteria, trailing behind him quietly as he leads them to an empty classroom, and he shuts the door behind him, nervous eyes watching as Yanan goes to lean against one of the tables, face settling into stiff lines, arms crossing over his chest.

“Well?” Yanan voices out when Changgu doesn’t speak. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk.”

He doesn’t know why his tongue suddenly feels numb, his words stuck in his throat, mouth going dry as it hangs open silently. “I- I’m sorry,” is what he blurts out eventually, sounding awkward, hesitant. “Is that what you want me to say? I’m sorry?”

Yanan sighs, and really, he just seems tired at this point. “You’re apologising to the wrong person.”

“What-”

“ _Yuto,_ ” he says, looking at him in the eye. “That’s who you hurt. That’s who you should apologise to. Not me.”

The name strikes something in Changgu, a pang of jealousy hitting him right in the chest, and he knows he’s being petty, ridiculous almost, but he can’t help the way he almost spits out, “Why do you care about him so much? What does he have that I don’t?”

“It’s not about-” Yanan makes a noise, his frustration clear in the way he presses his hands to his face. “If it were the other way around, I’d defend you just the same. Because you’re my friend, and he’s my friend too.”

“Friends? Is that what we are?” There’s something in Changgu’s voice, wanting to say _more,_ wanting to say what he really means, but it’s stuck, refusing to come out.

And he doesn’t know if Yanan hears it, if he understands what he’s trying to say, but it seems like he doesn’t when he says, “Right now, I’m not so sure anymore.”

Changgu feels his stomach drop. “You- You don’t mean that,” he stutters, eyes already watering. “Tell me you don’t mean that.”

Yanan’s body goes slack as his composure starts to break, and there’s a slight quiver in his voice when he speaks. “You know, when I first came here, I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know anything.” His gaze flickers, just barely meeting Changgu’s, and seeing his teary eyes feels like a stab in the chest. “But then I met you, and I felt like I’d known you my entire life.”

“I felt the same way,” Changgu mumbles out, sniffling at him.

“I know,” he says, a sad smile pulling at his lips for a moment, before it slips back into something more somber. “But now, I feel like I don’t know you at all. I feel like I’m looking at you, I’m seeing you right in front of me, but it’s not you. Not anymore.”

Changgu forces back his tears as best as he can, head shaking. “I’m still me. I’m still your best-”

“No, the Changgu I know would never do something like that,” Yanan says, voice starting to get choked up. “He’d know better than to let Shinwon, of all people, handle things. And he- he wouldn’t just stand by while someone innocent got hurt like that.”

“It wasn’t like that- I- I tried to tell him-”

“What if it was me?”

The question hits him, knocking the breath right out of him, and he looks up at Yanan, guilt eating away at him.

“I…”

“What if it was me, huh?” he echoes, eyebrows raising. “A few years ago, as new to a place as Yuto is, just barely settling in, and I get attacked for no reason-”

“It wasn’t for no reason!” Changgu cries, and he doesn’t know why he’s even trying to defend himself, trying to defend what they did. It’s no use.

“Why then? What good reason could you have possibly had to do something like that? Why would you-”

“He took you from me!”

Yanan closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath, slow, long. Breathes out. Eyes open. “Changgu…” he starts, voice low, on the brink of turning into something harsh. “He didn’t _take_ anyone. You can’t just take people, like- like they’re toys that you play with, things that you own. That’s not how it works.”

“Is that what I am to you? Huh? Something you own? Some kind of charity case that you took in all those years ago because, what, you- you felt sorry for me? Is that it?”

“Yanan, _no-_ ”

“Is that why you wouldn’t kiss me?”

Changgu stills. His gaze meets Yanan’s, sad, broken, and it makes his heart fucking ache. His mouth hangs open, drawing in small breaths, like he’s trying to say something, but the words aren’t coming out.

“Because I’m not- I’m not good enough for you?” is what Yanan asks, face twisting in hurt, throat closing up. “I’m not on your level or something?”

“That’s not- _No,_ Yanan, how could you even think that?” Changgu tries to reach for him, but Yanan takes a step away, shaking his head.

“Is that why you had to go to Shinwon? Wooseok?” Yanan lets out a shaky breath, his chest rising and falling. “You know, I- I waited for you. On Halloween. I waited for you, I went to your house like a fucking idiot, and you weren’t even _there._ You were with them instead.”

That sends a knife right through Changgu’s heart, twisting deeper and deeper, guilt, regret, consuming him. “I wasn’t- I mean, I _was-_ But-”

“But what?”

Changgu’s head feels fuzzy, trying to recall that night, how he’d gone to Shinwon to try and distract himself from what was happening between him and Yanan, how wasted he was, how much he cried, how, of all things, of all people, he saw Yanan with-

“ _Yuto,_ ” is what he says, before he can help it, the name rolling off his tongue like a curse, tasting bitter. “But you were with Yuto.”

“Well, I didn’t want to be with Yuto, I wanted to be with _you!_ ”

Yanan freezes, only then realising how his words must’ve sounded, how they sounded that way because whether he’d like to admit it or not, that’s exactly what he meant. He wanted to be with Changgu. He _still_ wants to be with Changgu. In more ways than one.

But that’s not happening. Not in a million years, and _god,_ he doesn’t know what he expected, doesn’t know what he was hoping for when he came here. A part of him thought that they could just forget everything that happened, sweep it under a rug, lock it up in a box, just make it all go away, so that they could go back to the way things were. But he knows that it wouldn’t help, not in the long run. It would just come back to haunt them one day, ruin them all over again, just like it’s ruining them right now.

As much as he’d like to pretend that it isn’t tearing them apart, that it isn’t pulling at every single bond that’s grown between them over the past three years, he can’t. Not when Changgu’s looking at him like that, like Yanan was stupid to even think that he’d ever have a chance with him.

And Yanan realises that maybe, just maybe, they don’t really know each other after all.

“You-”

“Your ten minutes are up,” he cuts in, swallowing thickly, face growing tight again as he gathers himself, sparing the boy one last look. “Don’t bother asking for more.”

“Yanan, wait!” Changgu calls out, desperation ringing clear in his tone, but Yanan doesn’t. Not this time.

He’s tired of waiting.

—

Jinho kicks the door shut behind him, humming to himself quietly, letters between his lips, bag hanging off his shoulder, keys around his finger. He sets his things down, toeing his shoes off, nodding a hello at his roommate who just throws a scowl at him.

“A heads up would’ve been nice,” he says with a sharp click of his tongue, and Jinho frowns.

“What are you talking about?”

The guy rolls his eyes, jerking his head back towards Jinho’s bed, and he wonders what he means, giving him an odd look before he looks up and-

“ _Oh._ Hongseok.”

The boy is sitting at the edge of his bed, gaze cast downwards, hands fiddling awkwardly in his lap, and he only lifts his head to shoot a glance at Jinho, eyes darting towards his roommate for just a second, and Jinho understands, clearing his throat as he flashes an apologetic look at the guy.

“Sorry, do you mind-”

“Yeah, whatever, it’s not like it’s my room or anything,” he drawls out, sarcasm heavy in his voice, but he drags himself out of the room anyway, leaving the space for Jinho and Hongseok alone.

Jinho goes over to his bed, steps careful, hesitant almost. “What are you doing here?”

Hongseok shakes the keys in his hand. “You gave me your spare keys.”

“I know, but… Don’t you have school?” Jinho asks, his frown growing deeper, confusion clouding his face. Hongseok’s never been the type to miss school, not unless he really couldn’t go, and even then, the only thing that had ever stopped him was that one time he got the chickenpox when they were kids.

The younger’s face twists into something sour, lips curling. “Fuck school,” he spits out, sounding awfully childish, really. “What’s the point? Even if I do well and go to college, it’s not like you’re gonna be there anyway, right?”

There’s a sharp remark on the tip of Jinho’s tongue, daring to be spoken, but he bites it down, offering a gentle smile instead. “Hongseokie,” he says, trying his best to keep his voice light. “You’re not going to college for _me,_ you’re going for yourself.”

Hongseok makes a frustrated sound, fingers curling into fists, and there’s a babyish whine in his voice when he cries out, “But we had a _plan,_ Jinho! We were supposed to go together, get our own little apartment, buy a fucking goldfish or something. You’d walk me to class every morning, and I’d cook us dinner on nights when we aren’t too swamped with assignments. Then once you graduated, we’d get engaged, and we’d wait till I graduated for us to get married. And we’d live happily ever after.” His face falls, shoulders droop forward, voice grows quieter. “That was the plan, remember?”

“I remember,” Jinho answers, voice just as quiet as his, and he takes a seat next to him, but there’s a space between them that shouldn’t be there, making it feel like they’re a million worlds apart. “That’s still the plan. We’d just- We’d have to wait a little longer until I come back, okay?” He tries to seem hopeful, optimistic, when he says, “And who knows? Maybe you’ll even join me there someday.”

“So, you’re really going?” Hongseok asks, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, looking at him properly for the first time since he came in, and Jinho feels his mouth go dry, words dying on his tongue.

“It’s a huge opportunity,” is all he can manage, gulping nervously.

“But what about me? What about us?” Hongseok twists his body to turn towards him properly, eyes pooling with desperation. “What’s gonna happen to us?”

Jinho reaches for his hand, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Hongseok doesn’t pull away. “Nothing’s gonna happen! It doesn’t change anything between us. We can still be together, it’ll just be a little bit more work to keep up with each other.” He squeezes the boy’s hand in his hand, giving him a shaky smile. “But we can do it, right? We’ll call everyday, Skype when we can, it’s not like there’s a time difference anyway. And I’ll come home every holiday, I swear, or you could fly over and visit-”

“What’s the point?” Hongseok groans, interrupting him, head shaking. “You and I both know this long distance shit never works out.”

His words are like a slap in the face, stinging, sharp. His voice wavers when he asks, “Well, don’t you at least want to try?”

“What if we try, and you just end up leaving me for some hotter, funnier, taller Japanese guy, huh?” Hongseok shoots back, frowning at him, and Jinho feels his stomach twist.

How could he say that? How could he even think that? After everything, all these years of sticking by each other’s sides no matter what, how could he ever think that Jinho would just up and leave him like that? They’ve both had their fair share of suitors, even Changgu had admitted to having a crush on Hongseok back before Yanan came along, and Jinho was definitely popular among their seniors who seemed to find him adorable because of how small he was. But it never mattered, because they’d always been loyal to each other, and each other only. And the idea of either of them leaving the other hadn’t even crossed his mind, not even once, because it would just never happen. Not with them. At least, he thought so.

But Hongseok seems to think otherwise, already doubting him before he’s even gone, and to make things worse, he bitterly adds, “You seem to like Yuto a lot.”

Jinho’s free hand comes up to pinch the bridge of his nose, eyes pressing shut for a moment, and god, he doesn’t know why Hongseok’s acting like this, like an insecure manchild, and it’s taking everything in him not to just storm out of there right then.

“Don’t drag him into this,” he grits out, giving Hongseok a pointed look. “The poor kid’s been through enough already.”

“What are you talking about?”

Jinho wonders if he’s joking, but the blank look on his face tells him that he’s genuinely clueless, and he huffs a little too harshly. “You really don’t know, do you? Have you even talked to anyone since the party?”

All Hongseok does is shake his head lowly.

“Jesus, you’re a mess,” Jinho mutters under his breath, breathing out another sigh. “Just talk to Hwitaek about it, I don’t wanna get into it now.” He sits up straighter, tone more serious now, hand running through his hair tiredly. “And look, I already pushed back my flight to another week, we can still-”

“Oh, that’s great, another week for us to pretend like you’re not fucking leaving-”

“I don’t know what else you want me to do!” Jinho snaps, barely able to keep his voice down, his frustration threatening to burst out of him.

“Don’t go!” Hongseok retorts, scoffing at him as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Just- Just don’t, okay? Just tell them you can’t go, and stay here with me.”

Jinho gets to his feet, dropping Hongseok’s hand to press his own hands to his head, before whirling on him, his features twisted in anger. “Do you have any idea how selfish you sound right now?” he asks, voice straining, pointing a sharp finger at him. “Everything’s about you, you, you, but what about _me?_ You think I like the idea of being in some foreign country on my own? Being away from you, from my family, my friends? I’m _terrified,_ but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t even care to ask. This is a big deal for me, and I worked so hard for this, but it doesn’t matter, because all that matters is that you’re gonna be a little lonely as if you don’t have your friends and family right here, right?” He lets out an empty laugh. “And me, well, I’m just gonna run off to someone new once I’m there because apparently, that’s how fucking lowly you think of me.”

“Fuck’s sake, Jinho, I didn’t mean it like that!” Hongseok yells back, standing up as well, his own temper getting the best of him. “I just meant- I don’t think we can keep this up if we’re so far apart.”

“Wow…” Jinho nods slowly, running a tongue over his bottom lip, jaw setting tightly, and really, if Hongseok doesn’t think that their relationship is even worth trying for, then why should he?

Why should he be the one to sacrifice everything? Give everything up? Just like he always has. It’s always been about making sure that Hongseok is okay, that he’s happy, that he’s getting everything he wants. And Jinho didn’t mind it, he really didn’t. After all, seeing Hongseok happy made him happy. But there’s only so much he can take, only so much he can give, and he thinks he’s given enough.

“Yeah, well, you know what?” Jinho says then, voice growing cold, gaze even colder. “You don’t have to bother, because I don’t think there’s a ‘this’ anymore.”

Hongseok’s face falls when he realises what Jinho means, eyes going wide, hand reaching out for him. “Wait, what are you-”

“We’re done here,” is all Jinho says to him, turning away to leave, blinking back his tears, and every step he takes feels heavy, his body screaming at him to turn around, to take back what he said, to make things right, but he can’t, he can’t, he can’t-

“So, that’s it?” Hongseok calls out, and he doesn’t have to look to know that he’s crying, hearing the broken sob in his voice, and he swallows back his own sobs, forcing himself to keep moving, keep going. “You’re just- You’re picking _that_ over me?”

Jinho goes still, stopping just before he steps out, hand itching to punch a hole in the wall, but he keep it by his side, breathing in deeply. _That,_ is his future, his goals, his hard work finally paying off. _That,_ is him. _I’m picking myself,_ Jinho thinks, breathing out, letting go, and without even sparing a glance back at Hongseok, he says, “Leave the keys on your way out.”

—

Hwitaek is getting anxious.

It’s been days since he’s heard from Hyojong, not even a whisper, and he hasn’t seen him anywhere either, the boy never turning up for school, day after day, not coming over to the house either, not like he always does. And it’s making him feel antsy, a weird feeling crawling up his spine every time he wonders where he is, because this has never happened before, not since they’ve been together.

Ever since they met, they’d been pretty much attached at the hip, doing almost anything and everything together, so in sync, in tune with one another. He knows it’s silly, but he could almost swear that they were the same person split into two, two halves of a whole, meant to complete each other. They were a balance; Hwitaek careful and calm, where Hyojong was reckless and wild, Hyojong daring and brave, where Hwitaek was doubtful and hesitant. They needed each other, and now that Hyojong’s gone, he feels like he’s missing a part of him, and he fucking hates it.

A part of him knows that he shouldn’t worry too much, that if anyone, Hyojong would be the one who could definitely take care of himself, could always survive one way or another. He was always smart like that. But a part of him is constantly reminding him of their earlier days together, when Hyojong had found himself in one too many fights, his smart mouth and brash attitude landing him in all kinds of trouble, with all kinds of people, leaving him bruised and beaten to a pulp every other week. He’d gotten a lot better the longer that they were together, staying clear of those things, and Hwitaek never asked why, but he likes to think that Hyojong did it for him. And now he wonders if that past of his has finally caught up to him.

Hwitaek hears a knock on the door, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t fly right towards it, yanking it open, calling out, “Hyojo-” He stops short, seeing the person who’s standing there, and his face falls. “You’re not Hyojong.”

“Well, hello to you too,” Hongseok says dryly, deadpanned, and Hwitaek bares his teeth awkwardly.

“Sorry, come on in,” he says, tugging him in by the arm, shutting the door, leading him over to the living room, and now that he’s actually registered it, only then realising that Hyojong hasn’t been the only one who’s been missing, he pulls Hongseok in for a strong hug. “Where the hell have you been? No one’s heard from you since the party.”

Hongseok gives him an apologetic look once they pull away, a hand coming up to run over his cheek, into his hair, and the tired lines lacing his face are more than obvious. “Sorry about that, I just…” He blows out a long breath. “I had a lot on my mind.”

“Ah…” It clicks in him, and Hwitaek gives him an understanding nod, squeezing his shoulder in a weak attempt at moral support. “Jinho told me about the exchange programme. How are you holding up?”

“Not good,” Hongseok answers. Then, voice breaking, “Bad, actually. Really fucking bad, Hui.”

Hwitaek’s eyes go wide as Hongseok falls back into his arms, letting out a loud sob as he buries his face into Hwitaek’s shoulder, and he awkwardly pats his back, unsure what to do. Sure, he’s had his fair share of being a shoulder to cry on, especially when he’s got Hyunggu for a brother, but it was hardly ever needed from Hongseok, because he’d never really had any reason to cry.

“Is that Hyo- _Hongseok-hyung?_ ”

Hwitaek turns his head to see Hyunggu and Yuto rushing down the stairs, heads poking out over the railing like a couple of obnoxiously curious kids, and he waves a dismissive hand at them, mouthing, “Go back upstairs.”

“But-”

He throws a sharp glare at the two, jerking his head, and Hyunggu makes a face at him, but he does as he’s told anyway, pushing Yuto back up the stairs, disappearing into his room again to do god knows what. He has no idea with those two, honestly, but he supposes it’s better than them fighting over silly things every other day, and it’s nice to not have to worry about them so much anymore.

“Shh, it’s okay, Hongseokie,” Hwitaek says to the boy, turning his attention to him again, rubbing a hand over his back gently. “Just let it out. It’s okay.”

Hongseok’s hiccuping by the time he manages to pull himself together enough, using his sleeve to wipe at his red face, and he drops himself onto the couch, pulling his knees up to hug his legs to his chest, looking awfully miserable like that.

“I think we broke up,” he says eventually, voice so low, weak, that Hwitaek barely manages to catch it.

“You what?” Hwitaek sits opposite him on the other end, legs crossed, shuffling closer to him.

“We broke up,” Hongseok echoes, chin falling onto his knees, head shaking in uncertainty. “Or- Or I don’t know if we actually did, because he didn’t _say_ it, but- We were arguing, and I told him I didn’t think we could keep this up if he’s so far away, then he said that there was no ‘this’ anymore and that we were done.” He hiccups again, sniffling. “Tell me that I’m wrong, tell me that’s not what he really meant.”

Hwitaek winces, unsure what to say because they both know he can’t do that. “I’m sorry,” is all he says, squeezing his hand in comfort. “Look, he probably just said it in the heat of the moment. I mean, what happened? What made him say it?”

Hongseok lowers his gaze.

“Hongseokie… What did you do?”

“I told him to stay, to cancel the whole thing and just stay with me,” the boy mumbles, then looking up, he adds, “But am I wrong? Is it so bad that I don’t want him to leave me?”

“He’s not leaving _you,_ ” Hwitaek says pointedly. “He’s just… You know what I mean.” When Hongseok just grunts, as if he knows the answer, but refuses to accept it, Hwitaek reaches out to rub his knuckles against the top of the boy’s head, humming lowly. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one out of all of us.”

Hongseok gives him a look, and he just flashes a dumb grin, asking instead, “Well, have you talked to him since then?”

He shakes his head, looking down again. “No. Too scared.”

The sigh Hwitaek lets out right then is one they’ve all heard far too many times, and Hongseok knows what he’s about to say before he even says it.

“Talk to him,” is what he says. “Maybe not right now, but soon, once you’ve both cooled off a bit. You two are the best friends I’ve ever had, the best couple I’ve ever seen, and I’d hate for you to end things like this, to end things at all. So, please, talk to him, okay?”

It takes a while, but Hongseok finally mutters out a small, “Okay,” and really, he doesn’t know if he will, doesn’t know if he can ever bring himself to, but right now, he’ll pretend that he can.

He shakes off his worries, sitting up properly, and he turns the topic to Hwitaek, asking, “What about you and Hyojong? What’s going on? Why’d you think that I was him?”

Hwitaek gives him a tight smile, like he was hoping that Hongseok wouldn’t notice, wouldn’t bring it up, but well.

“I haven’t seen him since that night either,” Hwitaek admits, body going slack right there. “He came back with me after the party like usual, but he didn’t stay the night, he had to go home for something, I don’t know. But I didn’t hear from him all weekend, then he didn’t show up at school either. I called and texted, checked his usual spots, asked his regular clients, but nothing.” He gives Hongseok a hopeful look. “Have you heard from him, though?”

Hongseok shakes his head no, offering a sorry. “That’s weird of him. He’s never disappeared like that before.”

“I know!” he cries out in frustration, hands balling up into fists. “And I didn’t think anything of it at first, but when he didn’t reply to my picture of Yuto in that ugly dog sweater, that’s when I knew something was up. He would never give up an opportunity to make fun of Yuto.”

The name reminds Hongseok of something, and before he forgets, he asks, “About Yuto, what happened to him? Jinho mentioned something, but he wouldn’t say what it was.”

Hwitaek looks upset as he recalls it, answering numbly, “A bunch of guys jumped him at the party, beat the shit out of him at the back of the house. Shinwon, Changgu and Wooseok were behind it, so I’m guessing it was probably the basketball kids, but they all ran off before I could tell for sure.”

“Well, shit,” Hongseok mutters, feeling kinda bad for what he’d said about Jinho and Yuto the other day. “Shinwon, Changgu and Wooseok? What’s that about?”

“No idea,” Hwitaek chimes, eyes rolling back. “You know these kids. They’ve got all kinds of shit going on. I don’t wanna get in the middle of it.”

Hongseok nods, understanding. “Is Yuto okay, though?”

“Yeah, luckily we got there before things went too far,” Hwitaek answers, relief written across his face. “Hyunggu took care of him after that, so he’s all good.” He pauses, pointing a thumb towards the staircase. “He’s upstairs with Hyunggu now if you wanna see him.”

Hongseok waves a tired hand at him, standing up, stretching out his body. “Nah, that’s okay,” he says. “I should probably head home. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on.” He quirks a small smile. “Remind me to never skip school again.”

That gets a laugh out of Hwitaek, head bobbing in a nod as he walks Hongseok to the door. “You got it.”

“Tell the boys I say hi,” he says, offering another smile, warmer this time. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, and if I hear anything from Hyojong, I’ll let you know.” He pauses. “Have you checked his house though?”

Hwitaek freezes, just for a moment, not long enough for him to notice and he gives him a half-hearted smile. “No, I- I haven’t had time,” he lies.

“Well, go then,” Hongseok says simply, and really, Hwitaek wishes it was that simple.

All he can do is nod, pulling Hongseok in for one last hug, reminding him, “Talk to Jinho.”

“Find Hyojong,” Hongseok says back, and he hopes he does. He really fucking hopes so.

—

“Why don’t we ever hang out at your house?” Hwitaek had asked Hyojong once, after a few weeks of dating, past the one month mark at least, he was sure of it.

It was an innocent question, one that he just genuinely wondered about from time to time, but Hyojong had taken it the wrong way, frowning at him from where he was sat in his lap, and he climbed off of him, setting himself to the side.

“If you don’t like having me over, you could just say so,” Hyojong had said, his voice coming out harsher than he meant it to.

“No!” Hwitaek was quick to say, shaking his head so hard that his neck might have just snapped, turning to face the boy. “No, no, it’s not that. I swear. I like having you here. I wish you could be here all the time.” He gulped nervously, offering a sheepish smile. “It’s just… We’ve been dating for a while now, and you’ve never even invited me to your place. Never even hinted at it.”

Hyojong blew out a heavy breath through gritted teeth, hand threading through his messy hair, and his voice was rough when he spoke. “It’s not that I don’t want you there. I’m just- I’m embarrassed, okay?”

“Of me?” Hwitaek asked quietly, eyes wide.

“What? No!” Hyojong scrambled back onto him, gripping his face in his hands, looking him in the eyye. “Are you kidding? I’d never be embarrassed of you. I mean, look at you. You’re… _you._ ”

“Well, thanks,” he shot back weakly, and Hyojong made a noise in the back of his throat, squeezing his face even more.

“I meant, I’m embarrassed of _me,_ ” he admitted, blood creeping up his neck, tips of his ears going red. “I’m embarrassed of that sorry excuse of a house, and those people that I call my family. I- I don’t want you to see that.”

Hwitaek pouted his lips at him, leaning into his touch. “It can’t be that bad. After all, you’re from there, and you turned out great.”

Hyojong had let out a soft laugh, one that sounded like disbelief, really, just a small _‘ha!’_. “I’m not great,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else, and before Hwitaek could get on his ass about it, he said, “Look, you’ve got this amazing house, somewhere you can actually call home, and the best brother anyone could ask for, even though he’s a little shit sometimes, he’s a good kid, and I know your parents aren’t around much, but at least they’re decent, you know?”

“My house is a nightmare, it’s- it’s a fucking crack house, honestly,” he continued, voice growing more and more distressed. “Mom’s gone, dad’s an asshole, my brothers are either drunk, or high, or both at the same time. It’s just-” He sighed, eyes squeezing shut for a moment. “I don’t want you to go there. Ever.”

“Okay,” Hwitaek had said, after a few beats of silence, no hint of resentment in his tone, and Hyojong opened his eyes, looking at him, _really_ looking at him.

“Promise?” he had asked, voice so small, quiet, so unlike him, and Hwitaek had leaned forward to press his forehead against Hyojong’s, smiling at him, whispering, “I promise.”

Hwitaek stands outside Hyojong’s house now, looking at the rundown place, wondering, hoping, praying on all of his lucky stars that Hyojong is somewhere in there. And as he takes a step towards the door, he thinks to himself, _I’m sorry I have to break my promise._

It takes him more than a couple of rounds of loud knocking, and a few, “Hello? Anyone in there?” thrown out before he gets an answer, the door tugged open lazily by a man that he assumes is Hyojong’s father, a near burnt out cigarette hanging between his lips, and he cocks an eyebrow at Hwitaek.

“Mr. Kim?” Hwitaek tries to keep his voice steady but it wavers, betraying him.

He takes the grunt that he gets in return as a yes.

“Um, is Hyojong in?” he asks nervously, eyes flickering between the man and the hallway behind him, just in case he caught a glimpse of the boy somewhere.

Hwitaek expects him to tell him to piss off, that Hyojong isn’t there right now, or that he is, but that he doesn’t want to see him, _anything,_ but he doesn’t expect him to say, “Isn’t he with you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Kid hasn’t been here for days,” the father says, putting out his cigarette on the door frame, dropping it to the ground and Hwitaek doesn’t have to look to know that it’s littered with more old stubs. “Came back on the night of that party, took all his shit and left. Haven’t seen him since. I figured he’d be with you.”

Hwitaek blinks, once, twice, once more. “I… No…” He reminds himself to breathe, sucking in stale air, taking a step back, head shaking slowly. “I- I haven’t seen him since then either.”

“Well, then that’s that, I guess.” The man just gives him an unbothered lift of his shoulders, lighting up another smoke, and really, the fact that he couldn’t care less about Hyojong’s whereabouts, whether he was even _alive,_ makes Hwitaek feel sick to the stomach, stumbling slightly as he turns to leave, unable to stand another moment in this place.

“Between you and me,” his father calls out just before Hwitaek gets too far, making him look back at him over his shoulder. “He’s not worth it.”

“Excuse me?” Hwitaek feels something tick in him, heat spreading under his skin, the muscles in his jaw clenching.

“Just saying, he’s a difficult little thing. Fucking burden, really,” he spits, lips curling cruelly. “You’re better off without the deadweight, just like I am, so I don’t think you should waste your time looking for him anymore.”

Hwitaek says nothing, because he has nothing to say, but his body seems to have another idea, legs already taking him back towards the door. And he shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, because this will only make things worse, because he’s never fought anyone before, because he’s supposed to be the light to Hyojong’s dark, but hell, he supposes he could be a little dark too.

He doesn’t realise what he’s done until his fist starts throbbing, knuckles red, and Hyojong’s father is on the floor, clutching at his bleeding nose, cursing at him so loudly that Hyojong’s brothers race into the room, tripping over themselves, looking halfway dead as they clamber over their father, neither of them knowing what to do.

“He was right,” Hwitaek mutters to himself, taking in the whole scene, backing away from them. “This place is a fucking nightmare.”

He gets out of there as quickly as he can, planning to never ever return, running so fast that it feels like his feet are on fire, and it’s only once he’s back in the safety of his own home, his own room that he lets himself catch his breath, chest heaving from where he’s backed up against the door, heart pounding in his ribcage. And _fuck._

_Where are you, Hyojong?_

—

Shinwon should’ve known that Wooseok would catch up to him somehow, no matter how hard he tried to ignore him, how much he refused to answer his calls, his texts, how he went out of his way to avoid the boy.

He should’ve known that Wooseok would corner him one day, though he’s surprised that it took him all week, only managing to find Shinwon after school that Friday, in an unused classroom that doubled as his makeshift studio where he’d been busying himself with his designs for the fashion show that was coming up the next week.

“What do you want?” Shinwon asks as soon as he steps into the room, not even bothering to lift his head from his work.

“You haven’t answered any of my calls,” Wooseok says, a slight grumble in his voice, coming to stand right in front of him.

Shinwon hums lazily. “My phone broke.” Except it chimes right then, a message tone ringing as clear as day in the quiet room, and he glances up to give Wooseok a dry smile. “Oh, ha-ha, it works again.”

Wooseok isn’t amused, his face set into tight lines, lips curled down, arms crossed over his chest. “You lied to me.”

“Jeez, it was a joke-”

“I’m not talking about the phone,” he interrupts, making Shinwon flinch just barely, and he arches an eyebrow in question, wondering what it is that he supposedly lied about.

“Hyunggu,” is what Wooseok says, and Shinwon’s blood curls in his veins, his humour from just a moment ago draining from his face, replaced with a steely gaze, but Wooseok seems unfazed by it. “You said that you would fix it, that we’d get rid of Yuto, and I’d get Hyunggu back. That was the deal. That was the only reason why I did what we did, but it didn’t work.” A dirty scowl twists his face. “They’re still together, that punk is still hanging around him all the time like a fucking shadow, and Hyunggu won’t even speak to me now.”

Shinwon presses his lips into a thin line, eyes narrowing into slits, and his voice is sharp when he hisses, “No one forced you into it. You made that choice, so stop being a child and live with it.” Then, cocking his head to the side, he adds, “And if you need reminding, Wooseok, I already took the fall for you, all of you, so the least you could do is stop yourself from crying about it to me like I’m some kind of couples therapist.”

Embarrassment flashes across the boy’s face for a moment, as if only just remembering their whole exchange from that night, but it’s gone as quickly as it came, frustration clouding his eyes again. “Look, hyung, I appreciate that, I really do,” he says. “But I was- I was messed up that night, okay? I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was desperate, and I just- I wanted Hyunggu back so badly-”

“Hyunggu, Hyunggu, Hyunggu!” Shinwon snaps before he can help himself, pushing himself out of his seat to stand, fingers curling in irritation. All he ever hears from anyone is Hyunggu this, Hyunggu that, and he’s sick of it. “What’s so fucking great about him anyway, huh? Why can’t you just get over him already?”

“He’s the love of my life!” Wooseok exclaims, as if that was supposed to mean anything, gaping at Shinwon like he’d just cursed him.

“There’s no such thing as love,” Shinwon tells him, sounding bitter, brusque, but it’s the truth. Or at least, the truth that he’s let himself believe because really, he had no reason to believe otherwise.

“ _Yes,_ there is. I know there is,” the boy insists, stubborn in his belief, almost like a child who refused to accept the fact that Santa wasn’t actually real.

Shinwon scoffs a little too loudly, and before he realises what he’s saying, he hears the words leave his lips, a bitter reminder of the other day. “Tell that to my parents.”

Wooseok hesitates, his rage slipping for a moment, pity written across his face. And Shinwon hates it when people pity him. They have no right to. They have no right to make him feel like he’s any less than them. He does that enough on his own.

“I’m sorry about your parents, I know that must be tough,” Wooseok tells him, voice careful, before he clears his throat, saying, “But Hyunggu and I are different. We’re meant to be. I know it, I feel it.”

Shinwon thinks about all the times he’s seen Wooseok go back and forth with Hyunggu, making up and breaking up like it was a pastime, like none of it even really meant anything, and here he is again, desperate to get him back, when they both know that there’s no point. “Please, you don’t know what you feel-”

“You don’t get to say that,” Wooseok cuts in sharply, shooting a cold glare at him, breathing growing shallow. “You don’t know how it feels to want someone who doesn’t want you back.”

_Ha._

Shinwon shouldn’t say anything, he knows he shouldn’t. He should shut his mouth, make Wooseok leave, go back to his work and pretend this entire conversation never happened. But he feels something itching in him, a want, a need, and it’s clawing at him from the inside out, making his guts churn, his heart clench. The words are on the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out, and when he looks up at Wooseok, the one who’d kissed him, made him feel something, then taken it away; the one who’d made him laugh and cry; the one he wants, who doesn’t want him back; he can't help but say, “Oh, you have no idea.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Wooseok asks, confusion flooding his face, and Shinwon lets out a sigh.

“God, you’re a fucking idiot,” he mutters, and he crosses the room to where Wooseok is, grabbing the front of his shirt to tug him down, and then, he kisses him.

Shinwon kisses Wooseok the way he’d kissed him that night, making him feel it in his toes, in his veins, all the way up to that pretty head of is. He kisses Wooseok like he wants him, because he does. Despite everything, Shinwon wants him, he wants his stupid gags, those ridiculous jokes that he makes when he thinks Shinwon isn’t paying attention to him, and his childlike naivety, as if his view of the world hasn’t been tainted the way Shinwon’s has, and even his belief in true love, because maybe if Wooseok believed it, believed it in _him,_ then he could somehow believe it too.

But when Shinwon lets go, steps back, looks up at Wooseok with hopeful eyes, and he’s only met with a blank stare, empty, empty, empty, like he hadn’t felt anything, nothing at all, Shinwon should’ve known.

There really is no such thing as love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this chapter managed to show off different sides to the pairings and helped flesh out some of the characters a bit more! there will be more about everyone in the coming chapters, don't worry and i'm so sorry for making everything so emo fmmdsjk 
> 
> as always comments and kudos are very very much appreciated <3 :)
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino)


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn’t going to post this at first, with everything that happened yesterday, it didn’t feel right but... writing helped me cope, helped me distract myself a bit so i’m posting this in hopes that reading might help comfort some of you as well. i can’t exactly say that this chapter will cheer you up 100% since there are some ups and downs but well i’ve made you all wait long enough for an update so.. i’m sorry if it’s not great, i struggled a bit with this chapter but i hope you enjoy it either way and i hope you’re all well and taking care of yourselves always ♡

_You don’t know how it feels to want someone who doesn’t want you back._

Wooseok can’t believe he said that to Shinwon, right to his face, and when Shinwon told him to, and he quotes, ‘get the fuck out before he calls someone to drag his baby giraffe ass away’, he figured he sort of deserved it. And _God,_ he really can’t believe he said that, when Shinwon knows exactly how it feels, knows exactly what it’s like to want someone without getting anything in return, because of all people, he wants Wooseok.

He. Wants. Wooseok.

 _Fuck._ He really is an idiot, isn’t he? How could he not have seen it? Was it obvious? Or had he kept it under wraps? When Wooseok thinks about it, _really_ thinks about it, he supposes it isn’t so surprising after all. Shinwon _has_ been around him a lot more these past few months, whether either of them would care to admit it or not. And he supposes there were times when he thought that Shinwon was doing more than he needed to, like when he’d taken care of Wooseok after he passed out at that one party of his, when he’d picked Wooseok up and brought him to that little get together at Hyunggu’s, when he’d stayed with him that night, just because Wooseok told him not to leave him.

But he’d written it all off as Shinwon being a good friend, his only friend, really. He supposes he was wrong.

Then there was that kiss. That stupid kiss, for that stupid game, and Wooseok feels stupid just thinking about it. How could he have done that to Shinwon? Used him like that just to make Hyunggu jealous? And for what? It’s not like it worked anyway, and Shinwon probably saw right through it. _God._ Had he already liked Wooseok then? Or was that what made him start? Either way, even after Wooseok did that to him, he hadn’t pushed him away, hadn’t made him feel like shit about it. If anything, he only seemed to show more interest, and it makes an uneasiness settle in Wooseok’s gut. _Guilt,_ he thinks. _Guilty, guilty, guilty._

 _So,_ Shinwon wants Wooseok. That much is clear to him now. But the question is: does Wooseok want him?

He wants to say no, wants to tell himself that he only wants Hyunggu, that he could never want anyone else. But then he thinks of Shinwon, and how he pretends that he doesn’t find Wooseok funny, how he rolls his eyes, and hides his laugh behind his hand sometimes. He has a nice laugh. He thinks of Shinwon and everything he’s done for Wooseok, to the point that he quite literally got arrested to save Wooseok’s ass. He thinks of Shinwon, and he doesn’t know if he wants him yet, but he thinks he might want to find out.

But he can’t do that if he’s still stuck in the arms of someone he should’ve let go of a long, _long_ time ago.

So Wooseok finds himself at Hyunggu’s door that Saturday morning, his knocks echoing off the old wood, and when he’s greeted with a bed-headed boy in fluffy pyjamas, he can’t help but smile, a dull throb in his chest that always seems to be there whenever he looks at him, no matter how much he tries to wish it away.

“Hi,” he says, and Hyunggu has to rub the sleep from his eyes, barely holding back a yawn.

“Wooseok? What are you-”

“Walk with me?” he asks, a hint of urgency in his tone that Hyunggu picks up on right away, and even though he’s still half asleep, he manages a nod, ushering him inside before he trudges up the stairs to get changed.

Wooseok takes a look around the house, one that he’s spent too many years in, at times feeling more like home than his own. Or at least, it used to. His face is in the pictures on the walls like he was a part of the family, his drawings on the fridge right by Hyunggu’s, his games that he must’ve left when he used to come over to play them with the others. It’s a little sad, he thinks, and even sadder to think that after he talks to Hyunggu today, he might not ever come here again.

See, he’s decided that it’s time that he stops lying to himself, stops trying to convince himself that there could still be something between the two of them. Whatever it was between them, it’s been long gone. He just refused to see it, and at times he thinks Hyunggu didn’t want to see it too. They were both too hung up on each other, on what they used to be, on what they could’ve been, and it’s ruined them. They couldn’t go back to what they were, but they never really let themselves try to be anything else either. But he thinks it’s time that they do, and whether that’s just friends or complete strangers, he’ll take it. He’ll take it, because he doesn’t think he can keep this up any longer, being pulled in by Hyunggu again and again, over and over, only to be dumped to the side once he’s had his fun. Wooseok can’t blame him, he knows he’s guilty of just as much as Hyunggu is, and he supposes that’s what happens when you mix fire with fire.

They just weren’t meant to be. They never were.

“Wooseok?”

He looks over his shoulder to see Hwitaek coming down the stairs, looking exactly like Hyunggu had earlier, and they’re so oddly similar that sometimes even Wooseok forgets that they’re not actual brothers. He gives the elder a polite nod, smiling kindly. “Morning, Hui-hyung.”

“Morning… What’s, uh, what’s going on-”

Hyunggu rushes past him, padding down in socked feet, and he almost slips but Wooseok manages to catch him, holding an arm out around his waist to balance him. He mutters a small thank you, flashing an easy smile, and Hwitaek eyes them carefully, lips parting as though he’s about to say something, but he decides against it, head shaking, arms thrown up in defeat.

“You know what, I don’t even wanna know,” he says, more to himself than them, really, and he waves them off tiredly. “Just… go.”

Wooseok and Hyunggu exchange funny looks, before they call out their goodbyes, closing the door behind them. And Wooseok had asked him for a walk, so they walk, hands buried in their pockets to keep them warm from the early November chill, their bodies close enough to make their arms brush against the other’s every now and then, and it makes them both turn their faces away, like a couple of shy schoolboys. Neither of them really know where they’re going, taking random turns, going round in circles, just like they always have with each other.

“I think it’s time for me to let you go,” Wooseok says eventually, the words flowing out of him in one breath, because he thinks that if he tried to keep it in any longer, he might’ve never found the guts to say it again.

Hyunggu stills for a moment, before he recovers, a tight smile tugging at his lips, eyebrows shooting up. “Wow… We’re really just getting right into it, huh?”

“It’s been a long time coming, don’t you think?” is Wooseok’s reply, glancing down at him, and well, Hyunggu supposes he’s right.

The taller boy stops, turning to face Hyunggu properly, and he lets out a small puff of breath, offering his hands and Hyunggu takes them, cold fingers between his.

“I’m gonna let you go, Hyunggu-ya,” Wooseok says, then, with a sad smile, “And I need you to let me go too.”

Hyunggu blinks. “What-”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about,” he cuts in, but there’s no malice in his tone. “You and I both know you’ve been holding on to this just as much as I have.”

Again, Hyunggu supposes he’s right. All the times he’s pulled Wooseok back to him, dragged him along, lead him on; it was all because he couldn’t let Wooseok go yet. Not really.

“And it’s okay. I didn’t mind it, I really didn’t,” he continues, his grip on Hyunggu’s hands tightening, the way it does whenever he gets nervous, and he quirks a shaky smile. “It was kinda nice, actually. Nice to know that I wasn’t that easy to let go of.”

“Definitely not,” Hyunggu shoots back weakly.

“At least then, I could still pretend that we had something, you know?” Wooseok’s face falters, swallowing thickly. “But I’m tired of pretending, Hyunggu.”

Hyunggu searches his face, his eyes, looking for something, _anything,_ that one last bit of hope, but it’s not there, not anymore. And he supposes that’s the way it should be. The way it should’ve always been.

He lets his head fall forward onto Wooseok’s chest, a long breath leaving his lungs and he tells him, “I’m tired too.”

Hyunggu feels the boy’s hand come up to the back of his head, holding him gently, and he can’t help the way his voice breaks when he says, “I’m sorry. For everything. I just- I shouldn’t have done that to you. I shouldn’t have come to you only when I needed you, especially when I knew you wouldn’t tell me no.” His nose starts to go runny, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold, or because he’s about to cry. He thinks it’s the latter. “They told me not to. The hyungs- They- They warned me, said I’d only hurt us both, but I never listened. I thought if I did then I’d lose you forever, and I didn’t want that.” He lifts his head to look up at Wooseok, eyes filling with tears. “I still don’t want that, Wooseokie.”

Wooseok nods, holding back his own tears, pulling him in for a hug, and Hyunggu is tiny compared to him, folding in on himself between his arms. “I know you’re sorry, and I’m sorry too. I- I have a lot to be sorry for, I know that now. What happened on Halloween, I…” He breathes out slowly, holding him closer, head leaning down to meet Hyunggu’s, voice muffled when he says, “I’m sorry. I really am. I thought I was doing it for you, for us, but… We can’t keep doing this to ourselves anymore, okay? It’s not fair to you, to me, to anyone.”

He takes a step back, peeling himself away, and he manages a weak smile. “I’m letting you go, Hyunggu. For real this time.”

“And I’ll let you go too,” Hyunggu says back, mirroring his expression. “For real this time.”

Wooseok’s smile grows, more certain now, and there’s something in his eyes. “Thank you,” he says, and it’s relief. Peace. He’s finally free. And so is Hyunggu.

“So what happens now?” Hyunggu asks, shoving his hands back into his own pockets, beginning to walk again, and Wooseok follows suit.

He lifts his shoulders, unsure. “I understand if you don’t wanna see me ever again, but… I’d still like to be friends, if that’s okay with you.” Quickly, he adds, “Just friends, though. Really. No more games.”

“No more games,” Hyunggu agrees, jostling his elbow against Wooseok’s, and they laugh. It’s nice, he thinks. But when their laughter fades, silence falling onto them, he shoots a worried glance over at him, a question on his tongue, because see, now that this is done, now that they’re done, he still has Yuto to lean on. But Wooseok… “You’re gonna be okay, right?”

Wooseok seems to understand what he means, his head bobbing in a nod, and before he can help himself, a stupid smile creeps onto his face, a hint of shyness in his tone when he says, “Actually… I found someone.”

“Oh?”

“Or at least, I think so. I don’t know. It’s-” He shakes his head, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth nervously. “I don’t know how I missed it. It was right there, but I just- I’m gonna try and figure it out. Or maybe I shouldn’t. But I want to. But also-”

Hyunggu feels something warm spread in his chest, a smile crossing his face, and he’s happy. He’s happy that Wooseok is putting himself out there, that he’s trying, because if anyone deserves it, it’s him.

“I say, go for it,” Hyunggu tells him, giving him an encouraging nod. “Don’t overthink it, don’t worry about it, just… go for it.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he insists. Then, slipping into a more teasing tone, eyebrows waggling, Hyunggu asks, “You gonna tell me who it is?”

Wooseok’s nose scrunches up, head tilting to the side. “Can it wait till after? I don’t wanna tell you now, then end up getting rejected or something.”

That gets a laugh out of Hyunggu, full, loud, and he nods. “Fair enough.” Then, more seriously, he tells him, “But I doubt you’d get rejected. Anyone in their right mind would love you. I would know.”

A blush spreads across Wooseok’s cheeks, and he nudges Hyunggu’s side, mumbling out a shy, “Thanks, Hyunggu-ya.”

Hyunggu nudges him back, saying, “You’re welcome, Wooseokie.”

They walk for a little while longer, just enjoying each other’s silent company, something they haven’t been able to do for a long time, and it’s nice that they can now. It’s nice that they’re finally okay. It’s them, after all.

“You know I’ll always love you, right?” Hyunggu tells him once they’re back at his doorstep, Wooseok looming over him from where he’s standing on the porch, and it’s all a little too familiar, but at the same time, so different. So, so different.

Wooseok smiles down at him, his wide eyes pooling with warmth, and when he feels that tug in his heart again, he says, “I’ll always love you too.”

It’s a different kind of love, but love all the same, and neither of them would have it any other way.

The boy leans down to press a kiss to Hyunggu’s cheek, long, gentle; a goodbye kiss, just like he had so long ago. And this time, Hyunggu doesn’t feel his heart break anymore.

—

_meet me in my studio tomorrow morning.  
important._

Hyunggu glances at the message again, the one he’d gotten from Shinwon the night before, and a part of him wonders if it’d been a mistake, if he’d meant to send it to someone else, but a part of him knows that he’ll have to face Shinwon someday, if not for himself, then at least for Yuto’s sake, so he might as well just go, no matter how upset he still is with the guy.

He knocks when he gets there, only out of formality, but he doesn’t wait for Shinwon to let him in, closing the door behind him a little too loudly once he steps inside, arms immediately crossing over his chest.

When Shinwon looks up at him, he seems surprised, like he didn’t think Hyunggu would actually show, but he’s quick to mask it, his features dissolving into a neutral expression.

“Hey, Hyunggu,” he starts, but Hyunggu throws a scoff at him.

“Don’t _‘Hey, Hyunggu’_ me,” the younger shoots back, his face already growing sour. “I’m mad at you.”

Shinwon purses his lips, his voice just a touch bitter when he says, “Well, guess what, I’m not a big fan of you right now either.”

Another scoff, sharper this time. “Is that why you called me here? Just to tell me that? Is that what’s so ‘important’?”

“No, I-”

Hyunggu doesn’t bother hearing it, already turning to leave, reaching for the door, but Shinwon grabs his wrist before he can, pulling him to a stop.

“I need a favour,” is what he says, and wow, Hyunggu can’t believe the audacity. But before he can even open his mouth to speak, Shinwon gives him a look, adding, “How many times have you come up to me saying the exact same thing? And every time, _every single time,_ Hyunggu, I do everything you ask.”

He’s not wrong, and they both know it, so when he says, “Just hear me out,” Hyunggu does.

“The fashion show is this Friday night,” Shinwon begins, a hesitance in his voice that was never there before. See, he was always so sure of himself, always so confident, but now, it seems almost like he’s afraid, desperate even. And Hyunggu can see it, in his bloodshot eyes like he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep in days, in the empty cups of coffee strewn over the room like he’s been living off of nothing but caffeine, in the way he’s still gripping onto Hyunggu’s wrist like he’s scared that if he lets him go, he’ll lose every bit of hope he had left.

Hyunggu feels a pang of pity for him right then, his stance breaking form, head nodding to show that he’s listening.

“I’m one of the designers, you know that, right?”

Another nod.

“Well, after the party, the fight, the arrest, all the shit that went down that night,” he says, voice sounding hollow, numb, a frown fixing itself onto his lips. “A lot of my models dropped out. Said they didn’t wanna be involved with me anymore.” He lifts his shoulders weakly, slumping back down with a sigh. “I guess I can’t blame them.”

A part of Hyunggu wants to tell him he deserves it, that it serves him right for what he did, but he can’t find the heart to. No matter how upset he is, at the end of the day, Shinwon is still his friend, and it’s awful to see everything he worked so hard on just fall apart like this.

“I’m sorry about that, hyung,” he says genuinely, his features softening as he offers a sad smile. “But I don’t know what this has to do with me.”

“I thought that maybe you could model for me,” is what Shinwon says, and _oh boy._

“I don’t think that’s such a good ide-”

“Think about it,” Shinwon cuts in, tugging on his hand. “I mean, you’re cute-ish, I guess. Not quite tall enough to be a proper model, but it’ll do. I’ve seen you strut in your routines and you’d be perfect on a runway. And- And you could throw in a dance at the end too.” His eyes light up with hope. “People _love_ you, Hyunggu, and if they know that you’re performing, then they’ll definitely come and watch my show.”

Hyunggu processes his words, unsure whether they’re meant to be a compliment or not, but then he finds himself saying, “So basically, you wanna, what, use me?”

“Not _use_ you!” Shinwon retorts immediately, then, “Or, well, maybe a little. I mean- Not like that- I just-” He finally lets go of Hyunggu, only to claw at his own face, letting out a loud groan. “I don’t know what else to do, okay? I- I- I’ve got scouts coming to watch the show, because I was hoping that it’d give me a chance to get into that art school I told you guys about. But if it’s a mess, then there’s no way they’re letting me in, or even bother coming back next year, it’s just- This is my _last_ chance, Hyunggu, or else I’m gonna end up stuck in some business school to become a fucked up carbon copy of my parents.”

Hyunggu gets that, he knows all too well about Shinwon’s parents, the two of them often bonding over the fact that the people they called their parents could hardly bother with them, being one of the few things that kept them close despite of all of their little disputes with each other. Everyone knows he and Shinwon were never exactly the best of friends, the both of them too stubborn in their own ways, almost always butting heads, getting at each other’s throats, taunting one another endlessly. But somehow it worked, somehow they still managed to stay friends, and they both know that it’s because on some level, in some way, they’re just the same. They never say it out loud, they never have the need to, but they know.

They know that when Shinwon says, “I don’t wanna be my parents. I wanna be _me._ And designing for me is like dancing for you, and Hyunggu, _you,_ of all people, should understand that,” Hyunggu does understand. He’s always understood.

But he still doesn’t feel quite right about the whole thing. As much as he wants to help Shinwon, as much as he realises how important this is to him, he can’t just push aside what Shinwon did on Halloween, can’t just forget it all happened and pretend that everything’s fine now. He’s had enough of pretending.

So he says, “I’ll help you, on one condition.”

Shinwon straightens up right away, sounding half-flustered, half-relieved when he answers, “Anything! Whatever I need to do, I’ll do it. I swear.”

There’s nothing that Hyunggu can gain from this, nothing that he wants, needs, but he thinks about Yuto, thinks about how as much as Shinwon doesn’t deserve what’s happening to him now, Yuto didn’t deserve what happened to him either.

So, he’s clear when he tells Shinwon, “Apologise to Yuto.”

The elder seems to falter, features slipping. “Yuto?”

Hyunggu nods, firm. “Apologise to him. Make it up to him. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, until he truly forgives you.” There’s a dull ache in his chest when he thinks of the boy, his boy, and he manages a weak smile. “He’s been through a lot, hyung. Just like you, just like me. You understand, right?”

And Shinwon does understand. He couldn’t before, too blinded by what he thought was love, too confused with his own feelings, too stupid to see that he was hurting someone who’d done nothing wrong at all, the same way that he was always hurt for simply existing, but he understands now. And he knows what he needs to do.

“I’ll make it up to him,” Shinwon says, and he means it, every word of it. “I really will.”

Hyunggu knows that there’s no guarantee that he’ll do it, and it’s not like he could ever force him to, but if anyone could keep their word, it’s Shinwon.

So, he quirks a smile, holding out a hand for Shinwon to take, and he says, “Then I guess you’ve got yourself a new model.”

—

Yuto feels happy.

There’s nothing in particular going on, he’s just heading to school like any other day, but after a whole weekend of not seeing Hyunggu – _tragic,_ he knows – the thought of seeing him soon is enough to put him in a good mood, a stupid smile on his face, giddy bounce in his step. He hadn’t meant to spend the weekend away from the boy, far from it, really, he’d just been a bit… preoccupied with things at home. And Hyunggu was probably sick of having Yuto hang around his house everyday, so maybe the short separation was a good thing.

After all, it made the promise of seeing each other at school today even more exciting, Yuto more than eager to see the boy, his boy.

He knows they’re not actually together, that they haven’t exactly made it official or anything, but he’s more than content with the way things are now, and sticking a label on it wouldn’t make much of a difference, really. Because it’s clear to them both; Yuto is Hyunggu’s, and Hyunggu is his. He knows that. Hyunggu knows that.

So, he doesn’t worry too much about it, that dopey smile still on his face as he walks through the hallways, on his way to class and-

Yuto hears a familiar laugh, his head immediately turning to his right to see where it’s coming from, and he frowns.

Hyunggu’s in the empty classroom, standing behind a table with his body bare, at least from what Yuto can see, and he lets out another giggle, squirming the way he does when he gets ticklish, and _what the fuck?_

Yuto’s about to head inside, ask him what he’s doing, why he’s laughing like that, but he sees a flash of familiar red hair just over the edge of the table, someone getting up off their knees in front of Hyunggu, wiping the sweat off their own face and when Yuto sees who it is, his blood freezes in his veins, body going stiff.

See, he knows this scene all too well; abandoned classroom, clothes off, someone on their knees. After all, he and Hyunggu had their fair share of the exact same thing not too long ago, stolen kisses and rushed hookups whenever they found the time, wherever they found the space. Except this time, it isn’t him and Hyunggu, but Hyunggu and _Shinwon._

And Yuto feels sick. How could Hyunggu do that? How could Hyunggu even stand the guy after what he did, let alone let him suck him off in the middle of school even before first period like a couple of sex crazed freaks who can’t keep it in their pants until break time at least?

What is this anyway? Is this recent? Has it been going on for a while now? Has he been completely fucking blind to what was happening? Is _this_ the real reason Shinwon had it out for him?

It makes sense, doesn’t it? He could never really figure out what it was that made Shinwon hate him so much, and he thought it had something to do with Wooseok, but maybe he had it all wrong. Maybe it was Hyunggu he was after this whole time. And now he’s got him.

Yuto doesn’t wait to see what happens next, because he doesn’t think he could handle it, doesn’t trust himself not to just break the door down and start throwing fists, so he leaves, turning back the way he came, that smile on his face wiped clean off, that bounce in his step completely crushed.

It was clear to them both; Yuto was Hyunggu’s, and Hyunggu was his. He knew that. But it seems like Hyunggu didn’t.

And Yuto doesn’t feel so happy anymore.

—

_I wanted to be with you!_

Changgu still doesn’t know what Yanan had meant by that. Did he only want to be with Changgu at the time? To spend Halloween with him for tradition’s sake? Or did he want to be with him as friends? To go back to the way things were before it all got messed up? Or did he mean something else entirely? Did he want to be with Changgu, _really_ be with him? To finally be something more than what they always were?

Changgu doesn’t know, and a part of him is starting to think that maybe Yanan was right to feel like he didn’t know Changgu anymore, because right now, Changgu doesn’t feel like he knows Yanan at all either.

He’d tried to convince himself that it was over, that they were over, that they had no chance of working things out now. Not after what Yanan said the other day. And sometimes, he thought that maybe that was okay.

After all, with a face like his, the number 1 he wears so proudly on his back, good grades to complete his charming personality; Changgu was the perfect catch. He could have anyone he wanted; another boy on his team – he saw the way they all looked at him in the showers after training; a cheerleader perhaps – someone pretty and fun to complement his captain status; maybe even one of those richie riches from Shinwon’s crowd – he figures at least one of them would be up for spoiling him.

He could have anyone, but none of them were Yanan.

Changgu doesn’t know what it is about him, doesn’t know what makes him so special. He doesn’t know what made him decide to befriend Yanan on that first day he came, the boy shy and quiet, keeping his head down as he walked to the empty seat next to Changgu. Maybe it was the way he almost jumped in his seat, eyes widening when Changgu said hello, like he was surprised that someone was actually speaking to him. Or maybe it was the way he answered, blurting out a robotic, “Hello, my name is Yanan. I’m from China,” like he’d memorised it because he wasn’t fluent enough in Korean yet. Or maybe it was the way he got embarrassed when Changgu laughed at his adorable script, his fair cheeks burning bright red when Changgu told him, “You’re cute, Yananie.”

Maybe it was the way Yanan agreed to have lunch with him that day, the way he opened up easily once he realised Changgu genuinely wanted to get to know him, the way he listened carefully to every word Changgu said to him in return, only ever interrupting him to ask what certain words meant. Maybe it was the way Yanan laughed, or even just smiled, the way his face lit up when he did, eyes turning to crescents. Maybe it was the way Yanan was cute without trying, the way he would whine and pout his lips, the way that he was really just a giant baby with the softest heart Changgu had ever known.

Maybe it was the way Yanan made Changgu happy, in a way that no one else ever did. And Changgu thinks that now he understands what he had meant. Now he knows that as much as Yanan wanted to be with him, he wants to be with Yanan just the same.

In whatever way, for however long, he knows his place is with Yanan. And he’s not about to give that up just yet.

“Yanan!”

Yanan stills, his fists curling up by his sides, footsteps coming to a halt. “I thought I told you not to-”

“I want to be with you too!” The words rush out of him right away, no more time to waste, they’ve both waited too long anyway, and Changgu feels breathless, coming to a stop right behind the boy. He reaches out for Yanan’s shoulder, tugging lightly, turning him around to face him. “As friends, as more, however you’ll have me, I wanna be with you. I _have_ to be with you. Because I- I can’t do this anymore, okay? I can’t be without you. It’s killing me, and I know it’s killing you too. Say what you want, but deep down, you know it is.”

Yanan swallows thickly, looking down at him. “Changgu…”

“I know I messed up,” Changgu admits, his voice distraught, regretful. “I know. What we did that night, what _I_ did, it was cruel and uncalled for and just really fucking stupid. I didn’t want it to go that way, not at all, but it happened. And I know there’s no way I can take it back now, but I can make up for it. To you, to Yuto, to Hyunggu. To whoever I hurt, I’ll fix it. I swear I will.” He shakes his head lowly, hand running over his face. “I was just… I was upset and angry and- and confused. I know that’s no excuse, and you, of all people, know that I’m not normally like this, but when it comes to you, I just- _God,_ I don’t know. You just- You make kinda crazy, you know that?”

“So it’s my fault?” Yanan asks numbly, his expression empty.

“No!” Changgu is quick to say. “No, it’s not _you,_ it’s me.”

Yanan lets out a small ‘Ha!’, almost rolling his eyes, and Changgu makes a frustrated sound, head shaking faster now.

“What I mean is,” he says, fixing his gaze on Yanan, heartbeat rising. “You’re the only one who makes me feel this way, who makes me feel anything, really. But most importantly, you make me happy.” He breathes out heavily, willing his heart to calm down before it bursts out of his chest. “You wanna know why I took you in all those years ago? Why I stayed by your side through everything? Why I couldn’t bring myself to kiss you that night?”

“Why?”

“It’s because I love you.”

Changgu waits for it, waits for Yanan to gasp, or scream, or cry, or even tell him to go fuck himself, but it doesn’t come.

Instead, Yanan says, “I know.”

“No, Yananie, I mean, I _love_ -love you,” Changgu presses, voice starting to shake. “As in I’m _in_ love with you.”

Again, slower this time, Yanan says, “I know.”

When he gets a look of confusion in return, he sighs. “You’re not exactly subtle, Changgu-ya. I’ve always known, I just… I wasn’t sure.” And he means it. Some days, he was certain of it, positive that the stars he saw in Changgu’s eyes was definitely love. But other days, he doubted it, wondered if it was just him overthinking Changgu’s friendship. But now that he’s admitting it…

Changgu frowns. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t think I had to,” is Yanan’s answer, shoulders lifting. “I thought we both just knew.”

“Both?”

Yanan’s face falters for a moment, too quick to notice. “Yeah, both. I thought we both knew that you loved me and I loved you too. But…” He lets out a soft chuckle, sounding sad almost. “I guess it was just me.”

Changgu looks at him in disbelief, eyes blinking like he isn’t sure if this is real, and it’s the same look he saw on his face the other day, when Yanan had said he wanted to be with Changgu. And he realises now that it wasn’t Changgu thinking that Yanan had no chance to be with him, but just him being confused as to why Yanan wanted to be with him at all.

“Wait.” Changgu tries to breathe, still looking dazed when he glances up at Yanan. “You… You love me? _Love_ -love me?”

“Why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t want to kiss me?” Yanan asks, eyebrows raising as though it was obvious. “When you walked away from the game, I thought I’d had it wrong this whole time, I thought you didn’t love me after all. I mean, why else wouldn’t you kiss me?”

“No, I… I just didn’t want to kiss you because I was worried you wouldn’t like it, worried that it would make things weird between us,” Changgu tells him honestly, recalling that night. “Then you kissed Yuto and it all just went…”

“Boom,” Yanan says, and with a small laugh, Changgu nods. “Yeah, boom, exactly.”

It’s quiet for a moment, neither of them speaking, moving, their confessions finally settling in, making them see everything that was unclear to them these past few weeks, like a fog was lifting, like that sea that separated them was gone now, bringing them back to each other. And once it all hits him, Changgu sucks in a long breath, letting it out in a loud huff, and he says, “ _So._ ”

“So,” Yanan says back, a ghost of a smile already playing on his lips.

Changgu points between them slowly. “I love you, and you love me.”

“Yes.”

“And none of this would’ve happened if we’d just told each other that from the beginning.”

“Also yes.”

“Or if I’d just kissed you that night.”

“Yes again.”

“Well… Can I kiss you now?”

Yanan finally lets himself smile, really smile, and he says, “Yes.”

So Changgu does, leaning up to meet his lips, a hand finding its way to the back of his neck to tug him down, closing the space between them. And he’s not going to lie, he’s imagined this moment for years, pictured how it would happen, whether he’d be the one to initiate it, taking Yanan by surprise, or if it would be Yanan sweeping him off his feet, leaving him breathless. He’d thought it’d be more romantic, really, on a nice date maybe, spring breeze or summer sun against their skin, and not just in the corner of their school hallway, hiding behind a wall so they won’t get caught. But still, it’s nice, because he’s kissing Yanan. After all these years, Changgu is _finally_ kissing Yanan.

It makes him burst into a smile so bright that even the sun would be put to shame, a giddy feeling bubbling up in him as he stretches up on his tiptoes to kiss the boy again and again and again, because he can now. Because he loves Yanan. Because Yanan loves him. And man, it feels good. It’s different now, he knows that. He knows that they’re never gonna go back to the way they used to be, that everything that happened will stick with them, but it’s good. It’s better.

Even though they’d both like to just continue making out and making up for a _lot_ of lost time, they have to pull apart at some point and they’re both a little out of breath by the time they do, cheeks flushed as they lean their foreheads against each other’s, grinning stupidly.

“Imagine… We could’ve been doing that for years if we’d just admitted it from the start,” Changgu mutters, sounding bitter almost, and Yanan laughs gently.

“I guess we’re both just idiots, huh?”

“Yeah, we are,” Changgu agrees, nodding against his forehead, laughing along. Then, on a more serious note, gaze flickering up to meet Yanan’s, he asks, “You think Yuto will forgive me?”

Yanan gives him a kind smile, saying, “I’m sure he will. He’s a nice kid. Mature for his age. Just talk things out with him, and he’ll understand.”

Changgu looks skeptical for a moment, wondering if just talking it out would be enough to fix things, but then he realises he’s never really properly spoken to Yuto before, never gave himself a chance to, never wanted to, and maybe Yanan’s right. Maybe he will understand.

So he stands up straight, nodding firmly, holding out a hand. “Let’s go then.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now,” Changgu says, waving his hand until Yanan takes it, a pleased smile stretching his lips when he does. “I wanna make things right as soon as I can.”

Yanan beams at him, squeezing his hand in his, sounding almost proud when he says, “Now, there’s the Changgu I know.” He leans down to steal one last kiss, too quick for Changgu to even react apart from a small gasp, and he gives him a reassuring nod. “You got this.”

Changgu forces down the butterflies in his stomach as they make their way to the cafeteria, joined hands swinging between them as they head straight for the table where the other boys are usually sat, surprised to find only Hyunggu there.

The younger gasps when he sees them, confusion flashing on his face before it’s replaced with joy, his voice bright when he says, “You two are finally okay?”

Changgu exchanges a look with Yanan, feeling their fingers intertwined, the ghost of their kisses on his lips, the ease in his heart, and he turns back to Hyunggu, smiling softly. “More than okay.”

Hyunggu seems to understand what he means, and he gives Changgu a cheeky look, saying, “See, I told you it would work out, didn’t I, hyung?”

“Yeah, you did.” He recalls their conversation in the kitchen, and ah, if only he’d just listened to Hyunggu then, this entire mess wouldn’t have even happened. But it’s too late for regrets now, and the thought of it reminds him of why he’s here in the first place. “Anyway, um, is Yuto around? I wanted to apologise for what happened.”

The name seems to upset Hyunggu, a frown twisting his mouth at the mention of it. “I don’t know actually,” is what he says, sounding a little worried, nervously tugging at his bottom lip. “He was busy this past weekend so I didn’t get a chance to see him, and he said he was coming today, but he didn’t show up for class. I thought he might’ve skipped, but he didn’t turn up at break time either, and now lunch is almost over, and he’s still not here.”

“Did you try calling him?” Yanan asks, sounding optimistic, but Hyunggu just sighs heavily, shoulders slumping.

“Called, texted, left voicemails,” the boy answers, voice laced with that babyish whine of his, cheeks puffing out. “Nothing. It’s like he just disappeared again.”

Changgu offers a small smile, reaching out to pat his head, and he says, “Maybe something came up. Just keep reaching out to him, I’m sure he’ll answer soon.”

“You know how he is, Hyunggu-ya,” Yanan quips, nudging his shoulder lightly. “He’ll come back around. He always does.”

Hyunggu straightens up, nodding, managing a half-smile. “You’re right. Thanks, hyungs. I’ll just keep trying, I guess. And when I see him, I’ll make sure to tell him you’re looking for him.” He looks at them properly now, seeing their hands and their smiles, and his own smile grows wider. “Really, though, I’m happy for you guys. We all knew you two would end up together somehow, and you finally did, huh?”

Changgu laughs at that, feeling his cheeks warm and he leans over to wrap himself around Yanan’s arm, pressing his face into his shoulder to hide his blush, but the way Yanan turns to press a small kiss to his head doesn’t help much. He feels his heart start to race again, because he can’t believe that after everything, he’s really here now with Yanan, right by his side where he was always meant to be. And all he can manage to say is, “Yeah, we finally did.”

—

Jinho looks at the keys on his desk, unmoved from where Hongseok had left them the other day, a part of him refusing to accept the fact that he’d actually left them, that he’d actually left _him._

He knows he was the one who told him to leave, the one who broke up with him in the first place, but he didn’t think Hongseok would really do it. He didn’t think he would have the heart to.

But Jinho supposes he thought wrong. He’s been wrong about a lot of things lately. He was wrong to think that Hongseok would support him through this whole thing, wrong to think he’d actually be _happy_ for him. He should’ve known better.

Half of him wants to just walk out the door, march up to the office to cancel the whole thing, and go home to get Hongseok back. Damn everything he’s worked for, right? But the better half of him knows he’d regret it, knows that he’d just spend the rest of his life wondering how things would’ve gone if he’d went through with it.

So Jinho makes up his mind, firm in his choice to do this, to go there, if not for himself, then for the people who are proud of him. His family, his teachers, his dongsaengs who look up to him so much. _Hongseok._ Hongseok would be proud of him. Hongseok should.

See, he might be wrong about a lot of things, but one thing he’s sure he’s right about is the fact that Hongseok loves him. He might be upset, or angry, or confused about where they stand with each other now, but Jinho knows that past all that, Hongseok still loves him.

And if Hongseok really loves him, then he’ll let him go.

—

Hongseok stares at Jinho’s name on his phone, no calls or messages coming through from him ever since that day, a part of him convincing himself that he was just busy, that he wouldn’t just cut off contact with him that easily.

He knows he could be the one to reach out, could just press the button and talk to him, like Hwitaek had told him to do, but he hoped that Jinho would be the one to call first, hoped that he’d fix what he broke.

But Hongseok supposes he hoped wrong. He’s been wrong about a lot of things lately. He was wrong to hope that Jinho would just have faith in their plan, their future with each other, wrong to hope that he’d actually put him, _them,_ before anything else. He should’ve known better.

Half of him wants to just walk out the door, hop on a train straight to his college, and tell Jinho to just go. Damn all the years they’ve been together, right? But the better half of him knows he’d regret it, knows he’d just spend the rest of his life wondering how things would’ve gone if Jinho stayed.

So Hongseok makes up his mind, firm in his choice to stay here, to wait, if not for himself, then for the people who believe in them. Their friends, his parents, every single person who’s ever seen them together. _Jinho._ Jinho would believe in them. Jinho should.

Because he might be wrong about a lot of things, but one thing he’s certain he’s right about is the fact that Jinho loves him. He might not see it now, too upset, too stressed to see the future they would have together, but Hongseok knows that once he sees, once he understands, Jinho will remember that he loves Hongseok.

And if Jinho really loves him, he’ll come back to him.

—

Yuto doesn’t work weekdays, because the money he makes by working weekends is more than enough to keep food in his belly and a roof over his head, the pay surprisingly good when all he has to do is fix up old engines and watch the counter once in awhile. Plus he’s got school anyway, right? But he picks up a shift that Wednesday, tired of wasting away his days doing nothing, because there’s no way he’s going back to school after what he saw. It also helps that the constant whirring and drilling that bounces off the walls of the workshop is loud enough to drown out his thoughts, his worries, and the endless ringing of his phone. See, he knows who’s calling, who’s sending him text after text after text, filling up his voicemail box, and if not for the fact that he’s made a habit of keeping his phone on for emergencies, he would’ve thrown the fucking thing at a wall ages ago.

It’s stupid, he knows, to run away from his problems like this, to ignore it and pretend it isn’t happening, but well, he’s never really been a smart one.

Yuto doesn’t want to think about it now anyway, or ever, really, pushing the thoughts out of his mind, trying to focus on the car engine in front of him, the thing looking more complicated by the second, and-

“Hey!”

Yuto’s heart jumps up his throat when he feels a pair of bony hands grip onto his shoulders from behind him, the sudden contact scaring the fuck out of him and he barely manages to choke out, “Jesus Christ!”

“Nope, it’s just me,” Hyojong chimes, quirking a shit-eating grin at Yuto as he lets go of him in favour of hopping onto the counter beside him, legs swinging.

Yuto gives him a dry look, face settling into unimpressed lines, and he shakes off the shudders that wracked his body, silently cursing the elder for giving him such a shock when he knows Yuto’s a wuss.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” he asks, turning back to his work, still trying to pick the thing apart.

Hyojong heaves a dramatic sigh, feet still kicking against the counter rather obnoxiously. “I was bored,” is all he offers, in a tone that’s equally as boring as his words.

Yuto glances over his shoulder to make a point of rolling his eyes, saying, “Yeah, because watching me work is so much fun, right?”

“At least I get to stare at your ass while you do,” Hyojong shoots back cheekily, winking at him. Then, “Don’t tell Hyunggu I said that.” He feigns a gasp, hand coming up over his mouth. “Oops! Sorry. Forgot you two were fighting.”

The look Yuto gives him then is one that’s unamused, eyes narrowed into sharp slits, and he makes a frustrated noise, turning away. “We’re not fighting,” he says. “We’re just-”

“Not speaking? Ignoring calls? Avoiding each other?” Hyojong takes his silence as proof of his words, and he hums knowingly. “You’re fighting, Yuto-ya. It’s not a big deal. It happens.”

Yuto just offers a half-hearted grunt in return, turning his back to him again and Hyojong clicks his tongue disapprovingly.

“You know I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s going on,” he says, reaching his leg out as far as it can go to nudge Yuto’s butt, earning a sharp smack on his calf, making him yelp. “Jeez, okay, asshole, I won’t help then.”

“It’s not that, hyung, it’s just-” Yuto gives up on the engine, wiping his hands off before he goes to sit next to Hyojong, settling in with a heavy sigh. “ _I_ don’t even know what’s going on.”

Hyojong slings an arm around his shoulders, a bit of a feat since the boy is taller than him, but he does it anyway, a half-assed attempt at comforting him. “Well, maybe if you actually _talked_ to Hyunggu, you’d figure it out, hmm?” he suggests. “No need to complicate shit the way you two always do, just… Talk to him.”

“Talk to him,” Yuto echoes, more to himself, really, because it’s not like he hasn’t considered it, it’s just… If he talks to Hyunggu, what is he even supposed to say? _Oh, sorry I’ve been ignoring you, I’m just a little upset because I saw you hooking up with Shinwon when I thought that we were a thing, but obviously we aren’t, and I was stupid to think that, so instead of confronting you about it, I figured I would just avoid you for the rest of my life._ Yeah, not happening.

Yuto shakes his head, letting out a small scoff as he shoots a glance at Hyojong, eyebrow arching. “No need to complicate shit, huh? Says the person who’s been hiding out in my apartment for the past week and a half to avoid Hui-hyung.”

“Hey!” Hyojong pulls away from him to give him a look, lips pursing, chin jutting out stubbornly. “That’s different. We’re adults. We’ve been in this world longer.”

“You’re 19.”

“Still 19 years more than you,” Hyojong sneers back, sticking his tongue out, then- “Wait. _Whatever._ It’s different. You’re too young to get it.” He huffs loudly, punching Yuto’s shoulder. “And don’t act like you haven’t been cooped up in there with me the past couple of days, getting emo over every single _‘Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths’_ video that you can find just to avoid Hyunggu too.”

Yuto gasps loudly, looking scandalised and he jabs a sharp finger at Hyojong’s chest. “What happens in that house, stays in that house.”

“Okay, you weeb,” Hyojong snorts, and he figures he deserves the flick on the head that he gets in return, laughing loudly at Yuto’s obvious embarrassment. His amusement falters though, a seriousness settling on his face and he sounds a touch nervous when he speaks then. “Hey, Yuto?”

“Yeah, hyung?”

“About the house,” he starts, hands starting to twist in his lap, and he looks up at the younger with a frown. “I’m really sorry for just crashing with you like that, I know I didn’t give you much of a choice, and I’ve probably overstayed my welcome.”

“What? _No._ ” Yuto shakes his head firmly, reaching out to squeeze Hyojong’s shoulder for reassurance. “Not at all, hyung. I told you, you can stay as long as you want to, as long as you need to. Don’t worry about it, okay?” He offers a smile, leaning over to nudge him a little. “Plus, it’s nice to have someone else there. At least I’m not so lonely.”

Hyojong manages a smile in return, nudging him back. “Thanks, Yuto-ya. I appreciate it a lot.” He shifts slightly, turning his body to properly look at him. “Actually, uh, there was another reason I came here today.”

“My ass isn’t enough?” Yuto jokes, and Hyojong rolls his eyes playfully.

“No, it isn’t,” he says, laughing a little, then he clears his throat, tone serious again. “Look, I know you’ve already done a lot for me, letting me stay and all that, so I hate to ask for another favour, but…”

“What is it?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could maybe get me a job,” is what Hyojong says, and Yuto’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Here? You wanna work here?”

Hyojong lifts a shoulder. “Yeah, I mean, you seem like you like it here, pay is decent, I need something to fill up my time now that I’m not in school anymore, and I’ve always wanted to learn more about this kind of stuff.” He quirks a half-smile. “And once I get some real cash, I can pay you back for letting me stay, consider it my rent or something.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to-”

“I want to,” Hyojong insists, nodding his head, sure of himself. “I have to do this.”

Yuto knows he isn’t really talking about the rent, that it’s a lot bigger than that. And he doesn’t ask what he really means by it, knows it’s not his place to, but he understands. When he found Hyojong at his apartment, saying he had nowhere else to go, he understood. When he said he was done with school, that it wasn’t the right place for him, he understood. When he refused to talk to him about Hwitaek, telling him that he wasn’t ready to deal with that yet, he understood. He doesn’t know how, he just did. So he says, “I’ll get the job for you.”

Hyojong looks up at him with hopeful eyes. “Really?”

“Really,” Yuto says with a smile, and he lets out a bright laugh when Hyojong throws himself onto him, arms going around his neck, and he hugs the elder back.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re the best, Yuto-ya!” Hyojong almost screeches in his ear, his excitement clear in the way he squeezes Yuto in his arms, shaking him left and right. “We’re gonna be work buddies, and now that the skate park is done renovating, we can finally be skate buddies like I promised, and once I save up enough money to get my own motorcycle, we can be bike buddies too!”

Yuto laughs again, nodding against his head. “We can be all of those, Hyojongie-hyung. That’s what bros are for, right?”

The word sends Hyojong into another fit, the boy gasping far too loudly, and he pulls away from Yuto to give him a look, wiping away fake tears. “You finally called us ‘bros’.”

Yuto can’t help but roll his eyes, but he takes Hyojong’s hand when it’s offered to him, gripping it firmly, and when Hyojong grins up at him, he thinks it’s nice. To have a brother. To have Hyojong as his brother. In whatever way. He could get used to it.

Hyojong lets out a relieved breath after that, looking a lot more relaxed now, and he says, “Well, that’s one thing out of the way. Now… _Hui._ ” He breathes out slowly, pushing his hair back out of habit. “I should probably talk to him soon, huh?”

Yuto nods in answer. “He’s been worried about you. He misses you.”

That makes him smile, sad, not quite reaching his eyes, and he hangs his head low. “Yeah, I miss him too.” He sucks it up, sitting upright again, and he nods his head, his smile more certain now. “Soon. I’ll talk to him soon.”

“Good,” Yuto says, but when Hyojong asks, “What about you? Are you gonna talk to Hyunggu?” Yuto’s shoulders slump forward, a frown pulling at his lips.

See, Yuto doesn’t know how to go about this. He doesn’t know what went wrong, where it went wrong even. He thought he and Hyunggu were finally on the same page, but after what he saw, it feels like they’re not even on the same damn book. He thought he finally knew Hyunggu, but now he feels like he knows nothing at all. Had Hyunggu’s anger towards Shinwon after what happened on Halloween just been an act? Or had Hyunggu been manipulated by the guy the way everyone else was? Or has he always been like this, toying with people, playing with their hearts, and Yuto was just too blind to see it?

Yuto can’t ask Hwitaek, or even Hyojong, not even Hongseok, because he knows that there’s no way they’d ever paint their darling Hyunggu as anything other than an angel, even though they might know that he’s more than capable of doing wrong. And he doubts Yanan or Changgu would know, and if they did, he doubts they’d want to get involved in his mess when they’ve got problems of their own. Jinho might be honest with him, but he doesn’t want to bother the guy with something as trivial as this, especially not when he’s only a few days away from leaving.

There’s only one person who would really know, and as much as he hates the idea of it, Yuto knows he has to deal with it someday. So he looks at Hyojong, and he asks, “Do you have Wooseok’s number?”

Hyojong’s eyebrows shoot up. “Yeah… Why?”

“Send it to me,” Yuto says, and the elder is hesitant, but he does it anyway, sensing an urgency in the boy’s tone.

Once he does, Hyojong narrows his eyes at him, saying, “What are you planning, huh? As much as I love a good fight, you know this isn’t the way to handle it.”

Yuto waves him off, a sharp ‘tsk’ coming from him. “I’m not gonna fight him. I just wanna talk to him.”

“Oh, so you’ll talk to him, but you won’t talk to Hyunggu?” Hyojong shoots back, sarcasm ringing clear, and Yuto wants to smack him.

“I just-” He breathes out through his nose, nostrils flaring. “I need to talk to him. So can you leave the apartment to me for a while today?”

“You’re kicking me out?”

“ _Hyung,_ please,” Yuto almost whines, tugging at his arm. “Just let me do this. Go hangout at the skatepark or something, that’s where you’ve been going every night anyway, right?”

Hyojong holds his gaze for a moment, as if staring him down would convince him to reconsider his plan, but Yuto isn’t budging, so he gives up, sighing loudly. “Fine, but I better not come back to find you trying to hide a dead body,” he says pointedly. “Wooseok’s annoying, but I don’t want him dead.”

“I’m not gonna kill him!” Yuto sounds exasperated, pushing himself off the counter, heading back to the car. “Now be quiet or leave, I have work to do.”

“ _I have work to do,_ ” Hyojong mimics in a stupid tone, making a face at him as he turns away, but Yuto sees it anyway, stretching out his leg behind him to trip the elder as he walks away. He lets out a loud _‘Oof!’_ when he stumbles to the ground, pulling himself up quickly and he huffs, brushing dust off his shirt. “I’m leaving. Your ass isn’t that great anyway.”

Yuto just grins at that, calling out a, “I’ll see you later!” as Hyojong leaves, only to get a, “Don’t kill Wooseok!” in return.

And he’s _not_ going to kill him. They’re just going to talk. At least, he hopes so.

—

_meet me after school. my place.  
-yuto_

Wooseok looks up at the apartment building that the address in the text led him to, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut as he makes his way inside, right up to Yuto’s front door. At least, he hopes it’s Yuto’s apartment, and not some trap for him. He wouldn’t be surprised if the guy had set him up like that. He wouldn’t be surprised that he’d be dumb enough to fall for it. And really, Wooseok doesn’t know why Yuto would want to meet him. Was it about Hyunggu? Or Halloween? Or something else entirely? He doesn’t know, but he figures it would have to happen someday, so they might as well just get it over with.

He knocks. Once. Twice. And-

“You came.” Yuto sounds surprised, looks surprised too, eyebrows raising as he pokes his head out from behind the door. “I didn’t think you would show.”

“I wasn’t going to, at first,” Wooseok says, gulping slowly. “I was scared that you were going to beat me up.” He pauses. “A-Are you?”

Yuto gives him an amused look, leaning his head against the doorframe. “If you thought I was going to beat you up, why’d you even come?”

Wooseok drops his gaze, voice dropping to a murmur when he admits, “Figured maybe I deserved it.”

There’s a beat of silence, neither of them talking, breathing, and there seems to be an unspoken understanding between them, then Yuto pulls the door open. “I’m not gonna beat you up.”

Wooseok doesn’t know why he takes his word for it, but he does, and when Yuto jerks his head to invite him in, he goes.

“Nice place,” he comments, taking a look around before he settles on one of the stools by the kitchen counter. “You live here alone?”

Yuto eyes the messy couch that’s been functioning as Hyojong’s bed, and he says, “Sort of.” He goes over to the fridge, asking, “You want a drink?”

“Water’s fine,” Wooseok says, then- “Or milk, if you have it.”

“Because you totally need to grow taller, right?” Yuto snorts back without thinking, and despite himself, Wooseok laughs, finally letting his guard down a little.

He accepts the milk with a small thanks, and then he hums, looking at Yuto. “You’re funny,” is what he says then, smiling just a bit. “I can see why Hyunggu likes you.”

Yuto stills, eyes narrowing, and as if sensing the slight tension, Wooseok is quick to shake his head, almost choking on his drink. “No, I’m not- I’m not, like, mocking you or anything. I mean it. You and him. I get that now.”

“What about _you_ and him?” Yuto counters, still skeptical about his words, cocking a pointed eyebrow at him.

Wooseok looks confused for a moment, forehead creasing. “Me and him? No, we’re- That’s over. We talked it out over the weekend, finally settled everything. We’re done. For real.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Wooseok says, and there’s nothing but honesty in his voice. “Didn’t he tell you?”

Yuto runs a tongue over his bottom lip, flashing a tight smile. “Nope,” he mutters, shaking his head. He can’t help the bitterness in his tone when he adds, “He isn’t telling me a lot of things lately.”

Wooseok winces, nose scrunching up a bit. “Ah… I noticed you weren’t in school the past few days, and Hyunggu’s been looking for you.” His eyes dart around nervously. “Is there something going on? I- I mean, you don’t have to tell me, but maybe I can help.”

“That’s kinda why I called you here,” Yuto tells him, running a tired hand over his face, breathing out heavily. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I saw Hyunggu at school the other day,” he starts, jaw already clenching, hand tightening around his glass. “He was with Shinwon.” The name seems to spark something in Wooseok, the boy sitting up straighter, curiosity in his gaze. Yuto’s eyes flicker up to meet his. “And they were… _you know._ ”

It takes a while for it to click, the boy slower than Yuto thought, but when it does, he frowns. “Hyunggu and Shinwon? Are you sure?” He sounds like he’s in denial, head shaking in disbelief. “Maybe- Maybe they were just talking.”

“They were in an empty classroom, Hyunggu was half naked and Shinwon was on his knees,” Yuto scoffs, a scowl twisting his lips. “I highly doubt they were chatting about the fucking weather, Wooseok.”

Wooseok seems to consider his words, that frown of his deepening by the second, and eventually, he just seems to accept defeat, head falling into his hands. “Hyunggu and Shinwon? Hyunggu and _Shinwon?_ How the hell did that even happen?”

Yuto gives him a clueless look, shoulders lifting, and he says, “I thought Shinwon wanted you.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Wooseok replies before he realises what he’s saying, then when he notices the look that Yuto’s giving him, his face flushes, turning away. “I mean- It’s just- He kissed me the other day. And I kinda froze because… I don’t know, I panicked! Then he pretty much just told me to fuck off.” He shudders when he remembers that whole encounter, sucking in a long breath. “But then I started thinking about it, and I thought I wanted to try and figure it out with him. That’s why I finally decided to settle things with Hyunggu for real. But now…”

Wooseok looks up at Yuto, head tilting. “Why would he do that though? Hyunggu, I mean. Aren’t you two together?”

The way Yuto fidgets uncomfortably and avoids his gaze seems to be enough of an answer for him, and Wooseok groans. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Yuto gapes at him, sounding a touch petty when he says, “It’s complicated, and _you_ didn’t make it any easier for us.”

Wooseok’s face flares in embarrassment, voice hesitant when he says, “About that… About everything, about Halloween, especially. I- I’m sorry, Yuto. I fucked up. Real bad. You didn’t deserve that. Any of it.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Yuto says, but there’s no heat behind it. In fact, a half-smile curls his lips, and he sighs. “It’s okay. I’m over it. You’re forgiven. I know you just did it for Hyunggu. I know you’d do anything for him.” His smile falters a little, eyes cast downwards. “I would too.”

It’s quiet then, that silent understanding filling up the space between them again, pressing in on them, but this time, it’s Wooseok who speaks first.

“Let me talk to Shinwon,” is what he says, trying to keep his voice optimistic, offering a small smile. “I’ll find out what’s going on between them, okay? I know you saw what you saw but… Hyunggu’s not that kind of guy.”

Yuto wants to believe him, he does, but there’s still a hint of uncertainty in his gut, something that won’t die until he knows for sure what happened that day. So he nods his head, agreeing to Wooseok’s suggestion. “Okay. If he tells you anything, you know where to find me, or call me, whatever. Just… Let me know.”

Wooseok nods in return, taking it as his cue to leave and he stands, letting Yuto walk him to the door.

“Hey, uh,” Yuto starts, before he leaves, a hand on his arm to stop him just outside the door. “Thanks. For coming. And for helping me.”

Another smile stretches Wooseok’s lips, tipping his head in another nod. “Thanks for forgiving me.” He holds out a hand. “So, we’re cool?”

Yuto takes his hand, gripping it tightly, and he matches his smile. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

“Want a hug?” Wooseok asks, already holding out his arms.

“No, not real-” Yuto starts, but he’s cut off with Wooseok’s chest smacking into his face, his arms crushing Yuto, and he doesn’t know what it is about that hug, but it’s almost like he can _feel_ Wooseok’s sincerity pouring out him, how sorry he truly is, how much he’s willing to help him, to make up for what he did. And Yuto finds himself wiggling his arms out to hug him back, awkwardly patting his back in return. Then, he stomps on his foot, shoving the boy away, saying, “Don’t ever hug me again, you punk.”

Wooseok just laughs at that, and despite himself, Yuto laughs too, just a quiet chuckle, waving his hand when Wooseok calls out a goodbye, and huh, maybe the guy isn’t so bad after all.

—

Hyunggu doesn’t know what happened.

He doesn’t know what made Yuto disappear all of a sudden, doesn’t know if it was something he did, or if it had nothing to do with him all. And he thought that they’d gotten past that, the whole running away thing whenever there’s a problem. He thought that they could talk to each other now, could trust each other enough to figure things out, _together._ Because that’s what they are, right? Together?

Sure, they’ve never actually declared it, never even discussed it, really. But Hyunggu doesn’t think they really need to. After all, with the way things are between them, after everything they’ve been through, the only thing that a proper relationship would change is the chance to actually call Yuto his boyfriend. That would be nice, then maybe he’d finally get Hwitaek off his ass about it, but really, he doesn’t mind it much. Because it’s clear to them both; Hyunggu is Yuto’s, and Yuto is his. He knows that. Yuto knows that.

So Hyunggu doesn’t know why Yuto won’t just talk to him, why he won’t come to school, won’t answer his calls, won’t even look at his texts. He’d given him a day, and another, and one more just to be sure, but when Yuto doesn’t show up again that Wednesday, on top of the fact that he’d been ‘busy’ over the weekend, worry starts to eat away at Hyunggu.

He knows he should be used to this by now, and more likely than not, Yuto would just appear again by the end of the week like he always did, like nothing ever happened. But Hyunggu can’t just wait around for that, not anymore.

So he makes his way to the boy’s apartment after school, hoping that he’s there, hoping that he’s safe, and at this point, he doesn’t think he’d even care about why he left, he just wants his Yuto back. He wants to see his face, hold his hands, hug him so tightly and never let him go, never let him disappear again. And Hyunggu feels his heart start to race, heartbeat rising with every floor that he passes, and he doesn’t know if it’s the nerves or if it’s just excitement at the thought of seeing Yuto again, but it’s making him dizzy, tired, wanting nothing more than just to fall into Yuto’s arms and stay there forever.

Except when he gets there, Hyunggu sees someone else in Yuto’s arms, someone all too familiar to him, and when he turns to leave, saying, “Bye, Yuto! I’ll call you!” Hyunggu feels like the air’s been knocked right out of him.

See, he knows this scene all too well; goodbye hugs at the door after school, promising to call soon, stupid smiles on their faces. After all, he and Yuto had their fair share of the exact same thing not too long ago, slow kisses and even slower sex, lazy afternoons spent in Yuto’s bed or his own, parting ways before anyone got any ideas. Except this time, it isn’t him and Yuto, but Yuto and _Wooseok._

And Hyunggu feels suffocated, but he manages to go around the corner and hide himself before either of them see him, waiting for Yuto to close the door and Wooseok to go down before he finds his breath again, sucking in cold air like his life depended on it.

A part of him refuses to believe it, wanting to just turn around and pretend he didn’t see anything, to keep telling himself that Yuto’s just busy, that he’ll show up soon. But a part of him wants to go right over and bang on the door, to demand Yuto to tell him what the fuck is going on. And it’s that part that get the best of him, heat already bubbling up inside him as he walks straight to his door, fist slamming against the wood so hard that it might bruise.

“What? Did you forget some-” Yuto stops short when he sees who it is, his face falling. “ _Hyunggu._ What- What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” is what he says, his tone already cutting right from the start. “To see if you were okay. But it looks like you’re fucking fantastic.”

Yuto opens his mouth to speak, but Hyunggu beats him to it, jaw tightening when he drawls out, “You know, I was trying to figure out what happened, why you were avoiding me. Thought that maybe I did something to upset you, but…” He laughs, the sound hollow, echoing in the quiet hallway. “Never thought that it’d be because you’re fucking Wooseok now.”

Yuto’s eyes seem to cloud over, his eyebrows pulling together, like he’s confused. But it fades as quickly as it came, his face settling into sharp lines, standing up straighter so that he’s towering over Hyunggu, staring him down.

“So what if I am? I didn’t think we were exclusive,” he says, his tone nonchalant, unbothered almost. Scoffing, he adds, “ _You_ obviously don’t think we are.”

Hyunggu’s lips twist into a frown, wondering what he means by that. “What are you talking about?”

That makes Yuto laugh, chilling, sending a shiver down Hyunggu’s back, and he almost takes a step back, suddenly afraid.

“Of course you’re playing dumb,” Yuto mutters under his breath, sounding bitter. He lets out another scoff, not even trying to hide the way his eyes roll back and he moves to shut the door, saying, “I don’t have time for your games anymore.”

Hyunggu shoves his foot in the space between the doorway before it closes, a sharp pain shooting up his leg when it hits him, but he bites it back, teeth gritting.

“What, so that’s it?” he asks, breath heavy, voice ragged. “You’re just gonna shut me out? You won’t even talk to me?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Hyunggu,” Yuto hisses back, a dirty scowl on his face. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want _you,_ ” Hyunggu tells him, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “That’s all I want.”

Yuto looks back at him like he doesn’t believe him, his face blank, head shaking slowly. “You say that, but…”

“But _what,_ Yuto? What did I do?” Hyunggu cries, the desperation in his voice clear, and he can already feel tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

“You should know,” is all Yuto offers, but he _doesn’t._ He doesn’t know. He hadn’t even seen Yuto in days, how could he have done something wrong? They were _fine,_ more than fine, and when Yuto can’t find a real answer for him, he begins to think that maybe it’s just an excuse. Just a reason to end things with Hyunggu so he can move on to the next guy, to Wooseok.

_I found someone. I don’t know how I missed it. It was right there._

That’s what Wooseok had said, and it makes sense, doesn’t it? Yuto was right there all along, and maybe Hyunggu had read the tension between the two all wrong. Maybe the reason Wooseok was so against the idea of him and Yuto was because he wanted Yuto all to himself. And now he’s got him.

Wooseok must’ve gotten to him sometime over the weekend, after his talk with Hyunggu. Hell, Hyunggu had _encouraged_ him. And Yuto must’ve accepted his confession, avoiding Hyunggu so that they wouldn’t have to talk about it. And God, Hyunggu doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, and he probably looks pathetic standing there, begging for him when Yuto probably wants nothing to do with him now.

So he goes, turning away from Yuto, his steps heavy, heart heavier. And it feels like an old memory, walking away from Yuto like this, feeling like he’s alone, so fucking alone. But he keeps going, because he knows when he’s not wanted anymore. He’s felt that far too many times not to know.

When Hyunggu finally makes it home, cold and numb, Hwitaek asking him what’s wrong, all he can manage is a weak, “Hyung…” before he falls into his brother’s arms, head buried into his shoulder. But it’s not the arms he wanted to hold him, it’s not Yuto’s arms, and the thought of it pushes him off the edge, finally letting himself cry, loud sobs escaping his throat, making his body shake, his insides twisting, aching.

It was clear to them both; Hyunggu was Yuto’s, and Yuto was his. He knew that. But it seems like Yuto didn’t.

And this time, Hyunggu feels his heart break all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m always on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino) if anyone ever wants to talk ♡


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first thing i want to say is: this chapter is long. like, _really_ long, it's probably double the length of the first chapter and i considered splitting it up into two separate chapters but i honestly felt like it all needed to come together so... yeah ! take your time reading, take breaks if you need to because a _lot_ happens in this chapter and i hope the length doesn't bore any of you heh
> 
> second, i know this update took pretty long and i'm gonna be honest and say it's mostly bc i got emo about the story ending and kinda just refused to look at it for a while... I'M SORRY but i had to get my shit together and finish it for you all and this chapter reaaaaally was a tough one, i rewrote so many parts, so many times, trying to get the perfect ending that everyone deserves and i probably didn't do it justice but ! it's the best i could do and i hope that it's an ending that makes you all happy!
> 
> third, you guys have all been really great readers throughout this whole thing so thank you so much for that, i'm so so grateful for all of your feedback and critique, anything and everything that made me a better writer, but a special thank you goes out to my friends who helped me so so much with this, whether it was directly towards the making of the story or the constant support, i could never thank them enough, especially [confectionary](http://archiveofourown.org/users/confectionary), [seungkwcn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/seungkwcn) and [reader_exe](http://archiveofourown.org/users/reader_exe)
> 
> fourth, i've decided to post the bonus chapters in a separate work because i don't want to keep updating here and confuse people about whether or not the story has ended so yes, if you're interested in reading the bonus chaps then please do subscribe to my account and keep an eye out for when i post them!
> 
> annnnd lastly, please enjoy this chapter!

Hwitaek stands outside the skate park, just by the fence, his face hidden under the shade of the trees, just like he has every single night this week. He stands, and he watches. Watches Hyojong ride his skateboard on his own, going back and forth on the same ramp, doing the exact same trick that he can never seem to get right. He either goes too fast, or not fast enough. Turns too quickly, misses the turn completely. Too hasty, too hesitant. And every time he falls down, every time he screams out profanity, every time he lays his back on the ground and gives up for the night, Hwitaek wants to go to him. He wants to pick him back up, hold him in his arms, tell him that it’s okay, that he can just try again.

But every night, Hwitaek just turns around and he goes home.

Not tonight, though. Tonight, when Hyojong slips for the millionth time, his board skidding away from him, his body tumbling down the concrete ramp, as he curses himself again and again, Hwitaek goes to him. Hwitaek goes to him when he crashes onto the floor, his eyes squeezed shut, chest rising and falling with his breathing. Finally, after three whole nights of watching him in silence, Hwitaek goes to him.

“Whoever the fuck you are,” Hyojong starts, his voice raw, eyes still closed. “Get out of here before I break every single bone in your body.”

“That’s kinda harsh, Hyojongie.”

Hyojong’s eyes fly open, sitting up immediately, scrambling back to look at the person standing there, and when he sees who it is, his breath catches in his throat.

“Hwitaek?” He looks up at him like he doesn’t think that he’s real, eyes blinking wide. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you,” is Hwitaek’s simple answer, clear cut, like there was no other reason for him to be here, because really, there isn’t. This has always been Hyojong’s place.

“How’d you know where I was?” Hyojong asks, eyeing him carefully, and Hwitaek almost laughs at how clueless he seems.

He gives him a loose roll of his shoulders. “Where else would you be? As soon as I heard that the skate park was open again, I knew I’d find you here.”

That makes Hyojong sit up straighter, eyebrow raising. “The park’s been open all week,” he says slowly. “What took you so long?”

“Oh, I was here,” Hwitaek tells him honestly. “I saw you. I watched you every night.” He pauses, only then realising how creepy that actually sounded. “I mean- Not like- I just- I was here.”

Hyojong bites down a smile at his fumbling, asking instead, “Why didn’t you just come then?”

“If I did, would you have wanted to talk to me?”

Hyojong opens his mouth to answer, only to realise that Hwitaek was right, the words dying on his tongue, head bowing low. He wasn’t ready to see him yet, and he doesn’t want to think about how things would’ve gone if Hwitaek had showed up any earlier. He’s here now, though, and Hyojong thinks it’s about time to deal with it already.

“You forget, Hyojong-ah,” Hwitaek almost sighs, his voice gentle as he sits down in front of him, legs crossed, their knees touching. “I know you better than I know myself.”

Hyojong looks up just enough to give him a small smile, before he casts his gaze downwards again, his hand absentmindedly tugging at a loose thread on Hwitaek’s jeans, the closest thing he’s gotten to any contact with the boy for what feels like years.

“I broke my promise,” is what Hwitaek says, and the words seem to make something in Hyojong tick, his head lifting so quick that he might’ve gotten whiplash. He all but pounces on Hwitaek, tackling him to the ground, his hands grabbing at his face a little too roughly, checking his eyes, his mouth, his own breathing growing short.

“What did you take?” he asks, a panic in his tone, in his eyes, as he pulls Hwitaek back up, still turning his face this way and that. “What the fuck did you take, Hwitaek?”

Hwitaek looks back at him with confusion, a little spooked from the sudden attack, and he doesn’t understand what Hyojong’s talking about, until-

“Oh.” He lets out a weak laugh, his head shaking as he realises what he meant. “No, I- Not that promise, Hyojong. You know I’d never.”

“No?”

“No,” he says again, nodding to show he means it, and Hyojong’s body goes slack with relief, his hands falling away from Hwitaek.

“What then?”

Hwitaek’s face scrunches up, his voice hesitant when he admits, “I went to your house.” Before Hyojong can say anything, he says, “I know you told me not to. I know I promised I wouldn’t. But you were gone for so long, I- I didn’t know where else to look, and I-”

Hyojong tilts his head, gesturing at him to continue.

“Well, I-” His face starts to burn when he remembers the whole incident, sounding embarrassed when he blurts out, “I kinda punched your dad.”

“You _what?_ ”

“No, listen, okay, he- he was talking shit about you, and I don’t know what happened, I- I was just upset and angry, and the next thing I know, I’m punching him right smack in the face!”

Hyojong looks at him in disbelief, like he can’t even begin to imagine Hwitaek punching someone, let alone someone like his father. He gulps, saying, “I thought you didn’t like fighting.”

Hwitaek offers a shaky smile, reaching out to poke Hyojong’s shoulder and he says, “Yeah, but I like you.”

That’s all it takes and Hyojong’s falling forward to hug him, his arms going around his neck, and Hwitaek hugs him back, pulling him into his lap, their heads tucked closely together. And God, it feels good, it feels _right._ Almost two weeks of being apart, of being on his own, being empty, Hwitaek finally feels like he’s complete again.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, just clinging onto each other, breathing each other in, but they have to pull apart eventually, and he doesn’t say anything about it, but he thinks he sees Hyojong wipe away stray tears when they do.

“I like you too, dummy,” Hyojong mumbles back shyly, shoving Hwitaek’s shoulder lightly, and it makes him smile.

“I know you do,” he says, catching Hyojong’s hand in his own, holding it tightly. And as much as he’d like to just sit there and hold his boyfriend’s hand for the rest of their lives, there are still things they need to talk about.

“What happened, Hyojong?” Hwitaek asks carefully. “Why’d you just disappear? Your dad said you came back the night of the party, took your things and left.”

“Of course he’d say that,” Hyojong mutters under his breath, a bitter tone in his voice. His gaze flickers up to meet Hwitaek’s, a tired sigh falling from his lips. “He called me home. He heard about the arrest at the party and he was worried I got caught. I mean, he wasn’t worried about _me,_ he was just worried I’d rat him out to the cops.” He lets out a dark laugh, his grip on Hwitaek’s hand tightening without him meaning to. “I told him I wanted out, that I didn’t wanna help him deal anymore. So he pulled me out of school, called the office right there and then. He said there was no point of me going if I wasn’t gonna sell anything, and that he wouldn’t waste any more of his ‘hard-earned’ money on it.”

“Hyojong…”

“That was whatever,” Hyojong continues, waving it off. “I always wanted to leave, and there was no way I was gonna graduate with my grades anyway. But then he kicked me out. He just told me to pack my shit and go. Told me I had no place in the house anymore if I wasn’t gonna help. So I went.”

Hwitaek feels something twist in his gut at the thought of Hyojong being thrown out of his own home in the middle of the night, cast out like he was some kind of stranger. Sure, it was a terrible place, but it was still his home, still his family.

He smiles, sad, squeezing Hyojong’s hand in an attempt at comfort. “Where’d you go after that?” he asks, voice tinted with concern. “Please don’t tell me you’ve been out on the streets for the past two weeks.”

“No!” Hyojong is quick to say, not wanting Hwitaek to worry about him for no reason. “No, I- I’ve been staying with Yuto.”

Hwitaek’s eyebrows shoot up at that, obviously surprised, and Hyojong offers an apologetic look.

“Don’t be mad at him,” he says. “I made him swear on his life not to tell anyone. Not even Hyunggu.”

Hwitaek shakes his head, a grateful smile on his lips when he says, “No, of course not. That was nice of him. He’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyojong says, a fond look crossing his face when he thinks of the younger. The brother he never had. The brother he has now.

“What are you gonna do now?” Hwitaek asks, and that’s the question, isn’t it?

Hyojong hums thoughtfully, his fingers curling and uncurling around Hwitaek’s nervously as he thinks about his next move. He’s got some of it figured out, but there’s something he still isn’t too sure about. Something only Hwitaek can help him with.

“Well, now that I’m out of school, Yuto hooked me up with a job at the workshop. I start on Monday,” he tells Hwitaek, sounding a little proud, bouncing excitedly from where he’s sitting. His bright expression falters slightly though. “And he said I can stay with him as long as I need to, but I think I’ve troubled him enough, and…”

When Hyojong looks up at Hwitaek with nervous eyes, the latter smiles, his free hand coming up to Hyojong’s cheek, pinching him just barely.

“Hyojongie… If this is your way of asking if you can move in,” Hwitaek starts with a small sigh, his smile growing even more, eyes turning into crescents. “You know I’ll say yes.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he says, his laugh soft, pinching his cheek again, making the boy blush. “You practically live there already anyway.” Then, more hesitant this time, he asks, “Why didn’t you just come to me in the first place?”

That makes Hyojong look away, something unreadable on his face, a mix between guilt and shame. His voice is small, quiet when he admits, “I was embarrassed. I- I already had nothing before, and now I’ve got less than nothing. I just-” He lifts his head, holding Hwitaek’s gaze, a frown pulling at his face. “You know, _you,_ you’re going places, Hwitaek. You’re gonna get into a great college, make something of yourself. And I’m just- I’m gonna be stuck here.”

“And that’s fine with me! School, learning, all that was never really for me anyway. I don’t mind it.” He swallows thickly, taking both of Hwitaek’s hands in his now, shaking slightly. “But I don’t know. I guess I was just scared you’d be disappointed in me.”

Hwitaek’s lips part, like he wants to say something, but Hyojong beats him to it.

“You’ll say you’re not disappointed, I know, but if I came to you that night, telling you that I dropped out of school, that I got kicked out of my house,” Hyojong says, voice knowing. “Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t have called up the school right away and made a huge fuss to get me back in, that you wouldn’t have marched right up to my dad and demand him to let me come home?”

It takes a moment, but Hwitaek breaks their gaze, turning away, and his voice is so quiet that Hyojong almost doesn’t hear it at first, but he says, “No. I can’t.”

Hyojong sighs, just like Hwitaek had, and just like him, he says, “You forget, Hwitaek-ah. I know you better than I know myself.”

That gets a smile out of Hwitaek, Hyojong too, and he lets out a long sigh, like all the worries that had built up in him for the past two weeks just flowed right out of him. He lies down, his back flat on the cool concrete, Hyojong following suit, his head resting on Hwitaek’s arm like it belonged there.

“I don’t get why he pulled you out of school, though,” Hwitaek comments suddenly, looking up at the empty sky. “We’re almost finished anyway.”

“That was the deal, remember?” Hyojong’s voice is barely a murmur, sounding distant almost as he shuffles closer to Hwitaek. “If I wanted him to pay for me to go to school, then I had to sell his shit to earn back the cost.”

Hwitaek hums, remembering the time Hyojong had first explained it to him, why he did what he did. But Hwitaek always wondered why he wanted to go to school that badly, so much so that he’d be willing to deal drugs just to go. He’d never been brave enough to ask, but he thinks that if he doesn’t ask now, it’ll eat him alive.

“Why?” he starts, turning his head towards Hyojong, eyebrows raised in question. “Why’d you even wanna go to school? You said it yourself, it isn’t for you. So, why?”

Hyojong is still looking up, like he’s counting stars, except there aren’t any tonight. He smiles, more to himself, really, and he answers, “Because you were there.”

Hwitaek’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. “ _Me?_ But… You were already dealing before we met.”

Hyojong finally turns to face him, that smile still on his face, a glint in his eyes that Hwitaek can’t quite figure out, and _oh._

“You knew me? Before we met?”

That pulls a laugh out of the boy, loud and full, his head shaking. “ _Knew_ you? Hui, I had a crush on you.” When he’s met with a face of disbelief, he almost rolls his eyes, huffing out a breath. “Remember that one year… Our second year of middle school, I think. You got a really shitty drawing of you and some cheap chocolate from a secret Valentine?”

Hwitaek shoots up, his hands clapping over his mouth to stifle his gasp as he recalls the event. “No…”

“Yep,” he says, popping the ‘p’, seeming almost smug.

Hwitaek’s mouth hangs open, still finding it hard to believe that Hyojong had not only knew him, but had already _liked_ him two years before they actually met, maybe even longer than that. He frowns, asking, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Hyojong gives him a lazy shrug, a hint of teasing in his tone when he says, “I thought you might’ve figured it out on your own over time, but I guess you’re not as smart as you’re made out to be.”

“Hey!” Hwitaek retorts when he realises Hyojong’s making fun of him, and it just makes the latter laugh even more, rolling away when Hwitaek tries to kick him.

“I mean, come on, Hwitaek,” he says then, sitting upright as well, hugging his knees to his chest. “You’re _you._ You’re nice and smart and handsome and funny and everyone loves you! Teachers, parents, kids at school, even dogs follow you around like you’re their ring leader or something. And _me?_ I’m just some fucking punk from the wrong side of town who couldn’t even afford some fancy chocolate for his Valentine.”

Hwitaek looks at him, trying to understand why Hyojong had always put him up on a pedestal, why he’d always put himself so low in comparison. Sure, Hyojong wasn’t Hwitaek, not at all, but he was _Hyojong._ That’s what matters. He had a kind heart that only the people he cared for most got to see, he knew of things that were beyond books, he was more beautiful than anyone Hwitaek had ever laid eyes on, and he had a sense of humour that could make him laugh so hard that he’d cry. He was the only one who could ever make Hwitaek laugh and cry.

And even if everyone doesn’t love Hyojong the way they love Hwitaek, even if Hyojong doesn’t love himself sometimes, Hwitaek still loves Hyojong. He’ll love him enough for the both of them.

So he shuffles forward onto his knees, kneeling before Hyojong, and he says, “Well, you’re still _you,_ and I love you.”

Then he kisses him, catching his parted lips so suddenly that Hyojong would’ve fallen back if not for Hwitaek’s arm circling his neck, his other hand firm on his back. Hyojong makes space for Hwitaek on his lap, letting him straddle his legs, his own arms wrapping around Hwitaek’s middle. His head tilts up to meet Hwitaek’s lips again and again and again, as if it’s been a lifetime since they kissed and not just two weeks.

“I love you too,” Hyojong tells him when they finally stop to catch their breaths, his hands sliding up to rest on either side of Hwitaek’s face, thumbs running over the high arches of his cheekbones. “I’m sorry I gave you bad chocolate.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t get to eat it anyway,” Hwitaek admits, laughing a little. “Hyunggu took it from me before I could.”

The mention of the boy reminds Hyojong of Yuto and how he’d been even more closed off since yesterday, as if things had taken a turn for the worse, and he asks, “How is he?”

Hwitaek blows out through his lips, head shaking. “Not good. He came back yesterday crying his eyes out, and he’s been locked in his room ever since. Won’t talk to me at all.” He quirks a tight smile. “Any luck with Yuto?”

Hyojong shakes his head no. “Won’t say a word to me about it either. Stubborn ass kids. Should we make them talk?”

“No,” Hwitaek sighs, thinking about how forcing them to meet would probably just make things even more complicated. “Just let them work it out on their own, in their own time. They always do.” He nudges his nose against Hyojong’s. “We did.”

Hyojong smiles, kissing him once more, just a gentle peck. “Yeah, we did.”

Hwitaek stands, stretching out his body, and he holds out a hand for Hyojong to take. “Come on, Hyojongie. Let’s go home.”

Hyojong grabs onto his hand, letting himself be pulled up and he lets go in favour of clinging onto Hwitaek’s side, burying his face into his shoulder, his heart finally content.

“Let’s go home.”

—

Wooseok paces outside the door of Shinwon’s makeshift studio for what seems like an entire century, his hands growing sweaty as he clenches and unclenches them nervously, his mouth going dry with the way he heaves out shaky breaths.

He doesn’t know why he’s so anxious to speak to him, it’s just Shinwon, for God’s sake, and he’s been meaning to talk to him since he’d come to the realisation that he might have feelings for the elder. But now that he’s actually here, only a door separating them, he feels like he might throw up.

See, he’d had the whole thing rehearsed, how he’d apologise for being such an ass, how he’d admit that he was feeling things for him as well, how he’d ask him for a chance to figure things out together. But all of that was thrown right out the window after his little meetup with Yuto, the boy spilling what he’d seen between Shinwon and Hyunggu. And Wooseok didn’t want to believe him, he really didn’t, but until he knows for sure, he’s not taking any chances. He’s had enough of being played with.

So he lets out a sharp breath, shaking his fists out, squaring up, and he tells himself, “You got this, Wooseok-ah.”

The momentum lasts about a second, confidence surging as he bursts his way into the room, ready to give Shinwon a piece of his mind, until Shinwon looks up at him from where he’s working on an outfit on one of his mannequins; measuring tape falling around his shoulders neatly, pen between his fingers like it belonged there, glasses perched on his nose, making him look oddly sexy, and _fuck._

“H-Hey, Shinwon-hyung,” Wooseok almost whimpers out, trying not to sound so pathetic — _trying_ being the keyword — and it’s obviously not working because Shinwon gives him a sharp look in return.

“What do you want now?” Shinwon asks, his voice tight, his stance rigid, like he’s forcing himself to stay calm, civil, like if a single screw in him got loose, Wooseok wouldn’t ever see the light of day again.

Wooseok gulps thickly, hands beginning to fidget again, and if it were up to him, he’d just turn around and go hide in a bathroom or something, but he owes it to Yuto, to himself, to do this, to find out what’s really the deal here. So he stands his ground, leaning onto a table for support, and he says, “I just have a question for you.”

Shinwon almost rolls his eyes, like he can’t believe his time is being wasted with this nonsense, but as though he wants to just get it over with, he gives Wooseok a small jerk of his chin to tell him to continue.

And Wooseok does, asking, “What’s going on with you and Hyunggu?”

“Excuse me-”

“I know he was in here with you the other day,” Wooseok blurts out before Shinwon can argue, and he really fucking hopes that Yuto wasn’t lying about it, or else he’d look pretty dumb right now. “Without his clothes on.”

Shinwon’s jaw seems to go slack, letting his eyes roll back now, not even bothering to hide it in the slightest. Then he focuses his steely gaze on Wooseok, twirling that pen between his fingers dangerously, almost like he’s threatening to throw it right at Wooseok’s face, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t take a step back.

“Am I not allowed to measure my models?” is what Shinwon says then, his voice growing harsher now, the sound matching the dirty scowl that warps his lips. “Is everything I do wrong to you, hm, Wooseok?”

“M-Measure? Model?”

Shinwon lets out an exasperated breath, shaking his head lowly. “Hyunggu’s modelling for me. That’s it.”

“That’s it,” Wooseok echoes quietly, eyes going wide as he takes it in, and _shit,_ he feels like an idiot. Yuto is an idiot. They’re _both_ idiots, and-

“You don’t have to worry,” Shinwon adds, voice softer than before, sounding sad almost. And when Wooseok glances up at him, he doesn’t look angry anymore. Really, he just looks tired. So, so tired. He cracks a weak smile. “I’m not going to take him from you.”

That makes Wooseok’s body go still, slightly confused about what he means by that, then-

“No,” he says, head shaking, wheezing out an awkward laugh. “No, hyung, I wasn’t- Not _him-_ I was just- _You-_ I- I mean-”

“ _What,_ Wooseok?”

And he can’t find the words for it now, his own voice failing him, coming out in sputters as he tries to explain that it wasn’t Hyunggu he was worried about. But he can’t do it, so he does the only thing he can do.

He kisses Shinwon, all but launching himself at the elder, catching his face in his hands as he presses their lips together, slotting easily against each other’s like they’d done it a million times. Except they haven’t, and their only two kisses before this had been disastrous, if he’s being honest, but maybe third time’s the charm. He hopes it is.

Because now that he’s kissing Shinwon again, all the things he didn’t let himself feel the first two times comes rushing into him, almost bursting inside his guts, spreading like flames under his skin. And it’s a little overwhelming, his head feeling light, body even lighter, like he’s floating and the only thing that’s keeping him on the ground is Shinwon’s hands on him, finding their way to his waist, pressing into him just enough to know that he’s there, that he’s real.

When Wooseok takes a step back, heart fluttering in his ribcage, the ghost of their kiss on his lips, he smiles. And he thinks to himself, _this is what it feels like to be wanted._

And he wants it. He wants to be wanted. He wants to be wanted by Shinwon, and when Shinwon looks at him, fingers brushing against his mouth, it finally clicks.

“ _Oh,_ ” he says, small, innocent, and Wooseok thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever heard.

He feels a grin stretch across his face before he can help it, too giddy for his own good, and as much as he wants to stay here, he says, “Look, I gotta go do something, but we- we’ll talk about this later. I promise.”

“But-”

“I’ll see you at the show tonight!” Wooseok calls out before Shinwon can say anything else, backing out of the room before he can change his mind, still beaming at him, and he might’ve imagined it, but he thinks he sees Shinwon smile back.

—

“The fashion show!”

That’s the first thing Wooseok says when Yuto lets him in, the boy barging into his house in such a haste that he just barely misses banging his head on the top of the doorframe.

“What fashion show?” Yuto asks, wondering what the fuck he’s going on about.

He really isn’t up for this right now, the whole fight with Hyunggu the other day putting him in a sour mood, and he doesn’t even have Hyojong babbling about random animal facts to distract him from it anymore now that the elder has finally decided to go home to his boyfriend. Yuto’s happy for them, he is, but it makes him feel an awful lot lonelier, and Wooseok’s bullshit isn’t making it any better.

“The annual fashion show!” Wooseok says again, as if that was supposed to mean anything.

When Yuto stares at him blankly, he lets out a frustrated groan. “You know, the one they have every year-”

“I know what annual means, dumbass,” Yuto snaps, this close to just smacking the guy on the head. “But what fashion show?”

It only seems to hit him then that Yuto is still new to town, for all intents and purposes, so there really was no way that he’d know about it, unless Hyunggu talked to him about it, which is highly unlikely given their current standing, and Wooseok flashes a sheepish grin.

“Sorry,” he coughs out. “It’s just this thing that our school does at the end of every year, and this year, Shinwon’s one of the designers.”

“Okay,” Yuto says slowly, still not quite getting the point here. “What does this have to do with me?”

“It has everything to do with you, Yuto-ya,” Wooseok drawls out, a sickly sweet tone to his voice that Yuto can only read as mockery. “Because what you saw that day wasn’t Shinwon and Hyunggu hooking up, but Shinwon measuring Hyunggu to fit his designs.”

Yuto’s still lost, eyes blinking emptily, and Wooseok grumbles unintelligible things under his breath, something along the lines of, “God, do I have to spell it out for you, you fool?”

Wooseok smacks his hands onto the sides of Yuto’s face, making him jolt slightly, his body on full alert now and Wooseok’s words are clear cut when he tells him, “Hyunggu is modelling for Shinwon. That’s all it is.”

“Modelling?”

“Modelling,” Wooseok confirms, nodding firmly, squeezing Yuto’s face once more as if that would somehow help him absorb the information, and-

“ _Fuck,_ ” is all Yuto can say, because he can’t believe that he’d been stupid enough to be fooled like that, that he had overreacted over nothing at all.

Wooseok finds the situation awfully comical, snorting from where he’s watching Yuto have a meltdown, and really, he’d find it funny too if not for the fact that the misunderstanding had led to something even worse.

And when Yuto says, “He thinks I’m sleeping with you,” the stupid grin is wiped right off of Wooseok’s face.

“ _What?_ ”

Yuto buries his head in his hands, trying to hide his embarrassment, but it doesn’t work, his burning face still very much visible. “ _Hyunggu,_ ” he says, peeking out at Wooseok through his fingers. “He thinks I’m sleeping with you.”

Wooseok gapes at him, fishmouthing helplessly as he tries to understand what Yuto’s telling him, pointing between them. “You and me? _You_ and _me?_ Wh- Why would he-”

“He saw you here the other day,” Yuto explains, sounding more and more distressed by the second, hands almost yanking his own hair out. “Accused me of hooking up with you, and I- I didn’t say _yes,_ but I didn’t exactly say no either and- and-”

“You’re an idiot,” is what Wooseok says, as if he needed to be reminded.

“I know.”

“You are a fucking _idiot._ ”

“I _know!_ ” Yuto yells back, and he knows he’s in the wrong here, but he can’t help but scream, and Wooseok screaming back at him doesn’t help much, but they do it anyway, going back and forth, throats going raw.

“Shit, Yuto, why would you-”

“I don’t know! I was just- I was _upset-_ ”

“More like you were being overdramatic-”

“Over-” He scoffs, shoving him by the shoulders a little too roughly. “You know what, fuck you-”

“Go ahead!” Wooseok hisses back, pushing him right back. “Hyunggu already thinks you’re doing it!”

Yuto gasps at that, looking hurt almost, and Wooseok winces, as if only just realising how that sounded, and he holds up his hands in surrender, stepping back. “Sorry, just-” He breathes out slowly, realising that there was no point in fighting each other, not wanting to ruin their newfound friendship so soon. “Just… chill, okay? It’s done. It’s whatever. Let it go.”

Yuto gives him a numb nod, matching his calm breathing, the fire in him subsiding, and when Wooseok pulls him in by the shoulders, he just lets him, too tired to even fight back, body going slump against the taller’s.

And Wooseok knows Yuto probably doesn’t want to hear this right now, but he has to be the one to ask, “What are you gonna do, Yuto?”

What _is_ he going to do? How is he going to explain himself to Hyunggu? How ridiculous would he sound if he tells him what he thought he’d seen? How can he even look him in the eye after what he’d done to him? Really, all of this is giving him a fucking headache, and all he wants to do right now is hide under the covers for the rest of his life so he doesn’t have to deal with anything. But then he thinks of Hyunggu, his Hyunggu, who must be hurting because of him, who he might have lost for good, and he knows he can’t hide anymore. Not this time.

So Yuto breathes in. Breathes out. And he asks, “When’s the fashion show?”

—

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

Hyunggu manages a thin smile, trying to stay as still as he can while his brother fixes his hair, tucking a loose strand behind his ear, hand falling to his shoulder to rest there.

“Yes, I do,” Hyunggu tells him, but he knows the only person he’s trying to convince is himself. “I promised Shinwon-hyung that I’d help him.”

“Yeah, but-” Hwitaek sighs, concern etched onto his face, as if it was him who was about to go on the runway. “You’ve been so down lately, Hyunggu-ya. I don’t want you to force yourself to put on a show when you’re not completely up for it. I know you hate doing that.”

He’s right. Hyunggu does hate it. He hates feeling like he’s faking it. He hates feeling like he’s doing something he doesn’t enjoy. But most of all, he hates the feeling he gets after, like he wasn’t good enough, like he could’ve done better, like he shouldn’t have done it at all.

“I’m sure Shinwon will understand if you back out,” Hwitaek says, and Hyunggu knows his brother is just looking out for him, knows that it’d probably be better for him to sit this one out, but he can’t do that to Shinwon. Not when he knows how important this is to him.

He reaches up to squeeze Hwitaek’s hand, sounding sure of himself when he says, “I have to do this.”

Hwitaek looks reluctant to let him go, but he knows he couldn’t convince Hyunggu otherwise even if he tried, so he tugs him forward, wrapping his arms around him in a hug that’s so familiar to them it almost feels like nothing at all.

“I’m proud of you,” Hwitaek mumbles into his shoulder, nothing but sincerity in his voice. “I always am. You know that, right?”

Hyunggu blinks back the tears that are threatening to fall from his eyes, knowing that both Shinwon and Chungha would kill him if he messed up his makeup right now. He buries his face into the crook of his neck, hugging him tighter, saying, “I know, hyung.”

Hwitaek gives him a watery smile when he pulls away, hands coming up to cup his face, and before he starts crying too, he says, “Hyojong and I will be right there in the front row, okay?”

All Hyunggu can do is nod, leaning into his touch before he watches him disappear behind the curtains, leaving him on his own again.

He’s been on his own a lot these past couple of days, only leaving his room once to say hello to Hyojong when he came home, once more to come here today, and he supposes he has no one to blame but himself. He’d refused to let his brother in, the other hyungs too, he’d cut off contact with his best friend, the one who’d gone behind his back to take what was supposedly his, and then _Yuto._ He doesn’t even know where to begin with him. He’d spent days worrying about the guy, wondering where he’d gone, whether he was alright, only to get a smack in the face in return. At first he’d almost lost his mind trying to figure out what went wrong, where it went wrong, but then he realised that nothing went wrong at all. It had just always been wrong, right from the start.

They were all right, and he was wrong. He was wrong to think that his relationship with Yuto could’ve ever ended up well. He was wrong to think that it was a relationship at all. After all, it was just sex, wasn’t it? That’s all it was, and even if it became more as they went along, there must’ve been a reason why they never let themselves become something real. Somehow, they must’ve both known that it was never meant to be anything more than what it was.

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

It’s working, for the most part, the naïve part of him already convinced that he hadn’t really cared for Yuto that much at all, that it was all just physical, just their bodies craving to be touched. The part of him that somehow managed to come to the conclusion that he was better off without Yuto, that he didn’t need him anymore. The part of him that managed to pull him out of bed today, that let himself be dressed and dolled up, that’s about to walk the runway in front of hundreds of people. The part of him that’s keeping himself from falling apart at the seams.

Hyunggu is pulled away from his thoughts when he hears Shinwon call for him, his skilled hands skimming over Hyunggu’s body to make sure everything is set, his outfit, his hair, his makeup, a pleased grin plastered on his face once he’s satisfied.

“You remember the drill, right?” Shinwon asks him, his voice half nervous, half excited. “You’ll walk with this outfit first, then you come back and change twice, then with the final outfit, you’ll do your dance solo and end the show.”

“We’ve rehearsed it a thousand times today, hyung,” Hyunggu assures him, nodding his head. “I got it. Don’t worry.”

Shinwon checks over him again just to be sure, leading him to the back of the stage, hands clinging onto his. Before he sends Hyunggu over to join the other models in the lineup, he gives him a look, one that he can’t quite read, but before he can try to decipher it, the elder says, “Thank you, Hyunggu. Really.”

Hyunggu feels himself smile, a proper one this time, and he says, “You’re welcome, Shinwon-hyung.”

The music begins to play, signalling the start of the show so Hyunggu hurries over to his spot, exchanging quick greetings with the other models, all of them wishing each other luck. He waits patiently behind the curtains as the others walk the runway, a makeshift walkway with a small stage at the end, built in their gymnasium for the sole purpose of the fashion show tonight, the hall decked out in fancy decor, glittering lights to brighten up the classic black furnishings, some of which he’s sure had to have come from Shinwon himself.

He runs a hand over his outfit one last time to smoothen it out, feeling the soft fabric under his palm, the clothes fitting him just right, still amazed at how quickly Shinwon had altered the designs for him, how beautiful and careful his work was, not even a single thread out of place. And Hyunggu knows he has to do this right. He has to.

And he will. He can. Just walk, walk, walk. Pose. Turn. Walk back. And most importantly, try not to fall on his fucking face. He’s got this.

Hyunggu’s turn comes up, the spotlights switching, washing the stage in a pretty violet, a colour he’d chosen himself when they were running the rehearsals. He breathes in, then he goes. He walks, walks, walks; his steps sharp, toes pointed. Pose; pushing back the coat just enough to show off the detailing of the shirt underneath, his stance confident. Turn; spinning on his heel, smooth, balanced. Walk back; hearing the clicks of cameras around him, bulbs flashing. And when he makes it back to the other side of the curtains without falling on his face, he breathes out.

It goes well enough, changing in and out of his other outfits so quickly that he doesn’t even realise it until he’s out on the stage again, walking down the same runway, striking different poses each time. He catches a glimpse of Hwitaek and Hyojong, even Hongseok, in the front row where they said they’d be, and it puts a sense of ease in his heart, knowing that they’re there. He even sees Changgu and Yanan at one point, though they seem to be far more interested in each other than the show, but he can’t blame them. It’s cute, really. Jinho wanted to be here, wanted to support his favourite dongsaeng, but he’s flying off to Japan later tonight, and he’d been very clear about going on his own, knowing that if the others came along with him to the airport, they’d probably end up trying to stop the plane from taking him away from them. So they had all said their goodbyes in advance, on their own time, and after a million hugs and a million more tears, Jinho wished him well, hoped that things would work out for him, though Hyunggu had a feeling he was talking about more than just the fashion show.

It’s only once he’s in his final outfit of the night that the anxiety begins to hit him. It’s his personal favourite out of all of Shinwon’s designs, a plain black shirt under a perfectly trimmed suit made of a dark floral print that seems to compliment his fair skin. It’s pretty and it’s surprisingly comfortable, letting him move his body with ease, something that’s definitely a plus side since he’s performing in this outfit. So it helps a bit, being dressed in something that makes him feel good, but there’s only so much it can do.

Hyunggu still feels like his nerves are about to eat him alive when he’s standing at the edge of the curtains, just one step away from being basked in the spotlights again, Shinwon giving him endless words of encouragement. He nods along to the elder’s words, flashing a smile as best as he can, trying to ease the churning in his guts. He has no idea why he’s so nervous, it’s not like he’s never performed in front of this many people before, but he supposes there’s that added pressure from knowing that this could make or break his friend’s future. And he knows he has to make it.

So when the lights go down, music echoing off the walls of the hall, a familiar beat thrumming under his skin as he makes his way towards the end of the stage, Hyunggu reminds himself why he dances. He reminds himself what it feels like to have electric in his veins and fire in his heart. He reminds himself what it feels like to be _alive._ Only dancing has ever made him feel like that. Dancing and-

_Him._

Hyunggu sees him among the crowd when the lights start burning bright, someone now all too familiar to him in a sea of faceless people, his eyes only finding him. _Yuto._ His Yuto.

His breath hitches, catching in his throat, his body going icy, numb, frozen right where he’s standing. He can hear the cue for his dance, a beat drop in the song that’s supposed to mark the start of his routine, the numbers already ticking off in his head, but he can’t fucking move.

_One._

Shinwon yells at him from backstage, telling him to start, to move, to do _something._

_Two._

The hyungs exchange worried looks between themselves, as if wondering what’s wrong.

_Three._

Yuto mouths to him, “Dance for me.”

So Hyunggu dances, his brain finally connecting to his body, an energy, a spark surging through him when he takes that first step, easily slipping into the routine. It’s one that he’s practiced over and over, so many times that he could do it blindfolded, in his sleep even, his limbs already knowing exactly where to go, how to move. His movements are graceful but strong, careful but free in a way that it seems like he’s almost floating across the stage, twisting and turning and curving like he was made of nothing but air. And he knows they’re all watching, he feels their eyes on him, hears them cheering his name, but right then, it seems like it’s just him. Just him and Yuto.

Yuto’s gaze never leaves him, following his every move from one end of the stage to the other, catching his eye every now and again, and it sends a shiver down his spine every time, his knees threatening to give out right under him.

Hyunggu doesn’t know how Yuto does that to him, how he always makes him feel so weak, how he always pulls him back in so easily. And God, the fucking nerve of the guy, just showing up here like this, like he’d done nothing wrong, like he knows that all it’ll take is one look and Hyunggu would come crawling back to him in half a heartbeat. He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, not after what Yuto did to him, but he can’t help but want nothing more than to run off the stage right then, back into his arms, back to where he should’ve been all along.

The song ends, Hyunggu falls to his knees, lungs pulling in hot air, skin dotting with sweat, and Yuto smirks. That same fucking smirk.

And right then, it feels like he’s back at that assembly, the first time they’d seen each other, and he wonders if he would’ve done it all differently if he knew then what he knows now. He wonders if he would’ve looked at Yuto like that, if he would’ve spoken to him at that party, if he would’ve taken that ride home, kissed him in that bathroom, gone to that movie, gave him everything and anything he had.

Hyunggu wonders, wonders, wonders, and when he’s pulled back to reality, looking back at the crowd, just like that first day, Yuto is gone.

—

Shinwon had been holding his breath from the moment Hyunggu froze on stage, all the way till he finished his dance, only gasping out in relief once the audience erupted in applause, including the scouts that he had invited. He’d been worried throughout the entire show, almost biting his fingernails down to the bud, but from the pleased smiles on their faces every time one of his models walked, he thinks he’s got a pretty good chance at getting into that school.

He goes around giving thanks and accepting praise from the models, the crew, anyone and everyone who had a hand in making tonight happen, a wide grin on his face the entire time. It’s different from when he’s circling the crowds at his parties, phony smiles and empty words. Here, he feels real. He likes feeling real.

There was one person who could make Shinwon feel like that, no matter how hard he tried not to. He’d thought that he was over it, that he was over him, and it was bittersweet, knowing that he could never really have him, but knowing that if he could feel it once, then he could feel it again.

Then, he felt it again.

He felt it when Wooseok kissed him again earlier today, the same things he felt the first time they kissed, dizzy, drunk. He felt like he was dreaming. Maybe he was. Maybe he’d imagined the whole thing, just a fantasy played out by his own mind in an attempt to try and make him feel a little less miserable.

And maybe he’s dreaming right now too, because he sees Wooseok standing there in front of him, dressed up nicely, a bouquet of pretty flowers in his hand, an even prettier smile on his lips.

“Congratulations,” Wooseok says, and he even sounds like he’s too good to be real, his voice a perfect balance between rough and soft, like burnt honey. Shinwon wants to drown in it.

“The show was amazing,” he continues, taking slow steps towards Shinwon, the space between them disappearing inch by inch, until Wooseok is standing right by him, Shinwon’s head tilting back to look up at him. “Your designs were the best, by far.”

Wooseok holds out the bouquet, offering it to him, and Shinwon glances between the flowers and the boy, sounding embarrassingly breathless when he asks, “For me?”

“For you,” he nods, that perfect smile still on his face, and Shinwon can’t help but reach out to poke his cheek, just to be sure that he’s real, and he _is._ He pulls back his hand a little too quickly, the tips of his ears burning, and he takes the bouquet to give himself an excuse to avoid Wooseok’s gaze, busying himself with naming the flowers under his breath instead.

The boy seems to find it amusing though, a little giggle bubbling up in his throat when he hears Shinwon run out of flowers to name, poking his cheek just like Shinwon had a moment ago to get his attention.

“I promised you we’d talk about it later, right?” is what Wooseok says, and Shinwon can only manage a small nod.

He isn’t sure what Wooseok wants to talk about, isn’t sure what he has to say to him, but he goes anyway when Wooseok pulls him over to a quieter corner, away from any prying eyes, just the two of them now.

And he doesn’t know what he expected, but he doesn’t see it coming when Wooseok says, “I think I like you.”

Shinwon blinks. “You think?”

Wooseok worries his bottom lip between his teeth, the look on his face thoughtful before he decides, “No, I definitely like you. For sure.” He glances up at Shinwon. “Do you like me?”

“I think so,” Shinwon answers, a hint of teasing slipping out before he can help it, the corners of his mouth twitching in a smile.

“Good enough,” Wooseok breathes out, sounding relieved, and it makes Shinwon laugh, a gleeful tug in his chest, but it doesn’t last long, uncertainty taking over like a dark cloud.

He knows how petty he might sound, but he has to ask, “What about Hyunggu? Don’t you like him anymore?”

Wooseok looks like he’d been expecting the question, no trace of bitterness in him when he says, “You were right. I didn’t know what I felt with him. I did once, but not anymore. Now, I…” He reaches for Shinwon’s hand, hesitant, shy, holding it gently in his own, grateful when Shinwon doesn’t pull away. “Honestly, I’m not so sure what I feel with you either. I mean, I like you, I do, but- How do I say it? Just, um- If you give me a chance, I wanna try to figure it out. And- And I know I’ve messed up, I know I don’t deserve it, but really, if you just-”

Shinwon cuts him off with his mouth on his, unable to stand his adorable babbling any longer, his hand slipping out of Wooseok’s just to latch onto his neck instead. The younger grabs onto his waist, pulling him up against his body easily, their chests colliding and Shinwon gasps into the kiss, feeling Wooseok’s lips curve against his own.

He feels everything he felt in those first three kisses put together, he feels alive and real. So, so real. And he might just melt into the floor right there and then, but Wooseok keeps him grounded, keeps him in the moment, and he knows he’s not dreaming this time.

So, when Wooseok asks, “I take that as a yes?” Shinwon finally lets himself say, “Yes.”

—

Hyunggu searches the crowd, going from one end of the hall to the other, pushing past people who try to shake his hand, try to praise him for the wonderful show. But he doesn’t care about that, doesn’t care about any of it. All he cares about is finding Yuto.

A part of him worries that he had just imagined seeing him back there, the part that hadn’t quite been convinced that he was over Yuto just yet, the part that wanted to see him so badly that it might’ve conjured up a fantasy from a distant memory just to make himself feel a little better. It seemed to good to be true anyway. Still, there’s hope in him, just a bare flicker, but it’s enough to keep him going, to keep looking, running through every single hallway, every empty classroom, every fucking bathroom that reminded him of where it all began. And there’s nothing.

It’s funny, Hyunggu thinks. All he ever seems to do is look for Yuto, chase after him, try to keep up with him. And every time he feels like he’s finally got him, he just slips right out of his hands again and again and again.

He wants to give up, wants to just let it all go, to forget about Yuto and everything that he brought into Hyunggu’s life. He wants to forget Yuto’s smile, the one that he forces down when he’s trying not to give into Hyunggu’s teasing, the one that splits his face when he can’t hold it back anymore. He wants to forget Yuto’s laugh, the one that comes out in shy giggles when he’s embarrassed, the one that makes it hard for him to breathe when he finds something hilarious. He wants to forget Yuto’s hands, the ones that make his body feel like it’s on fire when he touches him, the ones that rub circles into his back when he can’t fall asleep at night. He wants to forget Yuto’s eyes, his pretty, pretty eyes that look like they’ve got the whole universe in them, like if Hyunggu wasn’t careful, he might just fall in and get lost forever.

And really, he wouldn’t mind.

Hyunggu wants to forget, but he can’t. And it seems, neither can Yuto.

“You found me,” Yuto says, a crack of relief in his voice when he sees Hyunggu walking up to him, like he was scared that Hyunggu wouldn’t come.

Of course he’d be here, in his spot that wasn’t really his spot, all the way past a secret path that wasn’t really so secret after all. Hyunggu doesn’t know how he didn’t think of it right from the start, short of breath from all the searching, almost kicking himself from not figuring it out earlier. But, well, he supposes it isn’t really his fault. He’d only been here with Yuto once anyway, after that first lunch where he’d properly met the hyungs, when he’d gotten that strange phone call, never coming back. Until now.

Hyunggu doesn’t know why he’s here, doesn’t know what he wants to say, so he just stands there, hoping that, for once, it’ll be Yuto who comes after him.

And he does, taking careful steps towards Hyunggu, hesitant, on edge almost, like one wrong move and they’ll both burst into flames. Even when he’s standing in front of Hyunggu, there’s an obvious space between them, like he’s afraid to come any closer, like he’s afraid of Hyunggu.

Hyunggu cocks an eyebrow. “I don’t bite, you know.”

“You do sometimes,” Yuto quips, mirroring his expression, and the simple, teasing nature of it almost gets a smile out of Hyunggu. Almost.

“Well, I know for a fact that Wooseok doesn’t,” he says instead, his expression still cool though his tone borders on venomous, dripping off of his tongue like poison. “That must be nice for you.”

For a moment, it seems like Yuto is about to lash out, a flash of rage behind his eyes, but he catches himself, keeping his composure. And all he says is, “I wouldn’t know actually.”

Hyunggu doesn’t bother hiding his vexation, a pathetic scoff leaving his throat. “Ah, Yuto-ssi…” He clicks his tongue. “Are you really going to pretend we didn’t already have this conversation?”

Yuto flinches at the formality, a gesture that seemed so simple being enough to put up an entire wall between them, hard, unshakable, even after they’d worked so hard to break it down, to be comfortable with each other. It makes his skin crawl, and he wants nothing more than to go back to the way things were, to bring that wall back down and take Hyunggu into his arms again.

So, he says, “I’m not sleeping with Wooseok.” Honest, open, no more twisting his words, no more lies, no more games. They’ve both played enough of their own. “I never said I was. You know I didn’t.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t deny it-”

“I was just angry, okay?” Yuto cuts in, his eyes shutting for a moment as he recalls it, regret flashing across his face. “I was… _hurt,_ and I just- I wanted to hurt you back.”

 _Hurt you back?_ Hyunggu doesn’t understand, doesn’t know what he’d done to hurt Yuto in the first place. Had it been something he said? Had he been pushing him too much? Had he-

“It seemed fitting, you know?” he continues, his speech beginning to drag tiredly, his expression worn out. “Like, if you fooled around with someone else, then I should do the same too, right?”

 _Fooled around? Someone else?_ “But I didn’t-”

“I thought you did,” Yuto admits, voice finally breaking, choking on his guilt. “I saw you with Shinwon in that classroom on Monday, and I just-” He makes a noise of frustration, hand coming up to run through his hair. “I thought the worst, Hyunggu.”

Hyunggu knows what he’s talking about, that day that he’d agreed to model for Shinwon. He’d stripped his clothes off right there and then because Shinwon needed to take his measurements, wanting to get to work as soon as he could, the deadline for his designs looming closer with every second that passed. And God, _that’s_ what started this whole mess?

He feels his mouth go dry, a hollowness in his chest, like someone had carved his heart right out of him. His head shakes slowly in disbelief, and he can barely find the strength to meet Yuto’s eyes, his voice weak when he says, “You’re telling me… that you fell off the face of the Earth, had me worried sick about you, going insane trying to figure out what went wrong, made me think that you were hooking up with my best friend…” He wheezes out a laugh, but it sounds pained. “All because you _thought_ you saw something?”

When he puts it like that, it does sound stupid, Yuto _knows_ it’s stupid, but- “Look, if you saw it-”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” Hyunggu cries out before Yuto can say anything else, his face torn, hurt. “You- You could’ve come to me, we could’ve talked about it. I thought… I thought we could talk to each other now. I thought you were done running away from me.”

Yuto’s words seem to leave him, mouth hanging open, a despair in his eyes that’s almost gut-wrenching. “I panicked, okay? I wasn’t thinking, I just- Every time I tried to think about it, all I could see was you with _him._ ” He lets out a shaky breath, and he tries to smile, coming out crooked, weak. “But- But I know now, Hyunggu. I know you didn’t do it. Wooseok explained it-”

“Wooseok?” Hyunggu still doesn’t see how he fits into all of this, doesn’t understand how those two had gone from hating each other for breathing to whatever the hell it is between them now. He feels that emptiness in him spread, knowing that Yuto had resented him so much to the point that, of all people, he’d gone to Wooseok for help.

“So, you’ll listen to him, but you won’t even give me a chance to talk to you? I mean, why would you need _Wooseok_ to convince you that I didn’t do it? Why- Why would you even think that I would ever, _ever_ do something like that to you?”

Hyunggu’s words sting, the ache straining his voice making it worse, and Yuto hates that he’s the reason for it.

And when Hyunggu looks at him, eyes red, broken voice asking, “Does your trust in me really mean that little to you?” Yuto knows he’s really fucked it up this time.

A part of him wants to scream and yell, to let out all the anger and frustration that’s been building up inside him since this whole thing began, but he knows he has no right to. This is his mistake, his fault, and he has to be the one to fix it.

“I’m sorry, Hyunggu,” Yuto says, like it’s the only thing he can say, the only thing he should say. He reaches out to the boy with trembling hands, the tips of his fingers just barely brushing against Hyunggu’s wrists. He needs to feel him, to feel _something,_ but he doesn’t dare go any further than that, tiptoeing on the thin line between them, wondering which way he’ll go.

Closer? Further? Or will he be stuck in the middle? Always, always stuck.

Hyunggu sets his jaw tightly, but he doesn’t move his hands away, like despite everything, he needs to feel Yuto too. For a moment, Yuto thinks it’s a good sign, thinks that he’s got a chance here, but then he hears Hyunggu’s bitter voice say, “Sorry doesn’t just magically fix things, Yuto.”

_Further, it seems._

“I know that, but I am sorry,” he repeats, firmer this time, resolute, hands still twitching against Hyunggu’s. “I’m sorry I doubted you, I’m sorry I shut you out, I’m sorry I hurt you when I swore to myself that I never would.”

That just gets an empty look from Hyunggu, Yuto’s apology meaning nothing to him without something solid, something _real_ to back it up, and he turns to leave.

_Further, further, further._

Yuto’s cold fingers clasp around Hyunggu’s slender wrists before he can go, thumbs swiping over his skin, feeling his rising pulse, a familiar rhythm to him. He waits for Hyunggu to pull away, to shove him back, but he doesn’t. Yuto doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t.

_Closer, maybe?_

“I shouldn’t have run from you, I know, but I thought that if I just pretended it never happened, then somehow, it would go away. I wanted it to go away so, _so_ bad, because I- I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you with someone else, with anyone other than me. And I didn’t know what else to do because I’ve never felt that before.”

_Closer, closer, closer._

Yuto moves his hands down to latch onto Hyunggu’s, bringing them up to press against his chest, over the small dip where his heart beats. And like it’s the only thing he can say, the one thing he should’ve said right from the beginning, he tells him, “Because I’ve never loved anyone before. Not until you.”

He hears himself say it, knows what it means, knows what _he_ means by it, so he doesn’t know why he’s the one who’s surprised by the sudden confession, a small gasp leaving his lips once his words are hanging in the air between them, as though he couldn’t believe that he’d finally admitted it out loud. His fingers slip away from Hyunggu’s in the momentary shock, but the boy is quick to catch them again, holding them against his own chest this time, letting Yuto feel how quickly his heart is racing now. And the way he’s staring up at Yuto with innocent eyes makes him feel embarrassed, shy, heat rising to his cheeks, casting his gaze away.

“Do you mean that?” is what Hyunggu asks then, eyes still wide with wonder, head tilting cutely to look at Yuto. “Do you really love me?”

There’s an immediate ‘no’ on the tip of his tongue, a reflex of a sort after a lifetime of shoving his own emotions down his throat, but there’s no point in taking it back now, already out there. Still, Yuto’s never really been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and now that he’s standing here, professing his love for a boy who makes him want to laugh and scream and cry all at the same time, he kind of wants the ground to open up under him and swallow him whole.

But Hyunggu won’t let him run, not again, tugging on his hands to force his attention back to him, and despite wanting to just disappear into thin air, he can never find the willpower to deny Hyunggu, turning his head back to face him properly, a tiny pout forming on his lips out of sheepishness.

“Do you?” Hyunggu asks again, and all Yuto can manage is a nod, too shy to say it again, but it’s enough to wet the boy’s eyes, already shining with tears that are bound to spill at any moment.

Hyunggu sniffles, barely holding back a delighted smile, his voice a little choked up when he says, “Aren’t you going to ask me if I love you too?”

Yuto shakes his head in answer this time, still afraid to let himself speak, worried that he’ll say the wrong thing.

“W-Why not?” The ghost of the smile on Hyunggu’s lips begins to slip into a frown, his grip on Yuto’s hands going slack, like he’s disappointed.

Yuto doesn’t want to answer him, knows that he’ll sound stupid if he does, but he doesn’t want to see Hyunggu get upset again and well, he’s said a lot of stupid things already, so why stop now? So he forces his numb tongue to come alive, his voice coming out muffled, mumbling out a weak, “Because I’m scared you’ll say no.”

That’s all it takes to set Hyunggu off, a watery laugh bubbling up in his throat as his tears finally fall, sparkling as they roll down his cheeks in perfect lines, and Yuto doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone look that beautiful while crying.

Hyunggu lets go of Yuto’s hands to hug him instead, almost knocking him back with how hard he throws himself onto the boy, his arms wrapping around his middle tightly, head pressed into his chest, body fitting right against his like he was a part of him.

“I’m not gonna say no, you idiot,” Hyunggu half cries, half laughs, hugging him even closer.

He feels Yuto’s arms come around his shoulders slowly, unsure, his cheeking pressing against the top of Hyunggu’s head. He sounds confused when he asks, “S- So… What then?”

Hyunggu wants to laugh again, because God, how clueless could Yuto be? But it comes out more like a sob as he snuggles into Yuto’s hold, glad that he’s finally right where he belongs. A part of him thinks it’s silly how easily he caved in, how just a moment ago, he had enough rage and hurt in him to cause a storm, but it all just vanished with one word. One little word. _Love._

He had waited for the day that Yuto would say it, waited for the day he’d be brave enough to say it himself, but after what happened at Yuto’s, he thought the day would never come. Except it has, and nothing else matters anymore. Not their fights, their lies, their wicked games. None of it. All that matters is that Yuto loves him, and he loves Yuto.

So, Hyunggu decides to tell him just that, shuffling back to look at him, his head tilting up to meet his gaze, voice small, soft, when he whispers, “Yuto-ya?”

That pulls a small whimper from Yuto’s lips, sounding almost like a puppy, really, and he almost smacks himself for being such a loser, but it’s nice to hear his name like that again, that wall of separation crumbling into dust, Hyunggu back in his arms once again.

“Yes, Hyunggu?” is all he can bring himself to say, swallowing nervously.

Hyunggu smiles, his lips stretching wide, round cheeks lifting, eyes crinkling up at the corners, and he says, “I love you.”

It feels like letting out a breath of air after holding it in for ages, the tightness in his chest finally relieved, replaced with a joy that Hyunggu couldn’t quite explain. It feels like butterflies fluttering in his stomach, fireworks going off in his brain, a flower blooming where his heart should be. It feels like everything he’s ever felt for Yuto put together, bursting right out of him. It feels like love, love, love, and he doesn’t think he ever wants to feel anything but this.

Hyunggu wonders if Yuto feels it too, and well, Yuto doesn’t exactly have butterflies or fireworks or flowers, but he sure does feel _something._ He feels it spread in him from where Hyunggu’s hands touch him, all the way into his heart, a warmth wrapping around him like a blanket, keeping him safe. It feels like everything he’s ever felt for Hyunggu put together, settling into his bones. It feels like love, love, love, and he doesn’t think he ever wants to feel anything but this.

“I love you too,” Yuto lets himself say, a smile of his own splitting his face, and his hands reach up to hold Hyunggu’s face in his palms, relishing in the way it just _fits._ Then, he leans down to press his lips against Hyunggu’s, his kiss gentle, innocent, wanting nothing more than to just feel him, no heat, no fire. He’s content with it, the bare contact more than enough after everything he’s been missing this past week, but Hyunggu seems to crave more, tiptoeing to push them closer together, to get some friction going, a needy whine coming out of him, and it makes Yuto laugh.

As much as he’d love to tease the boy, a part of him secretly loving the way Hyunggu squirms when he doesn’t get what he wants, the way he pouts his lips and bats his eyes and shamelessly begs, Yuto knows this isn’t time nor place for it, so he tightens his grip on his face, kissing him properly now, giving him what he wants. His lips slide against Hyunggu’s, tongue slipping into his mouth far too easily, grazing his teeth, and _fuck,_ he’s missed this. It really hasn’t been that long since the last time he kissed Hyunggu, and he doesn’t know when he became this addicted to it, but he doesn’t mind it, knowing that Hyunggu loves his kisses just as much. Knowing that Hyunggu loves him, and he loves Hyunggu.

Hyunggu squeals when Yuto starts peppering tiny kisses all over his face, his cheeks, his forehead, the tip of his nose, back to the curve of his lips, indulging him in kiss after kiss after kiss.

“I love you.” Another kiss. “I love you.” And another. “I love you.” One more just to be sure, Yuto kissing Hyunggu so hard that he can already feel his lips starting to bruise, his breath running out.

Hyunggu is the one to pull away first, knowing that Yuto wouldn’t have the strength to do it, pressing his palms flat against the boy’s chest to keep them apart. And when he thinks about how ridiculous this entire thing has been, he can’t help but laugh, coming out loud and full. Not too long ago, they’d been on the brink of losing each other, and now, they were making out and confessing their love as though they were in some kind of teen drama. All that was missing was the rain.

Except it comes right then, a light drop falling onto Hyunggu’s cheek, and for a moment, he thinks that he’s just started crying again, until Yuto feels it too, looking up at the open sky, the drizzle growing heavier by the second.

And really, being the romantic that he is, Hyunggu wants to just stand there and kiss Yuto again, letting the rain wash them away, making it feel like a dream, but the logical part in the back of his mind reminds him what he’s dressed in, and he grumbles out a disappointed, “Shinwon’s gonna kill me if I get this outfit wet.”

That just gets a snort out of Yuto, but he’s quick to react, shrugging off his own jacket to hold it over Hyunggu, tucking him against his body, shielding him from the rain. When Hyunggu looks up at him in surprise, lips parted in a silent gasp, Yuto just sends a quick wink his way, and it’s enough to turn the boy into a flustered mess, hiding his blushing face in the crook of Yuto’s shoulder as they make their way back to the hall so Hyunggu can get changed.

Yuto waits patiently outside the dressing rooms as he does, and he notices a pair by the corner, hidden by the shadow of the heavy curtains, but he thinks he recognises the bodies pressed up against the wall, craning his neck to get a better look. And when one of them turns their head, catching his eye, Yuto barks out a laugh so loud that his body almost bends over.

Wooseok raises a hand from where he was grabbing at Shinwon’s ass to send a salute in Yuto’s direction, a smug grin flashing on his face, and Yuto applauds him silently before he returns the gesture, his head still shaking with laughter. _Good for him,_ Yuto thinks. He deserves that.

His train of thought is stopped when he feels arms slide around his middle from behind, a chin digging into the back of his shoulder, hair tickling his ear, and he shuffles around in Hyunggu’s arms, propping his own arms up around the boy’s shoulders, bringing him closer.

“Hey you,” he murmurs, giving him a small peck, bumping his nose against Hyunggu’s in hello.

“I missed you,” is what Hyunggu says, and it’s only then that Yuto notices that he’s wearing an oddly familiar sweater, the clothing falling far too loosely over his body.

Yuto arches an eyebrow at it, a hint of teasing ringing in his tone when he shoots back, “I can tell.” That just gets him a sour look, so he chuckles softly, saying, “I missed you too, Hyunggu-ya.”

Pleased with his answer, Hyunggu hums, leaning his head against Yuto’s chest, his fingers absentmindedly running up and down his back, and Yuto’s own fingers come up to card through Hyunggu’s hair, almost like it was an instinct, just something their bodies knew to do without even thinking about it.

He could never see himself being this in sync with anyone else, and definitely not with Shinwon, so he sounds just a touch petty when he mutters, “I can’t believe you thought I was with Shinwon.”

“I can’t believe _you_ thought I was with _Wooseok,_ ” Yuto replies, almost shuddering at the mere thought of it.

That makes Hyunggu giggle, unable to picture the two together now that he really thinks about it, and he sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too,” Yuto sighs back, knowing they both made a few mistakes of their own, knowing they could make up for it.

“Truce?”

“Truce.”

Hyunggu pulls back to grin up at him, but it falters slightly, an uncertainty in the back of his voice when he asks, “There’s really nothing going on with you and Wooseok?”

Yuto frowns, head shaking. “No, of course not. He just came over the other day to help me figure things out with you.”

“But if not you, then who…” Hyunggu’s voice trails off when he notices the couple sucking face against the wall behind them, and while he definitely recognised Wooseok’s lanky body, he couldn’t quite see who was under him, until he notices the hands clasped behind Wooseok’s neck, hands that he’s seen far too many times this past week, putting together the outfits that he had donned, and _ah._

Now, he understands, and he feels a surge of happiness for both Wooseok and Shinwon, glad that they’ve finally found each other, hoping that it brings them nothing but joy.

And right then, it almost feels like the scales of their little world had been tipped back into balance, like everything was almost perfect. Almost. Hyunggu couldn’t put his finger on the missing piece, the thought of it eating away at him, until he hears a couple of familiar rowdy voices. He turns to see the rest of their friends piling into the room, Hyojong on Hwitaek’s back, one arm slung around his neck, the other dragging a rather glum Hongseok along by their side, Changgu and Yanan trailing behind the elders, glued to each other’s side.

Hyojong is the first to notice them, letting out an ecstatic screech as he topples off of Hwitaek’s back to run over to them, bouncing excitedly when he asks, “You guys are finally okay again?”

“Yea-”

Hyunggu doesn’t get to finish before Hyojong attacks them with a bear hug, Hwitaek following suit, the two of them screaming as if it was their relationship that was saved. But he doesn’t mind it, and the bright grin on Yuto’s face tells him that he doesn’t either, so they join in on the excitement, jumping and cheering along with their brothers.

The noise seems to interrupt something, and they hear a familiar groan, Shinwon’s voice sharp when he snaps, “Why are you all so loud all the time?”

They all turn to him, seeing him peeking out from over Wooseok’s shoulder, hair disheveled, lips slick, and apart from Hyunggu and Yuto, the rest of them almost collapse with shock, jaws dropping, wondering when the hell _that_ had happened.

And as much as Shinwon would like to just continue kissing the life out of Wooseok, their prying eyes are starting to bug him, so he gently pats the boy’s face before he pushes him off, smiling at how pliant he is, a dazed look on his face as he lets Shinwon straighten them both out, dragging him along to the rest of the group.

They stare at their joined hands in disbelief, like none of them had seen that one coming, but when Shinwon clears his throat, cocking a daring eyebrow, they all cough and look away, knowing better than to question Shinwon.

For a moment there, there seems to be an odd tension in the air, none of them moving, speaking, until Hyunggu calls out, “Shinwon-hyung.”

Shinwon turns to him, and Hyunggu jerks his head to the side, gesturing at Yuto, and _right._ He’d made a deal with Hyunggu; a model in exchange for an apology. He had hoped to do this somewhere more private, maybe treat Yuto to lunch or something, but he figures now is as good a time as any, knowing that he shouldn’t drag this out any longer. But he’s hesitant, afraid almost, not wanting to do this alone.

He glances at Wooseok, in hopes that he might also be looking for forgiveness from Yuto, but Wooseok just says, “Why are you looking at me? Yuto and I are cool.”

To prove his point, he shoots a finger gun at Yuto, one that he returns immediately, the two of them clicking their tongues in sync.

 _Damn it._ Shinwon sends a desperate look at Changgu this time, praying that at least he’ll back him up, but Changgu just rolls his shoulders in a shrug, telling him, “Yuto and I talked it out on the phone the other day.”

Well then.

Shinwon’s mouth pulls into a taut smile, his steps teetering carefully as he makes his way over to Yuto, an awkward breath of laughter leaving his throat.

“So, Yuto…” he starts, reaching out to brush imaginary dust off the younger’s shoulders, a weak attempt at trying to act casual. “About what I did on Halloween…”

“What? When you got those guys to beat me up?” Yuto chimes sweetly, the cynical smile dancing on his lips a cold contrast to his tone of voice. “Or when you shoved me to the ground and called me nothing?”

His bluntness makes Shinwon burn bright red with shame, but he knows he probably deserves it, so he just bows his head in an admission of guilt, pulling his hand back to his side.

“Look, I- I messed up, I really did,” he says lowly, just enough for Yuto to hear. “You were right, I was just looking for someone to take my anger out on, and I’m sorry that it had to be you.” He looks up at Yuto, sincerity pooling in his eyes. “If I could take it back, I would, but I know I can’t, so if you’ll let me, I swear I’ll make it up to you. Anything you want, I’ll make it happen. Just- Please, Yuto, forgive me?”

Yuto is quiet for a while, unsure what to say, especially not when everyone has their eyes on him expectantly, waiting for him to speak. He’d forgiven Changgu easily, knowing that his feud was with Yanan, not him, and if Yanan could work things out with him, then so could Yuto. He’d forgiven Wooseok too, knowing that though his means were wrong, his intentions were pure, only wanting to get back someone he loved, wanting to get Hyunggu. And now, he’ll forgive Shinwon too, knowing exactly how it feels to want someone who doesn’t want you back, how frustrating it is when it’s just out of your reach, how desperate it can make a person.

“I forgive you,” Yuto tells him eventually, a kind smile gracing his face now, the last strands of resentment in him fading away, letting go of any grudges he had buried in him. “And you don’t have to do anything for me, hyung. I already have everything I want.” His hand unconsciously pulls Hyunggu closer when he says it, and the boy is more than happy to comply, clinging onto his side. Yuto quirks his eyebrows at Shinwon, casting a brief glance at Wooseok before his gaze lands on the elder again, and he says, “I’m glad you got what you want too.”

That makes Shinwon blush, shyly reaching out for Wooseok, and the younger almost sprints over to grab his hand, beaming proudly when he’s by Shinwon’s side. Hyunggu laughs brightly at that, leaning even more into Yuto, the latter grinning along. Changgu and Yanan join them, Changgu giving Shinwon a congratulatory thumbs up, Yanan ruffling Yuto’s hair fondly. Hwitaek and Hyojong decide to start screaming again, hollering far too loudly as they circle the group, crushing them all in hugs one by one. And again, Hyunggu feels like it’s almost there. Almost, almost, almost, then-

“Well, shit.”

Their little celebration stops short when they hear Hongseok speak from behind them, the guy so quiet the entire time that they almost forgot he was there too. He’s got a deep frown etched onto his face when they look at him, his eyebrows pulled together, forehead creased, arms crossed tightly over his heaving chest.

Hwitaek and Hyojong exchange knowing looks with each other before they move over to their friend, Hwitaek being the one to ask, “What is it, Hongseokie?”

Hongseok flails his arms around at their group of friends. “Everyone’s _happy,_ that’s what! Hyunggu and Yuto finally got their shit together, Changgu and Yanan too, Wooseok moved on after a million years, and hell, even Shinwon’s got someone now.”

“ _Hey,_ ” Shinwon huffs defensively, sticking out a tongue at him.

Hongseok ignores that, stomping his feet like a child, and he cries out, “And I have no one!”

Hwitaek and Hyojong share that look again, an unspoken agreement between them, and perfectly in sync, they smack the sides of Hongseok’s arms so hard that the sound echoes in the small room, yelling, “Whose fucking fault is that?”

“Mine,” Hongseok whimpers quietly, rubbing at his arms that are definitely going to bruise, before he reaches down to tug on their hands desperately. He gives them both puppy dog eyes, his lips pouting sadly, letting out a whiny, “But, _guys,_ I want Jinho back.”

The two look like they’re about to hit him again, already chewing his ear off about how there’s no way to get him back now, how he was stupid to let him go in the first place, and Hongseok looks ready to fight them back, and they all know those two wouldn’t stand a chance against him, so Hyunggu steps in, offering, “If we leave now, we can probably still make it before Jinho-hyung boards his flight.”

The three elders shut up almost immediately, as if they hadn’t even thought of going to the airport, and Hyunggu rolls his eyes at how foolish they could be, even more so when they’re all together.

“Well, let’s go then!” Hongseok says when no one makes any sign of movement, the misery in his eyes replaced with a nervous excitement now, urging them all along, a glimmer of hope in his heart at the thought of seeing Jinho again. The rest of them are equally as eager as him, letting out loud whoops as they all make their way to Hwitaek’s car, piling in on top of each other, squeezing in as much as they can manage.

“To the airport!”

“Can I drive?”

“No, Hyojong.”

—

Jinho watches as the clock strikes midnight, the large screen flashing the last call for boarding, and he gathers the bags he’s carrying on him, passport and boarding pass tucked neatly in his pocket. It’s a little sad, he thinks, flying off on his own, but he’d rather be alone. He’d said his goodbyes, most of them anyway, and it was time for him to go. For a moment there, he thinks he hears people shouting his name, but he shakes it off. There must be someone else named Jinho here. He keeps walking, but the calls don’t cease, and the more he hears them, the more he begins to think that they sound like the voices of his friends. But no, that couldn’t possibly be them. He’d told them not to come, and they had that fashion show going on anyway. He supposes it could just be his subconscious trying to fill up the loneliness he feels, making him think that his friends were there to send him off, but then-

“Jo Jinho, you tiny bastard, will you stop walking already?”

Jinho freezes when he hears the voice, _his_ voice, and he doesn’t dare turn around, afraid of who he’ll see, because _no._ It couldn’t be. Not him. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Hwitaek had shown up, even Hyunggu, but not him. He couldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here.

Then he hears, “How on earth are your little legs faster than me?” and he knows it really is him. Hongseok. His Hongseok.

Jinho turns to face him, noticing the rest of the crew coming up behind him, panting from chasing after him, and he feels an odd fondness tug in his chest, like he couldn’t believe that they all actually came.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, voicing the question aloud, but they all know it’s really meant for Hongseok, so they urge him on, shoving him towards Jinho, gesturing at him to answer.

Hongseok stumbles, barely managing to balance himself, and he seems bashful all of a sudden, like he doesn’t know what to say, gaping at Jinho as he stammers out, “Well, I- I just- You know, I wanted to- Um- The thing is, uh-”

Jinho raises his eyebrows expectantly, his foot tapping, like he’s waiting for Hongseok to say something coherent, but he doesn’t, truly lost for words, and Hyojong groans, impatient, stepping up between them like some kind of referee.

“Here’s the deal, hyung,” he says to Jinho, clapping a hand onto his shoulder while his other hand gestures at his friend. “Hongseok here was whining like a little bitch about how he wants you back, so we brought him here to, _well,_ get you back. End of story. Simple, right?” He grabs onto Hongseok’s shoulder too, nudging them towards each other. “Now, kiss and make up, so I can go home and sleep.”

Hyojong ducks away from Hongseok’s fist swinging at him, throwing a shameless grin at him before he scurries back to Hwitaek’s side, earning a high five from his ever supportive boyfriend.

Hongseok forces himself to calm down before he rips Hyojong’s throat out or something, wondering what the hell he’d done in a past life to deserve a best friend like him, and he turns back to Jinho, flashing a sheepish look, muttering, “What he said.”

“So, what, you’re gonna throw me over your shoulder and keep me locked up in your room so I’ll never leave you or something?” Jinho almost scoffs, pursing his lips at him.

“No!” Hongseok is quick to say, head shaking roughly. “I’m not- Okay. _Okay._ Listen, alright, I know we broke up, or- or whatever that was, and I deserved that, okay? The things I said to you… You should’ve punched me in the fucking face, Jinho.”

“He can’t reach your face!” Hyojong calls out with a snicker, earning a, “Shut up, Hyojong, you’re ruining the moment!” from Hwitaek.

Jinho ignores them, frowning at Hongseok. “I would never-”

“I know, but you should’ve. Maybe then I would’ve realised what a jerk I was being.” Hongseok takes a step closer to him, breathing growing heavier. “Look, I don’t wanna be that asshole who holds you back from something as great as this, and I don’t want this to change your mind about going, but I just-” He takes Jinho’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together like he’s done so many times before. “I want you to know that I still love you, and I’ll wait for you. However long it takes, I’ll be here, I promise. Because I know that you still love me too. You might be angry at me right now, which is understandable, but you and I both know that it doesn’t change the fact that you love me.”

Jinho hates that he’s right, hates that no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hurt he was, he could never bring himself to fall out of love with Hongseok, too far gone for his own good. And he hates how nice it feels to hold his hands again, hates how he doesn’t want to let go of them now, but he has to, knowing that if he stays here any longer, he’ll never leave.

“I’m not angry at you,” Jinho says quietly, his head falling forward, forehead pressing against Hongseok’s chest. “And I do love you.”

“Good,” Hongseok breathes out, relief in his voice, letting go of Jinho’s hands to put his arms around him instead, holding him close, rocking him gently. “Now, can we please be a ‘this’ again?”

Jinho laughs at his choice of word, nodding against him, and when Hongseok moves to kiss him, he lets him, kissing him right back, hands coming up to cup his face, pulling him in even more.

He hears the burst of cheers and whistles from their friends, another giddy laugh bubbling up his throat, then-

“Huh… So he _can_ reach it.”

Jinho sends a wry look at Hyojong, chin jutting out at him as he asks, “Where have you been, Hyojong-ah? You didn’t even come to say goodbye to me.”

Hyojong bares his teeth in an apologetic grin. “Sorry, hyung, I was doing some… _soul-searching._ ”

“And did you find it?”

He flings his arms around Hwitaek’s neck, yanking him close, his grin stretching even wider, and he answers, “Yup! He’s right here.”

Hwitaek gives him a fond look at that, hand over his heart, cooing at him sweetly, “Aww, Hyojongie!”

“Aww, Hwitaekie!” he sings back, planting an obnoxiously loud kiss on his cheek, making his boyfriend squeal with delight.

Hyunggu makes a gagging sound at that, telling them that they’re being gross, and it’s only then Jinho notices him and Yuto, hands locked between them, an excited gasp parting his lips.

“Hyunggu-ya! Yuto-ya! Are you two finally together now?” he asks, hoping that they are after all that’s happened to them.

Hyunggu almost says yes, but he catches himself before he does, swallowing the word thickly. Though they’d already admitted their love for each other and made things right between them, they still hadn’t gotten a chance to properly discuss that, and Hyunggu doesn’t want to be the one to assume, but-

“Yeah, we’re together,” Yuto answers for him, giving his hand a firm squeeze, and he shoots a glance at Hyunggu as though asking for approval, and all Hyunggu can do is nod, too stunned to do anything else.

“Ah, I’m happy for you!” Jinho says, clapping his hands together before he turns to the others, beaming at them as well. “All of you! Changgu, Yanan… Even you two, Shinwonie, Wooseokie...”

The two of them exchange confused glances, wondering how Jinho had guessed that when they weren’t even standing next to each other right then, and as if reading their minds, Jinho says, “Oh, please, I saw it as soon as you two kissed during that game. I knew you’d figure it out sooner or later.”

He laughs again when they stare at him in surprise, amazed that he could see what they themselves couldn’t, but then he hears the announcement for the final call, and he knows that he’ll have to make a run for it if he’s going to make his flight.

“I have to go now,” Jinho tells them, going around to give all of them a hug, lingering a few moments longer when he hugs Hongseok last. “Thanks for coming, guys. I feel a lot better about leaving now that I know you’re all happy.” He pauses, smiling softly. “You are happy, right?”

He gets a choked up chorus of, “Yes, Jinho,” from teary-eyed faces, and before his own waterworks start, he calls out one last goodbye, waving at them as he disappears behind the gates, and ah, really, what are they all going to do without him?

—

Hyunggu all but crashes onto his bed once they finally make it home, after dropping off the others, Wooseok deciding to spend the night at Shinwon’s, Hyojong making lewd noises before they left the car, earning him a flash of Shinwon’s middle finger.

Yuto’s exhausted too, collapsing right on top of him, making Hyunggu let out an, “Oof!” but he doesn’t make any effort to move, just clinging onto Hyunggu like a baby, almost falling asleep just like that.

Really, Hyunggu just wants to sleep too, the rollercoaster of events over the course of the day wearing him out, but he can’t seem to shut his eyes, a question floating around in his mind, and if he doesn’t ask it now, he fears he’ll never find the courage to ask again.

“Yuto?”

“Mm?”

“Are we really together?” Hyunggu’s voice comes out hushed, even more so in the quietness of his room, only the sound of their breathing behind it.

Yuto lifts his head just enough to look at him, his eyes hooded, half asleep. Instead of answering him, he asks a question of his own: “Do you want to be?”

It’s a simple yes or no question, one that Hyunggu should be able to answer in a heartbeat, one that he already knows the answer to, so he doesn’t know why he finds it so hard to just say it. Maybe it’s because they’ve spent so long avoiding it, skirting around it like it was a trap that they didn’t want to fall into, but Hyunggu thinks he’s already fallen far, far down that hole. And there’s no use lying to himself, to Yuto, because he knows he wants this, wants them, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.

So, Hyunggu sucks in a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and he says, “I do.”

That makes Yuto smile, a dopey, lazy one at the very least, and he puckers his lips for a kiss, one that Hyunggu gives him right away, shuffling down to meet his mouth.

“I guess that makes you my boyfriend,” Hyunggu says then, murmuring the words against his lips, his breath warm on Yuto’s skin.

There’s a pleased hum in the back of Yuto’s throat as he rolls off of Hyunggu, not wanting to crush to poor boy under his weight any longer. He lies on his side instead, and Hyunggu turns to him, their faces close together, the tips of their noses just barely brushing. He watches Hyunggu for a moment, just picking out his features one by one, his soft lips, his smooth nose, his eyes, his pretty, pretty eyes that seem to hold entire galaxies in them, like if Yuto wasn’t careful, he might just fall in and get lost forever.

And really, he wouldn’t mind.

So, Yuto says, “I guess that makes you mine.”

“ _Mine,_ ” Hyunggu echoes, a soft sigh falling from his lips before he kisses Yuto once more, because he wants to, because he can, because after all his searching, his chasing, this never-ending game of hide and seek, he’s finally, _finally_ found Yuto, and he’s never letting him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah... there it is... the end... (sort of) (there's still the epilogue) (don't worry)
> 
> i really really hope i managed to pull the story together, i think i settled all of the issues that were going on but if there are any loose ends that you're still wondering about, please feel free to drop me a question in the comments, on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino), [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino), wherever is convenient for you and i'll do my best to answer them! i'm sorry the jinhongseok part was a bit rushed, the chapter was getting way too long and i couldn't find a place to slot in a changgu/yuto scene as well, that's why his apology is just mentioned but i hope you all understand that i can't afford to put in _everything_ , y'know? either way, i hope it turned out alright and that you're all satisfied with the ending and just... AH i hope you liked it, let me know, and please enjoy the epilogue as well!


	13. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the final piece, a look into the future of our little gang, and i hope you've all enjoyed this story just as much as i have!
> 
> again, thank you thank you thank you to every single person who has read this, whether you stuck it out with me from the beginning of the story or if you picked it up along the way or even if you just read it in passing, thank you and i love you!

**3 MONTHS LATER**

Hyunggu sits among the audience as Hwitaek gives his speech, those silly fake glasses of his still a part of the whole president get-up, even to his final day of school here. Hyojong sits to his right, applauding every single word Hwitaek says, his palms going red with his endless clapping. Yuto is on his left, looking bored out of his mind, and Hyunggu has to pat his thigh every now and then to keep him from dozing off. Hongseok is sat a little further up, with the other seniors, glancing back over his shoulder to glare at Hyojong each time he cheers out of turn. The others are forced to watch the ceremony from outside, only three seats open for each graduating student, meant for their families. But Hwitaek’s parents hadn’t shown up, deciding that it wasn’t worth the long trip, telling Hwitaek that they knew he would graduate either way.

But Hyunggu is his family, Hyojong is his family, Yuto is his family now too.

His brother ends his speech with some cheesy lines about how these were the best years of their lives, how it’s time to move on to greater things, how they’ll never forget their time here no matter how far they go, and the entire hall erupts in applause, Hyojong going as far as climbing up onto his seat, hands cupping around his mouth to yell, “We love you, Lee Hwitaek!”

The ruckus jolts Yuto awake, eyes blinking dazedly as he yawns, “Is it finally over?”

“Yeah, it’s over, you dork,” Hyunggu laughs, pulling him up, letting him lean against his side while he gets his bearings back, leading him to the far end of the hall where their other friends are waiting.

Hyunggu sees Wooseok, sees Shinwon and Changgu and Yanan, and-

“Hi,” Jinho says, giving them a small wave, and he doesn’t get to say anything else before Hyunggu pounces on him with a strong hug, squeezing the smaller boy in his arms, crying out, “Hyung! I missed you so much!”

Jinho just laughs in return, hugging him just as tightly, saying, “I missed you too, Hyunggu-ya.”

“Does Hongseok-hyung know that you’re here?” Hyunggu asks as Yuto takes his turn to hug the elder, his movements still sluggish from being just woken up.

“No, no,” Jinho answers, shaking his head, smiling cheekily. “It was supposed to be a surprise, for all of you actually, but-” He jerks his head at the other four boys. “These guys caught me on my way in.”

“I spotted you from a mile away,” Wooseok says with a low whistle, and Shinwon chips in with a teasing, “Yeah, hyung, I think you grew taller. Is the water in Japan different?”

He gives them both a playful smack on the arm, a challenging duo now that they’re together, a stark contrast to the other couple, Changgu and Yanan becoming even nicer if that was even possible. Hyunggu and Yuto seemed to be a mix of both, their devilish tendencies resurfacing at times, but they were both learning to be kinder, to themselves, to each other, to the people around them.

“ _Jinho?_ ”

They shush Hwitaek and Hyojong when they join the group, telling them to keep their voices down, explaining that Hongseok was still oblivious to Jinho’s visit. They nod in understanding, exchanging brief hugs with the elder before Hwitaek says, “Hongseok’s coming. We should hide you.”

“Wha-”

Jinho doesn’t get a chance to protest, the boys crowding around him, keeping him hidden behind their backs, and it’s not like he can even see over them, so he just goes along with it, staying silent until he hears footsteps coming up to them, and Hongseok’s voice asking, “What’s going on?”

“We have a present for you!” Hyunggu sings, grinning at him.

Hongseok looks confused for a moment, then he gasps, hands clasping over his mouth. “Did you guys get me a car?”

“No, you ass,” Hyojong scoffs, reaching out to flick his forehead. “Where would we find money to get you a car?”

“Shinwon’s rich,” is all Hongseok says, shoulders lifting nonchalantly, and he gets a second flick, from Shinwon this time, a lot harder than Hyojong’s attack.

Hwitaek waves a hand in his face to get his attention, ignoring the way he rubs at his sore forehead, telling him, “It’s better than a car.”

“The only thing better than a car would be if Jinho magically showed up here right now,” Hongseok snorts jokingly, then he sees the looks on their faces and- “ _No way._ ”

“Yes way,” Jinho says, finally being revealed from behind them, holding his hands up cutely as if to say _‘Ta da!’_

Hongseok’s mouth falls open, looking back and forth between Jinho and his friends, like he couldn’t believe this was real, and when it finally clicks, he makes an excited noise, picking his boyfriend up right off the floor, swinging him around as he hugs him. Jinho lets out an equally as gleeful sound, his arms clinging onto Hongseok for dear life as he’s spun around. They all watch the exchange with fond looks mirroring on each of their faces, a much brighter affair than the last time all ten of them were together, that night at the airport feeling like it was ages ago.

“Hate to break up this _adorable_ reunion, grandpas,” Hyojong cuts in when Hongseok finally sets Jinho down. “But can we get out of here already? This school is too stuffy for me.”

No one argues with that, and soon enough, they pile into a booth at one of those old restaurants in town that are empty at this time of day, giving them the space and freedom that a group of rowdy teenage boys needed, already talking loudly over each other before they even order anything.

“So, how is everyone?” Jinho asks once they've settled in, one hand propping his chin up, the other linked with Hongseok’s under the table.

“Good, good,” Hwitaek answers on behalf of all of them, being the one person who stays on top of everything that goes on in their little circle. “Our Shinwonie actually has some exciting news.”

Shinwon looks embarrassed at the sudden attention, leaning into Wooseok for support when he tells them, “I got accepted into that art school I wanted to go to, the one who sent scouts to the fashion show.”

He gets a few “That’s great!” and “Congrats, Shinwon!” from the group, and Wooseok nudges his side, saying, “I told you your designs were the best.”

That makes his face flush, mumbling out a small thank you, and it’s awfully cute how shy he still gets around Wooseok, despite being an official couple of almost two months now, Wooseok popping the question at the first sign of snowfall, because he’s a romantic like that.

“Anyone else have news to share?” Jinho asks then, looking at the others, and Yuto is the first to put his hand up, surprisingly eager.

He’s got a wide grin on his face when he says, “I’m letting go of the apartment so I can finally move in with Hyunggu and Hui-hyung for real.”

Hyunggu is the only one who hypes him up, letting out a thrilled, “Yay!” while the others stare at them silently, empty looks on their faces.

Then, Hyojong says, “ _Boring._ Next!”

“Hey,” Yuto scoffs, just slightly offended. “It’s a big deal, okay?”

“You basically already live there anyway, Yuto-ya,” Hongseok says dryly, and he couldn’t even count how many times he’s come over to the house to see Yuto roaming around in nothing but boxers, saying ‘What’s up, hyung?’ as if he owned the place.

Hwitaek makes a noise to confirm his claim, then, as if realising something, he lets out a low groan, smacking a hand to his forehead. “Oh, great. Now, we’re gonna hear even more of their _‘I love you’ ‘No, I love you more’_ arguments.”

It’s Hyunggu’s turn to take offense, gaping at his brother, and there’s an obvious sneer in his voice when he counters with, “At least it’s not as bad as overhearing Hyojong call you _‘oppa’_.”

“It was one time!” Hwitaek cries in defence, face burning red, all while Hyojong just snickers to himself, snaking a hand to the inside of Hwitaek’s thigh to fluster him even more, cackling loudly when he yelps, almost jumping right out of his seat.

Changgu decides to defuse the situation before the two go any further, knowing that Hyojong couldn’t care less about being in public, clearing his throat to grab everyone’s attention.

They turn to him expectantly, wondering what he has to say, because as far as they know, he hasn’t been up to much lately.

“I’m quitting basketball,” is what Changgu says, and everyone apart from Yanan gasps, definitely not expecting that. He laughs when they look at him with concern, reassuring them, “No, it’s fine, I’m not upset about it. I think I kinda just want to focus on myself for senior year, spend some more time with you guys, with Yananie.”

Yanan smiles at that, squeezing his hand from where they’re laced together between them.

“But who’s gonna replace you as Captain?” Hyunggu asks, and Changgu hums as if he already knows the answer, reaching over Shinwon to ruffle Wooseok’s hair, saying, “I have someone in mind.”

“M-Me?” Wooseok gasps, and Shinwon’s lips twist into a sly smirk, his tongue running over his bottom lip as he looks at Wooseok, and he says, “I’m gonna be dating the Captain? That’s hot.”

It’s Wooseok who blushes this time, still not entirely used to Shinwon’s forwardness, hiding his face behind his hands, making Shinwon laugh.

“Speaking of senior year,” Hwitaek starts, pointing at Shinwon, Changgu and Yanan with a sharp finger. “You three better look after the kids now that we’re out of school. No more fighting, you hear me?”

“Well…” Shinwon hums lowly, then, noticing Hwitaek’s glare, he’s quick to say, “Kidding! No more fighting! Got it, hyung.”

“If I hear about any more shit from any of you…” Hyojong warns, sitting up straighter, puffing his chest out in an attempt to look tough. “I’m a working man now, you know. I have power.”

None of them take him seriously though, rolling their eyes and jeering at him, but Jinho reaches out to pat his hand in support, asking him how that’s going.

Hyojong looks pleased that at least someone had asked, purposely training his eyes on Jinho alone when he speaks. “It’s going great, hyung. I actually just got promoted the other day. Soon enough, I’ll be the boss and I can make Yuto my slave.”

That earns him a whack on the back of his head from the younger and a disapproving smack on the thigh from his boyfriend. Hyunggu settles for just scowling at him.

“Look, this is great and all,” Hongseok says then, finally taking his turn to speak, pulling everyone’s attention to him. “But _I_ have the best news.”

It seems to be something that even Jinho doesn’t know of, turning to him with surprise, and Hongseok’s being terribly dramatic about it, looking around the table slowly to raise the suspense, until Hyojong slams his foot into his leg under the table, telling him to spit it out already.

“I applied for a programme at the university that Jinho’s at now,” he begins, a slow smile stretching his lips. He looks at Jinho, full-on grinning now. “And I got in!”

Jinho’s jaw drops, eyes going wide. “You’re coming to Japan with me?”

“I’m coming to Japan with you!” Hongseok confirms, and they both burst into ecstatic squeals, throwing their arms around each other. And as if it took an extra moment or two for the rest of them to process, they start cheering too, reaching out as far as they can to join in on the group hug, calling out congratulations and well wishes.

Once more, Hyunggu feels that same thing he felt that night, like the scales are balanced, like the stars are aligned, like right there and then, with his friends, his family, his love around him, everything is perfect. And he’s happy. He should be happy.

So he doesn’t know why there’s a weird feeling sitting heavy in the bottom of his gut once they all part ways, saying their goodbyes, him and Yuto deciding to walk home instead of riding with Hyojong at the wheel. The weather’s nice today anyway.

At first he thinks it’s nothing, trying to just shake it off, but it doesn’t seem to want to go away, twisting his insides, making his skin crawl. And Yuto notices it, tugging on his hand to pull him to a stop, turning their bodies to face each other.

There’s a hint of worry clouding Yuto’s eyes when he asks, “What is it, Hyunggu-ya?”

“Jinho-hyung went to Japan… And now, Hongseok-hyung’s going too,” is what Hyunggu says, and it’s like he’s saying it, but at the same time, he isn’t. Yuto gestures at him to continue, wondering what he really wants to tell him.

Hyunggu squirms under his questioning gaze, that bad feeling rising up his throat, threatening to just spill out, and he can’t help the way he blurts out, “What about you?”

Yuto’s eyebrows raise, not seeing where he’s going with this. “What about me?”

“Well… Don’t you want to go back to Japan too?” Hyunggu tries not to sound pathetic, but he doesn’t think he’s doing a very good job at it, hearing the glum tone in his voice, matching the pitiful frown on his face. “I mean, you only came here to look for your mother…”

“And I found you instead,” Yuto tells him, offering a sweet smile, one hand coming up to rest against Hyunggu’s cheek, thumb brushing over his bottom lip gently, coaxing the sad pout away.

Hyunggu’s face warms at that, looking away shyly, but the fear of Yuto leaving him gnaws away at him, his voice growing even smaller when he mumbles out a weak, “But back there, it- it’s still your home…”

“Ah, Hyunggu-ya,” Yuto sighs, a smile crossing his face without even meaning to, his head leaning forward to press against Hyunggu’s, the gesture simple, but it’s comfortable, familiar. His hand sliding down to the base of Hyunggu’s neck, pulse thrumming under his fingertips, Hyunggu’s hand coming up flat against his chest, heart racing under his palm; it’s all comfortable, familiar. “Can’t you see?”

“See what?” Hyunggu asks, genuinely confused as to what he’s talking about, and Yuto just lets out a small laugh, pressing a slow kiss to his lips, long, deep, as if that could somehow magically answer his question.

“ _What,_ Yuto?”

Yuto’s eyes flicker up to meet his, keeping their gazes locked, the corner of his mouth curling in that ever familiar smirk of his, and Hyunggu feels his heart skip a beat. He doesn’t know why that happens, why he still gets so worked up over such little things, why his heart still flutters when Yuto so much as looks at him, as if they hadn’t been doing this for months now. But months, years, decades, it doesn’t really matter. He thinks that maybe even centuries from now, maybe even in another lifetime, he’ll still feel like he’s looking at Yuto for the first time, and every time, he’ll still think that Yuto’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

Every time, he’ll still fall in love.

And this time, Hyunggu knows he’s definitely in love when Yuto tells him, “My home is right here.”

—

Kang Hyunggu has three rules that he lives by. Or, well, _had._

He doesn’t think he needs rule #3 anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find the bonus chapters here: [rule #3: the b-sides](https://archiveofourown.org/series/943332)!


End file.
